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occollegeboi
MushroomSpaceGod



Registered: 04/10/11
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Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration?
#14507098 - 05/24/11 09:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Hello. I apologize in advance if I write a novel, I tend to write a lot on these forums. I'll try to keep it short as possible.
Back in mid 2008, I was "diagnosed" as bipolar type 2, which is the less severe form. I didn't start taking medication until about march 2010 and have been on them ever since. I have felt more stable than when I was not taking them, but here's the thing: During the last couple of months, I've been weaning myself off of medication. I was on 600mg of seroquel, and I'm now down to 150mg. I've had NO problems with the process. I did notice from 400 to 300mg, I would get a little stressed at work, but I work at papa johns, it gets super busy, and everyone gets a little stressed during high peak times. I can handle it well, nonetheless.
Also, I do admit, from the time I was 18 until about a couple months ago, my state of consciousness was a state of HELL. I HATED life, I hated my circumstances, I was under a lot of stress, I wanted to die, etc. The medication got rid of my mood swings but what I found was that it didn't get rid of the fact that I hated life. I still hated my circumstances and wanted to die. About a couple months ago (a little before I started weaning off of my meds) I became depressed one day. I was thinking about suicide and having lots of suicidal ideation. I got an email from someone who stated that they died for 5 minutes and that I'm "not missing out on anything, don't kill yourself, get professional help and you'll be happier." Well that got me interested in near death experiences and out of body experiences, so I researched peoples' experiences with those. I learned that they all visited one of two places: either a really happy place with lots of love, or a really fearful place with lots of suffering. Basically, what christians would consider "heaven" or "hell." Even reading atheist's experiences, they all visit either a happy place or a fearful place. So then this got me thinking "well if we visit either a happy or fearful place in the afterlife, what's the difference in who experiences which? So then I started a thread called, is death a state of consciousness?, and the very last person to respond stated, "the heaven or hell state you speak of relates to one's personal vibration. raise it high enough and you can experience bliss and heaven, drop it low enough and you experience depression, hell, negativity." I found this to be of MOST INTEREST to me.
Before I go further, let me say that reading about NDE's and OBE's has made me question the after life and that if we really do continue with the afterlife, how lond does it last until we are reborn? I figured that I'd better get used to my life because I've got 70 more years to go until I croak. I learned to accept my circumstances, be happy that I'm getting my life back on track and that I'm back in college after being out for 2.5 years and stuff like that.
So now I'm wondering, since I'm having no trouble weaning off my medication, was I really bipolar or did I just have negative, personal life vibration? I know the meds helped my mood swings, which were real, but what the meds have shown me is how the mentally stable life is. It has shown me that I don't need to get stressed and psychotic over the tiniest little things. It has thought me simple biofeedback things that I can do like paying attention to my breath, slow deep breathing, how to sway racing, repetitive, circular thoughts associated with bipolar disorder, and stuff like that. It has shown me what an edge person and downright ASSHOLE I used to be in regards to my old mood swings.
One last thing: The reason I wanted to wean myself off the meds is because one of the side effects of seroquel is "suicideal ideation." and that's what I think caused my suicidal ideation on a couple occasions. After that day when I realized this, I wanted to go off medication. I also want to go off medication because with everything I've stated in this message, I feel that I need to take a few mushroom trips to gain new perspectives on life and also to figure out some questions and answers about my life. I know seroquel basically prevents people from tripping. Back when I was 21 (the year I was "diagnosed.") I was doing LSD and mushrooms a lot, so I'm pretty experienced with psychedelics. I've also been reading a book called, "Take Me to Truth, Undoing the Ego." I'm really interested in "undoing" my ego, and even gaining ego death in my mushroom entheogenic trips.
