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Anonymous #1

HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE
    #14826840 - 07/26/11 10:44 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Does this sound stupid? Or does it make sense?

I love my girl but I dont feel that I love her enough to want to commit to a life long relationship.

I have dated her for a year and I dont see us as progressing in a way that I feel comfortable with.

I feel that she has given up on all relationships in her life except for our own special one. She depends on me entirely, but I do not depend on her at all. She makes me happy often but I do not miss her when she is gone. Much. I mean when you see someone and talk to them, cuddle them every day, you will notice if they are gone for long.

Is there any way for me to end this relationship without destroying her as a person?

I have come close to breaking us up in the past on various occassions but I always feel for her because she gets so sad. I cant bear to see her in hysterics. She tells me she will kill herself, or that she will ruin my life if I dump her.

This makes me feel terribly manipulated. However I genuinely feel for her given how hysterical she becomes. She often says harsh things when emotional. I always forgive her.. because she is so accepting of me and basically gives herself like a slave to me.


BUT she puts no effort into sex.

Basically I feel like I certainly need to end the relationship but I find it hard because I dont want to destroy her mind. She has no one to talk to, because she does not develop any relationships other than her romantic relationship


DO I JUST NEED TO BREAK HER HEART?

Or are there any tips you guys can give me? Any insight?

PS. I really enjoy being with her don't get me wrong. But There are problems and I dont want to settle for them at this stage in my life.


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Offlinetripp23
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14827292 - 07/26/11 12:16 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

i cant give you advice lol im in the same predicament really.. im with a girl now that im madly in love with and I dont fucking know why.. it drives me nuts..

weve been dating since like jan. and we were good up until about may and now shes distant as fuck, barely ever spend time together.. no sex at all ever since may and all we basically do now is text for a few hours everyday.

i dont fucking know why im with this girl at all still.. shes wasting my time and i know this is never gonna get better. someone chime in n tell us what to do.

all i can come up with is.. just gotta man up and take the pain of leaving her. i think thats what most will say anyways. i dont want too but no sex?! really.. no fun.. :sad:


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InvisibleI_was_the_walrus
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14827462 - 07/26/11 01:06 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Well, tell her that. It seems you just want to hear what you already know. Theres no easy way to go about it.


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OfflineHakim0777
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
    #14828204 - 07/26/11 03:52 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

go easy on her and explain yourself. Get it over with is my best advice, the longer you drag it out the worse its gonna get.


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #14829452 - 07/26/11 07:35 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I have come close to breaking us up in the past on various occassions but I always feel for her because she gets so sad. I cant bear to see her in hysterics. She tells me she will kill herself, or that she will ruin my life if I dump her.





Dude she is crazy, fucking run.


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InvisibleTheEnd
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Hakim0777]
    #14829472 - 07/26/11 07:39 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I had a relationship similar to yours. I loved her, I loved being with her, she loved me, but we argued way too much about stupid stuff, and she would go off and retaliate in some stupid way and I would either break up with her or get close to it, and I would always get back together with her for either feeling sorry for her, or because I was addicted to the relationship. It wasn't a good relationship though, I must have broke up and gotten back together with her 4 or 5 times within a year and a half. I proposed to her and got turned down about halfway through the relationship.

Basically it was a mess that I knew I needed to take care of, because no matter how bad things were between us, she wouldn't break up with me, she would just to stupid shit like hang out with ex-boyfriends to hurt me or make me jealous and angry. She even started to hang out with some guy that was 26 and just divorced (she was 18 at the time), and she would keep stuff like this from me until I found out on my own, she would either slip up and say something or a story wouldn't sound right and I would start asking questions.

So anyways, when I got real serious about breaking up with her one night, she started to freak out and have a panic attack or something, and she wanted to go talk to someone who could help her or get medication to help calm her down. So we're JUST broken up, and I drive her to the ER so she can talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist. After they came to get her, I left and had a friend pick me up.

Maybe like a week later or so, I think she messaged me online or text me or something and said she wanted to talk (which she was always doing, she would always text or call me to try to change my mind). So I talked to her on the phone and she didn't sound quite right, she sounded really tired and out of it. I asked if she was okay or something to that extent, and she mentioned drinking a beer and taking a couple anti-anxiety pills. I ended up losing the connection with her at some point in the conversation and tried calling back but her phone was off, I figured it was a dead battery.

