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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
Posts: 2,409
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs!
#14495278 - 05/22/11 05:54 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Let me start by saying I am a pretty experienced drug user. Probably something around 200-300 trips overall on various drugs. Used to be a consistent smoker. Pretty much daily.
My last couple of trips were on ayahuasca, and they did some weird stuff to me. Just made me start thinking in a weird way. Now, just thinking about being intoxicated freaks me out. The idea of not being in complete control of my mind for a few hours just puts me on edge. The idea that I can take something and there's no turning back and that my mindset will be changed for a few hours is scary. Anybody else experience this?
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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qream
Sveppi
Registered: 05/18/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14495309 - 05/22/11 05:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Just lay off the drugs for a while dude. If you don't feel like tripping then just take a break.
Edit: forgot to answer your question, Yes I have experienced those feelings before. I quit drugs for a half a year and started working out and it was a much needed break in my life.
Now I'm started to get interested in tripping and weed again it just makes it so much more fun. I'm hoping for a few good Lucy trips this summer before my next break.
Edited by qream (05/22/11 06:04 PM)
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: qream]
#14495318 - 05/22/11 06:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
qream said: Just lay off the drugs for a while dude. If you don't feel like tripping then just take a break.
Oh I am, I've been taking it easy for a while now. I just don't like the derealization that I've been feeling in the wake of my last trips. it's been getting better, but the thoughts are still just so weird! I think about everything differently, and I don't like it.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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mattritt
Mind Chemist




Registered: 02/02/08
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: qream]
#14495322 - 05/22/11 06:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yea, take a break. You'll be fine. Enjoy being sober.
-------------------- **Metaphysical Crystal, Stones, Gems, and Minerals** Every individual reacts differently to every chemical. Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.
"You need more THC to your brain, faster." - Drr
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ChronicSmoke
wanderer


Registered: 02/25/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: qream]
#14495329 - 05/22/11 06:02 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I always feel that way about shrooms in the beginning every single time I take them. But then when they get going I am all and its all good.
But I have done mushrooms maybe 10-14 times over the past 10 years so im not the most seasoned tripper.
But now I have a jarfull so I am trying to gain some experience in space.
-------------------- This is a public computer, 1,000's of people use it everyday this isn't me typing this. I dont even know how I got on this site, how the hell do I even work this computer.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: mattritt]
#14495338 - 05/22/11 06:04 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mattritt said: Yea, take a break. You'll be fine. Enjoy being sober.
It has been nice to be sober for the bit I have been. Being sober has been more enjoyable than being high. I never would have guessed it was possible until I had actually been sober.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: ChronicSmoke]
#14495349 - 05/22/11 06:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChronicSmoke said: I always feel that way about shrooms in the beginning every single time I take them. But then when they get going I am all and its all good.
But I have done mushrooms maybe 10-14 times over the past 10 years so im not the most seasoned tripper.
But now I have a jarfull so I am trying to gain some experience in space.
Yea dude, enjoy that jar. There was a period for me where there was nothing better than unlocking my subconscious and exploring. But now that idea just scares me. I don't know why. Maybe it's me growing out of drugs like I probably should? Who knows...
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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qream
Sveppi
Registered: 05/18/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: ChronicSmoke]
#14495350 - 05/22/11 06:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Lol I was gonna ninja edit...but I was wayy too slow
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Gibson33



Registered: 06/11/10
Posts: 400
Loc: Seattle
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: qream]
#14495367 - 05/22/11 06:10 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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There is a time and place for everything, right now it's just not your time to be taking drugs.
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ChronicSmoke
wanderer


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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: Gibson33]
#14495439 - 05/22/11 06:27 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Maybe focus on the real world, create something big in your real life. And who knows maybe you will feel inspired to jump in again.
Dont worry about it, if you crave a trip in a few months go for it.
You might be focusing too much on the negative aspect of tripping. Is your glass half full or half empty, im a half full kinds guy. Not to say I dont become that half empty person but its better to just be positive.
-------------------- This is a public computer, 1,000's of people use it everyday this isn't me typing this. I dont even know how I got on this site, how the hell do I even work this computer.
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joemolloy
DMT is Bullshit