So what do you guys think? I know for sure that there are people who live with severe bipolar and NEED meds or else they WILL become psychotic, but for those with mild bipolar like me, or those whose disorder seems to to have been come to terms with, do you think that it's possible people can just have negative life vibration for a period in their lives and just have it "diagnosed" as bipolar? Thanks.
Edited by occollegeboi (05/24/11 10:15 PM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,847
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: occollegeboi]
#14508565 - 05/25/11 06:20 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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you raise an important point but it gets clouded with foggy/soft ideas.
the point is that ideation is not a result of medication, but the psychiatric community is not unified on enough of their own theories to ratify that: this speaks to your issue "Am I really Bi-Polar" because the diagnosis is as weak as the psychiatric college that can stand (loosely) behind the statement that seroquel (may) produce suicidal ideation.
all of that is very soft, but the hard evidence is that the dosage you are working with is helping you cope for the time being.
in a completely different area altogether is the soft domain of NDE's and what they are and if they actually mean anything (my suggestion is that they mean less than dreams or nightmares) - and you can line up psychiatrists on both sides of that fence as well.
I commend you lowering your dose, and I recommend you continuing to think about what ideas are (mental objects) and how they fit into your stream of consciousness (i.e. what is association - linkage?). this can be of help to you and to your life, while the experts know little more than you do, except to prescribe what has helped other people who have been equally stressed out.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: occollegeboi]
#14508583 - 05/25/11 06:33 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
occollegeboi said: Hello. I apologize in advance if I write a novel, I tend to write a lot on these forums. I'll try to keep it short as possible.
Back in mid 2008, I was "diagnosed" as bipolar type 2, which is the less severe form. I didn't start taking medication until about march 2010 and have been on them ever since. I have felt more stable than when I was not taking them, but here's the thing: During the last couple of months, I've been weaning myself off of medication. I was on 600mg of seroquel, and I'm now down to 150mg. I've had NO problems with the process. I did notice from 400 to 300mg, I would get a little stressed at work, but I work at papa johns, it gets super busy, and everyone gets a little stressed during high peak times. I can handle it well, nonetheless.
Also, I do admit, from the time I was 18 until about a couple months ago, my state of consciousness was a state of HELL. I HATED life, I hated my circumstances, I was under a lot of stress, I wanted to die, etc. The medication got rid of my mood swings but what I found was that it didn't get rid of the fact that I hated life. I still hated my circumstances and wanted to die. About a couple months ago (a little before I started weaning off of my meds) I became depressed one day. I was thinking about suicide and having lots of suicidal ideation. I got an email from someone who stated that they died for 5 minutes and that I'm "not missing out on anything, don't kill yourself, get professional help and you'll be happier." Well that got me interested in near death experiences and out of body experiences, so I researched peoples' experiences with those. I learned that they all visited one of two places: either a really happy place with lots of love, or a really fearful place with lots of suffering. Basically, what christians would consider "heaven" or "hell." Even reading atheist's experiences, they all visit either a happy place or a fearful place. So then this got me thinking "well if we visit either a happy or fearful place in the afterlife, what's the difference in who experiences which? So then I started a thread called, is death a state of consciousness?, and the very last person to respond stated, "the heaven or hell state you speak of relates to one's personal vibration. raise it high enough and you can experience bliss and heaven, drop it low enough and you experience depression, hell, negativity." I found this to be of MOST INTEREST to me.
