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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 6,118
Loc: Monterey, CA
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
What is ailing me?....... (LONG)
    #1469171 - 04/18/03 03:07 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

It's been awhile shroomery, I would like to say that I've been away for a while, for a wide variety of reasons. Some, like work, can't be helped. Others.... Thats the reason I'm here.

About back at the end of January, I tripped shrooms. This is nothing new to me. I've done worse drugs, but the situations around me were different this time. I usually do hardcore psychedelics by myself in an environment I set up. Sometimes I'll do it at a party, or with friends who are in a likewise state. This time, I did it at my party.

Party was alright, had no booze but I think I was too fucked up to care. This time, my friends were at my house, and I pretended to be watching the movie or whatever the hell was going on. My point was, that I was observing everyone at my apartment, like I was seeing them in a new light.

I think that kind of set off a chain reaction of events that slowly began to eat away at me. I never really had all that many friends to begin with, most of these people I met at work, but I thought "Hey, we all like to get fucked up, whats the matter, right?". I had been partying night in night out with these people for months and had seen them as my companions till the end of days. Ah, how that image shattered.

One of my former friends, C is a complete hypocrite. Whenever we hung out, he always seemed to be the good clean cut archetype - helps old ladies cross the street, hooking us (For some reason that group of friends hung out ONLY with each other, and if somebodys hanging out, EVERYONES hanging out, which is a problem when I just want a bite to eat and I have a party of 15). Then, tripping, I realized it all so fast. He only gave a fuck about getting laid and trashed, and using everybody elses facilities for it. I have my own apartment. My friend D has his own. Every time C showed up to mine or his apartments, the first words out of his mouth were always "You wanna drink?". Of course, being the bunch of stoners we were, we said yes. Thats when he turns into his leech mode. After getting us all drunk, thats when he calls over 50 friends without asking, suddenly you have a bunch of people you don't know or like fucking with your stuff. At least, thats what happened every time I partied with him - he'd get us all fucked up, and suddenly thered be 3 dozen people in my studio, who *I* sure as hell didn't call over. Mentioned he only cares about getting laid, which I don't find anything wrong with, I haven't tried in forever, but good for him if he gots balls. My problem was the girls he was going after. I met a group of cute chicks before I ate them mushies, they seemed nice enough. So C tries and gets them in bed. Fine, just not in mine (Once he locked D out of his own bedroom just so he could have a 3 minute ride to the moon one night). Moving ahead a few days (or weeks), I notice he's with the chicks again! Then I was working one night and had three of them in tow (He went to go see a movie). Lucky bastard I said. Then I asked my friend K (who is C's best friend) a question.

"How old are these chicks?"

"They're freshmen."

"Hm... TVI?"

"No, High school"

A nuke sort of went off in my head. 15 YEARS OLD?!?!?!?!?! AND YOU KNOW THIS??!?!?!?!?!?!?!....... I was horribly let down. I had truly come to expect better. This was just.... low. It wouldn't be taking the moral path of me to continue to be their friend, knowing this.




I went off track there. BACK TO THE PARTY. I wasn't exactly having the greatest time on shrooms. Some fat chick was hitting on me (She gained about 30 pounds in a 2 week span, she was really not bad looking fore tho), bastards were spilling coke on my nice floor, some bastard had the audacity to put a rap album in my player (which I took out and used as a coaster when nobody was looking). K (whos also tripping balls) says I got a hostile look on my face, which for me has never happened - know how Kevin Spacey doesn't change his expression for any reason? I always had a smile on my face like that. Had.

Everybody goes home, and I gotta work the next day. I sit there and try to pass out. And then it hit me. I suddenly felt like I had been a total failure at life. Even then I was completely dissatisfied. I cried. For the first time since I was 15, I had shed tears. And I didn't know why. All I know is this was the start of my downward spiral.

Next week goes.... I don't hang out with the guys.

Another week..... I buy Everquest and am perfectly happy to just hermit myself out. I felt at peace, I had entertainment. (What the hell does Everquest have to do with this? I went from being the guy drunk in the closet at some random house to that lvl 50 guy in the online game who has no life.)