SO...I think it was the next day or day after that, that I found out that she had two beers and downed all her medication. After maybe a week or two of feeling guilty about the whole thing (even though I shouldn't have), going against my better judgement I got back together with her....for about 2 days and then I called her and said that this just needed to all stop, the relationship, staying in touch with eachother, everything. She would text and call every so often, but I wouldn't respond or answer, same with email. I just couldn't have any contact with her, after everything we had gone through, it was like going back to a drug addiction that you hate to love. I eventually had to change my phone number because I was sick of getting random texts or calls from her. I changed my email address too.

Point of the story is...if the person you're in a relationship with is threatening to do harm to themselves or something similar if you break up with them, thats the first sure sign that you NEED to break up with them. Being manipulated by someone who you love is terrible, but you can't allow yourself to be their tool and ever expect to have a truly happy/healthy relationship. If they are going to hurt themselves or kill themselves, it probably has nothing to do with you being the reason why, they've got issues that were there before you met them, and they will have those issues after you're out of the picture. If they hurt themselves before, during or after a break up, the only guilty person is them, not you.

Theres a time to stick by someones side, and a time to kick them to the curb. Just because you love someone and they love you, doesn't mean its enough to make a relationship work. Too many people get trapped in those kinds of relationships. Dragging it out WILL make it worse.


Whatever you end up doing, I wish you the best man. :peace:


EDIT: BTW, the last I heard was that she was engaged and getting married, so if it worked out between them it goes to show that neither one of us did enough damage to keep life from going on. People are more resilient than we think, we just complain way too much to notice.


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Edited by TheEnd (07/26/11 07:50 PM)


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Offlinewithoutawire
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: TheEnd]
    #14829494 - 07/26/11 07:44 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

NEVER let thread of suicide be a reason you stay in a relationship. That is disgusting woman guilt and manipulation. DO NOT let her take you down. You many love her, but you will HATE her if you don't end it as soon as possible. It's obvious this is not something you can simply work out, and you should tell her it's done in person and tell her everything you told us.

Then, stay strong and don't let her manipulate you with bullshit into changing your mind. Stay strong and do what's best for you. She needs a reality check and if you don't let her do that it'll get worse and worse until you will hate her and then there is NO chance at all of you two being friends or getting back together in the future if things changed. End it now....right now.


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OfflineAnonymousRabbit
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. [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #14829983 - 07/26/11 09:11 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

.


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Edited by AnonymousRabbit (05/18/22 04:16 PM)


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OfflineHakim0777
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: AnonymousRabbit]
    #14830110 - 07/26/11 09:37 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

GTFO as quickly as possible. Nothing good can come out of crazy bitches.


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Offlinedummy
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Hakim0777]
    #14830841 - 07/27/11 12:03 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

OP

i just got out of a similar relationship. but i was the clingy one... she was the one putting up with me or addicted or whatever. it really drove us apart, she started talking to other people, i gave up all my relationships for her, i'd say harsh shit in emotional outbursts, the works. though i never manipulated her with thoughts of suicide, thats something i just couldn't do.

anyway, this is all very shameful to admit. but! i learned a lot about myself and relationships from it. i'm only 21 so the lessons will carry over to help me build something more solid next time around. in particular, i've learned i can't be giving up my life for someone else. i have to keep my lady as a part of life, not the whole things. i'm in the process of rebuilding my friendships and getting back to me. being single is a lot of fun after putting myself through such hell.

i guess my advice to you would be to break something like what i just wrote to her. tell her that you don't like how she has no life and is not an individual. tell her that you don't miss her because you can't miss someone whose always around. tell her all these things and make it clear what she should do. and make it clear that life goes on.

peace


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Anonymous #2

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14831875 - 07/27/11 08:35 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Does this sound stupid? Or does it make sense?

I love my girl but I dont feel that I love her enough to want to commit to a life long relationship.

I have dated her for a year and I dont see us as progressing in a way that I feel comfortable with.

I feel that she has given up on all relationships in her life except for our own special one. She depends on me entirely, but I do not depend on her at all. She makes me happy often but I do not miss her when she is gone. Much. I mean when you see someone and talk to them, cuddle them every day, you will notice if they are gone for long.

Is there any way for me to end this relationship without destroying her as a person?

I have come close to breaking us up in the past on various occassions but I always feel for her because she gets so sad. I cant bear to see her in hysterics. She tells me she will kill herself, or that she will ruin my life if I dump her.

