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OfflineBluewave
ShredMonkey

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 68
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Trip report
    #1477796 - 04/21/03 12:22 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

This will be an attempt at explaining my trip on 4/19

I started out by arriving home from work in the early afternoon,
At 2:30pm, I decided I would try some of the Mazatepec's that my friends talking dog had grown.

I weighed out a smallish dose of 2.0 g, I thought it would just be very mild,etc.
I consumed the shrooms & started the timer on my watch to kind of document the progress.
Within 20 minutes I was experiencing an anxious feeling that was rapidly building,
I was very cold in my extremities & crawled underneath my blanket for warmth, I soon realized that nothing could make the cold go away.
Within 40 minutes I was fearing that I had taken way too much, there were tremors all throughout my limbs, & the familiar patterns were everywhere, I couldn't breath so much as gasp for air , as I felt the feeling of [hard to explain, but if you've
been there easy to understand] a yawn that didn't have the end or resolution to it or like when you stretch your body & get that warm feeling at the end, but not being able to reach that warm feeling, hmm.. anyway,
As I lay in my bed with a kind of fearful panic building I noticed that when I took my glasses off that everything had the look of certain filters in photoshop software.

At 1:19 into the experience, I got up & thought I had to piss, [another strange strange thing that kept reoccuring] I would kind of get that feeling to get up to go & by the time I got to the toilet, I was too fearful of someone HEARING me?
I finally got the idea to turn on the shower to mask the sound [of my scared ass taking a whiz] & this seemed to work. :grin:
I put my hands under the warm shower & it felt so good that I hesitantly stripped & got into the shower, it was amazingly warm & comfortable in a relative way.
I stared at a worn portion of patched plaster & was confronted by what looked like some kind of achitectural/artistic/master mural, the tiles in the shower seemed to be made for viewing under the influence of psylosybin.

Now I must digress,

back in 1983 august 16th I believe I had what was a very terrifying experience with l.s.d, in short I took a couple hits of blotter & went to a "friends house" at the peak [ very very strong] I believed that I was in  being trapped & tricked/controlled into somthing, the t.v was telling me to do things, & if we went outside, policed would drive by as if to herd me back into the house, this culminated into me fleeing in a panick & walking literally about 16 miles to my home,to the waiting police, then to the hospital [friend had said he killed me] all at 2-5 in the morning.
To this very day I have had that experience burned into my mind, viewing life with a sort of neurotic distrust, and I had basically forgotten what the psycedelic exerience was all about.

Back to the present.....

Now that was all zoomed right back into my face,I was so scared/mad at myself for forgetting that this was what a trip was, I was struggling between realizing that the mechanics of the experience are based on a paradox of some sort, the word "contradictory" kept coming up I felt that my body was being torn apart & rebuilt on the subatomic level, I felt as I looked around my bedroom that I was slipping into that bad dark evil paranoia , I began to hear sounds of children/people outside playing & screaming & knew they knew I was in this state .
I feared that someone would knock on the door, or come to "GET" me as irrational as that sounds.
by this time I believe I was peaking,the stopwatch displayed the numbers 1:45,it simply had no meaning I felt that the Shroomery & everyone/t.v/ computer/ involved/whole world was some kind of conspiracy I had been tricked into growing these thing & eating them.
Also, I was very fearful during the peak of the sun going down,I could almost not bear to look at the swirling vortex that confronted me when I shut my eyes, & seemed to feel the effects would consume me if the night were to fall.

I live in a very modest apartment complex that is primarily inhabited by hispanics, as I experienced the intense waves of the peak somthing began to change in my experience/me a part of me said to hold on & don't be afraid,to trust, the voice which I believe was the living mushrooms said to just try to be observant & to learn & for the longest time I felt as if I were treading water in a dark and forboding sea, realizations of trust, respect for MYSELF & others, forgivness & love began to flood my senses.

I had the realization that this fungus is an ancient sacred sacrement, I now felt as if the people outside my apartment& inside the adjoining units were guiding me in some kind of beautiful spiritual journey.
I have a classical nylon string guitar in my living room, & for the longest time it was very scary [if that makes any sense] I would pick it up & pluck a string & feel as if the whole world was rippling with these waves of energy, then set it down & run away, finally I "summoned the courage" to pick it up & play & the most beautiful music flowed forth from it the music was so simple yet it struck me as some kind of lost ancient song, I could also sense the children outside my door listening with glee as I "performed" for them.

at this point I began to write in a journal of sorts, here are a few of the things I scribbled:

