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Invisiblebonnahoo
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Posts: 369
THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD
    #14683888 - 06/28/11 03:20 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

Just thought I would try to make a thread for all us ex-opiate addicts that took their lives back. I would like this to be a place for us to discuss life after addiction and the struggles we faced along the way, as well as to share advice, and of course make friends :wink:

Ever since quitting opiates I have been interested in talking to others about their experiences and offer support to anyone who needs help quitting or staying clean.
I had a two year addiction and at my peak was taking 320mg of OC a day... after losing my GF, job, and car I decided enough was enough and for the sixth time I went cold turkey, except this time I made it through and can honestly say I have no desire to see another OC in my life. It's a good feeling being free. It's a high unlike any other, one that feels better than any OC rush.

*takes deep breath of fresh air* *ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* :feelsgoodman:

So, Hello and welcome!


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InvisiblezZZz
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Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,398
Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: bonnahoo]
    #14683915 - 06/28/11 03:29 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

ive never tried opiates but im glad to hear you are doing better. its definitely a great feeling being free and it is a high that no other substance can match.

*takes deep breath of fresh air too* *ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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Invisiblebonnahoo
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Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 369
Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: zZZz]
    #14684034 - 06/28/11 03:59 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

Thanks man =) May I ask what you had a problem with?


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InvisiblezZZz
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Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: bonnahoo]
    #14684171 - 06/28/11 04:37 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

i never really had a big problem with any drug, but only because i think i had a guardian angel watching over me. i used to drink alcohol too much and i lost a lot of respect from my friends and family. i feel ive gained much of it back over the years but everytime i think back i am disgusted by my actions. also i almost got hooked on a meth habit but i knew that shit had to stop. disgusting ass drug. :puke:

yea but i never went too deep into any drug, thank god, except if u count :cactuar: and :mushroom2:, but i consider those medicines.


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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Anonymous #1

Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: bonnahoo]
    #14684623 - 06/28/11 07:30 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

I've been dabbeling with OC.  My supply is inconsistant so I'm going through forced cold turkey but no doubt I would be using it if I had access.

Must of been hell for you, glad you're out the other side. 

My main problem is I have been getting terrible restless legs.  It keeps me up at night and I'm getting it all day.  :frown:  Been smoking epic amounts of weed which sort of help but not a lot.

Considering going to the doctors to get some drug because its pissing me off so much.


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Anonymous #2

Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14690312 - 06/29/11 08:14 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

E x e r c i s e


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Anonymous #1

Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14690440 - 06/29/11 09:03 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah its a little worse than that.

I hiked over 10 miles and I'm pretty unfit but even that doesn't get rid of it, it still keeps me up.

Unfortunately the best thing I found was a few benzos and beers gets me through the worst of it.


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InvisibleaNeway2sayHooray
Cresley Wusher
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Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14690501 - 06/29/11 09:33 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

After about 3 years with some sort of opiate dependence(mostly IV heroin) I finally kicked with the help of suboxone and lots of weed. It took a long time of being on suboxone and going back to dope, back and forth,before I finally took initiative and weened myself off the suboxone.

Restless legs were the worst thing I dealt with and I have no solution for you. I tried using prescribed med.(Requip) for it but it made the issue worse and made it even harder to sleep(i didnt try the requip during withdrawal).

Keeping your mind off it is the easiest way to avoid RLS but when you are trying to sleep it is impossible to ignore. Weed was the biggest help as well as a beer or two.




Fuck NA! I do not subscribe to the "disease" theory.

I was a recreational opiate user for years before I finally developed a dependence and my story concerning opiate dependence and breaking free from it is somewhat long and complex and I don't really feel like getting into it here just yet. But for anyone strung out and reading this, it can be done and you don't have to sell your soul to some program to do it either. I wish I could have done it cold turkey, but as bad as I was, there was no way I would have made it(I tried a few times).



I am glad to hear things are going well for you.  I am planning a psychedelic experience soon as a sort of "rebirth". Something to shift my perception and get me thinking differently. Have you considered Iboga? Or any psychedelic experience for that matter?  I let my fear of healing and introspection keep from from taking a psychedelic excursion during my dependence and I would probably have kicked the shit a lot earlier had I not let my irrational fear get the better of me. But I think my dependence was a self fulfilling prophecy anyway,something sub-consciously intentional,as a learning experience,but that is another story.


I hope this post was intelligible. I kind of just spat it all out and it is very late. Or early?




:hug::heart:


--------------------
Mad_Larkin said:  Death is just a thang.
:clementine:
MrJellineck said:  Profits, prophets. That's all you jews think about.
sheekle said: life is drugs... and music... and cat... :snowman:


Edited by aNeway2sayHooray (06/29/11 09:39 AM)


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InvisibleToe_Jam
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Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: aNeway2sayHooray]
    #14690601 - 06/29/11 10:12 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

I started doing percocet fairly often when I had just graduated highschool. Mainly because I felt distant from... Everything. Friends, family, work, just life in general. Oh, and did I mention I got $700 dollars for graduation?

