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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."?
#14599416 - 06/12/11 03:52 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Terror management theory
Quote:
TMT doesn’t just attempt to explain what self-esteem is, but rather tries to account for why we need self-esteem, and what psychological functions it may serve. The answer, according to TMT, is that “self-esteem functions to shelter people from deeply rooted anxiety inherent in the human condition ... [it] is a protective shield designed to control the potential for terror that results from awareness of the horrifying possibility that we humans are merely transient animals groping to survive in a meaningless universe...” (pg. 436). That is the why.
Self-esteem is the feeling that one is a valuable and essential agent in a universe that is fundamentally meaningful. Therefore, TMT’s conception of self-esteem hinges on the notion that self-esteem is socially constructed and maintained; that self-esteem is unintelligible irrespective of the particular culture that fostered those beliefs about the self, and of the other individuals within that culture that socially validate an individual’s self-esteem.
If we need self-esteem, and if the only means by which we can attain it is through validation by others, why do some make the suggestion to not care about what people think of you?
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
Edited by Poid (06/12/11 03:59 AM)
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the human abstract
malaka the werewolf



Registered: 11/30/09
Posts: 8,817
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid]
#14599422 - 06/12/11 03:58 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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not caring what people think is being a sociopath which will always get you a promotion.
haha almost like when people say "its all in your head"
no shit
--------------------
★ ★★ ★
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: the human abstract]
#14599427 - 06/12/11 04:05 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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So why do people say this, as if it's some sort of wise, kind, pat-on-the-back advice? It doesn't make sense to me why people do this...
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: the human abstract] 1
#14599429 - 06/12/11 04:05 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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This thread kicks ass!
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: MushroomTrip]
#14599431 - 06/12/11 04:06 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Thanks for boosting my self-esteem!
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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Rahz
Alive Again


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid]
#14599440 - 06/12/11 04:15 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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I guess it depends on what your opinion of the average person is. If you hold people's minds in high esteem, you will care what they think. If you think people are generally stupid, it would make sense to to care what they think.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Rahz]
#14599446 - 06/12/11 04:18 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said: I guess it depends on what your opinion of the average person is.
Why would it depend on that? We need self-esteem for psychological reasons, regardless of what our opinion of the average person is.
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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BlueCoyote
Beyond


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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid]
#14599479 - 06/12/11 04:45 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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I think one could get self-esteem even from things which are not mainstream - not cultural supported. For some it's resonance with humanly unpopulated nature, or resonance with their idea of some god... Resonance is key there, not necessarily reflected by people - they tend to distort... So, let's be our own reflector, that's distortion enough
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the human abstract
malaka the werewolf



Registered: 11/30/09
Posts: 8,817
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: BlueCoyote]
#14599487 - 06/12/11 04:49 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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good advice is dont take yourself too seriously
...it mostly helps the good times roll
--------------------
★ ★★ ★
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: BlueCoyote]
#14599495 - 06/12/11 04:57 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
BlueCoyote said: I think one could get self-esteem even from things which are not mainstream - not cultural supported.
But one needs to get it by validation of others..so this just brings me back to my question, why do some suggest to not care what others think about you, when we need self-esteem for psychological reasons, and when the only way we can attain it is through validation by others?
If you're saying that one doesn't need validation by others in order to attain a sense of self-esteem, I'd like to see some evidence in support of that.
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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BlueCoyote
Beyond


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Posts: 6,697
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid]
#14599560 - 06/12/11 05:41 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hmmm... for nature I choose Gallileo - his ideas, that the earth is turning round the sun, were not supported those times even when they had been deduced from the calculations about the orbits of the other planets.... Some 'god-followers' don't care what others say and become hermits in the desert, especially to get away from those influences, and I wouldn't say they lack self-esteem for that.
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: BlueCoyote]
#14599567 - 06/12/11 05:47 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
BlueCoyote said: Some 'god-followers' don't care what others say...
Most of them do, and join cultural support-networks which validate their beliefs (i.e. religions).
Quote:
BlueCoyote said: ...and become hermits in the desert, especially to get away from those influences, and I wouldn't say they lack self-esteem for that.
Even these people eventually make contact with others..don't you think that they would prefer validation to disapproval whenever they get the chance to socialize with others?
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid] 2
#14599572 - 06/12/11 05:49 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Becker's book explores this subject in depth for anyone interested. It's quite facinating.
But while we do need to care what others think we don't need to care what everyone thinks or what others think about everything about us. This imo is the crux of that saying. As one develops better coping skills for anxiety they need the approval of everyone less and not in all situations. That's a positive in my book for reasons that are obvious at least to me.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Jufin


Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: the human abstract]
#14599591 - 06/12/11 05:59 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
the human abstract said: not caring what people think is being a sociopath which will always get you a promotion.
haha almost like when people say "its all in your head"
no shit 
I think that generally that is a good mind state have. I mean there are exceptions; I care what my friends think of me, but then again they wouldn't be my friends if they didn't approve of me in some way. At the end of the day, you are going to be happiest when you are happy with yourself, and if other people are too then so be it.
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Icelander]
#14599634 - 06/12/11 06:22 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: Becker's book explores this subject in depth for anyone interested. It's quite facinating.
But while we do need to care what others think we don't need to care what everyone thinks or what others think about everything about us. This imo is the crux of that saying. As one develops better coping skills for anxiety they need the approval of everyone less and not in all situations. That's a positive in my book for reasons that are obvious at least to me.
So basically, when people say "You shouldn't care what people think of you.", they really mean "You should develop better coping skills for anxiety."?
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid]
#14599739 - 06/12/11 07:46 AM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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yeah
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Rahz
Alive Again


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid]
#14600515 - 06/12/11 12:09 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Poid said:
Quote:
Rahz said: I guess it depends on what your opinion of the average person is.
Why would it depend on that? We need self-esteem for psychological reasons, regardless of what our opinion of the average person is.
I don't see any strong correlation between self-esteem and caring what people think. People with low self-esteem are the ones seeking validation from others.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Rahz]
#14600956 - 06/12/11 01:34 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said:
Quote:
Poid said:
Quote:
Rahz said: I guess it depends on what your opinion of the average person is.
Why would it depend on that? We need self-esteem for psychological reasons, regardless of what our opinion of the average person is.
I don't see any strong correlation between self-esteem and caring what people think. People with low self-esteem are the ones seeking validation from others.
So this means there is a strong negative correlation (if true).
People with high self-esteem must care about what certain people think about them because their self-esteem is based on the validation of those certain people.
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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andrewss
precariously aggrandized


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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: Poid]
#14600983 - 06/12/11 01:41 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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it feels free to be a sociopath
-------------------- Jesus loves you.
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Poid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir




Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area
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Re: Why do some say "You shouldn't care what people think of you."? [Re: andrewss]
#14600989 - 06/12/11 01:42 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
-------------------- Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. -- Bob Dylan  fireworks_god said:It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.
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