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Anonymous

fake penises foil drug tests
    #1450628 - 04/11/03 08:27 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

http://www.canoe.ca/TorontoNews/ts.ts-04-11-0012.html

Parolees foil drug testing
Cons real whizzes at beating urinalysis

By ALAN CAIRNS, TORONTO SUN


Drug-addicted federal parolees are using fake penises and laboratory-cleansed urine to cheat random urinalysis tests, The Toronto Sun has learned.

While parole officials are always on the lookout for cheats, the first fake penis kit seizure was made in the Toronto area last week.

It is widely believed cons who bought the kit from their California-based suppliers may have loaned it to other cons.

The emergence of the kits -- which are worn around the waist and marry a prosthetic penis to a pouch of battery-warmed reconstituted urine concentrate -- will turn Correctional Service Canada's urinalysis program upside down.

CSC reacted quickly when a parole official discovered a con using the kit this week and asked its lawyers to look at alternative polices and procedures.

"We will have to develop appropriate protocols to screen for this device," said CSC spokesman Joe Beatty.

"It's like having to develop a new mousetrap ... there seems to be a very significant market for it".

Effective urinalysis testing is crucial because it identifies which parolees revert to their addiction cycles, said a Toronto parole officer, who requested anonymity.

"The tests are usually done in a washroom with a parabolic mirror, so (the testers) don't have to lean over the guy's shoulder, or look with a magnifying glass," the parole officer said.

"The urinalysis tests are real killers for these guys, because they reveal the truth ... if there is a way to beat it, they'll find it."

In recent years, CSC has placed an emphasis on releasing convicts to halfway houses and such, placing strict conditions that they avoid booze, drugs and other negative influences.

Cons who fail a urinalysis test have their parole revoked and are typically sent back to prison.

There are two types of fake penis and pouch kits for sale on the Internet: The Urinator and the Whizzinator.

Advertising literature suggests they are for people who want to hide drug tests from an employer. The Whizzinator, made by Puck Technologies of Signal Hill, California, sells for $150 US.

The prosthetic penis comes in four different shades of skin colour. It costs extra for dehydrated urine that has been cleansed of toxins.

One of many testimonials on the Whizzinator Web site is from a man who says he passed "over 100 random" tests.

Sprinkled among the testimonials are some harsh words.

"Shamefully, you have given loser drug addicts a way around (tests)," wrote one person

Another berated Whizzinator for helping addicts cause tragedy: "I hope you get your plastic balls sued off."

Employees at Etobicoke-based Clear Test, which distributes The Urinator in Canada, would not comment.

Clear Test's Web site claims The Urinator can be used "hundreds of times" and clients even "rent it out to their friends."

Calls to the Whizzinator's office went unanswered.

Det. Greg Sullivan, of the provincial repeat offender parole enforcement (ROPE) squad, said many cons go on the lam after either failing a urinalysis test or knowing they will fail.

He said the penis devices "give you an idea of the challenges" facing front-line parole staff.

Sgt. John Muise, a Toronto Police detective on secondment to the Ontario Office for Victims of Crime, praised CSC for discovering the urine fakes.

But he said CSC should act fast to protect test integrity.

"Drug abuse is a huge problem for offenders in prison and on parole and is a major factor in reoffending," said Muise.

He said paroled cons should strip for urine tests.

-what kind of fucked up world are we living in? my god the drug war is the biggest load of shit since slavery.


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InvisibleEvolving
Resident Cynic

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 5,385
Loc: Apt #6, The Village
Re: fake penises foil drug tests [Re: ]
    #1450640 - 04/11/03 08:35 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Excuse me, that's Canada. They're not fucked up.


--------------------
To call humans 'rational beings' does injustice to the term, 'rational.'  Humans are capable of rational thought, but it is not their essence.  Humans are animals, beasts with complex brains.  Humans, more often than not, utilize their cerebrum to rationalize what their primal instincts, their preconceived notions, and their emotional desires have presented as goals - humans are rationalizing beings.


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Anonymous

Re: fake penises foil drug tests [Re: Evolving]
    #1450645 - 04/11/03 08:39 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

yeah i know that's canada. but here in the united states, the government conducts forced chemical analysis of its citizens' urine as well. i'm pretty sure people have taken to using fake penises to get around it here too.

i hope that someday i can walk down a crowded street, smoking a joint with a friend, laughing about the old days of drug prohibition when people wore fake penises to foil drug tests.


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InvisibleEvolving
Resident Cynic

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 5,385
Loc: Apt #6, The Village
Re: fake penises foil drug tests [Re: ]
    #1450720 - 04/11/03 09:11 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

The way I got around drug tests was becoming self employed, but now I pay self employment tax.


--------------------
To call humans 'rational beings' does injustice to the term, 'rational.'  Humans are capable of rational thought, but it is not their essence.  Humans are animals, beasts with complex brains.  Humans, more often than not, utilize their cerebrum to rationalize what their primal instincts, their preconceived notions, and their emotional desires have presented as goals - humans are rationalizing beings.


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Invisiblecarbonhoots
old hand

Registered: 09/11/01
Posts: 1,351
Loc: BC Canada
Re: fake penises foil drug tests [Re: ]
    #1451074 - 04/11/03 11:27 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

HA!

I've seen ads for these things. Pretty funny stuff.

Maybe next they'll have the doc give you a little tug on your knob, just to make sure it's really real!


--------------------
  -I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me

CANADIAN CENTER FOR POLICY ALTERNATIVES


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