So I drift through my first summer out of highschool popping percs multiple times a week. This turns into every day. Then one day the distgusting, lazy, good for nothing, leech on life who I got my pills from said she could get a deal on oxy, which I knew was the same chem as percs, and the percs weren't really cutting it anymore anyway, so I said sure.

This started my daily use of oxy's. I would drive all the way across town to the shitty little trailer park where that skank lived, then all the way (past my house again) to the other side of town to get the pills, then I would take the trash back to the trailer park. Only THEN could I go home and get high (I couldn't do it in the car cause I got sick every time, something about the motion). This just shows how powerfully I was gripped by addiction, I knew I was wasting mass money/gas/time to get jipped and ruin my life, yet I continued.

After some time of this, my buddies all started shooting heroin. When I found out how cheap they could get it for, and how high it got you, that was my new opiate choice. Not to mention it was easier to get and closer to home. So now, everyday, me and the other worthless junkies would scheme up enough money for a shot and the gas to get it. Weeks turned into months. My drug buddies all got hepatitis C from sharing needles we got from my junkie friend w/ diabetes. The retards would never use bleach/clean the needles in any way. I would tell them every time that they are gonna be sorry they didn't take the 1 minute needed to properly clean a needle. Or take 10 minutes to go get a clean one. And I was right.

As they got more addicted they got more selfish and fucked up. They would ALWAYS lie to each other (and me) and scheme on each other (and me) now. I actually never really did that believe it or not. I still felt that sinking to the level of just worthless heroin schemer was even lower than my current level and kept self control.

As time went on I ended up realizing that I was starting to scheme like that. I hated myself. I did not want this to turn into my existance for the rest of my life. I went to my Dad and told him everything, that I had been using for 2 1/2 years and was hopelessly addicted. He set it up for me to go to a rehab in Nevada called Narconon. It lasts 3 months, and they don't give you ANYTHING to taper off, on any drug. My first day there I wake up dope sick as fuck, and my specialist comes in like, "alright bro, let's take a walk." I laughed in his face and told him if he thought I was gonna follow him around the desert dopesick he had another thing coming. I ended up walking 4 miles that day :thumbdown:.

Narconon has a splendid success rate compared to other rehabs, which is why I went there. Their teachings also seem crazy as fuck at first, as alot of it is based in scientology. Some of the early excercises included staring someone in the up for up to 2 hours without moving a muscle. If you moved the staff would go, "FLUNK. Start over." even if you were 1 hr 58 mins into a session. For one period of it I sat in a sauna for 45 minute periods adding up to five hours, every single day, in order to "sweat out the toxins". It works too, I ended up getting high in the begining from all the stuff being pulled out of my fat cells by niacin and sweat.

But ultimately the place taught me enough that I could save my own life. I fought it and fought it, but in the end, I realized they were completely right about almost everything they taught me.

This still wasn't enough to keep me from relapsing when I got back though:(.

I came back home and at the end of the month I was shooting again. I could assess, however, how much my "buddies" had changed even more for the worse. They seriously seemed to have lost like 75% of their ability to reason logically (and it wasn't really that good in the first place). Basically at this point (and even currently as far as I know) they were just selfish monkies who could talk and scheme. They could not see reason beyond, "I AM DOPE SICK AND WANT TO GET HIGH!" Anything beyond that was inconsequential.

I was physically addicted again, but I just couldn't stand living around these worthless fucks, every day I would see how they just accepted this horror show of a life, even embraced it. I promised myself I would never do that. I felt even more guilty for all the time, money, emotion, and energy that that was spent in my little 3 month rehab experience.

After one particularly ugly, scheme filled day I told those dickless faggots, "fuck you" and went home to sweat out a cold turkey cure for the 4th (and last) time in my life. I had no contact with anyone, I wouldn't even answer my phone at all until I started to feel better like 5 days later. I wouldn't have made it without weed, that kept me from killing myself when my restless legs could not expell the millions of ants in them, and the snot/saliva had to be wiped away every 15 seconds. Plus just body (mostly back) pain, just terrible, unjustified aching. That's not even the worst really, the worst is the depression/worthless feeling that lasts long after the physical symptoms leave.

I still don't even sleep entirely right (like I used to before opiates), I always wake up like at least 4 times a night to pee. Also any tiny little noise will wake me now. I can't seem to sleep as deeply or as long as before opiates. And I still get restless leg syndrome sometimes, which I never had before opiates.