One more.... around this time I find out about the girls.

Around this time C and K and some dude I don't remember knock on my door. Without calling ahead. I was mildly annoyed, but let them out. I let them know I didn't like get caught off guard.

Couple of days later, I'm sleeping in my underwear, it's like 9 in the morning, and the bastards were pounding on my door. Nothing pisses me off more than not getting my proper allotment of sleep (Which is all the more tragic now, read on)

"Fuck off... you're not welcome here any more"

I had no more friends and was a loser. Oh well, I didn't like them anyway.

Around this time, tensions between me and management at work. I got demoted down to floor staff, for something that wasn't my fault. See, I *was* a projectionist, which is kind of like a guarantee that you WILL be a manager in a few months. Too bad those bastards never trained me for it. That's right, I didn't get shown how to handle the $500,000 machines and the $5000 prints of movies, they just gave me a book and let me loose up there. Good god, I hope they're not doing this in other places of society (Driving school, anyone? How about cook at a nice resturaunt?). Granted, I could do the job fine, but apparently not good enough. They told me I missed a roller, one that I HAD NO IDEA EVEN EXISTED. I wanted to just verbally abuse the shit of out of those idiots..... DONT HAVE ME DO A JOB IF YOURE NOT GOING TO TRAIN ME FOR IT..... It just gave me false hopes. I was happy as long as my pay rate didn't go down and I still kept full time hours.

Well, of course, the job went to shit after that, literally. It's like all that was enjoyable about the job died. Hell, even all the customers we got after that were 95% pissed off people who were bitter cause they had to pay 3 bucks for a water. Boo hoo. I didn't tell you to buy the crap, you did, don't bitch at me for doing my job in getting you that crap from across the counter.... My boss hired only 30 year old white, male, losers. There were no minorities or women working at the theatre. Nobody there had gone to college or military, and they all were just FREAKS of nature, I swear the collective IQ of the staff must have been about 80, and thats sad considering how many people worked there. Did I mention my boss was a moron who hired people every week, even though we were the least visited theatre in the city. We had a staff of about twice as much people as any other theatre in the city, yet got maybe a fourth of the revenue they do. It doesn't take a genius to see where this ones going.....

A couple of weeks, I see a new schedule. Not only is the bastard giving everyone 1 shift a week, but I got 20 (!) fucking hours for the week. And the fucktard sent me home. Well, I had it. I was going to tear him a new asshole. Did I tell you that HR wants him removed from power? It's true, not only have they seen he was a complete idiot who had the responsibility of a 2 year old (despite being the GM, the ONLY thing I EVER saw do was tear tickets and take off without so much as saying bye, the rest of the managers all backed up my statement - I sent an email to HR). Oh, but he took off. Well, the next day I was scheduled to open with him. The only reason I even had that shift on monday was because I was just about the only person open for work that day. Well, fucker, I decided. Lets see how you do shorthanded tomorrow..... (He was also a moron who schedules opening staff to start their shifts HALF A FUCKING HOUR after our doors are opened). In essence, I had lost my job, but under MY terms, and he got fucked the next day (heard the District Manager stopped by that day, must have looked really good to have the employee whos been there just about longer than anyone else just decide he hates his job. Which I did. So I just didn't show up. If I don't get my expected REQUIREMENT of hours to make a LIVING, he sure as hell shouldn't expect me to be loyal to the company, especially when there were better paying jobs out there.

And now it all goes to hell, utterly and completely.