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 6,525
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14495451 - 05/22/11 06:28 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, Bholzer, I can relate to you that eventually tripping can lose that carefree, blissful sparkle and the whole thing can become an uneasy ordeal to go through. Your fear of losing control can be a real danger because there comes a point in some trips on some psychedelics that you can lose your shit and at that point you are on a strange automatic pilot. Most users probably don't ever get to experience that exquisite hell, but once you get near it, you can't forget it or its possible consequences.
What concerns me about your post is that you mention derealization. I've never had it as an aftereffect of a trip, but I've read and researched it extensively. These drugs do have lingering echoes that they leave bouncing around in your head and they have fingerprints firmly planted on your psyche long after the trip is over. I never believed or understood the significance of that until recently as I notice subtle changes in the way I think and the way I perceive the world. I haven't crossed the line to where I'd say it handicaps me or is overtly negative, but its noticeable and I don't necessarily welcome it.
Since you are feeling a kind of derealization, these drugs may be digging their fingers in your head and scarring you rather than leaving a simple fingerprint. It's kinda hard to finally cease and desist from tripping altogether, but you seem on a good path because you say that not tripping feels better than tripping. Its always a battle between desires and the stronger desire always wins, no matter what.
I'd say you are at an important juncture here. Quit, or trip rarely and carefully, or move on to different drugs. I'm trying the middle path although I know the first choice is the healthiest.
-------------------- Don't PM me with bullshit. I don't sell or trade cactus and I don't know where you can get any, other than your mother's ass.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: ChronicSmoke]
#14495464 - 05/22/11 06:32 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChronicSmoke said: Maybe focus on the real world, create something big in your real life. And who knows maybe you will feel inspired to jump in again.
Dont worry about it, if you crave a trip in a few months go for it.
You might be focusing too much on the negative aspect of tripping. Is your glass half full or half empty, im a half full kinds guy. Not to say I dont become that half empty person but its better to just be positive.
I'm definitely a positive person who isn't easily bothered or upset or overwhelmed.
I have had some stressors lately though. I'm really interested in finding a more fruitful hobby though. I may be starting a garden or something similar.
Meditation has been pretty helpful which is nice.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: joemolloy]
#14495491 - 05/22/11 06:40 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Joe, I have noticed that you've been going through the similar struggle, which is why I defend you so heartily in your threads where everyone seems to think anyone who is against full psychedelic lifestyle is a troll.
The derealization has been the most worrisome part. I don't care about losing interests in the drugs, although it is odd. I just hate seeing things as though they are a part of a movie. It's like things lose any sort of emotional value. I can read a sad story and realize that it's sad, but I just don't feel it. I don't feel like this all the time, but when I do, it feels like a personal hell.
I go back and forth a couple times a day, it's like bipolar almost. What scares me the most is my sister is bipolar, and my mothers side of the family is riddled with emotional disorders. I knew I was playing with fire from the beginning, but it never bit me in the ass until recently.
Like I said, meditation helps, along with hanging out with my friends. The problem is, I can't always hang out with my friends or meditate.
Hopefully it will wear off with some reduced drug use.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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mattritt
Mind Chemist




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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14495736 - 05/22/11 07:38 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Trust the Aya, if it tells you to be sober. Then be sober. That's how you know its a good drug, the ones that tell you not to do them are the ones you can trust.
-------------------- **Metaphysical Crystal, Stones, Gems, and Minerals** Every individual reacts differently to every chemical. Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.
"You need more THC to your brain, faster." - Drr
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: mattritt]
#14495745 - 05/22/11 07:39 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mattritt said: Trust the Aya, if it tells you to be sober. Then be sober. That's how you know its a good drug, the ones that tell you not to do them are the ones you can trust.
Damn well put. 5 shrooms for you sir.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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ChronicSmoke
wanderer


