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Shroomerited


Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 1,974
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Becoming closed off? 1
#14476377 - 05/19/11 12:29 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I don't know man, but recently I've been becoming more closed off. I cut all ties with someone who was my best friend for this past year. I also for the most part cut ties with someone I've known all my life, and someone I've gotten really close to.
I feel like I have good reasons for both. I feel that both were extremely unhealthy for me. Very intense, requiring me to spend a lot of time with them. Disregarded when I said that I don't want to talk/hang.
I've also cut ties with a lot of other people. I'm also MUCH more hesitant to start new friendships. I also really have stopped looking at women in any romantic way. I'm more interested in jerking it than having sex.
However, there are a few people that I'm totally open with, but they're becoming fewer. Mainly people who I can hang out with or talk to one day, and not see for awhile.
I'm becoming more and more content to just stay home, play music, study for school, listen to music, watch TV, watch movies. Honestly, I'm not depressed at all. In fact I feel like my mood keeps improving the farther I get away from a lot of people and the more alone I get.
I honestly am starting to feel like I don't WANT really serious friendships/relationships. That's when I really get closed off. I used to LOVE heavy/deep talk. Now I just can't stand a lot of it. I love it when it's something NEW, but when it's people's drama. I've heard it all before. I know what to say, but I get tired of saying it. Also, when people get into pseudo-deep debates about politics, philosophy, the world, shit like that.
I hate that. I'm doing well in and really enjoying school. I'm happy, I have a lot going for me.
Anyone else experience this? It's mainly when people get really intense that I back off. I can't handle super intense conversation/people anymore. I just want to joke around and enjoy life.
I am a freshman in college, going to be a sophomore. Majoring in either physics or math or both, following both paths now. I think deeply in that and have no problem.
I just don't have time to put up with people's petty bullshit. Drama, "serious debate" (which is usually just "powerful" words thrown around. sometimes used correctly, sometimes incorrectly. It's nothing new either way).
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Anonymous #1
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Completely agree. I've been going through something similar. I still have some interest in 'serious' things like ending the war on drugs there are somethings i would stand up for but i totally agree. its just not worth taking everything serious anymore. the only thing that may give me drama is if i feel my/someone i knows healths at risk but otherwise what the hells the difference.
also ive started watching a lot more tv, a lot of internet, ordered a tablet, eating good food when i can, just trying to enjoy life while i can and i also have very little commitments with people, i maybe have a few friends at most who i keep up with but i completely agree. i cant be caught up so much in my ego anymore. i actually really like being closed a lot of the time. i just feel content and otherwise i dont care to take things too seriously .
in college after the next semester i will have my liberal arts degree what comes next i dont even know but im not too worried i feel like it will all fall into place somehow
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Steve
Stranger

Registered: 09/22/07
Posts: 442
Loc: AUS
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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I'm no psychologist but if you are happy then keep doing what you are doing. I feel like I have withdrawn from alot of people and can't be bothered being friends with people.
Its all boring shit.
You are born, live and then die.
Do what makes you happy!!
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seeker28
student



