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Offlineoverdose
Stranger
Registered: 05/31/11
Posts: 1
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
suicidal thoughts
    #14539971 - 05/31/11 09:54 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

im 21 and a habitual coke user. i smoke a lot of weed and sell it as well, and recently got fired from my fast food job after 2 years, which is a relief because it made me want to get on with life.. and try to achieve my grade 12 and maybe go to college


I feel so stuck sometimes, at family suppers i will pop pills and go to the bathroom and do lines and no one even has a clue what im up to. they just assume its the alcohol.

I blame my drug use on me, i first started doing coke at 16 with a friend.. but he moved on to college.

i had a really smart beautiful girlfriend who is going to university to become a lawyer, she recently dumped me when i showed up at her house after taking 7 speed pills and couldnt stop shaking and sweating. The next day i took 12 in a depressive state. I had 30 left the day after and i dumped the rest in the toilet attempting to become sober again. The next day i woke up and immediately resorted to liquor and coke to take away the pain from losing so much so soon.

I have one brother that i drink with and thats the only time i feel normal and not depressed. He as well dosent know that ive been doing coke for 5 years, and taking pills.

Im ashamed of what ive become, i used to be that grade 9 kid who didnt smoke weed and wasnt smart but attented school.. and passed.

My life has turned to depression, my family like aunts and uncles and grandparents i havent seen in years due to just going to my gfs family reunions and now its just too akward to show up to one.

i lost my gf, my job, due to drugs. now i feel like theres no other way to deal with it, this depression is so over welming. I have showed many signs to my ex and my family that i need some help. I sit in my room and drink and just do coke whenever, seems like no one cares.. even my ex who i told i tried to overdose on pills, she wouldnt even call me the next day to see how i was.

That was the point that made me see that noone would care if i died. i need some advice please help.

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Offlineheadiesmokeonly420
Stranger

Registered: 02/11/11
Posts: 62
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: overdose]
    #14540009 - 05/31/11 10:10 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

read Nietsche


--------------------
EVERY SINGLE POST I MAKE IS PURELY FICTION AS THIS SCREEN NAME IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IF HE WAS REAL HE WOULD BE  A COMPLETELY LAW ABIDING CITIZEN


ON THAT NOTE... SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY:rasta:

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Offline2jew4u
Stranger
Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 1,014
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: overdose]
    #14540020 - 05/31/11 10:13 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

overdose said:
im 21 and a habitual coke user. i smoke a lot of weed and sell it as well, and recently got fired from my fast food job after 2 years, which is a relief because it made me want to get on with life.. and try to achieve my grade 12 and maybe go to college


I feel so stuck sometimes, at family suppers i will pop pills and go to the bathroom and do lines and no one even has a clue what im up to. they just assume its the alcohol.

I blame my drug use on me, i first started doing coke at 16 with a friend.. but he moved on to college.

i had a really smart beautiful girlfriend who is going to university to become a lawyer, she recently dumped me when i showed up at her house after taking 7 speed pills and couldnt stop shaking and sweating. The next day i took 12 in a depressive state. I had 30 left the day after and i dumped the rest in the toilet attempting to become sober again. The next day i woke up and immediately resorted to liquor and coke to take away the pain from losing so much so soon.

I have one brother that i drink with and thats the only time i feel normal and not depressed. He as well dosent know that ive been doing coke for 5 years, and taking pills.

Im ashamed of what ive become, i used to be that grade 9 kid who didnt smoke weed and wasnt smart but attented school.. and passed.

My life has turned to depression, my family like aunts and uncles and grandparents i havent seen in years due to just going to my gfs family reunions and now its just too akward to show up to one.

i lost my gf, my job, due to drugs. now i feel like theres no other way to deal with it, this depression is so over welming. I have showed many signs to my ex and my family that i need some help. I sit in my room and drink and just do coke whenever, seems like no one cares.. even my ex who i told i tried to overdose on pills, she wouldnt even call me the next day to see how i was.

That was the point that made me see that noone would care if i died. i need some advice please help.




Well you should check your self into rehab, or at least a 12 step program. Its prolly good that you lost your job, and Gf, B/c Thats prolly people, That u did drugs with,sold droogs too,or bought from them. First step in tying to get clean is breaking from the old and starting new, friends job,Place(if you can)- And you have to not go seeking to find it either. It will be a long process but if you wanna get clean  gotta take the first step- 
-Hope every thing works out for you, Don't kill your self,If you love your brother or parents at all, Will FUCK THEM UP FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES- And its really selfish and weak- Be strong and carry on

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OfflineDamkina
Newcomer
Male


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 328
Loc: Romania Flag
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: overdose]
    #14540060 - 05/31/11 10:26 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Hello there! Welcome to the shroomery:mushroom2:

I am sad to hear that my friend,coke and speed are not good for your,but I guess you knew that :p Life comes with ups and downs always.It`s up to you how you face your demons and your bad sides.Yet no matter how horrible a situation that you are in might feel,and how bad and depressed it would make you feel,you should remember that the feeling of freedom and confidence when you made it out is blissfull.