This makes me feel terribly manipulated. However I genuinely feel for her given how hysterical she becomes. She often says harsh things when emotional. I always forgive her.. because she is so accepting of me and basically gives herself like a slave to me.


BUT she puts no effort into sex.

Basically I feel like I certainly need to end the relationship but I find it hard because I dont want to destroy her mind. She has no one to talk to, because she does not develop any relationships other than her romantic relationship


DO I JUST NEED TO BREAK HER HEART?

Or are there any tips you guys can give me? Any insight?

PS. I really enjoy being with her don't get me wrong. But There are problems and I dont want to settle for them at this stage in my life.




Kill her. Or hint to her until she is used to the idea. Like mental conditioning.


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OfflineSpin240
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14834168 - 07/27/11 05:00 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Give her the book "Mastery of Love"

Enough said.


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Offlineribbit
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Spin240]
    #14835521 - 07/27/11 09:21 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

OP. I am going to be completely honest with you.

I was in the same situation as you... look at my registered date... that was the time frame I was with that girl who I unfortunately married. She also threatened to kill herself by putting knifes/scissors to her wrist in front of me if I left.

You need to let her go... I ended up leaving her only by convincing her that I was gay .... I mean... my life with her was pretty bad and it was 7 years.... since then I have met a new awesome girlfriend who is 100x better... (been together for over 1.5 yrs now)

do yourself a favor and just walk away. I lost 7 yrs of my 20s and there is much regret.

and it was my fault. I didn't see the writing on the wall... I wish I left but I did not have anyone to talk to that would have forced me out of that relationship.

leave. seriously. leave asap


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Offlineribbit
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: ribbit]
    #14835570 - 07/27/11 09:34 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

and the easiest way IMO is to be in a private setting such as your place and the conversation may go something like this:
u: "HER_NAME, We need to talk"
her: "What? what about?"
u: "There is something that I need to tell you"
her: "What are you talking about"
u: "Recently I have been thinking about us, you and me"
her: "What about us"
u: "I don't know how else to say this, but I am no longer in love with you"
(even if it is not completely true)

==== expect a fight here =====

but believe me, it will work out and you just need to stand your ground. my ex cried, screamed, yelled..... just take it. and don't give in, and don't try to work it out. it won't work.

and man. you know deep down it has to go down like this because with the right girl... there is no doubt. I know this. I have gone through it. my psycho ex, I was plagued with doubt... and it was all valid. it should not be that way and doesn't have to be that way.

peace


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InvisibleSterben
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: ribbit]
    #14836581 - 07/28/11 01:22 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Make a Cd of songs that shell never hear on the radio so when she plays it shell think of you. Then cut out a Black cover for the Cd case, on the inside of the Cd case Behind the blank Cover, make another pice of paper with words written on it that would remind her of you like the date you met, first place you went on your first date etc make it cute. then
get a single red rose. invite her to somewhere like a park or something not your house or hers, when she gets there, you can either explain to her why breaking up with her, then walk back to your car an pull out the rose an the Cd, hand it to her give her a kiss on the cheek look into her eyes, get into your car an drive away. Dramatic yet shell never forget you.


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:alert: All posts by Sterben should be considered fictional and are for entertainment use only.
Anyone reading these posts should consider them all fictional.
:alert:



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Anonymous #1

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Sterben]
    #14848546 - 07/30/11 12:48 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

thanks so much guys...

and sterben.. nice


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Anonymous #1

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14848569 - 07/30/11 12:53 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

we just had such awesome sex tonight. It doesnt usually happen. But I dont know if that is enough to hold two people together right


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: ribbit]
    #14848951 - 07/30/11 02:23 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

ribbit said:
I ended up leaving her only by convincing her that I was gay ....




LOLOLOL

How did you do that??


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InvisibleTheEnd
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14849910 - 07/31/11 12:04 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
we just had such awesome sex tonight. It doesnt usually happen. But I dont know if that is enough to hold two people together right




Sex is addictive, and definitely NOT what holds a relationship together. It might keep you from breaking up with her for awhile if you allow it to, but if the rest of the relationship isn't just as good or better than the sex, you're only kidding yourself.


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OfflineSimms
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14860225 - 08/02/11 06:07 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
we just had such awesome sex tonight. It doesnt usually happen. But I dont know if that is enough to hold two people together right




It may come out sooner or later, the sooner the better. I was in unhealthy relationship and just ruined a perfect day together, feels like shit but it happens. Take a pause from each other, and see what happens, no contact. Just pause. Then see if there is something to work out or not.

