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Offlinedruqs
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'infiltrated' a Mormon church today.
    #14600341 - 06/12/11 11:26 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Twas 8am, had been awake all night when the lower bowls had a sudden shift, needed  crapper fast.


wandered into a church that had a big 'JESUS CHRIST' sign outside, totally empty, silent bliss!

do my huge turd and plonk myself down on comfy pew.


must have micro dozed off as i am startled awake by voices, bow my head, clasp hands and start muttering  jibberish semi silent (this is how people pray yes?)


end up talking to a well dressed super nice  gentlemen, not to seem rude i enquire when the sunday service starts;

9am! excellent! shall see you here!

15mins into the service, i hear the word mormon!

WTF! says JC on the sign outside!

sing the next song or two and have to make my excuses and leave,

two gents catch up with me outside, really concerned, asking if i am ok...

we chat a bit,
one reads a poem and starts crying,

the other a few verses of mormon bible, also sheds not a few tears.

LEGENDS!!! 


they get all the fit mormon bitches up on the stand to read out during service, some supreme eye candy...

NO LIMIT ON MORMON WIVES!!!!

should i go to the next sunday service?

feel bad i made a mormon cry buckets over his love for god...


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Invisibleifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 8,389
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14600364 - 06/12/11 11:32 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

:lol:

You can only have 1 wife unless you go to one of the Mormon offshoot churches in the boonies of Utah.

The Mormons believe they're the only true church around.
Hence, the Church of Jesus Christ (just like his old church back in the day) of Latter Day Saints.

Also...



You should offer them some coffee, tea, alcohol, or drugs next time.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14600378 - 06/12/11 11:34 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

druqs said:
they get all the fit mormon bitches up on the stand to read out during service, some supreme eye candy...

NO LIMIT ON MORMON WIVES!!!!

should i go to the next sunday service?






well duh... why have just one headache when you can have one for each day of the week


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InvisibleLegend
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #14600521 - 06/12/11 12:10 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I don't think you understand the mormon religion.
They believe in jesus christ, and if you have more than 1 wife you are kind of shunned from the religion. Unless you are in some mormon cult.


--------------------
No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind.
[url=
]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]
Are you lost?


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Legend]
    #14600601 - 06/12/11 12:23 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

We need to free all the mormon children from thier cults in Utah.


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OfflineDeliciousVinyl
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: ShiVersblood] * 1
    #14600642 - 06/12/11 12:30 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

ShiVersblood said:
We need to free all the mormon children from thier cults in Utah.



" hey kids we're from the shroomery pack your bags and
take a tie die t shirt"


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Invisiblenglsnv
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: DeliciousVinyl]
    #14600657 - 06/12/11 12:32 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

DeliciousVinyl said:
Quote:

ShiVersblood said:
We need to free all the mormon children from thier cults in Utah.



" hey kids we're from the shroomery pack your bags and
take a tie die t shirt"




:thumbup:


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Offlinedruqs
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: nglsnv]
    #14600791 - 06/12/11 01:02 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

well i got sent a text by missionary jess, she wounders if i am free to talk this eve,


THIS SMELL OF TRAP?


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OfflineROFL_my_ WAFFLE


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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14600820 - 06/12/11 01:07 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

lol church


--------------------


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Offlinepsilyguy
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14601158 - 06/12/11 02:11 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

druqs said:
well i got sent a text by missionary jess, she wounders if i am free to talk this eve,


THIS SMELL OF TRAP?




You have already been caught in the trap. They won't give up on you now. The only way out of this, regretfully, is to be rudely blunt about wanting nothing to do with it.


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OfflineAzure Essence
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: psilyguy]
    #14601179 - 06/12/11 02:15 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Why not make them all little cups of koolaid with like 8 hits of LSD each

Shit would be a fuckin WILD party


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OfflineReposadoXochipilli
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: ROFL_my_ WAFFLE]
    #14601190 - 06/12/11 02:18 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

go if you want, the novelty will wear off quickly, just wait until you find out that after the 90 min. depends on branch mass they take a 15 min. break and send you ass to class for another 90 min.

actual times might be off a little, it has been quite some time since i endured.


--------------------


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Invisiblenglsnv
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14601500 - 06/12/11 03:08 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

do they have good fingerfood?


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14601537 - 06/12/11 03:15 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I heard church is a good way to pick up girls. I know some smoking hot Christian girls, too. Is it worth it?


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.



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Offlinedruqs
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: nglsnv]
    #14601557 - 06/12/11 03:18 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

dunno,
Quote:

Tchan909 said:
I heard church is a good way to pick up girls. I know some smoking hot Christian girls, too. Is it worth it?




i can imagine access to the pantied lady garden might only be for spouse material, i guess i could tryn get them fooked on ketamine or drink.



