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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Friendship
#14564064 - 06/05/11 10:40 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Here's the scenario.
A man and woman meet. They are interested and go out on a date. They start to like each others company. They are both intelligent and have been around the block with love affairs. They state to each other that the friendship must be the bedrock of any romantic affair. They state to each other that should the affair end their friendship will not suffer. They will always be friends.
Several years down the road the love affair does not work out. One of them states to the other that breaking up is so painful that even though they will always be friends they really can't bear to see the other person and so they cannot hang out.
Were they friends?
Discuss.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
Edited by Icelander (06/05/11 10:44 AM)
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
Icelander said: Here's the scenario.
A man and woman meet. They are interested and go out on a date. They start to like each others company. They are both intelligent and have been around the block with love affairs. They state to each other that the friendship must be the bedrock of any romantic affair. They state to each other that should the affair end their friendship will not suffer. They will always be friends.
Several years down the road the love affair does not work out. One of them states to the other that breaking up is so painful that even though they will always be friends they really can't bear to see the other person and so they cannot hang out.
Were they friends?
Discuss.
Just what are you sayin' "been around the block". I never understood that term. What block are you referrin' to?
Then "down the road" after several years? Wow that was a long highway. All that time. What was going on during the road trip?
TIA
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Google is your friend.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Quote:
Icelander said: Here's the scenario.
A man and woman meet. They are interested and go out on a date. They start to like each others company. They are both intelligent and have been around the block with love affairs. They state to each other that the friendship must be the bedrock of any romantic affair. They state to each other that should the affair end their friendship will not suffer. They will always be friends.
Several years down the road the love affair does not work out. One of them states to the other that breaking up is so painful that even though they will always be friends they really can't bear to see the other person and so they cannot hang out.
Were they friends?
Discuss.
Well, it really depends from case to case, but I'd say that there can be friendship in the presence of these feelings. If one is accustomed to avoiding unpleasant scenarios, then, most likely, this is what they would do in this case too. It doesn't mean they don't carry genuine feelings of friendship.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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Sleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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What's the point of "feelings of friendship" if there is no longer any contact?
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Are you looking for an aswer that fits all the different personal motivations?
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
Icelander said: Google is your friend.
I start there but Youtube is really my friend. I would say Google is more like an associate.
Now, as to whether man and women who have "been around the block one more time" can "still be friends".
NO.
Next!!
Edit- "Were they ever friends" Yea right and Jennifer Anniston is a virgin. Right.
Edited by LunarEclipse (06/05/11 11:35 AM)
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest



Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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I think if that's the case then it was probably a needy/addictive relationship. First you need to define what a real freind is though and I'm not sure how to do that.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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Sleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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Ok. Were they friends? Possibly.
Are they still friends if there is no longer any contact between them? Not in my book.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
Grapefruit said: I think if that's the case then it was probably a needy/addictive relationship. First you need to define what a real freind is though and I'm not sure how to do that.
The saddest part of all of this is the "let's still be friends" after moving from pseudo phreindship/lust into phucking and now dreaming some purity of relationship on a mutually giving level could possibly remain escapes me.
That and "let's still be friends" has to be the lamest laziest breakup non-breakup mindphuck ever.
MOVE ON>
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest



Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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True... It's probably just a lie.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
Grapefruit said: True... It's probably just a lie.
Sometimes A Fantasy
It's Not The Real Thing
Like Coke
The Truth Lies In Between
The sheets
And the Ears
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Diploid
Cuban



Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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I think they were friends, yeah.
But feelings of friendship can change as you get to know someone more deeply. Someone who was a friend when you knew each other at one depth can become less and less appealing as a friend when you get to know them intimately.
And people change. Relationships especially change people. The friend before the intimate relationship may no longer exist a few years down the road. You are not the same person you were a few years ago. None of us is. Some couples converge as they change. Others (most?) diverge.
It's not necessarily anyone's fault. As far as I can tell, impermanence is the only permanent feature of the universe. I think that's sad, but there it is.
-------------------- Republican Values: 1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you. 2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child. 3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer. 4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said:
Quote:
Icelander said: Here's the scenario.
A man and woman meet. They are interested and go out on a date. They start to like each others company. They are both intelligent and have been around the block with love affairs. They state to each other that the friendship must be the bedrock of any romantic affair. They state to each other that should the affair end their friendship will not suffer. They will always be friends.
Several years down the road the love affair does not work out. One of them states to the other that breaking up is so painful that even though they will always be friends they really can't bear to see the other person and so they cannot hang out.
Were they friends?
Discuss.
Well, it really depends from case to case, but I'd say that there can be friendship in the presence of these feelings. If one is accustomed to avoiding unpleasant scenarios, then, most likely, this is what they would do in this case too. It doesn't mean they don't carry genuine feelings of friendship. 
I'm not sure I believe it. Remember they told each other nothing was going to effect the friendship. I'd say something did have an effect on the friendship. Did they say what they really meant then? Was there something else going on?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Friendship [Re: Diploid]
#14564781 - 06/05/11 02:02 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Diploid said: I think they were friends, yeah.
But feelings of friendship can change as you get to know someone more deeply. Someone who was a friend when you knew each other at one depth can become less and less appealing as a friend when you get to know them intimately.
And people change. Relationships especially change people. The friend before the intimate relationship may no longer exist a few years down the road. You are not the same person you were a few years ago. None of us is. Some couples converge as they change. Others (most?) diverge.
It's not necessarily anyone's fault. As far as I can tell, impermanence is the only permanent feature of the universe. I think that's sad, but there it is.
Do you think that they have an obligation to express that to each other as friends then? Is saying the break up hurts too much when instead you mean I don't really like you as much any more a sign of friendship? Or maybe someone had some expectations that weren't met around the relationship aspect and when that blew away they realized they never really felt that friendly towards that person?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
Grapefruit said: True... It's probably just a lie.
Maybe so? Can lovers be friends when the relationship dies for one person and not the other? Maybe not. If that's true then were was the friendship? Was there ever a friendship?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest



Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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I'm not sure if all friendship isn't a kind of lie in the first place.
I will not go prefer a feast of friends to the giant family
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,432
Loc: Under the C
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Quote:
Icelander said: Here's the scenario.
A man and woman meet. They are interested and go out on a date. They start to like each others company. They are both intelligent and have been around the block with love affairs. They state to each other that the friendship must be the bedrock of any romantic affair. They state to each other that should the affair end their friendship will not suffer. They will always be friends.
Several years down the road the love affair does not work out. One of them states to the other that breaking up is so painful that even though they will always be friends they really can't bear to see the other person and so they cannot hang out.
Were they friends?
Discuss.
Just what are you sayin' "been around the block". I never understood that term. What block are you referrin' to?
Then "down the road" after several years? Wow that was a long highway. All that time. What was going on during the road trip?
TIA
You made me look back On the long and winding road
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,432
Loc: Under the C
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Quote:
If that's true then were was the friendship? Was there ever a friendship?
Things change. Can there ever be anything if it is not forever? Of course!
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,847
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good friends have to give each other time and space sometimes lots of space it may take decades to savor the friendship and growing apart can be excellent too. the stories... they can age well too. or they can rot, and stink to hell, which is an art in itself.
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