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Invisiblechodamunky
Cheers!

Registered: 02/28/02
Posts: 2,030
Loc: sailing the seas of chees...
Ass kicking grandma!
    #1457665 - 04/14/03 06:25 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

She took out six security guards at the airport haha!

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Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth "Grammy" Gordon, an 83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was originally charged with assault and battery, and assault with a deadly weapon, because of an altercation she had last week with six airport security guards, that left all six hospitalized.

"Justice has been served," said the 95-pound mother of three and grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her breathing by an oxygen bottle. "Now I'm going to sue every fool in the federal government for ignorance, stupidity, and just plain general incompetence. I'm an American, and I won't be treated like this."

The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board an airplane. "These guys are supposed to be some kind of professionals," she said, "but they're dumber than rocks. Here they were letting guys who looked just like terrorists walk through without searching them, and then they pull me aside and tell me they're going to search me? I don't think so."

According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, one guard, "who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was drunk, and had his shirt out, told this woman she couldn't board the plane unless they searched her. He was really rude. That's when the trouble started."

Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her motorized wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while spinning her chair in circles. "Doofus was so fat he couldn't get up," said Gordon with a giggle.

One guard who attempted to pull Gordon's wheelchair off of the screaming man from behind was hit over the head with an oxygen bottle and knocked unconscious. A third guard, who approached Gordon from the front, was also left dazed on the floor. Witnesses said she was cackling, "Put your hands on an old lady, will you?" as she bashed both guards. The tape also showed a fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon's wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting needle from her purse and stabbed him in his left buttock. "What a wimp," she told reporters. "He started screaming and grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone kicked."

"It was amazing," said another witness, a Scott Ryan. "The whole crowd just stood there cheering and clapping. I mean, she was whupping butt."

A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of his pants set on fire with a cigarette lighter than had escaped detection. "He just went whoosh across the concourse, screaming and slapping at all these flames flying out of his rear," said Ryan.

A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in a body hug. "I think that was the wrong thing to do," said another witness, who declined to be identified. "She just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one hand and cracked him across the jaw with her skinny fist. And down and out he went."


After all this, Gordon's chair was still sitting on top of the first guard.

The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling, "Apologize to me, you fat sumbitch, or when I'm done with you you'll just be a greasy spot on the floor!"

As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uncle! I won't do it again!"

Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and was taken to jail and released on her own recognizance. "We didn't have any choice," said an unidentified officer of the court. "Over 200 people showed up to support her. I think if we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot."

Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing the precariousness of the case, Gordon was not charged with anything. "I doubt there's a jury in the whole country that would have found her guilty of anything," said one of the lawyers.

"I'm flying again tomorrow," Gordon told reporters. "And I suggest no one at the airport so much as look at me wrong."



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OfflineyelimS
bohem

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 717
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: Ass kicking grandma! [Re: chodamunky]
    #1457680 - 04/14/03 06:34 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i'm giving you and this thread so many shrooms... u r teh rule!!


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Invisiblez@z.com
Libertarian
Registered: 10/13/02
Posts: 2,876
Loc: ATL
Re: Ass kicking grandma! [Re: yelimS]
    #1457692 - 04/14/03 06:38 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

That is fucking hilarious.
Glad to see we have such great airport security. Sounds like putting it in the hands of the gov't really beefed it up.


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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C.S. Lewis

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniencies attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." - Thomas Jefferson


Edited by z@z.com (04/14/03 06:40 PM)


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Invisiblez@z.com
Libertarian
Registered: 10/13/02
Posts: 2,876
Loc: ATL
Re: Ass kicking grandma! [Re: chodamunky]
    #1457711 - 04/14/03 06:47 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)



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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C.S. Lewis

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniencies attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." - Thomas Jefferson


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Invisiblechodamunky
Cheers!

Registered: 02/28/02
Posts: 2,030
Loc: sailing the seas of chees...
Re: Ass kicking grandma! [Re: z@z.com]
    #1457762 - 04/14/03 07:06 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

good job man! How did u manage to figure it out? hehe, u gotta admit it was a great story though  :laugh: 

that website it pretty funny, here's another story they had:

Dangerous spiders under toilet seats - Fiction!


Edited by chodamunky (04/14/03 07:08 PM)


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Invisiblez@z.com
Libertarian
Registered: 10/13/02
Posts: 2,876
Loc: ATL
Re: Ass kicking grandma! [Re: chodamunky]
    #1457765 - 04/14/03 07:07 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

It was a very good read. Very entertaining. All i did was take the first paragraph and past it into a google search.


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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C.S. Lewis

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniencies attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." - Thomas Jefferson


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InvisibleEvolving
Resident Cynic

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 5,385
Loc: Apt #6, The Village
Re: Ass kicking grandma! [Re: chodamunky]
    #1458162 - 04/14/03 09:33 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

That's funny. Thanks.


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To call humans 'rational beings' does injustice to the term, 'rational.'  Humans are capable of rational thought, but it is not their essence.  Humans are animals, beasts with complex brains.  Humans, more often than not, utilize their cerebrum to rationalize what their primal instincts, their preconceived notions, and their emotional desires have presented as goals - humans are rationalizing beings.


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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: Ass kicking grandma! [Re: chodamunky]
    #1459720 - 04/15/03 10:07 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

that is hilarious. I guess that's what ya get when you have unions running the security of an airport.

GOOOOO GRANDMA!!! :grin: :grin: 


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


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