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Offlinejohnnyfive
Burning withCircles!
Registered: 07/02/02
Posts: 886
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
Im going to topple?
    #1453959 - 04/13/03 01:45 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

What is the twisted psychology of this one?

I am about to topple? or I am going to topple in the future?

What do i mean by topple?

My life after the explosion of knowledge recieved about 2 to 4 months ago has shook me far worse than anything thats ever happened to me before. That knowleadge is : "This is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth"

Im sick of the lie's i always have to tell everyone. Im sick of feeling like the evil terrorist that lives amoung people! Im sick of talking to people, but i find my self extra-social at school(how funny isn't it).

My life is a bunch of pop-sickle sticks that im building to reach something, but one wrong move and ill TOPPLE!!!!!!

It isn't a question of will it happen; its a question of when.

And with (suddenly with in the last 4 months ive notice that there alot more women noticing me ) (VERY VERY WIERD AND RARE AND SCARY!!!) it may happen soon; i can't deal with a women right now, ill spill. (it will be a complete mess)(because of course they are going to want to know about your life, and they CAN'T KNOW; they are fishing for me im scared to take the bait :grin:)


--------------------
And the gameshow host rings the buzzer (brrnnntt) oh and now you get a face full of face!


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: johnnyfive]
    #1453996 - 04/13/03 02:19 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I must say, i feel the same way. since about 2 years ago i felt that explosion of knowledge and ever since its been toppling endlessly, like fractals, spinning out. it seems the more i try to focus on one thing :crazy: , im spun out on the fractal edge you could say. yeah, about the psycho women, yeah i know. and it seems like way more to deal with. i feel i am where i am because of what i see. like im checked somehow by realizations of certain things. and it been going on for a while, only to expand more. i dont know maybe thats just me. lol.  :confused:


--------------------
What?


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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: johnnyfive]
    #1454089 - 04/13/03 03:24 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

The choice to attemt is hard, to keep attemting is even harder.

These days I am constantly on the verge of abandoning the path that I attemt to follow, although it only exsists in my mind, that is ..
But there is no going back for me..I cant pretend I dont know what I know, if I did the immediate rewards would be pointless to the ..I cant even say, it is unthinkable for me not to think.
I often am amazed, I get used to so many "thinking" people here I forget that there are so many who dont have realizations and/or are so programmed be media/common consciousness/self-doubt that they shut them down as non sense or the old "no one else is doing it" or thinking it in this matter.
But other people self-realizations are not mine and I must think what do I know? What am I going to do about what I know.
I think I know where you are coming from. I have been thinking lately is this my curse or my blessing, it can really only be both in this dualistic world in the end it will either be the failure to achieve what I am attempting or to succed..although it is likely to not happen the way I or others envision it, the reason to keep my mind open but my will determined to what I know.

We certainly are capable, when one uses all he has he finds the world knew.
I find myself having seemingly amazing realizations daily even hourly these days..like at least my world is speeding up, and it wants me to GO FOR IT! but what? just live?
What is just living, I know I could easily fall back into my broken deception of hate again, it hard to see when you dont see..
The scary part is that I know, I have always known, the realization that I know simply put it in the now..
Before I could put it off,
My greatest dreams could be nice things,good friends, A cool hot chick(stiil very good  :crazy:) that perfect life to fit perfectly in to the common consciosness, even my individual loves would become not enough..Is that what I want.
Then settle, but when do I have enough?
60 years with adream women,job,life I am sure would be very rewarding.. but enough?
Not for me, at least not at this point.
Something I have been thinking about lately is how many stories there are.  How many people have lived, and done things.  These days although we are often so jaded it doesnt seem like it, without the constant threat of death and starvation we are allowed this precious time. What we do with it is up to us. Will we chose to think? It really doesnt take all that long itseems, It is amazing we all seem to come to the same psuedo-answer..that there IS a way, no matter how individual and obscure the thought may be..I just talk to you and know, it may seem buried, but if I allow someone there freewill and speak only with love..they will think, and as stated they will see.

For me I have chosen to face it, to deal with reality? To queation why. To accept I can only doubt whay I know so many times before it becomes obvious, and then know becomes something entirely knew all toghther.

I wish I had more encouraging words for ya,
The more knowledge or as I say realizations and the more you see indeed the more easy your world becomes. I noticed that what was important when I was 16( if I was only with that way hot chick,or had that car) know that it is here, and my mind has evolved, and that same chick I can know have and even could have then, but know it just isnt enough..
I am beyond worshiping greed and will no longer feed the fires of hate.
to quote spider man" with great power comes great responsibility "
I think it is irresponsible not to realize you have power, and therefore.. To make that decision
I think what makes a great man is not was he is known for, but what he knows about himself.

