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OfflineEchoVortex
(hard) member
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 859
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Would You Hire This Man?
    #1490201 - 04/24/03 06:03 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

George W. Bush's Resume

A BUZZFLASH READER COMMENTARY
by Kelley Kramer

I recently had an email exchange with a right-winger from my local newspaper, and of course the war with Iraq came up pretty quick. But he said something in defense of George Bush that really surprised me.
In defense of the attack on Iraq he said 'between Hussein and Bush, Hussein is the bad guy'.

My first response was ... So your guy is better than a third world dictator, Wow! what an accomplishment! Does he put that on his resume?

And with that in mind, I started wondering ... what would a George W. Bush resume look like exactly?

Listed below is what I came up with,

Best!

Kelley Kramer

-------------

George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:

Ran for congress and lost.

Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.

With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as president:

Attacked and took over two countries.

Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.

Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.

Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.

Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her).

First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.

Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.

Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).

All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

First US president to establish a secret shadow government.

Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.

In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.

Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References:

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.

Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)



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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: EchoVortex]
    #1490210 - 04/24/03 06:05 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quite an impressive resume. :smirk:


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Invisibleluvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?


Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 33,778
Loc: Lost In Space
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: EchoVortex]
    #1490253 - 04/24/03 06:21 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Here's a line for 2004.....

Won the presidency a second time despite all the whining little weasels.


--------------------
You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers


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OfflineOOOO
Stranger
Registered: 04/21/03
Posts: 125
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: luvdemshrooms]
    #1490256 - 04/24/03 06:22 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

George W. Bush is a disgrace.


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OfflineBaby_Hitler
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: OOOO]
    #1490280 - 04/24/03 06:31 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Name the last American president that wasn't.

Lincoln? No he was a dick too.


--------------------


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OfflineEchoVortex
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 859
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: luvdemshrooms]
    #1490466 - 04/24/03 07:18 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Here's a line for 2004.....

Won the presidency a second time despite all the whining little weasels.




hahahaha

In luvdemshrooms' world people who actually care about the objective state of the country are "whining little weasels." And people who are too stupid to do anything but lob juvenile insults are the people to listen to and admire.

Can you disprove anything on list ***NO FLAMES...edited by Rono***


Edited by Rono (04/24/03 07:46 PM)


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InvisibleBuddha5254
addict
Registered: 04/23/00
Posts: 532
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: EchoVortex]
    #1490649 - 04/24/03 08:11 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Nice list.


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OfflineMadtowntripper
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Buddha5254]
    #1491191 - 04/24/03 11:23 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I do love the list. And I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that the punk doesnt get re-elected, unless they let these GI's bring back these billions of U.S. dollars in Iraq to jump start the economy.

People dont care if they're safer, (which they arent), if they dont have money in their pockets. (Which they dont). I am however, a registered member of the NRA.


--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus


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Offlineatomikfunksoldier
T'was born oftrue in the yearof the cock!

Registered: 04/07/03
Posts: 1,500
Loc: a human-infested anthill
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #1491939 - 04/25/03 03:52 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

roosevelt?


--------------------
enjoy the entertaining indentity i have constructed for you while you can.


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OfflineEllis Dee
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: EchoVortex]
    #1491957 - 04/25/03 04:08 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

No one puts that negative shit on their resume.


--------------------
"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon

And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,


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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #1492107 - 04/25/03 06:53 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

And I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that the punk doesnt get re-elected




you're aboot to lose a dime and and your last donut. Who's going to beat him? Kerry?(sp) ha...

Quote:

People dont care if they're safer, (which they arent), if they dont have money in their pockets. (Which they dont).




i've got money in my pockets...


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


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Offlinegrib
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Ellis Dee]
    #1492215 - 04/25/03 09:14 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

No one puts that negative shit on their resume. 




OK, here's the resume w/out the negative $h!t:

George W. Bush












... :grin: 


Inny wrote in response to: 'People dont care if they're safer, (which they arent), if they dont have money in their pockets. (Which they dont). '

Quote:

i've got money in my pockets... 





What about the 'safer' part?


--------------------
<~>Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake <~>


Edited by grib (04/25/03 09:17 AM)


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OfflineyelimS
bohem

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 717
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: grib]
    #1492241 - 04/25/03 09:27 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Nope, here it is:

George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:
Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

That must be a great movie!


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OfflineMadtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers
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Registered: 03/06/03
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: yelimS]
    #1492248 - 04/25/03 09:34 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I can only HOPE they run Kerry against him. Anyone but fucking Lieberman or Gephardt, for the love of God....And I have many donuts, fool. Krispy Kreme is across the street...They are HOT...And NOW.


--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Registered: 04/20/01
Posts: 29,766
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: yelimS]
    #1492408 - 04/25/03 10:45 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Nope, here it is:

George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:
Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

That must be a great movie!




Yeah, somebody find out what movie that was!!



--------------------
--------------------------------


Mp3 of the month: BLC - I Don't Wanna Go



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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: grib]
    #1492451 - 04/25/03 11:01 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

What about the 'safer' part?




How do you measure if you're safer or not? The odds are i'm just as safe as i was before. I don't fall for this "we're all gonna die" bunk. Millions hated us like never before, before the war (ie: 911) and they still do...watcha gonna do? I don't scare easy.


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


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OfflineMadtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers
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Registered: 03/06/03
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Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Innvertigo]
    #1492510 - 04/25/03 11:22 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Sure, I mean, I doubt the entire western world is going to come crashing down...But I definately feel alot more self concious traveling outside of the U.S. Not as bad as if I was French, of course, but I still dont wanna walk into Beirut and say "Hey! I'm American!".


--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus


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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #1492523 - 04/25/03 11:26 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i don't want to go into the middle east and say i'm a christian....you can be killed for that in parts.


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


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OfflineMadtowntripper
Sun-Beams out of Cucumbers
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/06/03
Posts: 21,286
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Last seen: 3 months, 17 days
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Innvertigo]
    #1492583 - 04/25/03 11:47 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Where is this? Certainly no place the is devoutly Muslim. The Muslim faith espouses that Christians and Jews are people of .the book, just like Muslims, and should be given a place to pray without being persecuted. Nowhere in the Koran does it say that Americans should be given refuge, and not persecuted.


--------------------
After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action.  If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it.  - Ernest Hemingway

If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it.  In the law courts, in business, in government.  There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent.    -Cormac MacCarthy

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.  - Aeschylus


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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: Would You Hire This Man? [Re: Madtowntripper]
    #1492613 - 04/25/03 11:57 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I should of said jailed, my bad. If you try to spread the word about Christian Ideology in lets say Iran or Iraq you can be jailed. Case in point, those two women (their names escape me) who were arrested for trying to spread their christian beliefs before the war in Iraq. Does anyone remember that story?

Quote:

Nowhere in the Koran does it say that Americans should be given refuge, and not persecuted.




or to commit homocide bombings either. Not even in the name of Allah


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


Edited by Innvertigo (04/25/03 12:57 PM)


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