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Anonymous #1

I can't get intimate with people
    #14589015 - 06/10/11 04:18 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Sorry kind of long, but please read :smile:

So very brief history of my childhood. Had a good upbringing, parents knew how to properly discipline. Middle school, everything went to shit. I gained weight and was teased a lot by a few people. I got to high school and things were a 100% improvement.. but by this time I hated being around people so much, I developed social anxiety and throughout 4 years of highschool, I spoke with only 2-3 people the entire time I was there. I could literally count on my hands how many times I spoke to anybody in class

Now obviously, no pussy the whole time in HS. that goes without saying. Well I finally lost my virginity at fucking 24:sad:. Missed the best days of my life, that's wonderful. Anyway. Ive been with men and women. Hooking up on CL, i'll be able to whack it to their picture if they're good looking(not blowing my load, obviously) and i'll get hard as rock, just like when I look at porn most of the time. I'll get extremely horny and excited to do it

But when I go over there, the vibe changes immediately. The tension is palpable, I can feel it. When it comes time to enter somebody, I'll start going flaccid and I can never just get hard enough. Erect, but not quite hard to effectively pound somebody. In the time it takes to put the condom on, fumble with it, put it on, im going limp again and its difficult to get it back to full hardness with the rubber on. It's not the condom cutting off circulation, ive been thru several brands. And magnums seemed to work best :naughty:

I've tried these situations sober, and high. I thought getting high would guarantee success since I get rock hard and bigger than normal when Im high.

Oh yeah I guess I better mention stats: I am in better shape than ive ever been, 160, 5'8.5, and im only 24 years old

I have a couple of theories as to why this is happening:

1. Very un-used to being around people, can't let my sexual energy flow

2. I've jacked off too over the years and stunted my drive. Especially combined with weed. I kind of doubt this though, because I once abstained from jerking it for only 2 days, on the 3rd I felt like I was cumming while high, it was intense.

3. Ive only been with four people before. The girl wasnt very attractive, neither were the 3 men. But they weren't UGLY, I mean if I saw them online I could definitely jerk it. I just figured that for being a virgin, the whole sex thing itself would turn me on and it wouldnt even matter what the person looked like, unless they looked like jabba the hut



What does shroomery think? Do I have behavioral issues to work out or? I know im missing some detail, but I can't think of it right now

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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
Re: I can't get intimate with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14589062 - 06/10/11 05:05 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

There's more in life than sex. One of these days, you'll run into someone whom you actually genuinely like, and that will give you the opportunity to pursue sex in a more romantic manner and in a trusted setting. Look, some people enjoy casual sex and are pretty indiscriminate of the people they do it with. But many people reserve it for the select group of individuals they actually connect with emotionally. Maybe you should give that option some consideration. Take it slow, learn to love, and start enjoying intimacy instead of focusing solely on orgasm-driven, individualistic sex :thumbup:

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Anonymous #1

Re: I can't get intimate with people [Re: koraks]
    #14589081 - 06/10/11 05:31 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

koraks said:
There's more in life than sex. One of these days, you'll run into someone whom you actually genuinely like, and that will give you the opportunity to pursue sex in a more romantic manner and in a trusted setting. Look, some people enjoy casual sex and are pretty indiscriminate of the people they do it with. But many people reserve it for the select group of individuals they actually connect with emotionally. Maybe you should give that option some consideration. Take it slow, learn to love, and start enjoying intimacy instead of focusing solely on orgasm-driven, individualistic sex :thumbup:




Thank you. Yeah I felt 90% sure that it was something to do with that, so I took the initiative and tried to find someone for something long term. I find it easier to talk to men, and generally we have more in common.(and gay men always have the good drooogz:laugh:)

Well I did find this guy, I think. We seem to click really well, based over talking online. We'll see how it is IRL, i'll be meeting him soon. We did talk for hours so maybe he's the one :blush:

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OfflineSeussA
Error: divide byzero


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 23 days, 17 hours
Re: I can't get intimate with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14589094 - 06/10/11 05:38 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

> Missed the best days of my life, that's wonderful.

I think this is part of your problem... The best days of your life are right now, if you so choose.  There were some things that happened in my teens that make my teens the best days of my life. There were some things that happened in my twenties that made my twenties the best days of my life.  There were some things that happened in my thirties that made my thirties the best days of my life.  As I get older, my values change, and I am constantly discovering new things that make right now the best days of my life.  If you live in the past, you will never be able to appreciate what you have right now.

> Do I have behavioral issues to work out or? I know im missing some detail, but I can't think of it right now

From my cheap seat (meaning I'm not an expert in this area and could easily be wrong) I think you are trying too hard.  It also sounds like you are depressed and/or have self-confidence issues.  My advice would be to stop living in the past and stop worrying about how you fit in to society.  Learn to enjoy your life and to love yourself.  If you can master those two, everything else will fall in to place without effort.


--------------------
Just another spore in the wind.

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OfflineAlphaFalfa
imagine


Registered: 06/16/08
Posts: 3,857
Loc: 3 Seconds Ago. Flag
Last seen: 10 years, 3 days
Re: I can't get intimate with people [Re: Seuss]
    #14590242 - 06/10/11 12:02 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Your not looking for the right thing!

Try and find a relationship where you feel comfortable in and you enjoy the persons jokes/way they treat others/you.

It was the same with me. When I used to get head from girls I wouldn't ever cum, then I met my current girl. I actually liked her, she was such a nice person and she was funny.

Believe it or not, she didn't even have to give me head to come, just jack my dick and kiss me and I would blow my load in about one minute flat...which is fast for me because it always takes me 2 minutes to masterbate.....go figure.

shit changes when you like the person...maybe your just the type of person that would benefit from a relationship...

Good luck


--------------------
if you ever feel lost, just remember, life is not a journey, it is entertainment, all 4 fun...


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InvisibleMisterMuscaria
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc: Flag
Re: I can't get intimate with people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14590265 - 06/10/11 12:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I really relate to this.
Unfortunately I feel like I cant connect with people emotionally at all and that makes this that much more difficult.

Ive been with some hot girls in the past but it's been years since Ive been able to connect with people emotionally.

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