Before I go further, let me say that reading about NDE's and OBE's has made me question the after life and that if we really do continue with the afterlife, how lond does it last until we are reborn? I figured that I'd better get used to my life because I've got 70 more years to go until I croak. I learned to accept my circumstances, be happy that I'm getting my life back on track and that I'm back in college after being out for 2.5 years and stuff like that.
So now I'm wondering, since I'm having no trouble weaning off my medication, was I really bipolar or did I just have negative, personal life vibration? I know the meds helped my mood swings, which were real, but what the meds have shown me is how the mentally stable life is. It has shown me that I don't need to get stressed and psychotic over the tiniest little things. It has thought me simple biofeedback things that I can do like paying attention to my breath, slow deep breathing, how to sway racing, repetitive, circular thoughts associated with bipolar disorder, and stuff like that. It has shown me what an edge person and downright ASSHOLE I used to be in regards to my old mood swings.
One last thing: The reason I wanted to wean myself off the meds is because one of the side effects of seroquel is "suicideal ideation." and that's what I think caused my suicidal ideation on a couple occasions. After that day when I realized this, I wanted to go off medication. I also want to go off medication because with everything I've stated in this message, I feel that I need to take a few mushroom trips to gain new perspectives on life and also to figure out some questions and answers about my life. I know seroquel basically prevents people from tripping. Back when I was 21 (the year I was "diagnosed.") I was doing LSD and mushrooms a lot, so I'm pretty experienced with psychedelics. I've also been reading a book called, "Take Me to Truth, Undoing the Ego." I'm really interested in "undoing" my ego, and even gaining ego death in my mushroom entheogenic trips.
So what do you guys think? I know for sure that there are people who live with severe bipolar and NEED meds or else they WILL become psychotic, but for those with mild bipolar like me, or those whose disorder seems to to have been come to terms with, do you think that it's possible people can just have negative life vibration for a period in their lives and just have it "diagnosed" as bipolar? Thanks.
yes my friend that is a lot of words.
let's really cut to the chase here. why do you hate life? ok big one. drop it back a bit. what is one thing you hate about life?
we all make our own heaven or hell. sounds like you are attracted to both as am i. hell is for children. wasn't that a pat benatar song?
anyway my suggestion is that you live life with eyes open and with mind open yet with mind shut. you are super analytical, i used to be like that. it sucked. think simply and relaxed. your deep breathing to combat your anxiety. nice. that was the ONE positive i got from your treatise.
anyway my thoughts for now. oh and fuck all those meds you are right this shit is deeper than some med some quack perscribed. not saying you may not need something but that shit is not good. any of it. course now you are hooked to it so dropping back gradual is good.
eat right sleep right think calm why stress watch the panic at papa johns and enjoy it
dude
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: redgreenvines]
#14508594 - 05/25/11 06:41 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: you raise an important point but it gets clouded with foggy/soft ideas.
the point is that ideation is not a result of medication, but the psychiatric community is not unified on enough of their own theories to ratify that: this speaks to your issue "Am I really Bi-Polar" because the diagnosis is as weak as the psychiatric college that can stand (loosely) behind the statement that seroquel (may) produce suicidal ideation.
all of that is very soft, but the hard evidence is that the dosage you are working with is helping you cope for the time being.
in a completely different area altogether is the soft domain of NDE's and what they are and if they actually mean anything (my suggestion is that they mean less than dreams or nightmares) - and you can line up psychiatrists on both sides of that fence as well.
I commend you lowering your dose, and I recommend you continuing to think about what ideas are (mental objects) and how they fit into your stream of consciousness (i.e. what is association - linkage?). this can be of help to you and to your life, while the experts know little more than you do, except to prescribe what has helped other people who have been equally stressed out.