A couple of weeks before I quit my job a drastic change happened to me. The job wasnt fun, well neither was just about anything else, not even smoking weed. Or masturbating. Or movies that had previously always made me crack up, I hadn't ever smiled at. I hadn't cried for about a month, but then the bouts came worse, and suddenly, and unexpectedly. Every time I entered my home, I started breaking down, wondering why my life had come to this. I was kicked out of home, not going to college, no friends, no plan in life, what the hell was I planning on doing? When I wasn't feeling gloomy and hopeless, I felt extremely agitated, I basically had that look like I just ate a shit sandwich with a side of manure, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sure, I had always been not that overy compassionate of a guy, but this was ridiculous. I was EXTREMELY hostile. I find myself cracking my knuckles and neck alot, its bordering on the compulsive, and when I get just plain ticked off, I've been talking to myself (Like Gollum, I'm not making this up) Just this morning I kicked the shit out of all the chairs in my apartment and my cd case(I was so pissed off it was 7 in the morning, I had been tossing and turning ALL NIGHT, and not a second of REM sleep), then broke a picture frame and tore up the picture. Then I realized that the picture was of my family, the only one I had. I bawled like a baby for what I had done. Then I saw I had blood all over my hand from the glass, and I cried about that too.

So I got home, lost my job, was breaking down emotionally. What could I do. I busted out the drugs. For a week, I disappeared off the face of the planet. I don't quite remember everything that happened, but I do remember some very specific stuff that comes to mind.

I am a total insomniac. Falling asleep without sedatives is an extreme task for me, and I usually can't do it. Well, all I wanted to do was sleep, and not get out of bed. I think I spent about 4 hours awake per day on average. At this point I was smoking so much weed that I could no longer physically get high, the only reason I smoked it was so that I could go pass out.

I cried. A LOT. I cried because I lost my job. I cried because I pitied myself. I cried because I had never kissed a girl, nor do I even have any notion of what love is. I cried because I felt like a reject from society. I cried because our country was at war, a war which I believe is unjustified. My mother had driven from California to see me, not knowing I was depressed at the time. Her car was broken into and her stuff was stolen. I cried because of that, worse than the others, because my mother has never done anything to deserve this. I cried because our "Justice System" lets murderers and rapists back on the streets while sending people to 20 years for having a dime bag... I cried because while I was in school, I was a "nerd" and always got shitted all over by my peers, day in day out. About a year ago this time.... I knew a girl, I didn't recognize them, but she was showing clear signs of clinical depression. I liked her, alot, but one day I made a couple of offhand comments that must have set her off. She didn't speak to me for 2 weeks and when she did she flat out simply told me that I made her cry. And now I realized the full extent that I hurt her, 100x worse because I felt like a guilty bastard (I never apologized to her, or really talked to her again. There were signals, too.) who had made her life hell, and I cried for being that heartless bastard. I cried because I felt hopeless. I cried watching American Beauty because even though he was a loser and nobody liked him, and he lost his job, his wife and daughter hated him, yet he still found inner peace, and I couldn't.

I disconnected my phone for that week. I didn't want to talk to or see anyone.

I should point out that not once did I think of killing myself.

I lost my job about two weeks ago. I am no longer bawling my eyes out every 3 minutes, but still..... I get overwhelmed sometimes.... still irritable....

Quit drugs Tuesday.... I'm an insomniac again...

Talked to my mother a couple of days ago. Cried on phone too.... Told her how I was feeling..... said I sounded Depressed. Well, I think I figured that out already. I know I got more. I refuse to take antidepressants (Antidepressants don't solve the problem... they just help you work around them. A depressed person who is happy is not the same as a cured one.)

That being said... does it sound like I've got something severe? Meaning severe as in not severe depression, I already know I'm there. I'm talking Bipolar, Skitzo, Anxiety, Mania, and the rest of those ailments. I really don't want to have to go to a shrink but I think my demons are getting the better of me.

EDIT : I think it might help if I give a clearer explanation of my "Mood Train".

State - Sober
When I'm sober I'm usually just there, not happy, not miserable, but a little sad. A year ago I was always happy. I mentioned before that I lost my smile. I always got shit from people for always looking too happy, I always had that permanent doofus look on me (Like a stoned Snoop Dogg) whether I was sober or not, even when I was sleeping I looked so angelic, my parents say. So, I'm usually just there in a kind of sedated feeling. Sometimes something pisses me off and I'll just go off there (See : Kicking the shit out of everything in my apartment). If I go off, I almost always cry afterwards, even if it's a delayed reaction like 10 minutes later. Mentioned talking to myself up there....... Always have this feeling like I do everything simply to punish myself - IE I'm going to eat this quarter of shrooms because I hate myself and I deserve whatever happens, a general feeling of self loathing. I NEVER let it get to the point of harming myself physically, tho.