I have faith in you dude, you wont topple and neither will I, or if we do we will find we had to for the good.. :cool:

I cant remeber where I am quoting this from but this phrase encourages me

" I cant go on, I must go on, I will go on. "   


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Offlineblaze2
The Witness
Male

Registered: 12/20/02
Posts: 1,883
Loc: San Antonio, TX
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: shaggy101]
    #1454136 - 04/13/03 04:00 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

dude that was like the best thing ive read here in a while it captured alot things ive been thinking about for awhile now but couldnt really grasp. and that quote at the bottom was just perfect. 5 shrooms to you! peace

blaze2


--------------------
"Religion without science is blind, Science without religion is lame." Albert Einstein

"peace is not maintained through force it is acheived through intelligence." Albert Einstein

"Those who desire to give up Freedom in order to gain Security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."
Thomas Jefferson

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." --Thomas Jefferson


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Offlinedjd586
Underpants Gnome

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 1,655
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: johnnyfive]
    #1454362 - 04/13/03 09:00 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Although it may seem scarey to "topple" over. . . sometimes that's just what you need. Once it happenes, and the smoke and dust settle, you can rebuild your life on a soild foundation in which it'll be less likely for you to break down again.


--------------------

Phase 1... collect underpants... phase 2...??? ... Phase 3 - PROFIT!


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OfflineTheo Nanacatl
boddhisattva
Registered: 12/15/02
Posts: 590
Loc: Indiana, USA
Last seen: 8 months, 2 days
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: djd586]
    #1454573 - 04/13/03 01:07 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah, I agree with djd586...part of growing older is the realization that things come and go, bad and good together, and that what you build can and will unravel. Each unravelling brings about the opportunity to "reknit" the fabric of your life using the knowledge that your experiences have given you...each time you reknit, the fabric becomes stronger and the patterns take on more meaning. I've been through a lot in my 45 years, and believe me, life may take things away, but those things that you are left with take on more meaning and value. Remember, that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger...Peace!


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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: johnnyfive]
    #1454673 - 04/13/03 02:11 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

man whats the worst that could happen? fuckin relax dude!


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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OfflineBlastrid
e l e m e n t al i t y
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/14/02
Posts: 3,323
Loc: The Desert
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: shaggy101]
    #1454696 - 04/13/03 04:08 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

The Patient

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.

Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.

And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.

Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.

Gonna wait it out.




--------------------
Blas'?trid (bl?s tr?d)
    n.  3rd generation derivitave of a combination of 'bastard' and 'blasted'.  Used as both an insult or an expletive.
    ex.  Blastrid!

Stereopattern  <--My music.


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Offlinejohnnyfive
Burning withCircles!
Registered: 07/02/02
Posts: 886
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: Strumpling]
    #1455622 - 04/13/03 11:31 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I am relaxed, i just think im reaching a critical point.

Shit my life is easy now, compared to what it was like about 5 or 6 years ago. lol


--------------------
And the gameshow host rings the buzzer (brrnnntt) oh and now you get a face full of face!


Edited by johnnyfive (04/13/03 11:32 PM)


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Offlinedumlovesyou
retired shroomer
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/02/01
Posts: 685
Loc: One dimension
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: johnnyfive]
    #1456085 - 04/14/03 03:16 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

I am relaxed, i just think im reaching a critical point.

Shit my life is easy now, compared to what it was like about 5 or 6 years ago. lol
 




Man, we all seem to have this shit going on. :laugh: I am finishing university this year, I have a lot to read and stuff.. also finishig all this 16 years of school makes me feel strange. I need to put my life in my hands. Start making money!! Really strange. I am very very worried. I don't know what will happen. I don't really want to start working. :frown: I hope I'll find sometghing entertaining. Peace and love to you too! "Good luck".


--------------------
I see trees of green, psylocibe mushrooms too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world


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OfflineShroomNewb
enthusiast
Registered: 11/09/01
Posts: 230
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: dumlovesyou]
    #1456281 - 04/14/03 05:06 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

It is happening to me also, I am graduating highschool.. and am not going to attend university. This summer will be interesting indeed. I have many questions about life and that remain unanswered, something seems to be missing. I don't really know what I need to ail myself, but as Maynard graciously points out we must remain patient. I just don't know what will fill the hole. Although I can tell you that drugs, women, and money won't do it, it has to come from the inside. I can't imagine living another 60 years while feeling so empty inside.


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OfflineViBrAnT
WaRpInG &sPiRaLiNg
Registered: 07/30/02
Posts: 286
Last seen: 13 years, 11 months
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: ShroomNewb]
    #1458975 - 04/15/03 01:23 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

it keeps happening
over and over again
until it stops
and i can see
oh its so clear

i wonder if there is anything behind it
i wonder if i am about to break into it
suddenly everythig is black
and there are colored strings

what the hell was that?
oh so you are telling me thats the answer


a spontaneous arising
is that all i am
thats a scary thought
like a flower it says
you are born to die

i dont know why i listen to this voice
it can only tell me what i already know
i pray that the gods of truth
will one day descend
but i fear i am in hell
with no way out

but im gonna love everyone anyways
cause thats all i got left



--------------------
" liken this life illusory, for your sand castle will one day be adrift amongst the wind "




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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: Im going to topple? [Re: ViBrAnT]
    #1466032 - 04/17/03 02:32 AM (14 years, 2 months ago)

we're all hanging in there together guys...... this isn't "easy" for most of us I'm sure :wink:


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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