There is great danger in blindly following "experts" in any field but especially the medical one. IMO there really are no experts out there. Anyone my have a piece or two of a puzzle but that does not mean, no matter what they tell you, that they know what the final picture is. This is why doing your own research and making all the final decisions yourself is so worthwhile. I think this gives one the best chance for success.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: Icelander]
#14508620 - 05/25/11 06:52 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said: you raise an important point but it gets clouded with foggy/soft ideas.
the point is that ideation is not a result of medication, but the psychiatric community is not unified on enough of their own theories to ratify that: this speaks to your issue "Am I really Bi-Polar" because the diagnosis is as weak as the psychiatric college that can stand (loosely) behind the statement that seroquel (may) produce suicidal ideation.
all of that is very soft, but the hard evidence is that the dosage you are working with is helping you cope for the time being.
in a completely different area altogether is the soft domain of NDE's and what they are and if they actually mean anything (my suggestion is that they mean less than dreams or nightmares) - and you can line up psychiatrists on both sides of that fence as well.
I commend you lowering your dose, and I recommend you continuing to think about what ideas are (mental objects) and how they fit into your stream of consciousness (i.e. what is association - linkage?). this can be of help to you and to your life, while the experts know little more than you do, except to prescribe what has helped other people who have been equally stressed out.

There is great danger in blindly following "experts" in any field but especially the medical one. IMO there really are no experts out there. Anyone my have a piece or two of a puzzle but that does not mean, no matter what they tell you, that they know what the final picture is. This is why doing your own research and making all the final decisions yourself is so worthwhile. I think this gives one the best chance for success.
Quote:
Icelander said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said: you raise an important point but it gets clouded with foggy/soft ideas.
the point is that ideation is not a result of medication, but the psychiatric community is not unified on enough of their own theories to ratify that: this speaks to your issue "Am I really Bi-Polar" because the diagnosis is as weak as the psychiatric college that can stand (loosely) behind the statement that seroquel (may) produce suicidal ideation.
all of that is very soft, but the hard evidence is that the dosage you are working with is helping you cope for the time being.
in a completely different area altogether is the soft domain of NDE's and what they are and if they actually mean anything (my suggestion is that they mean less than dreams or nightmares) - and you can line up psychiatrists on both sides of that fence as well.
I commend you lowering your dose, and I recommend you continuing to think about what ideas are (mental objects) and how they fit into your stream of consciousness (i.e. what is association - linkage?). this can be of help to you and to your life, while the experts know little more than you do, except to prescribe what has helped other people who have been equally stressed out.

There is great danger in blindly following "experts" in any field but especially the medical one. IMO there really are no experts out there. Anyone my have a piece or two of a puzzle but that does not mean, no matter what they tell you, that they know what the final picture is. This is why doing your own research and making all the final decisions yourself is so worthwhile. I think this gives one the best chance for success.
Quote:
Icelander said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said: you raise an important point but it gets clouded with foggy/soft ideas.
the point is that ideation is not a result of medication, but the psychiatric community is not unified on enough of their own theories to ratify that: this speaks to your issue "Am I really Bi-Polar" because the diagnosis is as weak as the psychiatric college that can stand (loosely) behind the statement that seroquel (may) produce suicidal ideation.
all of that is very soft, but the hard evidence is that the dosage you are working with is helping you cope for the time being.
in a completely different area altogether is the soft domain of NDE's and what they are and if they actually mean anything (my suggestion is that they mean less than dreams or nightmares) - and you can line up psychiatrists on both sides of that fence as well.
I commend you lowering your dose, and I recommend you continuing to think about what ideas are (mental objects) and how they fit into your stream of consciousness (i.e. what is association - linkage?). this can be of help to you and to your life, while the experts know little more than you do, except to prescribe what has helped other people who have been equally stressed out.

There is great danger in blindly following "experts" in any field but especially the medical one. IMO there really are no experts out there. Anyone my have a piece or two of a puzzle but that does not mean, no matter what they tell you, that they know what the final picture is. This is why doing your own research and making all the final decisions yourself is so worthwhile. I think this gives one the best chance for success.
Yes, and don't listen to anyone who keeps prattling on about Death Anxiety.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Icelander
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: LunarEclipse] 1
#14508811 - 05/25/11 08:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Or those who constantly post music vids that only they would care about.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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mooshroom
Stranger

Registered: 04/23/11
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? *DELETED* [Re: Icelander]
#14508861 - 05/25/11 08:41 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by mooshroomReason for deletion: ??
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Icelander
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: mooshroom]
#14508888 - 05/25/11 08:51 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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What's that all about? Have you lost track of your home forum?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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mooshroom
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: Icelander]
#14508896 - 05/25/11 08:54 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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it's what i think i would find interesting if i were in his situation
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Icelander
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: mooshroom]
#14508963 - 05/25/11 09:19 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,847
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: Icelander]
#14509218 - 05/25/11 10:52 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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thanks for the support and "agreeance" (the one thing george bush did of value was to popularize this unusual word) and I do not believe you prattle, obsess perhaps but not prattle.
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_ 🧠_
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Icelander
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: redgreenvines]
#14509266 - 05/25/11 11:04 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Obsessive? Me? What (death anxiety) ever (death anxiety) do (death anxiety) you (death anxiety) mean?
I'm like a dog on a bone dude. I'm gonna get to the marrow or break all my teeth trying.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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mooshroom
Stranger