New found definition of self respect
Be humble
be cleaner
eat better
everything I do bad,- is to myself
don't harbor predjudice feelings
love my mother/ family, etc.
there is forgivness
be no ones fool
HONESTY ABOVE ALL ELSE
as without so within
JUST OBSERVE & LEARN, YOUR MIND & BODY WILL BE THE ULTIMATE GUIDE
THE TRUTH IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!
don't hide, & be aware of the many ways of hiding the truth from yourself & others

At about the 3 hr mark I broke down & into a kind of amazed laughter & was crying tears of joy at the same time, the whole experience was so beautiful & intense
I had made it through this & things were making more & more sense, I felt as if I had just graduated from a lifetime course in life/ humanity.
I realized what my bad acid trip was,[fear of facing myself!]
As simple as the little things in my LIST are, I realize that they hold true.

I realized that it is kind of pointless & counter productive to try & analyze the mechanics of the drug,

I also realized that I was able to keep from panicking during the peak by distracting myself & not getting fixated on anything for too long, I found it important to listen carfully to my body during this time, I'm sure you're all familiar with the odd tingling that occurs/wells up from somwhere when you have to pee or similarly are thirsty,etc.

I now know in retrospect that Mushrooms are [for me] not some " hey lets eat some shrooms & party" kind of thing, but more a sacrament, a tool of self exploration & improvement.

what I thought would be a somewhat mild experience turned out to be more like running a marathon!

I feel that I had my psychedelic Cherry popped last night, or as Bill Hicks put it
"My third eye has been squeegied clean"   


--------------------
"There is no I in ego death"


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OfflineBlastrid
e l e m e n t al i t y
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Re: Trip report [Re: Bluewave]
    #1478049 - 04/21/03 02:44 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

err er err er err er err er err er err er
hehe
Sounds brilliant. It seems the bad trip at the beginning was wholly necessary to accomplish any of the profound things you did later on.
That is truely wonderful, I plan on munching a high level trip soon, sort of a soul-seeking mission. profound spiritual encounters anticipated, ups downs and through time expected.
Ever seen the Alex Grey painting 'Journey of the Wounded Healer? it is a panel painting, with different stages of the healer in his art. beautiful, and part of your story reminds me of it well. Here's a Link:


--------------------
Blas'?trid (bl?s tr?d)
    n.  3rd generation derivitave of a combination of 'bastard' and 'blasted'.  Used as both an insult or an expletive.
    ex.  Blastrid!

Stereopattern  <--My music.


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OfflineBot
I like binarycode.

Registered: 04/21/03
Posts: 6
Loc: I live in a pretty sunset...
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
N/A [Re: Blastrid]
    #1479102 - 04/21/03 03:16 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I looked at quite a few of Alex Grey's paintings. I like his style and especially one certain painting.

Theologue is really awesome. It shows how powerful the mind can be when put to full use and perhaps anything is then possible. This is how the painting struck me, anyway. I wonder what those glowing orbs of light represent.



--------------------
I wish you all the best in moving confidently in the direction of your dreams.


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OfflineSole_Worthy
Stranger

Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 463
Loc: over here
Last seen: 9 years, 23 days
Re: Trip report [Re: Bluewave]
    #1479417 - 04/21/03 05:30 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

What you said about needing a whiz:
"the odd tingling that occurs/wells up from somwhere when you have to pee" That is exactly how Id describe the feeling on needing the loo when your tripping. Its like a reminder that you have a body and it needs to function.

Sounds like a heavy trip man and im glad it got better for you.

those Alex Grey pictures they are amazing also :cool: 


--------------------
get it all together get like birds of a feather


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OfflineBlastrid
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Re: N/A [Re: Bot]
    #1479744 - 04/21/03 07:29 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

The glowing orbs of light in the figure's body are the chakra points in the body. Here's one of many webpages that somewhat explain what they are. They are essentially energy sources in the body, representing different aspects of the spirit. They are all pretty common in Alex Grey's art


--------------------
Blas'?trid (bl?s tr?d)
    n.  3rd generation derivitave of a combination of 'bastard' and 'blasted'.  Used as both an insult or an expletive.
    ex.  Blastrid!

Stereopattern  <--My music.


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OfflineBluewave
ShredMonkey

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 68
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: N/A [Re: Blastrid]
    #1480098 - 04/21/03 09:12 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Hey thanks for the comments & links to the art work, it is stunning .
I feel that my blanket of nuerotic oppression is being lifted/stripped away!
I hinted at being a musician, and the truth is playing guitar & expressing myself that way is such a big part of what I am, now I sense a new kind of freedom.
Thanks everyone & peace & love


--------------------
"There is no I in ego death"


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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience >> Trip Reports

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