State - Intoxicated
When I'm depressed I'll usually smoke weed 10 or more times a day. Getting stoned is supposed to make you happy, right? It just makes me mildly apathetic, if I'm lucky now. Most of the time it just makes me more and more sad, the reason all drug use is on hold right now. I don't tend to get hostile or self loathing, but I tend more to pity myself.
Haven't drank since Mid-February, so I wouldn't know if I get outright violent or not.

I also didn't mention the fact that by nature I tend to be antisocial whether stoned or not, and it's been this way LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG before this crisis . IE - Didn't go to a single dance, game, or function at high school (A bunch of superficial assholes doing something because it's their "Obligation to school spirit" or some crap) , nearly didn't go to my graduation(felt used, that I was there only honor the Valedictorians, athletes who got scholarships, prom queens and not credit the 98% of us who didn't fall into those high school archetypes), never really talked at parties, just kind of got trashed and just tried to look like a badass, arms crossed and posing as a strong silent type, too bad I'm such a wuss, otherwise might not have been such a failure with the ladies), never participated in class discussions, geek in middle school, always avoided people if I didn't like them, or if I DID like them & always chose the back center row, tend to disconnect my phone or use internet when I don't want to be reached, never really call anybody looking for something to do, always kinda let things come to me. I feel that either I've got some type of Social Anxiety Disorder or that the fact that I never really wanted to be outgoing as a kid has stunted my social skills permanently, like my grandmother who never learned to read or write as a kid and is 70 now and still has to have her neighbor write her checks and read her letters.

Or maybe I'm just a born introvert and nothing can help it.


Edited by GringoLoco (04/18/03 07:56 PM)


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1469205 - 04/18/03 03:25 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Nah, you just sound depressed. If you don't want to take antidepressants or got to a psychologist and you are having trouble getting rid of the depression, there are some good self-help books out there. I have a background in psychology and the books they usually recommend are "beating the blues" and "learned optimism". Can't vouch for beating the blues, but I ended an episode of depression using the skills taught in learned optimism and everything in my life turned around in a matter of months. Funny how changing the inside changes the outside. Anyway, sorry to hear about your situation, sounds like everything went wayward all at once. I find if I look at one thing at a time and try to find a course of action for each, it seems a lot less overwhelming that if you look at it as one big unmanageable whole. Good luck dude.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Anonymous #1

Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1469675 - 04/18/03 10:08 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

- Post History Deleted Upon User's Request -


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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 6,118
Loc: Monterey, CA
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: enotake2]
    #1470454 - 04/18/03 02:58 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

It does make sense...

I've got kind of a therapy thing going at the moment. Since I've got nothing better to do, I've been exercising and trying to get me into shape. Not that I'm out of shape in any way, but I'm still not a bodybuilder. It works amazingly well. All at the same time, I'm getting into shape, making myself a person to be proud of, and punishing myself in that sadomasochistic way that I've been doing recently (but in a GOOD way this time around)

Still, I've been spending alot of time at the bookstore recently, but haven't tried the self help section yet. I think that's worth a shot.


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Anonymous #1

Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1470625 - 04/18/03 04:14 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i've gone through bouts of depression and emptyness before, the best way i cope is by letting go.. not caring about this world. it sounds hopeless in itself but i find i'm at peace when i realize that nothing really matters. but you must release your pain, love is for the moment, pain lasts a lifetime. its good you started exercising.. that releases natural endorphins, but also try to channel the pain towards something that can be destroyed. destroying something feels good, whether its a face, car, or tv. just release yourself from the madness...


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OfflineGog
hapless andhappy

Registered: 04/25/03
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Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: ]
    #1496305 - 04/26/03 06:29 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I've gone through this kind of intense depression/self-loathing for the last year. I think it might have been triggerd by a bad acid trip I had last summer, then I became a supreme loner and lost all my friends. The daily pot-smoking kept me paranoid, anxious and depressed. I quit smoking a month ago though, and now I feel fine (except I'm still down from not having friends). Lots of weed during a depressing stage in life only makes things worse - it's self-destructive.

