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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: extreme]
#15102166 - 09/19/11 05:13 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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I am an INFJ and I have a horrible time finding and keeping women. I don't feel comfortable around most people until I know them very well so I feel this limits the dating pool to those who I know already.
Once I find a person, I have a tendency to feel much more strongly about that person than they do about me. I think this tends to cause problems in casual relationships. I fall in love too fast and way too hard.
I spend a lot of time analyzing the actions, statements, or behavior of others. This catches girls off guard because I am constantly judging and assessing their behaviors. This gets me upset sometimes, and I always get the "I didn't mean it that way"s or the "I didn't know I was doing that"s. I firmly believe that actions speak louder than works, especially in a game where what people say rarely matters and they are often being misleading.
Finding and keeping girls is VERY hard for me. I fully blame myself, and am convinced there is something wrong with me. Maybe its this shitty personality type...
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: fbi365]
#15103625 - 09/19/11 09:54 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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No, its just your approach to the whole thing in general.
Whats so wrong with going with people you know well? Whats wrong with being friends for sometime before pursuing something? How fulfilling are the women you tend to fall for "so fast" and how likely would you guys of worked out even if it did work out? Would you of been truly satisfied with them or are you trying to find comfort and normalcy in having a relationship so you settle for and romanticize women you wouldn't be compatible with over time?
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extreme



Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,340
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: fbi365]
#15104171 - 09/19/11 11:45 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said:
Finding and keeping girls is VERY hard for me. I fully blame myself, and am convinced there is something wrong with me. Maybe its this shitty personality type...
No personality type is shitty. I usually test as INFJ and I think it's a blessing.. but at the same time it does make it hard to deal with people sometimes. I would rather have the depth that I do that makes it harder to deal with people though, than the shallowness that makes small talk so easy.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: TTT]
#15104214 - 09/19/11 11:55 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't know the answer to any of those questions, TTT. I just go after the girls I like and seem to like me back.
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nglsnv
Becoming



Registered: 08/31/10
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: extreme]
#15104259 - 09/20/11 12:07 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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the problem with me is that i don't settle and therefore never find a girl worth sticking with.Quote:
extreme said:
Quote:
fbi365 said:
Finding and keeping girls is VERY hard for me. I fully blame myself, and am convinced there is something wrong with me. Maybe its this shitty personality type...
No personality type is shitty. I usually test as INFJ and I think it's a blessing.. but at the same time it does make it hard to deal with people sometimes. I would rather have the depth that I do that makes it harder to deal with people though, than the shallowness that makes small talk so easy. 
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: nglsnv]
#15104918 - 09/20/11 05:50 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah, its a yes to most. Obviously you neeed to revise your style dude. Thats just silly. There is nothing logical about just going for girls who you "like" (infatuation often subsides fast) and then going for it when there is no confirmed actual likeness between you guys at all as far as how you conduct yourselves, your lives, and what you want in it.
I suppose thats where F comes in.
I have a really good friend who like, fell in 'love' with me hardcore. I never understood because he is vastly different than me and didn't even want similar life goals, let a lone have a passion he was wanting to follow....at the very foundations there was just no way it would work out. He was INFJ. hehe He was such a push over and so squishy about his feelings. The girls he picked never mad sense. Its like he goes off just how he feels and not off how likely it is to even work out but he was highly introverted and shy so his bad decisions tormented him.
Its all patterns, what is yours? Facets catch the light and display in almost all angles. Personality traits are similar.
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extreme



Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,340
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: TTT]
#15106004 - 09/20/11 11:42 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'll call myself an INFJ for this thread and say
you other INFJ's are pussies. 
I'll be honest, I'm not always super confident around women and all that shit but at least don't be so scared to be who you are. I already know I'm an introvert and there's really nothing I can do to change that. It's a fucking personality trait. I'm not sure who has hurt IN's more.. society or, ourselves!?! We live in a (country [USA]) that is all about being "outgoing" and "extroverted" and sensor-like but that doesn't mean that's the only way to be.. that's just the popular way to be. It'd be really lame if everyone was the same.
When it comes to relationships in general, I almost never initiate the first conversation and I never go out of my way to talk to people I don't know. I'm the quiet observer, etc. But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate all the things I observe. In fact I really do prefer it this way. I don't have to say a word to somebody to have a certain level of respect/disrespect for them, just based on how they act around others.
One of the reasons I don't like conversation with strangers is because once I get going I can actually talk forever. Which is kind of bad for small talk. My mom and I are like dead opposite personality types I think (she is ES at least) I'm also adopted so have 0% DNA from her. But we love and respect each other, even with all our differences, so I can literally talk and talk and talk until my mom gets tired and goes to sleep. Not that I do this everyday.. but I'm just saying, don't underestimate yourself and the power you have.
I'm usually more intimidated by the potential power I can have over people than by the actual people.
P.S. like 1% of the world is INFJ, so I really each and every one of you. We all struggle I know how it is. Just stop thinking there's something wrong with you.. it's a blessing to be different!
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: extreme]
#15106851 - 09/20/11 02:27 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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TTT, you an I have agreed about the "what" for a long time, I just don't understand the "how." That is we agree on what is wrong, just not on exactly how to fix it.
Unfortunately, the traditional shroomery advice to "stop being a pussy." just doesn't work here. I try so hard to do the right things, but I can't. Just this week I blew it up with a girl. I was trying so hard to be cool about it. I get so emotionally entangled that I don't even know what is going on. I did it this time while consciously telling myself not to.
Maybe, its not my personality type, but there is something very wrong with me. Stupidity maybe? lol
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nglsnv
Becoming



