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OfflineXUL
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Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
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breaking up with her?.............
    #14526932 - 05/28/11 04:32 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I just got in good with a girl who makes 70 grand a year, is funny, independent, smart, and incredibly understanding about things. She cares for me and I know if I kept going we would make it forever.

the problem is that for me there is no spark. I'm not too attracted to her body or the way we kiss and have sex. I'm sometimes short with her and I want to be left alone. Today she cried beacause I was being short last night. I know she can see it in me. I know she wonders why I'm distant.

with my ex I had a spark or twin flame. Like soul mates. I wanted to spend my time with her. I wanted to be hers forever. With this one I don't feel that at all. I keep thinking maybe I should just give it more time.

but the more time I fake it the more I'll hurt her..... I don't want to break her heart but it might happen.

the truth is I see so many women walking around, all sooo beautifull. And I want to hit on them. I admit I thought I could do better with my ex and then bam I fell deep in love and she was the most beautifull girl in my world.

I don't know what to do. I never broke a heart before.


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TRUMP 2020


Edited by XUL (05/28/11 04:35 PM)


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OfflineCherk
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Registered: 10/25/02
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: XUL]
    #14526939 - 05/28/11 04:33 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

first thing you mention is her salary


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I have considered such matters.

SIKE


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Anonymous #1

Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: XUL]
    #14526952 - 05/28/11 04:35 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Pretty ironic that your mood states "in love". But yeah, I am in a situation similar to yours. I'm with a girl that I love but I am not
completely 'head over heels' for her and I by no means do no feel any 'spark'. It sucks big time because most of the time when she wants to do something or see I have no enthusiasm to do so. I don't really look forward to seeing her, because I don't feel that spark. I miss that feeling.


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Anonymous #2

Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14527670 - 05/28/11 06:51 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Absolutely in the same boat as you 2. I think we forced the love when there was no spark to begin with. Now we've been together for 12 months. The love has grown, but my heart feels like a wet pieces of flint


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Anonymous #3

Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14528323 - 05/28/11 09:23 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Same situation, but i live with my partner.

I like her, but i am mostly short with her and don't feel like i WANT to do sweet things for her. I just sort of go through the motions and it's almost like a loveless marriage.

I know it's not permanent, but am not ready to "deal" with it right now, because of both of our situations. It's not terrible, but not great either.

Good luck to you other posters.


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OfflineJoolz
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Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #14528383 - 05/28/11 09:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Pretty sure you were posting "OMG SUCH LOVE FLOWING FROM MEH" posts about this same girl a few weeks ago? Assuming its the same girl of course.


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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.


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OfflineSteve
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Registered: 09/22/07
Posts: 442
Loc: AUS
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Joolz]
    #14528922 - 05/29/11 12:08 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I feel similar to some of you.

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost four years. We hardly spend a day apart but now I'm not so sure we are meant to be together as lovers. I don't want to marry her. Its like we are FWB but very serious.

LIke someone else above I go through the motions of doing nice things for her but half the time I couldn't be bothered or really care.

I know that sounds like an asshole. I treat her well and always honest with her except how I'm feeling at the moment. These feelings leave but are always there in the back of my mind.

I don't want to break up with her because I know it will destroy her mentally but I dont want to be in this position for the rest of my life.

I'm happy and love her but not super happy and don't get surges of positive emotion when I think about her.

Its very difficult. Maybe you break up with her and find your perfect partner or maybe you dont and be single forever and you missed your chance at having kids, marriage etc etc.

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

To the OP do what your heart feels. You know deep down what to do.


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Anonymous #3

Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Steve]
    #14528995 - 05/29/11 12:42 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Steve said:
Its very difficult. Maybe you break up with her and find your perfect partner or maybe you dont and be single forever and you missed your chance at having kids, marriage etc etc.





It's not bad enough to immediately end things - but i'd hate to be trapped in this situation forever. I know what my heart knows - i guess it's just a matter of time.


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InvisibleI_was_the_walrus
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: XUL]
    #14529245 - 05/29/11 02:32 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

XUL said:
I don't know what to do. I never broke a heart before.





Well theres a first for everything. Lifes all about experience. You may learn something. Something about love. Something about yourself. Something about relationships.

Thats pretty much my life right now. Being bitter, flirting and breaking hearts. Its like a god damn country song.


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OfflineXUL
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Registered: 03/16/05
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Steve]
    #14529815 - 05/29/11 08:31 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

thanks for the replies. It helps to hear about all your experiences.



Edited by XUL (05/29/11 03:44 PM)


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Offlinedummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: XUL]
    #14530160 - 05/29/11 11:06 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

what happened with your ex?

dude if the spark is not there it won't be there... you'll only give yourself and that lady trouble.