Quote:

Professor Tibbs said:
do they have good fingerfood?




there was some shitty bread passed aboot, tasted all jesus flesh tho.


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #14602370 - 06/12/11 06:22 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Tchan909 said:
I heard church is a good way to pick up girls. I know some smoking hot Christian girls, too. Is it worth it?




No.


--------------------


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InvisibleSpiritualSnorkel
Registered: 06/18/06
Posts: 1,545
Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Shroomism]
    #14602377 - 06/12/11 06:23 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomism said:
Quote:

Tchan909 said:
I heard church is a good way to pick up girls. I know some smoking hot Christian girls, too. Is it worth it?




No.




Seconded. I get light-headed in churches.


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: SpiritualSnorkel]
    #14602436 - 06/12/11 06:39 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I was talking about the Christian girls, but that too.


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InvisibleSpiritualSnorkel
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Shroomism]
    #14602445 - 06/12/11 06:41 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

It's a package deal, at least in the first phase.


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: SpiritualSnorkel]
    #14603618 - 06/12/11 11:11 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

SpiritualSnorkel said:
Quote:

Shroomism said:
Quote:

Tchan909 said:
I heard church is a good way to pick up girls. I know some smoking hot Christian girls, too. Is it worth it?




No.




Seconded. I get light-headed in churches.




Sounds pretty cool. Normally I have to drink to achieve this.


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.



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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Shroomism]
    #14603643 - 06/12/11 11:18 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomism said:
Quote:

Tchan909 said:
I heard church is a good way to pick up girls. I know some smoking hot Christian girls, too. Is it worth it?




No.




Yeah, the thing with church is that the vast majority of 18+ women who are there are doing so because they want to be there: in other words they're fairly religious and probably aren't down with premarital sex.  Catholic high school girls, on the other hand... :smile2:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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Invisibleifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: psilyguy]
    #14603701 - 06/12/11 11:40 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

psilyguy said:
Quote:

druqs said:
well i got sent a text by missionary jess, she wounders if i am free to talk this eve,


THIS SMELL OF TRAP?




You have already been caught in the trap. They won't give up on you now. The only way out of this, regretfully, is to be rudely blunt about wanting nothing to do with it.




:lol: this. you really gave them your cell number? :nonono:


--------------------


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: ifoundwaldo]
    #14603707 - 06/12/11 11:43 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

if ur serious about relgion maybe try a non-denomational church or a baptist church or something. You dont wanna get mixed up with Mormons.

Joesph Smith was a false prophet who wrote his own bible completly making it up then was arrested and armed men sieged the jail and shot him to death.


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #14603722 - 06/12/11 11:49 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I don't get what the deal is with Mormonism. All I know is that they supposedly believe Jesus came to America and turned the Indians red for not believing in him. :wtf:


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.



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Offlinepsilyguy
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #14604449 - 06/13/11 03:04 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Tchan909 said:
I don't get what the deal is with Mormonism. All I know is that they supposedly believe Jesus came to America and turned the Indians red for not believing in him. :wtf:




That is basically it. The mainstream mormon church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) isn't as different from other Christian churches as a lot of people think. I could list a shit load of differences, but they are really just subtle differences in interpretation, along with a large, worldwide organization almost comparable to Catholicism. The Book of Mormon itself is basically The Bible: America, Fuck Yeah!


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: psilyguy]
    #14604456 - 06/13/11 03:07 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

:lolsy:

I recognize that there are huge differences between different denominations of Christianity, and Mormons seem like one of ones I'd be less inclined to want to get tangled up in. Kinda close to Jehova's Witnesses and Twelve Tribes :tinfoil:


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.



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Invisibleabltsandwich
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14604985 - 06/13/11 08:26 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Shoulda taken that dump in the church not the toilet.


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Offlinerobbyberto
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #14604995 - 06/13/11 08:31 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

druqs said:
they get all the fit mormon bitches up on the stand to read out during service, some supreme eye candy...

NO LIMIT ON MORMON WIVES!!!!

should i go to the next sunday service?






well duh... why have just one headache when you can have one for each day of the week




But think of all the sex, brah.


--------------------
“People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington



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InvisibleDoc_T
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #14605007 - 06/13/11 08:35 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Tchan909 said:
Kinda close to Jehova's Witnesses




I used to do bible study with some smokin' hot Witnesses.
They really knew the book, could quote verses, cross-reference, cite translation differences.


--------------------
You make it all possible. Doesn't it feel good?