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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14495767 - 05/22/11 07:42 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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JoeMolly seems really experienced and the young ones that call him a troll should probably listen too them.
But I guess they will just have to experience that hell JoeMolly spoke of.
Thats why I dont do large doses never have never will I have too many fears and dont ever feel able to go big.
-------------------- This is a public computer, 1,000's of people use it everyday this isn't me typing this. I dont even know how I got on this site, how the hell do I even work this computer.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: ChronicSmoke]
#14495793 - 05/22/11 07:45 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChronicSmoke said: JoeMolly seems really experienced and the young ones that call him a troll should probably listen too them.
But I guess they will just have to experience that hell JoeMolly spoke of.
Thats why I dont do large doses never have never will I have too many fears and dont ever feel able to go big.
Always good to play it safe dude. If you're having a good time, there's no need to push it too hard! Enjoy the ride.
A big dose is the thing that really caused me trouble. But I think I am starting to be able to accept that trip a little more lately.
Don't take a 15 gram mimosahuasca dose lightly. It's powerful stuff.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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joemolloy
DMT is Bullshit


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 6,525
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: mattritt]
#14495814 - 05/22/11 07:48 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mattritt said: Trust the Aya, if it tells you to be sober. Then be sober. That's how you know its a good drug, the ones that tell you not to do them are the ones you can trust.
I trusted the Aya and it told me to trip every Saturday for two years. The Aya was compelling in its persuasion as it left tasty breadcrumbs during and after every trip to lead on a path to enlightenment. The Aya led me all across the universe, the inner workings of my mind, and body of God.
I think Aya is just a powerful bunch of chemicals that tickle those pleasure centers in my brain. One time I blew a load in my pants during a trip. The Aya must have really wanted me to continue and I obediently followed her lead.
It felt fucking right, every fucking time.
I think Bholzer should trust in his own intelligence, strength, and powers to straighten his mind out and continue to build for a strong and positive life. His decision to use Aya is part of what fucked him.
-------------------- Don't PM me with bullshit. I don't sell or trade cactus and I don't know where you can get any, other than your mother's ass.
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mattritt
Mind Chemist




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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14495847 - 05/22/11 07:52 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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[in response to holzers last post]
No way man, thats a shitload!! Mimosa doseage is 5-7 grams from what I've read. Go with psychotria though if youre gunna brew. Jurema (mimosa brew) is full of tannins and only used traditionally by a VERY small sect. Chacaruna (psychotria) is what most ayahuasca is traditionally made with though some use Chaliponga which contains 5-MeO-DMT, and some use a combo of both.
Over time you'll integrate the experience and come to terms with it, and really thats the most important part. What you bring back from the experience and apply to your life.
Wish you the best of luck!
-------------------- **Metaphysical Crystal, Stones, Gems, and Minerals** Every individual reacts differently to every chemical. Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.
"You need more THC to your brain, faster." - Drr
Edited by mattritt (05/22/11 07:56 PM)
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: joemolloy]
#14495858 - 05/22/11 07:54 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
joemolloy said: His decision to use Aya is part of what fucked him.
Definitely true, but when he says that drugs that tell you not to do them are the ones you can trust, he's not lying.
I think we've actually talked about that before, how psychedelics can just prevent themselves from being abused (to an extent)
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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joemolloy
DMT is Bullshit


