Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: PhytoExtractum Maeng Da Thai Kratom Leaf Powder   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
InvisibleCups
technically "here"
 User Gallery

Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 1,925
Success! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit
    #14567669 - 06/06/11 01:06 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

As some of you know I've been experiencing panic attacks since a very deep trip last august.  Living in a spontaneous and sometimes long lasting horror movie has been...illuminating to say the least.  I in no way want to glamorize the experience of intense suffering, but there's something to be said for abject terror getting the proverbial ball moving. 

A few months ago I posted this thread.  It has a video of a girl getting punched and I asked members to watch it and see how they felt or reacted to it.  I got lots of different responses both from the members and from myself...which caused me to ask the question-

What was I really feeling?  Was I sad? Was I angry? Was I happy? etc.

My hypothesis then and now is I am either truly feeling none of these things, or I am feeling all of them at the same time and choosing one to run with somehow.

The "competing brain personality" researcher that icelander posted about recently seems to confirm that I am likely feeling all of these things at the same time and subconsciously deciding for one to "win over the others.  While I am not ready to stick my neck out either way...I decided to put this to the test.

Having recently fully grokked that my experience of life is entirely internal I set off on a little adventure this afternoon.

Went to see the Hangover 2 and smoked up big time before I went.  Haven't smoked in months as I found out very early that weed brings all that anxiety up to the surface post haste.  To top that off I also drove 20 minutes at 60MPH in traffic to the theater.  By the time we arrived my adrenal system was working overtime! As we walked in my hands started going numb from the adrenaline and my legs got squirrely.  It was nuts.

But this time instead of wanting it to go away I looked at it as an adventure instead of something to be feared and...well you know that "lurch in your gut when you look over the side of a building?  I basically got that rush for 45 minutes straight.  I was ready for it to end when it did...but it was actually...in some ways FUN. :smile:  More work is required however....

I've got a gut feeling that this is a very big deal.


 

Not really sure how it fits together yet though... It's kind of part buddhist and part existentialist. :shrug:

What I am sure of is that this is the first time I have successfully changed the way I perceived an intense experience.  It's one thing to not react to someone cutting you off in traffic...but buckets of adrenaline tends to call bull-shit on your self deceptions.

Or is it really that different?  Reminds me of Yoda



I'm posting this on both sides (PS&P and S&M) to get mixed perspectives.  So feel free to throw any ideas or questions or feedback or whatever in the forum of your choosing.


--------------------
What's up everybody?!

Edited by Cups (06/06/11 07:43 AM)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Cups]
    #14567958 - 06/06/11 03:50 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I've got a gut feeling that this is a very big deal.
:thumbup:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Cups]
    #14568066 - 06/06/11 05:06 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Cups said:
As some of you know I've been experiencing panic attacks since a very deep trip last august.  Living in a spontaneous and sometimes long lasting horror movie has been...illuminating to say the least.  I in no way want to glamorize the experience of intense suffering, but there's something to be said for abject terror getting the proverbial ball moving. 

A few months ago I posted this thread.  It has a video of a girl getting punched and I asked members to watch it and see how they felt or reacted to it.  I got lots of different responses both from the members and from myself...which caused me to ask the question-

What was I really feeling?  Was I sad? Was I angry? Was I happy? etc.

My hypothesis then and now is I am either truly feeling none of these things, or I am feeling all of them at the same time and choosing one to run with somehow.

The "competing brain personality" researcher that icelander posted about recently seems to confirm that I am likely feeling all of these things at the same time and subconsciously deciding for one to "win over the others.  While I am not ready to stick my neck out either way...I decided to put this to the test.

Having recently fully grokked that my experience of life is entirely internal I set off on a little adventure this afternoon.

Went to see the Hangover 2 and smoked up big time before I went.  Haven't smoked in months as I found out very early that weed brings all that anxiety up to the surface post haste.  To top that off I also drove 20 minutes at 60MPH in traffic to the theater.  By the time we arrived my adrenal system was working overtime! As we walked in my hands started going numb from the adrenaline and my legs got squirrely.  It was nuts.

But this time instead of wanting it to go away I looked at it as an adventure instead of something to be feared and...well you know that "lurch in your gut when you look over the side of a building?  I basically got that rush for 45 minutes straight.  I was ready for it to end when it did...but it was actually...in some ways FUN. :smile:  More work is required however....

I've got a gut feeling that this is a very big deal.


 

Not really sure how it fits together yet though... It's kind of part buddhist and part existentialist. :shrug:

What I am sure of is that this is the first time I have successfully changed the way I perceived an intense experience.  It's one thing to not react to someone cutting you off in traffic...but buckets of adrenaline tends to call bull-shit on your self deceptions.

Or is it really that different?  Reminds me of Yoda



I'm posting this on both sides (PS&P and S&M) to get mixed perspectives.  So feel free to throw any ideas or questions or feedback or whatever in the forum of your choosing.




Well first I had a few panic attacks a while back.  Not fun at all!  So I understand something about that.

Your word for today is DisEngaged.  "While I am not ready to stick my neck out either way, I decided to put this to the test".

OK nice you are treating your life as a science experiment.  Let's see we have a theory, we need to design the experiment, who's going to be the control group today, etc. etc. etc.

