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ivander
Paragon of Animal



Registered: 11/01/08
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Open relationship
#14497548 - 05/23/11 03:40 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Recently I found my self in one, but I still dont know what to expect, and how will it turn out.
Any feedback?
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
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shroomzi8
king of the wild fronteer



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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14497613 - 05/23/11 04:22 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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your statement is rather vague. no-one knows how their life will turn out, or what to expect. there are so many variables at play here. if you could be a tad more specific id be grateful.
mahalos
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ivander
Paragon of Animal



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Re: Open relationship [Re: shroomzi8]
#14497652 - 05/23/11 04:50 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Well, first of, im loking forward to hear from people who already were or still are in this kind of relationship. Is attachment something that is easily dissmised.. as we put freedom and love as the main point of the realtionship. IDk, its like, you find your self in some strange land.. and you dont know where do you start from as you dont know what to do.. or is there need to start or do anything at all...
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
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shroomzi8
king of the wild fronteer



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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14497667 - 05/23/11 04:58 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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im sorry to give you a boring answer, but i think ou should just suck it and see. imo there will always be a moment where jealousy creeps in and tensions will rise. if one of you falls in love, be it with the other or someone else then it may be that they will stop seeing everyone else. there is nothing more painful than unrequited love. open relationships work well up to a point. eventually human nature cant be supressed any more and it will all go tits up. mahalos
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ivander
Paragon of Animal



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Re: Open relationship [Re: shroomzi8]
#14497678 - 05/23/11 05:05 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yea Im aware of human nature.. but its not in my nature to feel jelosy. Its not that I expected certian answer.. cuz there is no such thing.. anyways, im wondering are you also in this open stuff.. or are just talking about this without certian history?
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
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shroomzi8
king of the wild fronteer



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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14497682 - 05/23/11 05:08 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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i speak from past experience. although you are not usually predisposed to jealousy, like i said. human nature wont be supressed. it will happen one day and you will be reminded of the british chick who told you it would happen. mahalos
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ivander
Paragon of Animal



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Re: Open relationship [Re: shroomzi8]
#14497723 - 05/23/11 05:37 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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im not saying it will not happen, thats something im willing to explore, how to cope with sociology which we as a society are hypnotized in to.. trough ages of living the same life style in which one man and woman are locked to each other.. while the fact is that human nature is not like that.. so called cheating is happening all the time.. its the human ego which is having problem with it..
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
Edited by ivander (05/23/11 05:45 AM)
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shroomzi8
king of the wild fronteer



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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14497732 - 05/23/11 05:40 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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and its the ego you will have to deal with. just hope it dont come to bite you in the ass. people have died/wars fought for ego, so something like a relationship is small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. mahalos
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ivander
Paragon of Animal



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Re: Open relationship [Re: shroomzi8]
#14497808 - 05/23/11 06:27 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Idk.. I feel like im in control of my ego.. it may sound strange and unbelievable, but ill test it out. mahalos back at ya
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
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shroomzi8
king of the wild fronteer



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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14497857 - 05/23/11 06:51 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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you may be now. but it wont always be like that. especially if you smoke pot/ do shroomz etc....i assume you do cos you on a counterculture site.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Open relationship [Re: shroomzi8]
#14497858 - 05/23/11 06:52 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
shroomzi8 said: eventually human nature cant be supressed any more and it will all go tits up.
This. From personal experience, I tend to believe that the moment you start to think of 'opening up' the relationship, your relationship is in serious danger. I know that it works out for some people, but in most cases, one (or both) partner doesn't really commit to the 'openness' and the resulting jealousy will turn the milk sour pretty quickly. You could try and see how it works out, but pay very serious heed to the chance that once you go down this road, your relationship will at least go through a very serious crisis within the next 6 months, or cease to exist altogether. Once again, this isn't true for everyone, but success stories (esp. in the longer term, so more than >1 year) are incredibly scarce.
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shroomzi8
king of the wild fronteer



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Re: Open relationship [Re: koraks]
#14497880 - 05/23/11 07:02 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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(imo)
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ivander
Paragon of Animal



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Re: Open relationship [Re: koraks]
#14497914 - 05/23/11 07:21 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Its not that im opening up the relationship. Actually im starting an open relationship as something new. So it me it seems like a different scenario, a litle bit. Anyway, the way I see it, no thing is meant to last. Two people can have an agreement to either live togahter or not. So I see no reason not to love someone who is not in relatioship with me...
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14497962 - 05/23/11 07:45 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ivander said: Its not that im opening up the relationship. Actually im starting an open relationship as something new. So it me it seems like a different scenario, a litle bit.
Oh yeah, that is different. So the stakes are not particularly high; just try and see how it works out. But what makes the new, open relationship a relationship then? For me, the term 'relationship' implies exclusivity or at least intensity in some way. In what way would this relationship be similar to 'normal' relationships?
Quote:
Anyway, the way I see it, no thing is meant to last. Two people can have an agreement to either live togahter or not. So I see no reason not to love someone who is not in relatioship with me...
Oh I understand perfectly well! It's possible to love many people. It's also possible to have sexual relationships with several of those people, even at the same time. But how do you determine with which lover you want to live together, and with which ones you don't?
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ivander
Paragon of Animal



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Re: Open relationship [Re: koraks]
#14497983 - 05/23/11 07:56 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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To most of these questions I would also like to know the answers. Well I had to use term relationship, cuz I dont know of any other way to define the thought. Cuz its not that by definition, its something else IMO. It is relationship but not in the sense we are accustomed to define. So how to define with which one would you live with. hmhm. Love is complex thing. I am most in the area of unconditional love lately.
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14498016 - 05/23/11 08:04 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Well, keep us posted on your experiences. I know the whole polyamory thing is not for me, but more power to those who thrive off it!
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
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Re: Open relationship [Re: shroomzi8]
#14498704 - 05/23/11 12:04 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
shroomzi8 said: im sorry to give you a boring answer, but i think ou should just suck it and see. imo there will always be a moment where jealousy creeps in and tensions will rise. if one of you falls in love, be it with the other or someone else then it may be that they will stop seeing everyone else. there is nothing more painful than unrequited love. open relationships work well up to a point. eventually human nature cant be supressed any more and it will all go tits up. mahalos
i disagree. i think one can be in love with more than one person, and if everyone is ok with extreme honesty and communication, these loving relationships can co-exist peacefully and harmoniously. and yes, jealousy is always there, but it's a fear based emotion which i believe has no place in our relationships anyway, so why not practice dealing with it while you have this opportunity? buy the book "opening up" and read it together.
ps - i dated a poly couple earlier this year and it was a most beautiful experience from beginning to "end", but the end was really just a transition...they are now dear, dear friends of mine and always will be.
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ivander
Paragon of Animal



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Re: Open relationship [Re: yogabunny]
#14502677 - 05/24/11 02:24 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
i disagree. i think one can be in love with more than one person, and if everyone is ok with extreme honesty and communication, these loving relationships can co-exist peacefully and harmoniously. and yes, jealousy is always there, but it's a fear based emotion which i believe has no place in our relationships anyway, so why not practice dealing with it while you have this opportunity? buy the book "opening up" and read it together.
ps - i dated a poly couple earlier this year and it was a most beautiful experience from beginning to "end", but the end was really just a transition...they are now dear, dear friends of mine and always will be.
I also believe this to be possible. And that is why am willing in the first place let my self dive in this little adventure.
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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Open relationship [Re: ivander]
#14502714 - 05/24/11 02:41 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Make sure that you are both committed to asking new partners if they are clean before you have sex with them. Jealousy aside, this would be my main concern.
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