It also sounds you're making your life out to be some kind of melodrama. I also did this a LOT. I.e., you think "Oh I used to go to parties and cross my arms!" and it makes you even more sad. Well so what? Who cares about little tics and weird things you do. It means nothing. Don't add up all your little faults to this big equation that "proves" you're a worthless loser. none of us are losers unless we think we are. Everyone deserves life and love.

And yes, in response to the last post, your "tragic story" really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Life will continue with or without you, and it makes more sense to be a part of that love instead of struggling with yourself and the world. Get another job, find an interest, start reading lots of books or whatever makes you happy (without drugs!), then eventually you'll feel good enough to return to fun natural drugs like pot or shrooms and get some pals. I'm at the former stage, but use shrooms sometimes for their healing power.

On a side note. About your being the "nerd" in high school - I'm in grade 11 and I'm a complete outsider. People look at me weird constantly. I look like a worried/sad elf-monkey/mouse-goblin. And I don't care; it's their fault for holding my looks against me for no reason (I was perfectly accepted before my face adopted this bizarre combination of fantastical creature-features). Being an outsider during your adolescence means something more than just not fitting in - it means you're naturally inclined NOT to be absorbed into the mass thinking. If you were a nerd in school, chances are these feelings of being "outside" of people are coming back to cripple you.

Peace.


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OfflineGWAR
Scumdog of theUniverse
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Registered: 05/03/02
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Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1496664 - 04/26/03 09:38 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

if u dont mind me asking, what kind of comments did u make that offended that girl? i cant help but think i might have done something similar to a girl i know..because of the way she acts whenever im around now, we were sorta buddies before, now she always gives me the cold shoulder, but i cant think of anything i might have said or done..


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"Freedom to all the people... Brave, true and strong... Freedom to all the people... Unless I think you're wrong!!!"


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OfflineGringoLoco
I spit in theface of peoplewho ain't cool.
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Registered: 10/08/01
Posts: 6,118
Loc: Monterey, CA
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
Why do I even bother [Re: GWAR]
    #1496721 - 04/26/03 10:16 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Too long ago, too many drugs. I simply don't remember anything but what happened afterwards.



I still don't have a job. I've tried everywhere but nobody wants anything to do with me. I give up. They can have my dignity if they want. I work hard but they really are out to get me. Everybody just wants to see me fail. Why do I even try to talk to chicks, the first thing they do is shit all over me for how silent I am. Everything I do is seemed destined to fail.


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OfflineRustik
Where am I?

Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 289
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Re: Why do I even bother [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1498145 - 04/27/03 04:54 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I'm a sophomore in college. One of the biggest party schools in the country. And I'm an extreme introvert. I have a roommate, and he's been a good friend since I was in high school. He has some other friends that I hang out with occasionally, and I consider them to be my friends also, but they think bad of me because I smoke pot every now and then. (THANKS GOVERNMENT DISINFORMATION!)

Anyway, I'm in the same boat. I'm not as depressed as you sound, though. In high school, the only thing I ever went to was prom. With a girl who didn't talk to me the whole time. Not once. I tried to strike up a conversation on a few occasions, and she's like "Oh yah?", then turns to talk to her friends. She left with some other people. That's a real self-esteem booster.

In high school, I dated one girl. I met her while I was working at CiCi's Pizza. She was gorgeous, hot body, I liked her a whole damn lot. She was going to a different high school, though, so I didn't know much about her. We went on about three dates, and apparently my lack of dating experience was apparent. Then at work some guy shows up (that she apparently had been dating for a while on the side) with some flowers and a note, and that was the end for me... I walked out of that job and didn't go back.

Since then, I haven't so much as even talked to any women. I've lost every bit of any confidence I may have had.