It is now a year and four months and I haven't touched any kind of opiate and I never will again. They have been offered to me for free, multiple times, but I just remember all my rehab training. I remember how shitty I looked when I got to narconon (pale, blemishes, 120 lbs out of 160) and I remember where my "friends" are and what they are doing right now. I remember that worthless food stampm, welfare recieving trailer park trash bitch who would get mass money from the govt for her disabled daughter, then spend it all on opiates for herself and beg food from the church. I remember the fucking worthless, lifeless, arrogant, ignorant, drain on the planet that were the ghetto cocksucking drug dealers.

Then I say, no thanks, that shit isn't for me.


--------------------
God lay his finger at the Mouth of the Serpent

March 1984


A pleasing land of drowsy head it was,
Of dreams that wave before the half-shut eye,
And of gay castles in the clouds that pass,
For ever flushing round a summer sky. -Castle of Indolence


Edited by Toe_Jam (06/29/11 11:20 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Toe_Jam]
    #14690722 - 06/29/11 10:54 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

E-in Liondragon said:
After one particularly ugly, scheme filled day I told those dickless faggots, "fuck you" and went home to sweat out a cold turkey cure for the 4th (and last) time in my life. I had no contact with anyone, I wouldn't even answer my phone at all until I started to feel better like 5 days later. I wouldn't have made it without weed, that kept me from killing myself when my restless legs could not expell the millions of ants in them, and the snot/saliva had to be wiped away every 15 seconds.

that shit isn't for me.




Thanks, that was a great read :thumbup: and will help keep me and others away.


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InvisibleToe_Jam
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Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14690808 - 06/29/11 11:22 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:

will help keep me and others away.



That is the only reason I want to share that fucked up story. I hate thinking about it, but if I can help someone else AVOID that shit, then I will.

And if you ask for my advice, I say, don't go to the doctor and get hooked on some other drug. According to all the withdraw specialists at Narconon Methadone is the worst and longest withdraw. Almost everyone of the people coming off methadone said this to me, "I feel like a baby. Like I just have no idea at all what to do.". That shit is stored in your bone marrow, unlike other opiates, and takes FOREVER to come out, if it ever does fully. Suboxone never helped me because when I stopped using Suboxone, guess what, I was still dope sick? Why am I wasting my time/money on this instead of just going through the sickness and being done with it already?

I'm not trying to put people down if these substances help them, this is just my take on it. If I had tried using Suboxone/methadone I'd probably still be on the shit, or went back to other opiates.


--------------------
God lay his finger at the Mouth of the Serpent

March 1984


A pleasing land of drowsy head it was,
Of dreams that wave before the half-shut eye,
And of gay castles in the clouds that pass,
For ever flushing round a summer sky. -Castle of Indolence


Edited by Toe_Jam (06/29/11 11:36 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Toe_Jam]
    #14690905 - 06/29/11 12:02 PM (9 years, 10 months ago)

My plan is tapering down then booze, weed and benzos for the first few days of WD and then tapering off those as well and going completely sober after a week.  :undecided:  Its not the best plan but I am not addicted to these drugs and probably never will be because I have much more control over them than opys.  I think it will work with a bit of dedication.


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InvisibleToe_Jam
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Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14690925 - 06/29/11 12:07 PM (9 years, 10 months ago)

Doesn't sound bad at all. You just have to make sure you actually do that and it will work. I really wish you luck man, sounds like you have the will do actually do it, which is the BIGGEST part.

And for some reason alcohol made me... Uncomfortable at best when I was hooked or withdrawing, that may just be my body and not yours though. Weed makes a WORLD of difference and there is no hangover to make you feel even worse after the alc.


--------------------
God lay his finger at the Mouth of the Serpent

March 1984


A pleasing land of drowsy head it was,
Of dreams that wave before the half-shut eye,
And of gay castles in the clouds that pass,
For ever flushing round a summer sky. -Castle of Indolence


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Invisiblebonnahoo
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Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 369
Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: Toe_Jam]
    #14691516 - 06/29/11 02:40 PM (9 years, 10 months ago)

RLS is the worst shit EVER... that is why my previous cold turkey attempts failed, I just couldn't take the RLS, it's so GD painful.... ehhk
This past time though, I used kratom when I started feeling that RLS, and it went right away. I know kratom and opiates kind of have a cross tolerance, but the trick to using kratom during withdrawals, without actually prolonging the withdrawals, is to take as little as you can to kick the RLS and then stop. I did this and I swear by the 4th day I could go without kratom and have no RLS... I still felt shitty, more mentally than anything, but the worst was over. I swear by kratom and would suggest it to anyone trying to kick their addiction.


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Anonymous #1

Re: THE UNOFFICIAL *Opiates stole my life, but now I've got it back* THREAD [Re: bonnahoo]
    #14695663 - 06/30/11 07:12 AM (9 years, 10 months ago)

:yesnod:  Nice tip.  Thanks.


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