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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: Icelander]
#14509293 - 05/25/11 11:09 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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trying what? i'm new here but i'd be delighted to learn about your obsessions.
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Icelander
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: mooshroom]
#14509468 - 05/25/11 11:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Read that post again. There are four hints.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: Icelander]
#14509507 - 05/25/11 11:55 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: Obsessive? Me? What (death anxiety) ever (death anxiety) do (death anxiety) you (death anxiety) mean?
I'm like a dog on a bone dude. I'm gonna get to the marrow or break all my teeth trying.
You still have teeth?
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occollegeboi
MushroomSpaceGod



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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#14509635 - 05/25/11 12:27 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said: yes my friend that is a lot of words.
let's really cut to the chase here. why do you hate life? ok big one. drop it back a bit. what is one thing you hate about life?
we all make our own heaven or hell. sounds like you are attracted to both as am i. hell is for children. wasn't that a pat benatar song?
anyway my suggestion is that you live life with eyes open and with mind open yet with mind shut. you are super analytical, i used to be like that. it sucked. think simply and relaxed. your deep breathing to combat your anxiety. nice. that was the ONE positive i got from your treatise.
anyway my thoughts for now. oh and fuck all those meds you are right this shit is deeper than some med some quack perscribed. not saying you may not need something but that shit is not good. any of it. course now you are hooked to it so dropping back gradual is good.
eat right sleep right think calm why stress watch the panic at papa johns and enjoy it
dude
1. Reasons I hated life: I got set back by the bad economy of 2008, lost a good job, had to sell my brand new car that I worked hard to get, had to stop going to college. Had to move out of cali to texas where my mom lives. Hated the fact that I have never made enough to $ to move out away from family. Everything else basically stemmed from that. -I realize now that EVERYONE was affected by negative economy. I realize although I was set back, NOW I am back in school, I have a stable (although lame) job and am on track to saving money for a car/school/my future, and I know which university I want to transfer to. Though it sucks living with parents, at least they are here to help. I've just kinda accepted things in my life rather than questioning why they happened.
Recently, with my readings on noetic science & the ego, I now realize that EVERYONE has the power to create their own reality, be it heaven or hell. I know for sure I certainly turned my life into a hell state in my past for sure. Now I am gaining back my life/power and I now choose to live in a peaceful state of reality. Hell states are associated with negative life vibrations.
Yes, I'm super analytical, it sucks. I used to be worse about it. Someone else mentioned that I'm too analytical based on how much I type, that there is a lot of stuff going on in my mind. I've learned in the past to just "lighten up" about things and take things more easily and in stride. I'm still learning how to further think "simply."
All in all, thanks for answering my question guys!! You guys are so much more in touch with spirituality than people in other web sites. I posted this same question in another web site and nobody could get passed the fact that I was going against my doctor's advice in weaning myself off. Again, thanks.
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Icelander
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#14509737 - 05/25/11 12:45 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
Icelander said: Obsessive? Me? What (death anxiety) ever (death anxiety) do (death anxiety) you (death anxiety) mean?
I'm like a dog on a bone dude. I'm gonna get to the marrow or break all my teeth trying.
You still have teeth? 
Several
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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xFrockx


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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: Icelander]
#14509753 - 05/25/11 12:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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What bone?
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Icelander
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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: xFrockx] 1
#14509876 - 05/25/11 01:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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You need to stop taking drugs. You seem to have lost a lot of brain cells over my little break.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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xFrockx


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Re: Bipolar or personal, negative life vibration? [Re: Icelander]
#14509951 - 05/25/11 01:41 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I was thinking the same thing about you.
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