I'm in college for christ's sake. These are supposed to be the best of the 'days of our lives.' Well fuck that. College is only fun for those who have the capacity to ENJOY things. In high school, I looked forward to college because I thought it would be my opportunity to start over again, meet new people, etc etc. Well, it wasn't. After two years in college, I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong with me. I don't smoke pot excessively, I don't drink all that often, I do mushrooms about once a YEAR... Drugs aren't my problem, I am the problem, and that makes things a thousand times more difficult. IMO, it's easier to quit drugs than it is to quit being a social reject/introvert.

Maybe someday I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll learn to socialize and have fun. But I don't know how. Most of the times I try to go out and have fun, it all goes horribly wrong, and I end up making an ass out of myself somehow or another. And I'm done with that, I decided that a long time ago. You live and you die, the in-between seems less important to me every day. I'm not suicidal either, never even considered it. I'd ratherl live in seclusion than not live at all. I suppose that's a start, at least I value my own life enough not to take it from myself.

Someone mentioned love. What good is love when you have none to give? It seems to me that people are only willing to give their love to those who will return the favor. Where do people like us fit in then?


--------------------

The blue... the blue!!!


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OfflineGog
hapless andhappy

Registered: 04/25/03
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Re: Why do I even bother [Re: Rustik]
    #1501195 - 04/28/03 05:50 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I don't think the system of love is a matter of economy; i.e. I give a certain amount of love, and receive this same amount back." You're confusing love with 'attention'. Love, rather is a way of looking at the world. I think there are two basic disciplines in the world: love and fear. (Hate is the fear of love, and what do we do with fear? We attack it. So hate is the attack of love.) You look at the world outwardly with fear, and this is an obvious handicap in any social situation. Understand that everyone isn't out to get you - hell, they don't care enough about you to bother dwelling on how much they hate you! People are too involved with themselves to constantly conspire against others. If you project love for yourself and your surroundings, people will usually respond with love, unless they're assholes who have some kind of resentment towards your race/looks/gender, etc. Parties are the last place to go looking for love. They're too chaotic and casual. Love, in terms of socializing, should be sought in personal relationship with not only other people, but with life in general. Seclusion isn't so bad as long as you're not direction all your attention towards objects.

Honestly though, I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm far too young to really know how the human mind works in later development. I speak only from personal experience regarding rejection, introversion and depression.


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Offlinerosewoodpete
a grain of sandamongst thedunes

Registered: 05/11/02
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Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: GringoLoco]
    #1502638 - 04/29/03 12:13 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Man, let me be flat-out honest with you...been there, done that. nowhere in your talk did you mention a god. I don't mean christianity, or even a 'religon'...but spirituality is of paramount importance man. I know it is harder said than done, but once you find moksha/jesus/enlightenment whatever you wanna call it, things will get much much better and the world will open up in a whole new light.


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OfflineMighty Bop
Big Boy

Registered: 06/30/01
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Re: Why do I even bother [Re: Gog]
    #1502719 - 04/29/03 12:33 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

GringoLoco it's good that you started exercising. Really good. It's definitely something that helps with depression. It can also form structure in your life which it has done for me. It definitely builds confidence too.


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"One attaineth whatever state of being one thinketh about at the last when relinquishing the body, being ever absorbed in the thought thereof." - Sri Krishna to Arjuna, Bhagavad Gita, viii, 6


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OfflineMighty Bop
Big Boy

Registered: 06/30/01
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Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: rosewoodpete]
    #1502758 - 04/29/03 12:44 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I agree with rosewoodpete. I never make time for that kind of stuff even though I'd like to. It's just hard. I don't know where to fit it in plus I am caught up in all my daily routines. I guess I just need to make time for it huh?


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"One attaineth whatever state of being one thinketh about at the last when relinquishing the body, being ever absorbed in the thought thereof." - Sri Krishna to Arjuna, Bhagavad Gita, viii, 6


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OfflineGog
hapless andhappy

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 373
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: What is ailing me?....... (LONG) [Re: Mighty Bop]
    #1504553 - 04/29/03 03:18 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Pfff, spirituality can't inserted into your daily schedule like a TV show or fast-food take-out. Nor is it a "program" or book that you read as easy as steps 1, 2, 3.


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