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Anonymous #1

Funny Farting Adventures?????
    #15131957 - 09/25/11 12:23 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Im in the mood for funny fart humor. Please tell me about the time you ripped ass and EVERYONE heard it. Tell me how embarrassed you were, and how it even ruined your chance to reproduce!

TELL ME!  :whacker:

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Anonymous #2

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15132070 - 09/25/11 12:51 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

back in my school years i accidentally let one off. it was a silent killer so no one heard it, but i can tell they were smelling it. the expressions on their face.........priceless.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #15132129 - 09/25/11 01:05 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
back in my school years i accidentally let one off. it was a silent killer so no one heard it, but i can tell they were smelling it. the expressions on their face.........priceless.



:lol:

MORE!

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Anonymous #3

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15135431 - 09/26/11 03:43 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I'll never forget the one Herbie did in French class, was about 13. It's in my memory as the French teacher was wearing this really tight top and dem big ol' titties and nipples...

Well the desks were U-shaped. He did it at the corner of the U and slowly but surely it drifted round and everyone made a scene about it and eventually the teacher did. Was foul.

Recently enough a friend and I were sat on a bench in a park. An old guy sat down next to us. Had a small chat with him but nothing major. Well I ripped one anyway and I was lucky it didn't tear a hole in my jocks, it was loud and powerful. First, we pretended as if nothing happened but we couldn't help from laughing. He left not long after.

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Anonymous #4

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #15138298 - 09/26/11 06:56 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

AH yes farts and school go hand in hand.

i had a technique, play with the zipper on my trapper keeper or slide my hands across the desk producing a "fart like" sound to cover as i carefully squeezed out a rotted egg fart.

However i do recall a time i attempted to do this and the fart came out substantially louder than predicted. Everyone turned back to look and see who let out such a boisterous trumpeting sound. I had no choice but to also turn my head with fake righteous indignation at the Retarded kid that sat two seats over from me.



Im so going to hell :foreheadslap:

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Anonymous #5

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15140704 - 09/27/11 07:09 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

When I was a kid I was ripping this really hardcore fart, meanwhile giving my brother the chance to grab a half full two-liter soda bottle and crack me over the head with it. I shit my pants.

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Anonymous #6

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15141364 - 09/27/11 10:48 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

One time in I think it was fifth grade I was sitting at my desk with my legs crossed but my feet were on the desk so it was kind of like indian style, with my ass up in the air a bit. I accidentally let one out and everyone reacted and I blamed it on this kid Doug that always farted in class and he giggled and said "yeah, it was me". He totally took the blame, it was hilarious.

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Anonymous #7

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15144633 - 09/27/11 10:31 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I've got some decent fart stories...I'm pretty stealth with the sound of my farts, but I have a special knack of producing absolutely horrendous stenches, here's two of my finest, with a recent awkwardity:

#1: When I was ~15, I was in art class, my teacher was this unreasonably culturally-proud pacific-islander, who most of the time was relaxed, but sometimes, out of nowhere, he would absolutely flip over trivial shit.

So, at the time of this story, I was going through a phase of 'brewing-up' farts, the act of sitting on them for awhile, until they built up to massive proportions, and then quickly, and skillfully leaching them out. Well on this fine spring morn, I felt a poisonous bowel-event arising from below; you know when you can actually feel the sulphurity of the fart before it even reaches your bowels? Yeah, it was one of those, with some serious reinforcements to boot. I brewed away, and eventually had what felt like atleast a litre of my finest drop. I proceeded to slowly purge while sporting a deviant crooked grin. Little did I realise, how absolutely appalling my creation was, and how grossly unnecessary it was for me to have brewed this one up for so long. Within seconds of unleashing it, students in the class were physically, and very much audibly incredibly upset over this foul force diffusing through the atmosphere of the classroom, it was like watching a ring ripple spread out in slow motion from the epicentre, as the diabolical wave spread, students immediately reacted violently in near perfect unison. The teacher was looking on in confusion from the front of the class, slowly piecing together the cause of the disturbance, until finally it hit him; either the realisation or the wretched entity itself, or perhaps both...either way, he reacted in his typically excessive manner. He immediately begun to flail around the class, screaming, pointing, and shouting; soon enough he had us all lined up in the corridor as he darted in and out of the classroom, taking gasps of fresh air each time before he entered, and exhaling heavily as he exited. He was in and out of the class like a madman, frantic. He eventually gave up on this strange behaviour, and gave us the bad news, that some incredibly irresponsible person, one of us, had set-off a commercially manufactured stink-bomb, and that somehow, this loathsome trickster had managed to not only set off this offensive device completely unnoticed, but had somehow managed to miraculously hide all the evidence. He was furious. "Who would do such a thing? How did such deviance unfold in my classroom completely under my nose?" So for the next 30 minutes or so, we were subject to a brutal interrogation, as he marched manically up and down the line of students in the corridor, eying-out potential suspects, searching for a reaction. Unfortunately for his ego, he was without a lead, and his excessive display cut short by the bell. He was not finished though, next class he gave us a heavy speech on being responsible young adults and how dangerous practical jokes can be - we were also instructed to leave our bags in the corridor for the rest of term. :lol:

#2: When I was ~17, I worked at the local supermarket (despite them having a trespass notice against me, but that's another story). My job was 'shelving' (ironic job description for an ass-related story, I know, lol). Shelving involved someone (me) methodically pulling forward all the stock on the shelves, so the stock items are in easy reach for customers, and giving the impression of having lots of stock, I guess.