You should try to sit for a while,and view your life with another perspective.Or you could help us do it for you,you might find friends in the least place you expected:p

I would first like to know why would it matter to you that someone cares or not about your death?Taking the gift of life from yourself just because no one cares is not a wise thing to do.It might turn out the other way,that people actually cared about you yet they couldn`t or wouldn`t want to express that because of your behaivour,being afraid,and you would hurt them.

Your brother sounds to me like the first person that you should confess too. It`s the best advice that I could give you at this time. Just talk to him,I know it might not seem right,or you could be ashamed,but you shouldn`t.

It`s not a shame to be addicted.It happens,this society that we live in is a bitch.People often look for ways to escape from it,and drugs seem the easiest way to go.But there is a way in the heart,is a way in the art.By expressing yourself freely you can escape.

You lost your gf,job,but you didin`t loose your family did you?They will support you afterall.There are many people out there who will,you just have to ask for the help. You don`t have to struggle alone,you don`t have to fight your depressions alone.

Just think about it,do you really want to hurt yourself that bad? Why would you be so rough with yourself. Ok drugs made you do bad things,and loose your image in your own eyes. Just use that as a motivation. Face yourself,accept yourself,and start the change in yourself.

It is possible.My best friend  is a former drug addict. He done drugs nonstop for three years,everything! Everything he could do.Lsd,amanitas,DXM,datura,mephedrone,cocaine,ketamine,heroine,pills.His life was a constant binge,doing more and more drugs.But one day police sourounded his house,waiting for a reason to get in.He had the shock of his life,and destroyed over 3000-4000$ of drugs.He sat in that house for four days alone,crying and contemplating all the bad things he done,and swore if it would ever end,he will change for real.And he did,and he is now a person that I`m soo proud of.

He recieved a wakeupcall,and he took it.You recieved one too,but you missed it.
I am sorry if I was rough,I didin`t intend to.I hope you all the good,and wish you love and confidence in yourself. I know you CAN do it.You can get over that nasty habit,and just fuck it and start over.There are many pretty girls in the world,and many jobs to come.Yet you are unique,only you are you,why would you loose yourself?:heart:


--------------------
Love exists in everything,it`s all a matter of perspective.

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OfflineXUL
OTD Janitor
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: overdose]
    #14540528 - 05/31/11 12:55 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I have no experience with quitting addictive substances. But I think you should write you ex a letter and tell her, if its true, that you really love her and care and that you will come back a better man. Then check into rehab, take up some hobbies to keep your mind healthy, and then create a plan to go to college.

Sounds like you really want to better yourself. Thats a damn good thing.

I think you can do it.

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InvisibleTheEnd
Strange Daze

Registered: 09/04/06
Posts: 1,021
Re: suicidal thoughts [Re: XUL]
    #14544170 - 06/01/11 02:54 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

You mentioned that your family doesn't seem to know about your problems, and that no one seems to care.

Something to think about: If one of your family members were to confront you and asked about drug use etc, how would you react? If you're honest with yourself, are you the type of person that would get all defensive and angry about being confronted? If you are, they probably already know that, and maybe they just aren't sure how to approach the situation because they're afraid of making things worse.

Another thing, a lot of times when a person continues to choose a lifestyle that destroys them, and it goes on for years and years, some people already know the reality that it's really up to that person if they are to ever change, no matter how many times people express concern, and in many cases it only makes the situation worse when someone tells you that you shouldn't do that. It's like telling a little kid not to do something because it's bad for them, but then they end up doing it only because they want to know WHY it's bad, or just to spite them.

People probably care about you a lot more than you think. It sounds to me like you're just too messed up most of the time to realize it. So of course you're going to have suicidal thoughts.

I recommend telling your immediate family, or at the very least your brother, about your addiction and drug use, and anything else that you're having problems with. You may just find that honesty in and of itself releives you of a LOT of the weight that you're carrying around with you. After that, ask them for their help with finding a good rehab program for you.

The situation with your girlfriend is secondary right now, so keep in contact with her if you want (if she wants to), but you don't need a relationship right now. Unless you get straight, the type of relationship that it seems like you want to have with her, won't happen.

Don't kill yourself. Be completely honest with yourself and the people that love you. Things WILL get better if you try hard enough and stick with it.

A sober lifestyle doesn't suck nearly as much as you think it does when you're an addict.

:peace:


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