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Anonymous #1

How to Keep a long distance relationship going?
    #15155405 - 09/29/11 11:30 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

My gf requires a lot of attention, but she has been calling me like 3 or 4 times a day, which I think is a little excessive and needy. I really love her, but it just pisses me off that I pay the phone bills, when I have nothing to say because I just talked to her an hour or two ago.

Then she gets angry because I'm not having "real conversations" with her, and we end up fighting about stupid stuff.
How many calls is appropriate to keep a relationship going?
You may choose only one
Couple times a week
Once a day
Twice a day
More than twice a day
As many as it takes for the misus to be happy


Votes accepted from (09/29/11 11:28 PM) to (No end specified)
You must vote before you can view the results of this poll



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Anonymous #2

Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15155442 - 09/29/11 11:36 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Why not just text? My gf & I just text all day, and calls are sporadic.


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InvisibleautomanM
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #15155474 - 09/29/11 11:41 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

You can't keep one going very long.


--------------------
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical. ~ Niels Bohr


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InvisibleSARAtonin
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Registered: 09/28/11
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: automan]
    #15155672 - 09/30/11 12:25 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

To be honest I'm not a fan of relationships in general,
I find they hold by sexuality,
But that makes me a witch in modern culture, so yah!  :undecided:


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“Do what thou wilt” shall be the whole of the Law.
Love is the Law. Love under Will.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,048
Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: SARAtonin]
    #15156515 - 09/30/11 05:25 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Look, this is one of those things that you just cannot answer for other people. So the only thing we can do in this thread is share experience of how we did/do it and if it works.

So personally, I'm in a relationship right now in which we see each other in the weekends only. On weekdays, we have intensive contact through email (sending each other loose thoughts, links to kinky or funny stuff, etc.) and we sometimes text. On top of that, we skype a couple of times. (Yes: skype; saves you the phone bills - c'mon, you did figure that out already, didn't you? :wink:) Personally, I don't need a whole lot of communication during the week if we're around each other in the weekends. So that's why we keep the skype/calling limited to twice a week or so. I commute a lot, so I'm usually home late, and in the weekends, I have no time anymore to catch up with housekeeping, so I have to do this at night on weekdays. So there's also a practical reason why we need to keep the calls a bit limited. We discuss this once in a while, and she's ok with me needing some space.

So in short: find out what works for you, discuss the matter with her, find some sort of compromise and carry on. If it's impossible to meet somewhere in the middle, then obviously it doesn't work. But it's perfectly ok and recommended to just tell her very clearly that several calls a day are just too much for you.


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InvisibleTTT
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: automan]
    #15156692 - 09/30/11 07:43 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

automan said:
You can't keep one going very long.



Yeah. You don't keep a long distance relationship going.


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OfflineHumility
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: TTT]
    #15157049 - 09/30/11 10:49 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

I want to add that the definition of "long distance relationship" is very vague.

If we're talking about strictly monogamous relationships, well that's one thing.

And if we're talking about more than 3 hours travel each way, well that's another thing.

I think long distance relationships, especially temporary ones, are doable though.  Very dependent on the individuals involved and their expectations.


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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: Humility]
    #15157384 - 09/30/11 12:37 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Tried it once; never again.  Not being able to have physical contact with my significant other for months at a time is torture.


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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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Offlinedshow
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: deCypher]
    #15157645 - 09/30/11 01:48 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

How far are you apart OP? Meaning how many times you see eachother?

Like humility said if its temporary, its doable.
Besides that if you only see each other once every month or two. Chances are, its going to fail.


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Anonymous #3

Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: dshow]
    #15169954 - 10/03/11 03:18 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Skype removes the pressure to have 'real conversation'.

I'm doing skype/phone once a day for fairly substantial amount of time. See each other every two weeks and in her Uni holidays (which totals to about 5months of the year), so its not too bad.

But it is shite.

I'm thinkin of movin.


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Anonymous #4

Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #15185641 - 10/06/11 11:35 AM (9 years, 7 months ago)

The girlie and I are on our second month of a LDR (she's in the UK, I'm in the US) and so far it's been pretty difficult. 

We Skype video chat once, somtimes twice, a day for about an hour.  We were Skype text chatting all day but Skype ended up being a pain in the ass for that so now we use e-mail to keep constant communication.  We just update each other at different points in the day or say 'hello'.

I have also designed/developed a "dual" blog for us.  Her posts are located on one side of the page and mine on the opposite.  At the end of an interesting day we will write about the entire, post pictures, etc. so that the other can have a better look at what's going on in the life of the other.  Sometimes the posts get a bit repetative as we're both in school so we have cut down the posts to one or two a week.

Overall, the hardest part isn't staying in touch but rather what's going on in the mind of each side.  She has been very stressed from moving to a new place, going to school (she hasn't finished any other degree before), meeting new people, partying often, getting stick, etc.  This stress has been coming out as anger and frustration towards me and has caused quite a few problems with us over the past two weeks mainly.

I think it's extremely soon for things to be falling apart like this, especially when I don't honestly feel I'm contributing to that dismantling.  I'm doing my best to provide comfort and support from 3,000 miles away; it's definitely a difficult task.

As far as my mind, she's been partying every other night, clubbing, getting wasted, and being crazy (all which are things she didn't do when she was here, nor did she ever seem to do with me) so that's a bit worrying.


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Offlinedshow
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: Anonymous #4] * 1
    #15185731 - 10/06/11 12:02 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

You should probably start retracting your feelings from the situation #4.

Its gone down to one a week... then it will  be once every 2 weeks and so on.


She is not going to stay with you while she is overseas..:sad:


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Invisiblekoraks
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Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: dshow]
    #15186003 - 10/06/11 01:18 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Yes, anon #4, not to discourage you, but that doesn't sound particularly hopeful. I mean, long-distance relationships may work, but in my opinion, you need to be able to physically meet, oh, I'd say at least twice a month or so. I mean, for me, it wouldn't work otherwise and the temptation/odds of finding an 'alternative' closer by is/are just too big.


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Anonymous #4

Re: How to Keep a long distance relationship going? [Re: koraks]
    #15191096 - 10/07/11 12:46 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Well, the blog isn't a huge deal.  I've also stopped posting as much.. not much really happens in the life of a student--you go to class, do homework, eat, sleep, and repeat.  We're still very engaged with the posts that we do write, they're just saved for the weekend.  Also, when you Skype daily you end up saying what you did that day anywho.

Her mood has always fluctuated in person like this, too.  It's just uncomfortable as she's a bit more distant because I'm not there in person to provide comfort.

I'm staying hopeful.  But, if things don't work out it's just a love lost.  I can understand, even though I'd be crushed.


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