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People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.


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Offlinewickidshroomla
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Registered: 05/29/11
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Cherk] * 1
    #14530887 - 05/29/11 01:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Honesty is always the best policy .. she probably already knows and she just dosent want it to be real. Dont stay because she hot or not hot .. if she makes you happy and you stay faithful thats all that matters. If you love her like a sugar mama well thats not cool ..Good Luck


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OfflineXUL
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Registered: 03/16/05
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: wickidshroomla]
    #14531201 - 05/29/11 03:08 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

We are completely faithfull to eachother and I have 100 percent trust in her. I have no anxiety or insecurity when it comes to her. But the thing is she does not make me as happy as I have felt once before. With my prior girl I felt so fullfilled. I am a happy person in general but she gave me permagrin, the giggles, a deep love I cant even explain.  I feel as if I can not be in a relationship unless I find that passion again. Since I have had a taste, it cant be any other way. I think I will either be single or find passion again.

Dummy,

My ex was the one for me, but I was not the one for her. I am glad she found somone else. Either way, the time we shared was utter brilliance and I will never forget. I will also always love her and the memories we shared. Ill still love her even knowing we will never meet again.


Last night I gave it my best. The girl and I went on a walk and sat on a beautifull fountain and enjoyed the twilight. It was peacfull and we had fun. We came back to her place, drank wine, watched a movie, and then had sex. And then had sex again in the morning. there was no spark within me. There was no passion. The sex was the empty. My heart was empty.

On the car ride home today she saw it in my eyes again. She called me out. She asked what was wrong with me. I couldnt even hide it. I wasnt ready to bring the hammer down so I assured her everything was fine and eventually we had a nice conversation. Except the bad thing is that she is getting more serious. She wanted me to meet her parents and talked about our future. I felt so bad.

Somone in a recent post told me to follow my heart. Its all I can do. I am going to give it a little longer and then I am going to cut myself loose at any consequence. I would rather live a single man than live in a loveless and passionless relationship.

This experience really opens my eyes. The love of my life, my ex, left, I think, because she felt no passion or she lost her love for me. And now here I am about to do what my ex did to me. I wonder if it was as hard for her to leave me as it is for me to leave my current girl. Hearts are fragile and so hope I can explain to my girl, without crushing her soul, that she is amazing but she is simply not the one for me.


Edited by XUL (05/29/11 03:13 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: XUL]
    #14531302 - 05/29/11 03:35 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Good luck bro, it will be for the best.


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Invisiblebonnahoo
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Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 371
Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14532282 - 05/29/11 06:46 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah good luck, please break it off with her if you don't want to be with her. It will only hurt her more in the end. Trust me, I know. This is what my ex did to me. She stayed with me for 4 months because she didn't want to hurt me, and then when it finally ended she told me this and it made me feel like fucking shit and still does.
The truth hurts regardless, but a truth kept secret hurts like no other.


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InvisibleTTT
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Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: bonnahoo] * 1
    #14532469 - 05/29/11 07:16 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

She'll get over you. You are not her essence of life. She will be hurt and she will move on. The end. Stop flattering yourself/fooling yourself into thinking you're protecting her by not telling her your feelings. You are afraid to be a lone and not have to benefits of a relationship but don't want to stick with someone you feel nothing for. Be real with yourself and you can be real with others.


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OfflineXUL
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Registered: 03/16/05
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: TTT]
    #14533768 - 05/29/11 11:47 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

TTT said:
You are afraid to be a lone and not have to benefits of a relationship but don't want to stick with someone you feel nothing for.




I am not afraid to be alone. I am 25 and I have only had girlfriend(s) for a total of a year and a half in my lifetime. I spend most of my life alone and those were many of the best times of my life.


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Offlinedummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
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Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: XUL]
    #14534217 - 05/30/11 02:27 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

so she is the rebound?


--------------------
People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: XUL]
    #14534664 - 05/30/11 07:19 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Sounds like you see no real future for the two of you. I can imagine, given the circumstances. If there's no real passion or love from your end, and you're certain there never will be, then that's just a fact.

Quote:

XUL said:
I don't know what to do. I never broke a heart before.



You can chose to own up to her and break her heart now, or let it fester a bit more and then have a phenomenal collapse, causing even more emotional damage to the both of you. Or let it fester and hope you'll fall in love with her nonetheless. You're the only one to be able to estimate the chances of that happening.


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Anonymous #4

Re: breaking up with her?............. [Re: koraks] * 1
    #14539618 - 05/31/11 07:29 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

just break up with her, she'll cry at first but then she'll realise how much better off she is without you, you can go back with your ex - win win


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