Although your case is more extreme and like others suggested: RUN NOW.


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Edited by Simms (08/02/11 06:09 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Simms]
    #14860516 - 08/02/11 08:24 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

problem is, I really love her and feel like it is my duty to help her v_v

But I am currently writing a long letter explaining my feelings.

I abandoned her last night and she cried for hours. seriously she cried and cried and didnt eat anything, I havnt spoken to her today and I seriously worry for her safety.


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InvisibleTheEnd
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14862188 - 08/02/11 02:35 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
problem is, I really love her and feel like it is my duty to help her v_v

But I am currently writing a long letter explaining my feelings.

I abandoned her last night and she cried for hours. seriously she cried and cried and didnt eat anything, I havnt spoken to her today and I seriously worry for her safety.




Sounds like you're being the good guy who screws himself over with guilt.

I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say that your girlfriends relationship with her father is either strained or non-existent? If so, you're basically trying to fill the shoes of a father figure AND a boyfriend. No matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to fill both sets of shoes. She's gotta work that type of stuff out for herself and not be bringing it into her relationships the way she is. She expects too much of you and makes you feel guilty when you fall short.

I could be totally wrong though and just be talking out my ass. :awenuhuh:


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Anonymous #1

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: TheEnd]
    #14862223 - 08/02/11 02:41 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

yeah, well i dont usually feel that guilty. I will feel guilty if she harms herself though


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OfflineBipolarbear
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14864144 - 08/02/11 08:43 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

After dating more than my fair share of crazy bitches I have learned the hard way as you will learn that you should never be in a relationship where you are trying to fix the other.  It's not your duty to help her/fix her.  Buy an old car and fix it up or renovate an old house but don't waste your time trying to fix your partner.


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OfflineSHE
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: tripp23]
    #14865397 - 08/03/11 01:17 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Give her the gift of missing you.  In other words, go silent for a few days.  Say you're working on a project (which is true, the project being making her miss you).  Or say whatever.  All's fair in love and war (well, not cheating).  See if she misses you.  See if she gets scared that you have a new woman.  See if she suddenly wants sex because now she is not taking you for granted.  Or, sadly, if she doesn't even notice.  If that's the case, you want to know asap.

Recognize this:  She can't miss you if you're always around.

And definitely stop all that texting.  It's satisfying her, so she doesn't need more.


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Anonymous #1

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: SHE]
    #14870739 - 08/04/11 04:39 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

she misses me if im gone for very little amount of time.

she gets terribly jealous

although i know i shouldnt try to 'change' her, I do not believe it is right to give up one other people who have a good will. She is not a bad person as far as Im aware and I do not know if she deserves to be abandoned.

At the same time, she doesnt put any effort into her other relationships. So maybe it is karma?

I appreciate all the advice here. Though really, a lot of people seem to be forgetting that I actually love her. she isnt just a root or something. She isnt just a crazy bitch. She is part of me, like all of the people I love or have loved.

So my main question is about how to leave someone while creating the least amount of pain and resentment. Is it even possible?


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14872323 - 08/04/11 01:13 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Makes complete sense my friend. Ive actually just said bye to my girl today. I love her to death but i know its the right decision. Just do what you feel u need to do op. Love is addicting, ive seen many a junkie lose themselves to dope, and love is no different. Dont forget who YOU are.


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"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

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"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Anonymous #3

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Enjoywho]
    #14908179 - 08/11/11 07:40 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Let me guess, you're still together?


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Anonymous #4

Re: HOW TO DUMP a GIRL YOU LOVE [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #14916811 - 08/13/11 04:58 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Gonna offer up the same advice my buddies gave me:

You decision is made.

Now my advice:

You fucking don't man, it takes you down a dark fucking path that blows. You'll realize that though you may not be comfortable with where it's going, when you're ready for it, you've got it. Think of it this way, if she didn't love the way shit was going, you would know, so tell her what you think but work out your problems without fucking up an amazing thing.

This is from experience, I needed it, but realized she was the only thing I could think of when I'd try to think, and the only person I wanted to talk to. Thankfully she loves me enough she took me back, and it's 2 years later and we are just now (we meaning I) getting back to half of how amazing the relationship was. It was so amazing and I fucked it up, I'd take it back in a heartbeat if I could.


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