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Secret Me
Stranger
Registered: 06/02/11
Posts: 2
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
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Not-so-selfish Suicide?
#14551593 - 06/02/11 04:10 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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So here's the thing:
I think about killing myself/dying everyday! I can't get it out of my head! I use to take medication for depression/anxiety, but I still constantly fantasized on the idea of ending my life. I just can't bring myself to tell anybody because they will either distance themselves from me (the girl-gone-crazy) or they would not take me seriously. I've considered talking to my doctor, but I am afraid that if I say anything to her she would send me to a mental hospital or something. Another problem in seeking help is that it would interfere with other people's lives. I am a 'live-in' caregiver... I can't just go get help one day and take the chance of not being able to be back at work that evening. That's a load of responsibility to just 'dump' on the other caregivers...or moreover, the lady tat I care for's daughter. That's just one instance of several I can think of. I care too much about other people to care about myself.... yet that's also the problem with suicide. It wold interfere with other people's plan, and I don't want to ruin things for other people...so I go on in misery. I honestly don't know what to do... suicide and getting help are both equally interuptive.
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Secret Me
Stranger
Registered: 06/02/11
Posts: 2
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
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Re: Not-so-selfish Suicide? [Re: Secret Me]
#14551608 - 06/02/11 04:13 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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The worst part is that I am a 26 year old woman. I'm not a 14 year old teenager going through hormonal changes with puberty! I feel pathetic!!!!
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ifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 8,389
Loc: Denver, CO
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Re: Not-so-selfish Suicide? [Re: Secret Me]
#14552028 - 06/02/11 05:51 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Well, rather than caring only about other people, care about yourself! You make a lot of peoples' lives a hell of a lot better and probably brighten up a lot of peoples' days. You sound like you have a lot more worth in this world than a lot of people I see.
Getting help does not need to be the huge ordeal that you make it out to be. You might just need someone who will listen to your problems and talk them through with you. Maybe they will suggest medication or therapies to make you feel better. At the worst, you waste an hour of your time talking with someone. 
Personally, I'd recommend doing "selfish" things to better yourself as a person. Exercise, get a massage, enjoy a nice dinner, take up an old hobby... Anything really that renews your zest for life and gets you out of the rut.
Suicide won't solve anything.
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foliocb
always running



Registered: 07/14/08
Posts: 1,152
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: Not-so-selfish Suicide? [Re: ifoundwaldo]
#14552101 - 06/02/11 06:06 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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-------------------- ^v^
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Not-so-selfish Suicide? [Re: foliocb]
#14552463 - 06/02/11 07:34 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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You need to find another way to occupy yourself. If you can afford it I would recommend taking some time off work and getting out into nature, if you're into that. foundWaldo is right in that you really need to be able to depend on youself, if other are really to depend on you.
Is there anything that you enjoy in life? Art, gardening, walking, hobbies?
You sound like a compassionate, caring person and I hope that you will give yourself the same allowances you give to others, we are all only human. I have many times told myself that the only reason I wouldn't do myself in is because it would cause too much pain to those around me. I made some changes in my life and things got better, I wasn't sure they would. Focus on what is important to you, don't worry about pleasing others, that will come naturally if you are yourself.
Please talk to someone close to you, we go around our lives acting like these thoughts don't exist, but so many of us have been where you are and you might be suprised at the reaction you will get. Anyone who is a true friend will not judge. Don't be afraid to reach out here, or anywhere else, the connections you make with people are important, even the small ones sometimes are enough to get through the day!
Much hope to hear from you again 
Edit: Oh and I'm also 26, male however, and I've really only been satisfied with my life as of this spring. Getting off some harmful drugs was a big part of it but I am now, for the first time, actually happy with my life the way it is. Its nothing much, and I feel behind most of my peers in many respects, but I finally learned to tune out the things that bring me down to some degree and focus on things I enjoy. Life hasn't gotten any easier but somehow more bearable. Its never too late to start living for the moment!
Edited by moonrockmushy (06/02/11 07:42 PM)
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