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 6,525
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14495873 - 05/22/11 07:57 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
bholzer said:
Quote:
joemolloy said: His decision to use Aya is part of what fucked him.
Definitely true, but when he says that drugs that tell you not to do them are the ones you can trust, he's not lying.
I think we've actually talked about that before, how psychedelics can just prevent themselves from being abused (to an extent)
I agree with that, but part of me wishes that psychedelics would have prevented the abuse a little sooner before all of those fingerprints and claw marks set in.
-------------------- Don't PM me with bullshit. I don't sell or trade cactus and I don't know where you can get any, other than your mother's ass.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
Posts: 2,409
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: mattritt]
#14495882 - 05/22/11 07:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mattritt said: No way man, thats a shitload!! Mimosa doseage is 5-7 grams from what I've read. Go with psychotria though if youre gunna brew. Jurema (mimosa brew) is full of tannins and only used traditionally by a VERY small sect. Chacaruna (psychotria) is what most ayahuasca is traditionally made with though some use Chaliponga which contains 5-MeO-DMT, and some use a combo of both.
Over time you'll integrate the experience and come to terms with it, and really thats the most important part. What you bring back from the experience and apply to your life.
Wish you the best of luck!
Yea, it was an irresponsible dose for sure. I used egg white clarifications and gelatin to remove most tannins, so the nausea was actually pretty nonexistent.
And I usually don't agree much with integration. I feel like pulling experiences from a trip back to the real world cause some confusion that really mess up some users. I do feel like I took something out of that experience though, because it really was VERY intense. Very extreme and vivid CEVS
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: joemolloy]
#14495889 - 05/22/11 08:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
joemolloy said:
Quote:
bholzer said:
Quote:
joemolloy said: His decision to use Aya is part of what fucked him.
Definitely true, but when he says that drugs that tell you not to do them are the ones you can trust, he's not lying.
I think we've actually talked about that before, how psychedelics can just prevent themselves from being abused (to an extent)
I agree with that, but part of me wishes that psychedelics would have prevented the abuse a little sooner before all of those fingerprints and claw marks set in.
Exactly, it seems like only after the damage is done that most users realize they need to take it easy.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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mattritt
Mind Chemist




Registered: 02/02/08
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14496073 - 05/22/11 08:41 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yea, that does seem to be how it goes, but hey atleast you got out with your head on your shoulders. It seems a human tendency to push things further and further until we hurt ourselves, and only then do we back off. Then we try to lay blame it on the substance and say it did it to us. If anything just be glad you weren't doing a drug that won't let go. One where even when you see that its doing damage you can't stop. I think psychedlics are a lot safer in that regard. You might have some scars, but atleast they didn't take your life. And really who wants to die without a few scars?
"It's nothing anymore to have a beautiful stock body. You see those cars that are completely stock cherry, right out of a dealer's showroom in 1955, I always think, what a waste."
-------------------- **Metaphysical Crystal, Stones, Gems, and Minerals** Every individual reacts differently to every chemical. Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.
"You need more THC to your brain, faster." - Drr
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MoxyOx
Grazin'

Registered: 10/08/10
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14496094 - 05/22/11 08:47 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I personally don't really see a point in higher doses of psychedelics. They are like any other drug in the sense that they can be used as tools or just for recreational purposes.
Stick with low doses if you can and try to keep yourself occupied(arts, sports, nature, music) while tripping. Simply thinking about existence and life in general is rather lame and too ego enforcing, it's mental masturbation at its finest. I've been where you're at and it kind of sucks. Just realize that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of except your own fear and start from there.
That is my 2 cents, I hope you feel better man!
-------------------- No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: mattritt]
#14496110 - 05/22/11 08:50 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
mattritt said: Yea, that does seem to be how it goes, but hey atleast you got out with your head on your shoulders. It seems a human tendency to push things further and further until we hurt ourselves, and only then do we back off. Then we try to lay blame it on the substance and say it did it to us. If anything just be glad you weren't doing a drug that won't let go. One where even when you see that its doing damage you can't stop. I think psychedlics are a lot safer in that regard. You might have some scars, but atleast they didn't take your life. And really who wants to die without a few scars?
"It's nothing anymore to have a beautiful stock body. You see those cars that are completely stock cherry, right out of a dealer's showroom in 1955, I always think, what a waste."
Completely agreed. It's something that you can see and say, "hey, this has gotta stop." And then you can actually stop it.
And it's all about experience man. Life is about experiences. And I'll be damned if psychedelics aren't the epitome of experience.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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Yippie
Happystance


Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 260
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14496658 - 05/22/11 10:34 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Enjoy your life as things get incrementally better,Quote:
bholzer said: Joe, I have noticed that you've been going through the similar struggle, which is why I defend you so heartily in your threads where everyone seems to think anyone who is against full psychedelic lifestyle is a troll.
The derealization has been the most worrisome part. I don't care about losing interests in the drugs, although it is odd. I just hate seeing things as though they are a part of a movie. It's like things lose any sort of emotional value. I can read a sad story and realize that it's sad, but I just don't feel it. I don't feel like this all the time, but when I do, it feels like a personal hell.
I go back and forth a couple times a day, it's like bipolar almost. What scares me the most is my sister is bipolar, and my mothers side of the family is riddled with emotional disorders. I knew I was playing with fire from the beginning, but it never bit me in the ass until recently.
Like I said, meditation helps, along with hanging out with my friends. The problem is, I can't always hang out with my friends or meditate.
Hopefully it will wear off with some reduced drug use.
I suspect what your experiencing is reasonably common, but few have any desire to come (back) here and post about it. But rest assured these symptoms will gradually lessen over time, provided you stay sober (includes any aggravating substances). Take something like St. John’s Wort and taurine daily can really help limit the time you spend in hell. For some the combination contained in MRM Relax–All (w/ Phenibut) helps dramatically reduce symptoms, but it can’t be taken every day.
Experiencing life as one would a film and having little to no separation with your subconscious mind is grindingly difficult to deal with for months on end. But it did fade, and then gave way to even more months of amazing lucid dreams that put any exogenous drugs effects to shame. Now 18 months later, it might have all just been a dream in someone else’s mind.
While every situation is unique – I believe that stress or any kind and/or unchecked anxiety is the real problem here (the psychological stuff is really not serious, just deeply unpleasant). The number one thing to do is to relax in the knowledge that all of this is just a temporary and you’re already in the process of getting better…healing is a painful experience.
-------------------- "Just living molecule to molecule"
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
Posts: 2,409
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: Yippie]
#14496679 - 05/22/11 10:38 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Yippie said:
I suspect what your experiencing is reasonably common, but few have any desire to come (back) here and post about it. But rest assured these symptoms will gradually lessen over time, provided you stay sober (includes any aggravating substances). Take something like St. John’s Wort and taurine daily can really help limit the time you spend in hell. For some the combination contained in MRM Relax–All (w/ Phenibut) helps dramatically reduce symptoms, but it can’t be taken every day.
Experiencing life as one would a film and having little to no separation with your subconscious mind is grindingly difficult to deal with for months on end. But it did fade, and then gave way to even more months of amazing lucid dreams that put any exogenous drugs effects to shame. Now 18 months later, it might have all just been a dream in someone else’s mind.
While every situation is unique – I believe that stress or any kind and/or unchecked anxiety is the real problem here (the psychological stuff is really not serious, just deeply unpleasant). The number one thing to do is to relax in the knowledge that all of this is just a temporary and you’re already in the process of getting better…healing is a painful experience.
Great post, thanks so much for the advice
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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piratg
Stranger


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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14496748 - 05/22/11 10:57 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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bholzer said:
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qream said: Just lay off the drugs for a while dude. If you don't feel like tripping then just take a break.
Oh I am, I've been taking it easy for a while now. I just don't like the derealization that I've been feeling in the wake of my last trips. it's been getting better, but the thoughts are still just so weird! I think about everything differently, and I don't like it.
Can I ask a question bholzer?
Have you ever had experince before this that has completely changed a firm belief you had or your whole perception of something , I mean like an ego deah of sorts - or cockblock if you like ?
Im not talking some vague abstract hald witted sense most folk have about doing things, Im not talking more about something very spiritually intense - like what folk get when they wait on rapture or build up to something they were dead sure of happening i.e. sometimes to the point they kill themselves if they dont.
pg
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: piratg]
#14496772 - 05/22/11 11:02 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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piratg said:
Can I ask a question bholzer?
Have you ever had experince before this that has completely changed a firm belief you had or your whole perception of something , I mean like an ego deah of sorts - or cockblock if you like ?
Im not talking some vague abstract hald witted sense most folk have about doing things, Im not talking more about something very spiritually intense - like what folk get when they wait on rapture or build up to something they were dead sure of happening i.e. sometimes to the point they kill themselves if they dont.
pg
Not that I can think of. I'm extremely open-minded, so It's hard to really shake my belief system. I've never had any ideals or perceptions just completely change. When I say I think of things differently, it's more like I see it from a different perspective. Almost as though I'm thinking from someone elses mind, or like I'm thinking more thoroughly. Really hard to explain.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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piratg
Stranger


