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Offlinealiensexxx
creature teacher
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Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 540
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Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome !
    #14807158 - 07/22/11 08:37 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

Hellooo people of the pub,
I'm looking for some tips/ advice. I really want this job and i could use all the help imaginable when it comes to writing cover letters.
Here's what they want, and I'll post what I wrote below..

Job duties will include: customer service, cash-handling and retail sales, shelving books, order processing, social networking and marketing, database management, and general cleaning.
Requirements/skills:
-Flexible schedule - must be available weekends and some evenings as those are times we need additional help
-Retail experience preferred but will train the right person
-Great customer service a priority! No curmudgeonly misanthropes, sorry
-Experience with social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter)
-MUST LOVE CATS! (we have two who live (and rule) at the bookstore)

-------------------------------------------------------------

  I was very pleased to read about your open position as a bookseller mentioned on your website. I am a dedicated worker with experience in retail sales and I hold a high level of interest to work in your store.

Although I lack formal bookselling experience, I am very confident in my ability as a bookseller. I have exceptional customer service skills and have been awarded sales associate of the month for this. Customer satisfaction and an attention for detail are essential in my role as an employee. I work efficiently throughout my day by staying focused and prioritizing.

I have proven well at handling all forms of payment through a point of sales system and I am familiar with online sales, purchases, as well as online marketing and social networking. I have six months experience as a lead cashier, as well as an additional year as a backup cashier. I also have experience managing an inventory and contacting vendors for orders and shipments.

Given my experience and level of interest, I have a lot to offer. I feel strongly about this position and am very flexible. 

Thank you for consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.



Sincerely,

AliensexxxxxxxxD
_______________--------------------__________________-----------------

Do you think this is fine? Would you take out any of it? maybe I need to add more?
Thanks, :smirk:


--------------------

"..and we danced, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from the vanished past.."


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Offlinealiensexxx
creature teacher
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Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 540
Loc: within
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: aliensexxx]
    #14807291 - 07/22/11 09:37 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

:goodmorning:


--------------------

"..and we danced, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from the vanished past.."


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InvisiblePoid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area Flag
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: aliensexxx]
    #14807303 - 07/22/11 09:42 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

aliensexxx said:
-Great customer service a priority! No curmudgeonly misanthropes, sorry


haha...:smirk:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.


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OfflineJT
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Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: Poid]
    #14807497 - 07/22/11 10:59 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

ATTENTION TO DETAIL, NOT FOR

you said you wanted grammar nazi's :rockon:


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Offlinealiensexxx
creature teacher
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Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 540
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Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: JT]
    #14807526 - 07/22/11 11:10 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

thank you!


--------------------

"..and we danced, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from the vanished past.."


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Invisiblebadchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,112
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: aliensexxx]
    #14807610 - 07/22/11 11:27 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

$0.02

Quote:

aliensexxx said:

  I am applying for the was very pleased to read about your open position as a bookseller position listed mentioned on your website. I am a dedicated worker with have experience in retail sales and I hold a high level of interest to work in your store and listed position.

Although I lack formal bookselling experience, I am very confident in my ability as a bookseller. I have exceptional customer service skills and have been awarded sales associate of the month...in my previous position as [insert position] for this. Customer satisfaction and an attention for to detail are essential in my role as an employee. I work efficiently  and effectively, and throughout my day by staying focused and have experience in organizational prioritizing and planning.

I have proven well at handling all forms of payment through a point of sales system and I am familiar with online sales, purchases, as well as online marketing and social networking. I have six months experience as a lead cashier, as well as an additional year as a backup cashier. I also have experience managing an inventory and contacting vendors for orders and shipments.

Given my experience and level of interest,  I feel I will be an asset to [INSERT STORE] I have a lot to offer. I feel strongly about this position and am very flexible. 

Thank you for consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.



Sincerely,

AliensexxxxxxxxD
_______________--------------------__________________-----------------

Do you think this is fine? Would you take out any of it? maybe I need to add more?
Thanks, :smirk:




--------------------
...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436


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OfflineJT
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Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: badchad]
    #14807627 - 07/22/11 11:32 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

badchad offers good advice


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Offlinealiensexxx
creature teacher
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Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 540
Loc: within
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: badchad]
    #14807639 - 07/22/11 11:36 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

Thanks chad!, was the original too personal?
It's an independently owned book store with few employees so I wanted to get a personal level going, but if this isn't a good idea, i won't.


--------------------

"..and we danced, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from the vanished past.."


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OfflineMorgenstern
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Registered: 06/07/09
Posts: 6,438
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 4 months, 14 hours
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: aliensexxx]
    #14807645 - 07/22/11 11:37 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

Talk about how much you hate cat hair.


--------------------
Reviving the ancient future's religion.



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Offlinealiensexxx
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Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 540
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Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: Morgenstern]
    #14807653 - 07/22/11 11:39 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

I was going to add something about owning 4 cats but i felt that would've been too silly for a cover letter, even if listed in said requirements :smirk:


--------------------

"..and we danced, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from the vanished past.."


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Invisiblebadchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,112
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: aliensexxx]
    #14807677 - 07/22/11 11:45 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

I just tried to reword it a bit more effectively.

For example, nobody is really "pleased to read about an open position..."  rather, you're applying for the fucker.  "I am applying for the position.." is more purpose driven, IMO.

Similarly, you can be "personal", and place the emotional content into more objective statements.  "I feel strongly about the position..." could be reworded to something like: "I feel my skillset, abilities, and training are an excellent match for this position".


--------------------
...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436


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Offlinealiensexxx
creature teacher
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 540
Loc: within
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: badchad]
    #14807683 - 07/22/11 11:47 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

:goodnews: it makes sense!


:smirk: thanks mate


--------------------

"..and we danced, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from the vanished past.."


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InvisibleX-citer
Seeker on the Path

Registered: 11/01/10
Posts: 459
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: aliensexxx]
    #14807690 - 07/22/11 11:48 AM (9 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

aliensexxx said:
I was going to add something about owning 4 cats but i felt that would've been too silly for a cover letter, even if listed in said requirements :smirk:



yeah, that's something to talk about at the interview


--------------------
sing it if you understand...


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,048
Re: Opinion on my cover letter? Grammar nazis welcome ! [Re: badchad]
    #14808017 - 07/22/11 01:01 PM (9 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

badchad said:
Similarly, you can be "personal", and place the emotional content into more objective statements.  "I feel strongly about the position..." could be reworded to something like: "I feel my skillset, abilities, and training are an excellent match for this position".



This. And be specific: offer some sort of evidence or illustration of your claims. That's why it's a good idea to work your past work experience into the letter, as badchad already suggested in his first post.


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