Registered: 07/03/08
Posts: 686
Loc: The 28th Dimension
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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Similar situation man.
I used to be pretty active about social issues on a global scale; extreme poverty and climate change, but now I've just let things go.
It's been about two months since I really understood what this concept meant for me, and I feel I've really found inner peace and happiness.
And if that means cutting a few people off then so be it, and so it be'd. I still keep in touch with them, and they're fantastic people, but our relationships were started and perpetuated by a mutual hate.
A hate of big multinational corporations, a hate of the Right Wing Establishment, a hate of polluting economies driven by greed and profit, a hate of consumption, a hate of the West.
It was eating away at me.
Now that I've let go and accepted that it will all be OK, things have become a bit more dull for sure, but I'm more content as a person and able to focus on my degree, which is the reason why I'm at Uni in the first place, not to be involved in a political action group/s.
And I mean it will all be OK in the biggest picture sense possible. I really do believe that The Earth will stabilise and sustain itself by adapting and evolving. and if that means wiping out a few billion people, then so be it. Fuck Man. We're a cancer. but that still doesn't stop me from loving the shit out of people. I mean, I didn't choose to be born a human. might as well enjoy life and connect with it via love and respect for the fellow sentient being and environment. free of political, and in the scale of things, petty hate.
I'm fucking lucky to live in a 1st world country, it'd be a sin not to enjoy it.
So yeh man, I see you. enjoy life, joke around, go to gigs, dress up crazy. or not, it's your freedom of choice. For as Eddie Vedder said, "The world is an accident" - we don't need to take it that seriously 
EDIT: I am incredibly tired. It's been a longass day. good! but longass. So apologies if sense wasn't made in some areas.
Edited by seeker28 (05/19/11 08:15 AM)
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Shroomerited


Registered: 06/12/10
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Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: Becoming closed off? [Re: seeker28]
#14487014 - 05/20/11 10:09 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Thanks guys. I'm actually feeling REALLY good. At times, I wish a had a lady friend, but I know that will only come with time. And honestly? At times, I'm pretty fucking glad I'm single. I've never had a "serious" relationship, but in a way I feel blessed. Much less bullshit. And besides, whenever I start to get into a relationship, it's stifling, (probably WHY I haven't had any serious relationships). I don't sleep around, that just isn't my thing. I've tried it. It was retarded. I want to actually give a damn about the woman.
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Shroomerited


Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 1,974
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: Becoming closed off? [Re: seeker28]
#14487030 - 05/20/11 10:11 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
seeker28 said: but our relationships were started and perpetuated by a mutual hate.
A hate of big multinational corporations, a hate of the Right Wing Establishment, a hate of polluting economies driven by greed and profit, a hate of consumption, a hate of the West.
DUDE! The one friend I've known all my life is like that. We had a friendship based on hate and sarcasm.
I can't handle it anymore.
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TheEnd
Strange Daze


Registered: 09/04/06
Posts: 1,021
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Sometimes it feels good to cut ties with everyone that you've just had too much of. As sad as it might be to some people, I could easily never talk to any of my friends again and it wouldn't be that big of a deal to me, I wouldn't really miss them. I already hardly ever see any of them, let alone talk to them. I'm completely happy with being single and spending most of my time alone. It gives me a lot of time for self-reflection and deeper introspective thinking, without all the bullshit that people seem to drag around with them wherever they go. I've always been a bit of a recluse though. It's easy for me to write off friends when I feel that neither one of us is benefitting from our "friendship", and we're only staying "friends" out of habit. I rather face the music than fake it. Call me heartless.
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seeker28
student



Registered: 07/03/08
Posts: 686
Loc: The 28th Dimension
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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Quote:
Shroomerited said: Thanks guys. I'm actually feeling REALLY good. At times, I wish a had a lady friend, but I know that will only come with time. And honestly? At times, I'm pretty fucking glad I'm single. I've never had a "serious" relationship, but in a way I feel blessed. Much less bullshit. And besides, whenever I start to get into a relationship, it's stifling, (probably WHY I haven't had any serious relationships). I don't sleep around, that just isn't my thing. I've tried it. It was retarded. I want to actually give a damn about the woman.
Oh man, I am exactly the fucking same!
Had a semi-serious relationship over the summer, but she made me feel stifled. that's it! was glad to break it off with her when the summer ended.
I'm also in the friends zone with a couple of cool chicks who I wouldn't mind going out with, but they're both taken, and I think it's too late anyway.
..Anyway!
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
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Re: Becoming closed off? [Re: seeker28]
#14488021 - 05/21/11 02:04 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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ahhh, getting old... feels alright.

cause i'm old!!11
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Shroomerited