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Offlinepsilyguy
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Doc_T]
    #14606477 - 06/13/11 02:03 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I don't think i've ever actually met a Jehovah's Witness


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Offlinedruqs
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: psilyguy] * 2
    #14606513 - 06/13/11 02:10 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

never witnessed a witness?  jumping Jehovah!


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Invisibleifoundwaldo


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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: psilyguy]
    #14606616 - 06/13/11 02:28 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

psilyguy said:
I don't think i've ever actually met a Jehovah's Witness




I don't think I've ever had one knock on my door.
Plenty of Mormons though. Those guys are out in force.


--------------------


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Invisiblethoughts
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14606644 - 06/13/11 02:31 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

A lot of Mormon girls love anal.
get in there.


--------------------
I need Jesus.


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14606806 - 06/13/11 03:00 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

druqs said:
never witnessed a witness?  jumping Jehovah!




I know a family of Witnesses from when I was living in Tennessee. I gotta say, they're actually really cool people (the family that is), but I just don't know about their whole "book of life" thing. I just appreciate that they were respectful and non-judgmental when I calmly explained to them why I was not interested in joining their religion. :yinyang:

People act like I'm crazy every time I say this, but Christians really aren't as bad as the fundamentalists lead you to believe. :crazyeyes:


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.



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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14606890 - 06/13/11 03:14 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

druqs said:
dunno,
Quote:

Tchan909 said:
I heard church is a good way to pick up girls. I know some smoking hot Christian girls, too. Is it worth it?




i can imagine access to the pantied lady garden might only be for spouse material, i guess i could tryn get them fooked on ketamine or drink.









Not all of them....some of them are FREAKS. Ya just gotta get the right one.


--------------------


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Dark_Star]
    #14606969 - 06/13/11 03:27 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I hate when women say they are married to Jesus Christ and thus cant have sexual relations.  :no:


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OfflineLuc1d
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #14607048 - 06/13/11 03:40 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

there is a mormon churhc literally every fucking block where i live .. :rolleyes:


--------------------


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Offlinedruqs
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: Luc1d]
    #14607072 - 06/13/11 03:45 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

might be on every fucking block but its way worse when they are blocking your fucking.


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Offlinepsilyguy
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: druqs]
    #14607083 - 06/13/11 03:47 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

:lol: you're on a roll.


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Offlinehillbilly80
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: psilyguy]
    #14607096 - 06/13/11 03:49 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

they knock on my door once a week tell one your not intrested they will send more different ones every
time


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Invisibleifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 8,389
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: hillbilly80]
    #14607114 - 06/13/11 03:52 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

hillbilly80 said:
they knock on my door once a week tell one your not intrested they will send more different ones every
time




You have to scare them. Get under their skin.

If you say you're not interested, they will claim that they can still sense the Holy Spirit emanating from your house. This calls for doubled and tripled efforts!

If you answer the door naked with a pot pipe in your hand, however, I'm pretty sure they won't make that mistake. Tell them you can talk, but you got a hooker coming over in 10 minutes- so it's gotta be a quick.

:hst:


--------------------


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: hillbilly80]
    #14607124 - 06/13/11 03:53 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

The Witnesses used to come to my house all the time.  Once, years ago I answered the door looking all wooked out, whacked out on drugs & wearing a shirt that said drop acid, not bombs.  I forget what I said to them, but they haven't been back since.


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Offlinepsilyguy
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: hillbilly80]
    #14607236 - 06/13/11 04:15 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

hillbilly80 said:
they knock on my door once a week tell one your not intrested they will send more different ones every
time




That is not enough. You have do to something like open the door for them completely nude, with a pentagram drawn on your chest, and speaking gibberish while slightly convulsing. That kinda thing will get rid of them for sure.


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Invisibleblewmeanie
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: psilyguy]
    #14607470 - 06/13/11 05:03 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Or you could just ask them not to return. That usually works just fine.


--------------------
The Prophecy!

Learn To Code


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Invisibleifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: blewmeanie]
    #14607492 - 06/13/11 05:07 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

blewmeanie said:
Or you could just ask them not to return. That usually works just fine.




You've never dealt with a determined Mormon.


--------------------


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Invisibleblewmeanie
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: ifoundwaldo]
    #14607524 - 06/13/11 05:15 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Yes I have.:shrug:


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Learn To Code


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OfflineHarryL
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Re: 'infiltrated' a Mormon church today. [Re: blewmeanie]
    #14682321 - 06/27/11 08:18 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Could ask them to explain...
http://meltingpot.fortunecity.com/italy/214/higley.html

Best thing is the book of Mormon, with no archeological evidence... None... No cities, no Battles,'no bones... Nothing

Then the DNA evidence that says native Americans are related to asians not mediterranean people's

Then... Face it... It's a scam but one that pays... Men are superior, women are baby factories


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