Anyways, I was nearing the deli and seafood end of the store, I was about one isle away from the seafood department, within ~5m of the ice displays. I was working away, and had a little fart come on, so I popped it out. It felt like I had shit myself, the gas was so laden with particulate, it was as if it was an actual solid object, it carried heat and flavour like you wouldn't imagine. Within seconds I was gagging over glorious smell this latest masterpiece, I proudly reveled in my creation for a time, and appreciated its brilliance. I was suddenly jolted by the boorish hackling of my duty-manager, a young, brutish, and incredibly unattractive woman who was resentfully making a career of the supermarket sector. She wanted to know why I was dazing, why I was slacking off, but before she could get close enough to go for the jugular, she too was met face-on by my masterful creation. She, like my art teacher, thought it was far too rotten and wretched to even possibly be from the human depths, it was clearly something far more sinister. She uneasily questioned me over the smell, asking me what I knew; I knew nothing I swore, only that it seemed to be emanating from the seafood department. Quickly, and without hesitation, she was over by the ice, hounding the poor bastards responsible for the fish. Every single bin and package was inspected for this phantom. "But where, how, did it go? What was the cause? I smelt it, it must be here somewhere." For hours they searched...they turned up absolutely nothing. The rotten fish they thought, must have been sold, it wasn't anywhere to be found.

From this point on I'm not quite sure what happened, apart from the duty-manager being given a stern word by the manager. I'm not sure if they ever did track down the fish. :rofl2:

And then, there's the recent occurrence, not that funny, but a first for me. I was on a camp for class, me and about 8 students were playing the card game spoons. I had been holding onto a massive fart being the pseudo-gentleman I am, and with 7/8 other players being girls, with 5/7 of them being good looking - deception could lead great places. Well, after some time my bowels were heading towards disaster, all the while I was being irritated by this ugly girl sitting next to me, who failed chronically at passing the cards onto me efficiently. After many games we eventually ended up competing for the same spoon, she managed to get a hold of the big end of the spoon, and I was left with the last 5cm of the handle. We fought, and struggled for what seemed like an excessive amount of time for a spoon...she was a real creature, she wouldn't give it up, nor would I. Eventually my grip was lost, and she had won. So, me being the shameless deviant and poor loser I am, I went up to her, bent over and unleashed this truly massive fart bang-square right in the middle of her personal bubble - a perfect body shot. It lacked much in the way of smell, but it more than made up for it in audible effect, the whole hall resonated with the sound. I was proud, and relieved, but something wasn't right. Had I pushed too hard? Did all that pressure cause some strange nerve response? What is that I was feeling? Then I realised; the entity in my crack was real, and it was probably a cack. So awkwardly and aggressively I excused myself from the game, I carefully shuffled off to the toilet, which seemed like marathon as I delicately tried to avoid having this monster migrate south of my butt cheeks. Eventually, I made it, and the day was saved; I emerged from the lavatory a hero, with the grin of a winner on my face.

:highfive:

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Anonymous #1

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #15145968 - 09/28/11 08:15 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #7 said:
I've got some decent fart stories...I'm pretty stealth with the sound of my farts, but I have a special knack of producing absolutely horrendous stenches, here's two of my finest, with a recent awkwardity:

#1: When I was ~15, I was in art class, my teacher was this unreasonably culturally-proud pacific-islander, who most of the time was relaxed, but sometimes, out of nowhere, he would absolutely flip over trivial shit.