The real question is What do you fear will happen If you get Engaged.  If you actually take control of things and quit fucking dicking around.  I know, it's scary and I go through that kind of stuff too.  The fear of the unknown if you take the plunge even if successful can be incapacitating.

Man the Fuck Up.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePoid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area Flag
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Cups]
    #14568075 - 06/06/11 05:12 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Cups said:
Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit


*success:nerd:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinexFrockx
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,455
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 26 days, 18 hours
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Poid]
    #14568291 - 06/06/11 07:12 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

"What I am sure of is that this is the first time I have successfully changed the way I perceived an intense experience.  It's one thing to not react to someone cutting you off in traffic...but buckets of adrenaline tends to call bull-shit on your self deceptions."

If there is one thing we can control in this life it is how we react to anything. The difficult part of that is believing that you can and not doubting that you can, and also with that, having the presence of mind to think the right thoughts and to question the wrong ones.

Know that picture that if you look at it one way its an old woman, and if you look at it another its a young woman, and if you look at it no-way its just lines? Well that's a lot like life. You can see the young woman, the old woman, or you can see what it is. If you go for the last route, it should be no problem to maintain a balanced emotional state through anything that happens to you.

For pot anxiety one thing that helped me was accepting the risk of going to jail. After that I don't feel any fear, I just take the necessary precautions. I think anxiety can come from denying possibilities.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleCups
technically "here"
 User Gallery

Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 1,925
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Poid]
    #14568340 - 06/06/11 07:44 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Poid said:
Quote:

Cups said:
Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit


*success:nerd:




Fixed you neurotic bastard. :lol:


--------------------
What's up everybody?!

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleCups
technically "here"
 User Gallery

Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 1,925
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #14568379 - 06/06/11 08:02 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

LunarEclipse said:
The real question is What do you fear will happen If you get Engaged.  If you actually take control of things and quit fucking dicking around.  I know, it's scary and I go through that kind of stuff too.  The fear of the unknown if you take the plunge even if successful can be incapacitating.

Man the Fuck Up.




Why is it every time I post something like this I get called a pussy by someone I don't respect?

:rofl2:

You're right though.  :aliceshocker:

I don't view this a the final chapter in my battle with extreme fear.  I am still giving the fear a "meaning"...a context to deal with it. 

Even so, showing myself...even in a round about way that "fear" exists only in my mind...and is inherently empty as proved by my ability to change it into something else is a big step IMO.

Unfortunately I am still a bit too attached to things like accomplishing my dreams and I don't know...being alive to fully let go as of yet.

But, as always, I'm working on it.


--------------------
What's up everybody?!

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offline4896744
Small Town Girl
Female User Gallery

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 5,128
Loc: United States
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Cups]
    #14568412 - 06/06/11 08:25 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Good stuff man. Keep working at it and stay away from benzos as a crutch. I too have been through quite a journey trying to tame my social anxiety that was brought on by a period of deep depression and suicidal thoughts. It took me about a year, but it is now almost gone. For me, mdma was the stepping stone which showed me what i was capable of.


--------------------
Live your Life! :heart:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Cups]
    #14568419 - 06/06/11 08:27 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

"Man the fuck up" is usually said to others by someone who can't themselves.:wink:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePoid
Shroomery's #1 Spellir
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 40,372
Loc: SF Bay Area Flag
Re: Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit [Re: Cups]
    #14568665 - 06/06/11 09:53 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Cups said:
Quote:

Poid said:
Quote:

Cups said:
Sucess! - Shaping Experience As I See Fit


*success:nerd:




Fixed you neurotic bastard. :lol:


:rofl:


--------------------
Well I try my best to be just like I am, but everybody wants you to be just like them. --  Bob Dylan
fireworks_god said:
It's one thing to simply enjoy a style of life that one enjoys, but it's another thing altogether to refer to another person's choice as "wrong" or to rationalize their behavior as being pathological or resulting from some sort of inadequacy or failing so as to create a sense of superiority or separation as yet another projection of a personal fear or control issue.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: PhytoExtractum Maeng Da Thai Kratom Leaf Powder   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* ESSAY:Psychedelic induced mystical experiences by Alan Watts tekramrepus 2,911 6 03/21/03 11:43 AM
by pattern
* Touching the other side... (profound experience)
( 1 2 all )
Olgualion 5,151 36 02/26/02 07:23 AM
by Learyfan
* Mystical Experience?
( 1 2 all )
Swami 3,232 25 07/15/03 05:25 PM
by Grav
* Ouch! My New Consciousness Fits Too Tight! Tannis 968 11 12/28/01 12:54 PM
by LordPeter
* Deep Entheogenic Adventurer Discovers...
( 1 2 3 all )
Swami 5,364 46 08/23/03 09:10 PM
by MindTrap
* does a "Bad experience" make subsequent exps. bad? xfluffybunnyx 1,335 9 11/14/02 07:46 PM
by Strumpling
* Christian Spiritual Experiences
( 1 2 all )
LordPeter 4,322 23 12/11/01 06:44 AM
by LOBO
* Inducing mystical experiences
( 1 2 all )
Metasyn 4,365 29 03/14/17 10:00 PM
by beforethedawn

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, DividedQuantum
400 topic views. 0 members, 10 guests and 5 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.024 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 12 queries.