Registered: 10/01/07
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: Yippie]
#14496858 - 05/22/11 11:19 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yippie said: Enjoy your life as things get incrementally better,Quote:
bholzer said: Joe, I have noticed that you've been going through the similar struggle, which is why I defend you so heartily in your threads where everyone seems to think anyone who is against full psychedelic lifestyle is a troll.
The derealization has been the most worrisome part. I don't care about losing interests in the drugs, although it is odd. I just hate seeing things as though they are a part of a movie. It's like things lose any sort of emotional value. I can read a sad story and realize that it's sad, but I just don't feel it. I don't feel like this all the time, but when I do, it feels like a personal hell.
I go back and forth a couple times a day, it's like bipolar almost. What scares me the most is my sister is bipolar, and my mothers side of the family is riddled with emotional disorders. I knew I was playing with fire from the beginning, but it never bit me in the ass until recently.
Like I said, meditation helps, along with hanging out with my friends. The problem is, I can't always hang out with my friends or meditate.
Hopefully it will wear off with some reduced drug use.
I suspect what your experiencing is reasonably common, but few have any desire to come (back) here and post about it. But rest assured these symptoms will gradually lessen over time, provided you stay sober (includes any aggravating substances). Take something like St. John’s Wort and taurine daily can really help limit the time you spend in hell. For some the combination contained in MRM Relax–All (w/ Phenibut) helps dramatically reduce symptoms, but it can’t be taken every day.
Experiencing life as one would a film and having little to no separation with your subconscious mind is grindingly difficult to deal with for months on end. But it did fade, and then gave way to even more months of amazing lucid dreams that put any exogenous drugs effects to shame. Now 18 months later, it might have all just been a dream in someone else’s mind.
While every situation is unique – I believe that stress or any kind and/or unchecked anxiety is the real problem here (the psychological stuff is really not serious, just deeply unpleasant). The number one thing to do is to relax in the knowledge that all of this is just a temporary and you’re already in the process of getting better…healing is a painful experience.
And what happens if the reason your taking the mushrooms is to escape the stress from something that can perhaps only be cured by taking the mushrooms in the first place ? ( clusterheadaches for one thing )
How the hell do you possibly go into something like that without getting a bad trip given whats at stake ?
That is my problem in general with Entheogens as far as healing goes, they are just too unpredictable - i should know the last trip I had cost me my smell, and unlike others here it was only my sixth... and that was only with sclerotia too.
pg
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piratg
Stranger