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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: fbi365]
#15106885 - 09/20/11 02:34 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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what makes you like girls more than they like you? how do you assess their actions? do you usually think that they are trying to go for you, or that they are trying to get away from you?
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: nglsnv]
#15109219 - 09/20/11 09:02 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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I guess what makes me like them more is that I attach expectations to actions. For example, if a girls seems into me, we are hanging out, making out, and hooking up I expect that to build into something. I dont do those things with people I don't have feelings for. I don't expect that they should automatically be my girlfriend, but I do expect a high level of respect for that arranement and for the feelings involved, which I rarely get.
Initially, they usually pursue me, but once that dynamic is set I am usually the one doing the pursuing while they resist. Maybe it's a pace thing...
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nglsnv
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: fbi365]
#15112652 - 09/21/11 03:46 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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probably. i would suggest trying to build something before you get to the hooking up part. it seems like every time i rush into hooking up with someone, the other person stops trying to get to know me and the relationship becomes merely physical and without any substance. don't expect too much
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Tri High
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: nglsnv]
#15115660 - 09/22/11 03:55 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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substance. sustenance.
-------------------- you just need money to get laid - starfire_xes
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: TTT]
#15118330 - 09/22/11 05:09 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said: Yeah, its a yes to most. Obviously you neeed to revise your style dude. Thats just silly. There is nothing logical about just going for girls who you "like" (infatuation often subsides fast) and then going for it when there is no confirmed actual likeness between you guys at all as far as how you conduct yourselves, your lives, and what you want in it.
I suppose thats where F comes in.
I have a really good friend who like, fell in 'love' with me hardcore. I never understood because he is vastly different than me and didn't even want similar life goals, let a lone have a passion he was wanting to follow....at the very foundations there was just no way it would work out. He was INFJ. hehe He was such a push over and so squishy about his feelings. The girls he picked never mad sense. Its like he goes off just how he feels and not off how likely it is to even work out but he was highly introverted and shy so his bad decisions tormented him.
Its all patterns, what is yours? Facets catch the light and display in almost all angles. Personality traits are similar.
isn't it possible to be vastly different and STILL be a good couple? i mean, isn't that still highly likely?
i would imagine, you need some similarities but who is to say that you need to that much alike?
and PS: why is everyone in this thread so weepy about chicks? be a proud INTJ or P!1
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TTT
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I personally can't see that happening. Different interests is difference than different perspective of life and career.
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Joolz


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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: TTT]
#15119321 - 09/22/11 07:39 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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You have to have enough similarities that you click and can start a relationship but enough differences that you don't get bored of each other imo. Extremely different couples would require each person to like/love the fact that their partner is extremely different from them. It'd also require them to be even more open minded than they already need to be, since they have more differences than most.
It also depends on what the differences are. Atheist vs. Christian would obviously not work (not to say that it hasn't irl, but seriously, those people aren't happy together.)
-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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akira_akuma
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: TTT]
#15124018 - 09/23/11 05:44 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said: I personally can't see that happening. Different interests is difference than different perspective of life and career.
people usually juggle and play craps with their different careers and perspectives, and sometimes like to play with multiples.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
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It depends on the people. Some people know where they fit in and spend their lives building it. Those types of people might be driven mad by a more impulsive, less self aware individual who spent time chasing dreams that aren't their own.
I know I dislike people like that, though most everyone I know is. 
And so the differences are always apparent in every word a person chooses to describe themselves, their desires, and interests and their approach to others. Its a glimpse into ones mental coordinates but some are located at obscure points and find difficulty in encountering others who may be in the same place through a different route. (Route=life in this vaguely specific sentence) People who are that ambitious ... I have trouble believing they could find love in someone who was less motivated, easily pleased, and less introspective or real with themselves. Only way I could see it working is if one got a boost out of knowing they are above their partner and get security out of knowing that. Even the degrees in which someone believes that and the reasons why they crave such security sets them apart slightly from people who may do similar things to a lesser degree.
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akira_akuma
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: TTT]
#15124701 - 09/23/11 08:16 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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well, yeah, obviously you can't be real with everybody. 
but that's my point; you can't choose your perspective. (you can change it, sure, but that's not what i'm getting at)
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domite
Puppet

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Okay seriously fuck that site.
I take the test and get INFP. "The Healer"
their great passion is to heal the conflicts that trouble individuals, or that divide groups, and thus to bring wholeness, or health, to themselves, their loved ones, and their community.
"Fair enough," I think. "That sounds pretty good, I can see that."
So I'm clicking on the links at the bottom of the page like "Jobs for Healer type" "how the Healer type should deal with stress" etc.
So I get to the link thats like "your type and romance" or whatever, and this is what i see:

What the fuck? Some simp ass square nigga following a bitch around with a goofy smile on his face, holding a bunch of shopping bags and her purse while she is clucking into her goddamn cell phone?
from the excerpt:
Julius is a Healer (INFP) Idealist. In high school, his closest friends were girls.
That's as far as I got.
Fuck you too, keirsey.com
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Wise Toad


Registered: 06/08/10
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Re: INTJs and INTPs [Re: domite]
#15138963 - 09/26/11 08:54 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Im INFP as well and your right, that sounds absolutely nothing like me; I dislike conflict between friends but like to create havoc in institutions
The vast majority of my friends tend to be IN__, that is not to say that I know many in face to face everyday life; as a matter of fact I only know one and he drifted off somewhere
Relationships just seemed too fake, I wanted to see what all the buzz about sex was; I was quickly bored and left the girl
If I found a girl mad as me whos a conversationalist interested in tripping then yeah, things could get interesting; for a time
As it stands though, my only interest in life consist of Drugs, Dreams, and Death; with technology and nature facilitating
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