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OfflineEdge
I like plants

Registered: 04/13/03
Posts: 972
Loc: Machu Pichu
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
help..
    #1519631 - 05/04/03 04:20 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

i feel like dying today. i havent felt like this for a very long time... i dont know what has happened to my life. i always was so depressed but spiritually found ways to fix myself and remain happy. a girl then came into my life after i made everything perfect... who i fell in love with and replaced my spiritual practices with her... i dont know why i did, but i did, which is one of the worst things you vcan do to yourself when spiritually growing. i am now at a point where suddenly all of my friends dont want to be with me, two of them hate me and i never even did anything... i've never been mean to anybody... and i cant be happy anymore. i love this girl very much, but she does things that hurt so much that never used to hurt because i have allowed myself to slip in my practices. last night she said things that absolutely killed me, and i didnt want to be alone today. i knew i would be because everybody is at an outdoor concert today including her... but i wasnt welcome. i was welcome by her, but i would have made her day suck. i dont want to be alone right now... and i am so fucking sad. i dont even know how to express whats wrong. im just so lonely... and i never used to be. i dont know what i did. i wanna fucking die but i wont do anything, however i wish i could. i just, i dunno i dont even know what im talking about...


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InvisibleFreakQlibrium
Son of Uncle Meat
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/02
Posts: 19,058
Loc: Toronto Canada
Re: help.. [Re: Edge]
    #1519654 - 05/04/03 04:37 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

.... a girl then came into my life after i made everything perfect... who i fell in love with and replaced my spiritual practices with her... i dont know why i did, but i did, which is one of the worst things you vcan do to yourself when spiritually growing."

Well at least you've pinpointed where you went wrong(this is NOT a misogynistic rant) Maybe try to get back to whatever it was/is that you were doing B4 to make your life perfect and forget about everything that has transpired since......i am by no means a proffesional counselor/spiritual advisor but that would be MY advice til better suggestions come along(they will) stay strong, and get back to what you know works for you  in the interim :smile: 


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"Being crazier than a shithouse rat is not sufficient grounds for banishment"



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OfflineBlowMiNose
Some rise, Somefall, Some climb

Registered: 10/14/02
Posts: 1,189
Loc: The Dirty South...
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: help.. [Re: FreakQlibrium]
    #1524997 - 05/06/03 05:32 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

loneliness can be a bitch. Girls can make it even worse. I say try to go back to how things were before, if that made you happy. Ask yourself if this girl is really WORTH being upset about? If she isn't worth your effort, move on. Im glad you are to lazy to die :smile:. Because suicide is no good. I bet you feel better in the next couple days 


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***--- Have You Opened Your Third eye?! ---***
      :::disclaimer:::this stuff was done in my dreams


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OfflineJohnnyRespect
Nomadic Wanderer
Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 676
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 14 years, 3 months
Re: help.. [Re: BlowMiNose]
    #1525390 - 05/06/03 08:19 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Women just aren't worth it.

Jr


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As I felt the soft cool mud squish between my toes, I thought, Man, these are not very good shoes!


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Invisibletak_old
Endo Smoke

Registered: 05/31/02
Posts: 609
Loc: State of confusion
Re: help.. [Re: JohnnyRespect]
    #1526283 - 05/07/03 01:06 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

The problem is within, and im pretty sure its the ego. You strive off of love and attention, feel loves, and important being with someone, they have earned your trust, and you have devoted everything you are to them. Then its gone. Your ego is shaken, you have nothing to cling to. Take this time to relize what is going on, and that you have complete power over your life. It is good to love, but you gotta love them, dont love them loving you. Stay strong :]


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OfflineBlowMiNose
Some rise, Somefall, Some climb

Registered: 10/14/02
Posts: 1,189
Loc: The Dirty South...
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: help.. [Re: tak_old]
    #1526989 - 05/07/03 10:26 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

The problem is within, and im pretty sure its the ego. You strive off of love and attention, feel loves, and important being with someone, they have earned your trust, and you have devoted everything you are to them. Then its gone. Your ego is shaken, you have nothing to cling to. Take this time to relize what is going on, and that you have complete power over your life. It is good to love, but you gotta love them, dont love them loving you. Stay strong :]




wow, that seems to make sense to me. i like it


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***--- Have You Opened Your Third eye?! ---***
      :::disclaimer:::this stuff was done in my dreams


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OfflinePooPs
What's thisfor???

Registered: 03/05/03
Posts: 4,510
Loc: Stirrin up the pile!
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: help.. [Re: BlowMiNose]
    #1527104 - 05/07/03 11:34 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Women come and go. .but your friends are always there.