So, at the time of this story, I was going through a phase of 'brewing-up' farts, the act of sitting on them for awhile, until they built up to massive proportions, and then quickly, and skillfully leaching them out. Well on this fine spring morn, I felt a poisonous bowel-event arising from below; you know when you can actually feel the sulphurity of the fart before it even reaches your bowels? Yeah, it was one of those, with some serious reinforcements to boot. I brewed away, and eventually had what felt like atleast a litre of my finest drop. I proceeded to slowly purge while sporting a deviant crooked grin. Little did I realise, how absolutely appalling my creation was, and how grossly unnecessary it was for me to have brewed this one up for so long. Within seconds of unleashing it, students in the class were physically, and very much audibly incredibly upset over this foul force diffusing through the atmosphere of the classroom, it was like watching a ring ripple spread out in slow motion from the epicentre, as the diabolical wave spread, students immediately reacted violently in near perfect unison. The teacher was looking on in confusion from the front of the class, slowly piecing together the cause of the disturbance, until finally it hit him; either the realisation or the wretched entity itself, or perhaps both...either way, he reacted in his typically excessive manner. He immediately begun to flail around the class, screaming, pointing, and shouting; soon enough he had us all lined up in the corridor as he darted in and out of the classroom, taking gasps of fresh air each time before he entered, and exhaling heavily as he exited. He was in and out of the class like a madman, frantic. He eventually gave up on this strange behaviour, and gave us the bad news, that some incredibly irresponsible person, one of us, had set-off a commercially manufactured stink-bomb, and that somehow, this loathsome trickster had managed to not only set off this offensive device completely unnoticed, but had somehow managed to miraculously hide all the evidence. He was furious. "Who would do such a thing? How did such deviance unfold in my classroom completely under my nose?" So for the next 30 minutes or so, we were subject to a brutal interrogation, as he marched manically up and down the line of students in the corridor, eying-out potential suspects, searching for a reaction. Unfortunately for his ego, he was without a lead, and his excessive display cut short by the bell. He was not finished though, next class he gave us a heavy speech on being responsible young adults and how dangerous practical jokes can be - we were also instructed to leave our bags in the corridor for the rest of term. :lol:

#2: When I was ~17, I worked at the local supermarket (despite them having a trespass notice against me, but that's another story). My job was 'shelving' (ironic job description for an ass-related story, I know, lol). Shelving involved someone (me) methodically pulling forward all the stock on the shelves, so the stock items are in easy reach for customers, and giving the impression of having lots of stock, I guess.

Anyways, I was nearing the deli and seafood end of the store, I was about one isle away from the seafood department, within ~5m of the ice displays. I was working away, and had a little fart come on, so I popped it out. It felt like I had shit myself, the gas was so laden with particulate, it was as if it was an actual solid object, it carried heat and flavour like you wouldn't imagine. Within seconds I was gagging over glorious smell this latest masterpiece, I proudly reveled in my creation for a time, and appreciated its brilliance. I was suddenly jolted by the boorish hackling of my duty-manager, a young, brutish, and incredibly unattractive woman who was resentfully making a career of the supermarket sector. She wanted to know why I was dazing, why I was slacking off, but before she could get close enough to go for the jugular, she too was met face-on by my masterful creation. She, like my art teacher, thought it was far too rotten and wretched to even possibly be from the human depths, it was clearly something far more sinister. She uneasily questioned me over the smell, asking me what I knew; I knew nothing I swore, only that it seemed to be emanating from the seafood department. Quickly, and without hesitation, she was over by the ice, hounding the poor bastards responsible for the fish. Every single bin and package was inspected for this phantom. "But where, how, did it go? What was the cause? I smelt it, it must be here somewhere." For hours they searched...they turned up absolutely nothing. The rotten fish they thought, must have been sold, it wasn't anywhere to be found.

From this point on I'm not quite sure what happened, apart from the duty-manager being given a stern word by the manager. I'm not sure if they ever did track down the fish. :rofl2:

And then, there's the recent occurrence, not that funny, but a first for me. I was on a camp for class, me and about 8 students were playing the card game spoons. I had been holding onto a massive fart being the pseudo-gentleman I am, and with 7/8 other players being girls, with 5/7 of them being good looking - deception could lead great places. Well, after some time my bowels were heading towards disaster, all the while I was being irritated by this ugly girl sitting next to me, who failed chronically at passing the cards onto me efficiently. After many games we eventually ended up competing for the same spoon, she managed to get a hold of the big end of the spoon, and I was left with the last 5cm of the handle. We fought, and struggled for what seemed like an excessive amount of time for a spoon...she was a real creature, she wouldn't give it up, nor would I. Eventually my grip was lost, and she had won. So, me being the shameless deviant and poor loser I am, I went up to her, bent over and unleashed this truly massive fart bang-square right in the middle of her personal bubble - a perfect body shot. It lacked much in the way of smell, but it more than made up for it in audible effect, the whole hall resonated with the sound. I was proud, and relieved, but something wasn't right. Had I pushed too hard? Did all that pressure cause some strange nerve response? What is that I was feeling? Then I realised; the entity in my crack was real, and it was probably a cack. So awkwardly and aggressively I excused myself from the game, I carefully shuffled off to the toilet, which seemed like marathon as I delicately tried to avoid having this monster migrate south of my butt cheeks. Eventually, I made it, and the day was saved; I emerged from the lavatory a hero, with the grin of a winner on my face.

:highfive:






This man delivered :rave:

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Anonymous #8

Re: Funny Farting Adventures????? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #15146891 - 09/28/11 12:28 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

lololol so fuckin funny

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