Registered: 10/01/07
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14496946 - 05/22/11 11:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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bholzer said:
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mattritt said: No way man, thats a shitload!! Mimosa doseage is 5-7 grams from what I've read. Go with psychotria though if youre gunna brew. Jurema (mimosa brew) is full of tannins and only used traditionally by a VERY small sect. Chacaruna (psychotria) is what most ayahuasca is traditionally made with though some use Chaliponga which contains 5-MeO-DMT, and some use a combo of both.
Over time you'll integrate the experience and come to terms with it, and really thats the most important part. What you bring back from the experience and apply to your life.
Wish you the best of luck!
Yea, it was an irresponsible dose for sure. I used egg white clarifications and gelatin to remove most tannins, so the nausea was actually pretty nonexistent.
And I usually don't agree much with integration. I feel like pulling experiences from a trip back to the real world cause some confusion that really mess up some users. I do feel like I took something out of that experience though, because it really was VERY intense. Very extreme and vivid CEVS
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bholzer said:
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piratg said:
Can I ask a question bholzer?
Have you ever had experince before this that has completely changed a firm belief you had or your whole perception of something , I mean like an ego deah of sorts - or cockblock if you like ?
Im not talking some vague abstract hald witted sense most folk have about doing things, Im not talking more about something very spiritually intense - like what folk get when they wait on rapture or build up to something they were dead sure of happening i.e. sometimes to the point they kill themselves if they dont.
pg
Not that I can think of. I'm extremely open-minded, so It's hard to really shake my belief system. I've never had any ideals or perceptions just completely change. When I say I think of things differently, it's more like I see it from a different perspective. Almost as though I'm thinking from someone elses mind, or like I'm thinking more thoroughly. Really hard to explain.
That is the problem though, no one can think what they are , they need to be aware of it first - the rest of what you say is just labelling / ego .
As the last guy described a bit , self awareness is like watching life as film .
So you really need to achieve that own and know your own role in the film befor you can see whats changed before using drugs.
Maybe you experinced some " soul loss " or fragmentation as i had until I managed to find someone to help.
This happens a lot more than you think but , like I said those less self aware, tend to be resistant to it while those more " senstive " and aware simply cant afford the same level of indulgence / reckless behaviour.
If your an artsy type like me , chances are you personality / energy type will fall more into the senstive bracket - which explains the abstract sense of thinking you have too , and also the " open mindness " or lack decisiveness ( classic feminine trats )
As others say take break , perhaps do something less risky but enjoyable like pot and see a good shaman about " soul loss " , who can journey for you and retrieve any lost parts.
pg
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Cactilove
Controversial Mystic



Registered: 02/17/11
Posts: 4,826
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: joemolloy]
#14496976 - 05/22/11 11:52 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Meh I can see how after a certain point quitting can be the healthiest thing. But I think having a fair share of these expierences is a healthy thing. But I have had some weird things happen to me, such as thought patterns that make me feel uncomfortable. Its weird but i cant really even remember what thoughts they are. It makes me feel like I'm no longer me but a third person Analyzing myself and other or I stop realizing who and what I am and what's really going on. Around me. I like to call it severe mind wandering syndrome. I feel like I have always had these kind of thoughts once in awhile though.
-------------------- Orgone Conclusion...Bringing OTD to PS&P since 2007.
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bholzer
quasi-scientist



Registered: 03/22/11
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: Cactilove]
#14497001 - 05/22/11 11:57 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Cactilove said: Meh I can see how after a certain point quitting can be the healthiest thing. But I think having a fair share of these expierences is a healthy thing. But I have had some weird things happen to me, such as thought patterns that make me feel uncomfortable. Its weird but i cant really even remember what thoughts they are. It makes me feel like I'm no longer me but a third person Analyzing myself and other or I stop realizing who and what I am and what's really going on. Around me. I like to call it severe mind wandering syndrome. I feel like I have always had these kind of thoughts once in awhile though.
This is actually a pretty good description. It describes the thoughts pretty well.
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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.
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2shoes
The anti-agar



Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 3,124
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: Cactilove]
#14497061 - 05/23/11 12:13 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah I'd say take a break like most I'm kind of on one right now I get the chills and kind of an emotional feeling when I think about tripping it scares me (ate too much had a semi bad trip last time) I almost scared myself off of pot with that trip. I realized how powerful these thing are and how mind bending they can be. It's wild!
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Cactilove
Controversial Mystic



Registered: 02/17/11
Posts: 4,826
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Re: Don't know what is going on, scared of ALL drugs! [Re: bholzer]
#14497095 - 05/23/11 12:22 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I wouldn't worry about these thoughts. I believe they are natural. You just need to watch how often they occur and realize when its happening so you can snap yourself out of it. These thoughts may stay with you for awhile. Ignore them if you wish. Or use them to your advantage in order to micro analyze every aspect of well, anything you can imagine. I usually am able to choose wether to dig deeper into these strange though processes or terminate them as soon as I realize I'm having them. I don't think this type of derealization would be at all uncommon after expierencing such a powerful mind altering hallucinogenic journey with grandmother aya. Just ride it out man or figure out how to deal with symptoms in a healthy way. P.S. Joes a dick!
-------------------- Orgone Conclusion...Bringing OTD to PS&P since 2007.
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