Don't ignore your friends, make time for them also... ( might the why they are pissed.) but if they are really your friends, they will understand and will get you drunk/stoned and help you along!!!

good luck..

cheer up ! and hey.. you got all of us at the shroomery!!!

* me passes the bong over.. )


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Sniff, Sniff... What's that smell???... ohhhhh.!!
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Pot Free for another : nevermind.. never made it..


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
Elder
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Registered: 12/10/99
Posts: 13,175
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 2 hours, 7 minutes
Re: help.. [Re: Edge]
    #1528289 - 05/07/03 07:22 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I don't know what your 'practice' is or was, but I'm hearing Co-dependency, based on your extreme sadness at being alone, and being dependent on another individual for your internal state of well-being. There is not enough information to make a clinical diagnosis of Dependent Personality Disorder, but it sounds like you've placed your locus of identity with social processes. This needs to be adjusted.

Existential psychotherapy divides one's Existence or Being-in-the-world into 3 aspects. These aspects are 1) the givens of your life - your genetics, the family and social group you were born into, basically, physical/social conditions, i.e., 'the hand you were dealt' 2) your inner world - your own intrapsychic reality, and 3) the social world. No one is perfectly balanced, once-and-for-all, but of these 3 aspects (umwelt, eigenwelt and mitwelt, respectively) you are inordinately 'weighted' in the social sphere, and are completely out of balance. Your state of well-being, your self-esteem, perhaps your very purpose for living seems to be grounded in 'mitwelt,' and you need to return to your 'practice' if it centers you primarily in 'eigenwelt,' your inner center. At this point, it would seem that you should establish the fulcrum upon which the other two aspects can balanced. You have fallen out of balance, or have become unbalanced, and require a return to equilibrium in order to set your life straight.


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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineEdge
I like plants

Registered: 04/13/03
Posts: 972
Loc: Machu Pichu
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: help.. [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #1528545 - 05/07/03 08:43 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

im not really dependant on her i suppose. its more like i started to bathe in her love rather than accepting it, which is something very bad when it comes to spiritual growth... i tried to find a balance when we started something together, and im not sure why i did start anything with her... my intuition which i follow very closely (or try to) im pretty sure was saying "DONT DO IT" at the time. i knew this, but kinda had a... well why not attitute. we got along very well, and she is an amazing individual who sees the world as i do on many topics, and differently on others. we know how the other thinks and we know we are two different individuals in life, and not one with two heads. we realize and accept that at any givin time we should "go" when called by a higher force.... whatever it may be. all we know is that we both feel this. however our love for each other occasionally gets tangled up in the emotion we recieve from this higher state of being... and we become confused and wrapped in the other person's energy, if you will.

as for my friends... i dont really know what happened there. well i do, i think. one of them became obsessed with the other (male chasing female thing). the female's other friends that i was close to, but not as close as i was to the male and female, were with her all the time and i was with the male all the time. that relationship that the three of us had brought together a decent sized group of people and we were somewhat like a family for quite sometime. after the obsession he began to just go wherever she went and she made new... "cooler" friends in the popularity chain, which for many people is a wonderful and sought out thing. so, obviously she went with them, he followed her, her main little group that i was somewhat close to went with her to be more popular, and i was left with my girlfriend, and 2 others who don't really care too much about antyhing but themselves. im still close to these 2 individuals, however the do stupid things as well... so the only person that i have left that is constantly there and supportive is my girlfriend. the friend thing has been going on for a while so it is very easy to become wrapped up in her love to a point where its almost needed. it can happen in a matter of hours if i throw myself off balance as markos described.

in short, im feeling better. it was one of those quick times in life that you just really feel like shit. i slipped up but late that night i attempted meditation and put myself back on the track i was on as quickly as i had taken myself off. still, there are things that happen throughout the day that can really fuck me up, mainly that have to do with my girlfriend. its not what she does, more like what my mind makes up for me i guess.... and things that actually do happen that make me wanna fuckin kill everyone. its not jealousy, its more like being really insecure in relationships when certain things happen....

blah blah blah... thank you all for your support, its very appreciated. if anybody needs anything and i could be of service, just lemme know. im kinda new to the shroom cultivation topic, but pot im fairly educated in... so i may be able to help with that. and if you just need help for whatever, lemme know, ill try to assist the best i can.


--------------------
Check Out My "A Report w/ pics and links--FAE, RH, Casings, Cakes, Polyfil, And A Simple Setup And More!"

"For every action there is a reaction; and a Paykie reaction, is quite a fuckin thing"
--Turkish of Snatch


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