Registered: 06/12/10
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Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: Becoming closed off? [Re: TheEnd]
#14489566 - 05/21/11 01:20 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
TheEnd said: Sometimes it feels good to cut ties with everyone that you've just had too much of. As sad as it might be to some people, I could easily never talk to any of my friends again and it wouldn't be that big of a deal to me, I wouldn't really miss them. I already hardly ever see any of them, let alone talk to them. I'm completely happy with being single and spending most of my time alone. It gives me a lot of time for self-reflection and deeper introspective thinking, without all the bullshit that people seem to drag around with them wherever they go. I've always been a bit of a recluse though. It's easy for me to write off friends when I feel that neither one of us is benefitting from our "friendship", and we're only staying "friends" out of habit. I rather face the music than fake it. Call me heartless. 
In a way, I got a lot from that post. Thanks man.
The thing though, is the one friend I've known all my life I went through a period where I completely ignored her. Blocked her from everything, wouldn't respond to any calls/texts at ALL. I care about her a lot, but at times she doesn't fucking get that I have shit to do. And sometimes, I have nothing better to do, but I don't want to talk. That's normal, in my opinion.
Also, sometimes, I don't feel like having an intense conversation. Sometimes I just want to chat about life. Everything with her is so FUCKING INTENSE. I hate that. And generally, she wants to go deep about something I simply don't care about. One time, I was busy and she messaged me, wanting to get into a deep debate. I was totally half-assing it and trying to change the subject. She didn't fucking get it. Then SHE started getting pissed off. And eventually said "do you have any idea the way the world works, like at all?". I was so close to going off on her there, but I chose not too.
I think honestly, I'm not really meant to have life long friendships. I think I should just go around, experience friendships/relationships until I'm done learning. Then move on. In a way, it's more comfortable that way.
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5HTSynaptrip
Dopamine Enthusiast



Registered: 09/14/08
Posts: 4,360
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
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As you age you tend to lose a lot of relationships. Compared to my social life in high school, my life now as a husband and father is completely different. I have one really close friend who I consider a brother and a lot of my family means little to me (aside from wife/daughter). In observing my family members the same is true for most of them. The only people I know that are around 30 and still have a shitload of friends are the people that act like chameleons with their personalities. They act like a different person depending on who they're around, and most of the time those people seem to have a need for attention while their involvement and importance in the lives of those they interact with is shallow and has little meaning.
I can say at this point in my life that I'll never lose my best friend from any social disagreement and we share a bond that puts him at or above my brothers. When you find a person that you basically have a mental link with, can be absolutely honest with, and have no fear of saying anything to then I believe having one relationship like that is more important than 15 relationships of idiots you repeat the same dumb shit to over and over again.
Just my opinion.
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Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge. - My hero, who will be forever remembered, Carl Sagan.
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Anonymous #2
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I'm in a similar situation for various reasons mostly legal...but I too don't talk to many people and have really been focusing on my self as of late mentally and physically. Sometimes people can distract you away from you goals and I've noticed a lot of improvements to my self by just focusing on my goals without for example partying or getting drunk/stoned all the time with friends. But you do need social interaction eventually...
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geokills
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙


Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 23,419
Loc: city of angels
Last seen: 15 hours, 11 minutes
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Life is always changing, from within and without.
There's nothing wrong with periods of isolation and the introspection that comes with the territory, though too much of that can stifle your personal growth just as much as (or perhaps even more than) overbearing/immature friends or controlling romantic relationships. My life has painted a portrait of cyclical behavioral patterns; I have spent years of my life in relative isolation, years as a party animal, and years with a great focus and dedication to individual lovers. There are pros and cons for every scenario. Frankly, I learn the most about myself through loving someone else. By exposing my vulnerability and quirks, and realizing how other people react to them, I come to understand much more about my own insecurities, desires and behavior that I either had taken for granted, denied or may not have even been aware of in the first place!
Always do whatever you think you need to do for your own happiness and peace of mind. But remember that who you are today probably won't be who you are in five years, just as who you were in the distant past is not who you are today. I would thus caution against too heartily embracing isolation. While there is a time and a place for everything, we are social creatures who learn a lot through interaction. And I'm not talking about learning about other people, I'm talking about learning about our own self through our interactions with other people. To dismiss this opportunity for personal growth and illumination would be to miss out on a very vibrant aspect of living a human life.
Ultimately, a fulfilling and happy life is all about balance.
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-------------------- ┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼ ...╬π╥ ╥π╬...
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TheEnd
Strange Daze


