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InvisibleThe Whale

Registered: 11/01/10
Posts: 2,384
Loc: Flag
Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro
    #14797613 - 07/20/11 12:41 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

They should mass produce these things and install them into prison cell walls. Regular ejaculations have been shown to be anxiolytic and reduces violent tendencies. Once the statistics come out that prove my device calms America's most dangerous criminals (you know, marijuana users and the like), I shall receive the Nobel Peace prize.

Maybe I'm just confused by my weird boner.



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OfflinePurpleKush
Rational Lunatic
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 3,421
Loc: Above The Law
Last seen: 4 years, 4 days
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: The Whale]
    #14797628 - 07/20/11 12:44 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

:wtf:
I'm not putting my dick into anything that has pistons.


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:blindfury::fried::psychsplit::vaped:

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Offlinebiff
Boom
Male


Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 1,860
Loc: america
Last seen: 23 days, 6 hours
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: The Whale]
    #14797633 - 07/20/11 12:44 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

seems like hygiene would be an issue in your theory.

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InvisibleThe Whale

Registered: 11/01/10
Posts: 2,384
Loc: Flag
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: biff]
    #14797636 - 07/20/11 12:46 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

biff said:
seems like hygiene would be an issue in your theory.




Prison duty often includes janitor work.


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InvisibleToastedTubby
hiring writers


Registered: 02/11/11
Posts: 204
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: The Whale] * 1
    #14797652 - 07/20/11 12:50 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

sounds like id be face fucking a deaf, dumb, and blind 30 year old cripple.
where do i buy this

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InvisiblePeterPanda209
Who has BitCoins?
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/29/11
Posts: 6,016
Loc: •FrEsH CoAsT Flag
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: ToastedTubby]
    #14797674 - 07/20/11 12:56 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

As long as it's making those sounds while I shove my junk it I'll for sure get off

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InvisibleThe Whale

Registered: 11/01/10
Posts: 2,384
Loc: Flag
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: PeterPanda209]
    #14797698 - 07/20/11 01:03 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Now we're talking.

I'm thinking of hiring a left-brained Asian fellow to work on the protege, whom I intend to pay only in rice noodles. Mass production will of course commence on good American soil. Since we've learned how to sublimate our sexual desires through the assembly line it's only appropriate that Yankee Doodle machines pump out dick pumps for prison pimps.


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InvisibleshLong
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin Flag
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: ToastedTubby]
    #14797715 - 07/20/11 01:06 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

PeterPanda209 said:
As long as it's making those sounds while I shove my junk it I'll for sure get off



Quote:

ToastedTubby said:
sounds like id be face fucking a deaf, dumb, and blind 30 year old cripple.
where do i buy this



:ahahaha::lolsy::awethumb:

Hilarious

But yeah, anything that has pistons or rack and pinion = no dick

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OfflineSmitington
Unidentified Flying Object
Male

Registered: 08/10/09
Posts: 1,408
Loc: Mushroom Kingdom
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: shLong]
    #14797808 - 07/20/11 01:24 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

this thread is full of win :thumbup:


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Offlinenice1
Not the droid your looking for
 User Gallery


Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 10,449
Loc: earth
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: ToastedTubby]
    #14798092 - 07/20/11 02:17 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

ToastedTubby said:
sounds like id be face fucking a deaf, dumb, and blind 30 year old cripple.
where do i buy this




:lol: Oh dear.  Thats my first real LOL in a while.

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Offlinepropensity
۞̷ ̶۞̷ ̶
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 11,056
Loc: Bedrock America
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: ToastedTubby]
    #14798109 - 07/20/11 02:22 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

:rofl2: :rofl2: this thread


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̸ۨ͜۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟Dolphins of Dank۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆

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Invisible4runner
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 15,406
Loc: State of Jefferson
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: propensity]
    #14798133 - 07/20/11 02:28 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I would rather have this one, pop in a POV blow job DVD and put a wig on it,  :randy2:


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
Free sVs!
Female


Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: 4runner]
    #14798169 - 07/20/11 02:34 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

This idea has been used before, not in prisons but in the home, to calm the violent temperament of housewives condemned to menial labor and inadequate appreciation.

Female Hysteria - Nineteenth Century



:sadyes:


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Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,822
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 11 hours, 56 minutes
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #14798185 - 07/20/11 02:37 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

HAHhahHAHHAHHAhhahahahHAHHa

That video made made my day.


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Offlinerealfuzzhead
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/03/10
Posts: 10,783
Loc: above the smog layer Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: PurpleKush]
    #14798191 - 07/20/11 02:39 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

PurpleKush said:
:wtf:
I'm not putting my dick into anything that has pistons.




:rofl: quote of the day

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OfflineYacub
Psychedelic Redneck
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/05/09
Posts: 989
Loc: NOLA Flag
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: realfuzzhead] * 4
    #14798889 - 07/20/11 04:42 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
Free sVs!
Female


Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe
Re: Jack-off Device: Simultaneously Futuristic and Retro [Re: Yacub]
    #14798896 - 07/20/11 04:43 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

:lolsy:


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Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.


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