Registered: 09/04/06
Posts: 1,021
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Quote:
Shroomerited said:
Quote:
TheEnd said: Sometimes it feels good to cut ties with everyone that you've just had too much of. As sad as it might be to some people, I could easily never talk to any of my friends again and it wouldn't be that big of a deal to me, I wouldn't really miss them. I already hardly ever see any of them, let alone talk to them. I'm completely happy with being single and spending most of my time alone. It gives me a lot of time for self-reflection and deeper introspective thinking, without all the bullshit that people seem to drag around with them wherever they go. I've always been a bit of a recluse though. It's easy for me to write off friends when I feel that neither one of us is benefitting from our "friendship", and we're only staying "friends" out of habit. I rather face the music than fake it. Call me heartless. 
In a way, I got a lot from that post. Thanks man.
The thing though, is the one friend I've known all my life I went through a period where I completely ignored her. Blocked her from everything, wouldn't respond to any calls/texts at ALL. I care about her a lot, but at times she doesn't fucking get that I have shit to do. And sometimes, I have nothing better to do, but I don't want to talk. That's normal, in my opinion.
Also, sometimes, I don't feel like having an intense conversation. Sometimes I just want to chat about life. Everything with her is so FUCKING INTENSE. I hate that. And generally, she wants to go deep about something I simply don't care about. One time, I was busy and she messaged me, wanting to get into a deep debate. I was totally half-assing it and trying to change the subject. She didn't fucking get it. Then SHE started getting pissed off. And eventually said "do you have any idea the way the world works, like at all?". I was so close to going off on her there, but I chose not too.
I think honestly, I'm not really meant to have life long friendships. I think I should just go around, experience friendships/relationships until I'm done learning. Then move on. In a way, it's more comfortable that way.
No problem dude. 
I've had a handful of really close friendships. Sometimes I can only have a deep relationship with a person up to a certain point, until it gets to where your basic morals that make up who you really are, are so different from them, it makes it hard to want to be their friend anymore.
Or how you and your friend have been friends for so long, my senior year in high school I had two best friends of 15 and 11 years. The summer before senior year started, I had some health complications and a few hospital stays. My first trip to the hospital I was in the icu for almost 2 weeks, and I think there were 2 more hospital stays directly after that.
Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that I went through some pretty serious stuff and had to accept the fact that I had a 50/50 chance of dying or having a successful emergency surgery. I was completely at peace with myself, the world, with God, and I was ready to die if thats what ended up happening. I changed a lot during and after that whole ordeal, a lot of my outlook on life changed and was a lot more positive than it used to be and I was becoming a lot more in tune with the importance of life and death. But when I started to hang out with my friends again, it was easy to see how transparent they really were. How dishonest they were to people, their total lack of tolerance towards others, and so many more things that just stood out, because I realized they didn't appreciate life in the same ways that I did, and it became hard for me to be around people that I knew were trying to relate to me, but couldn't, and they always treated me like the guy who needed pity, but to me it's completely the opposite, I pity them and all of the fears that they let control them. I can't stand it when people are afraid to talk about death, like it's a bad omen and shouldn't be mentioned. A lot of my old friendships got really weird and strained, I needed to cut ties with some of them for my own sanity, no matter how much I cared about them.
So it turned out that I severed ties with those two long time best friends, and haven't made an effort to keep in touch except for a couple times when I answered one of 10 phone calls, or hung out for a couple hours once or twice. But in the end, the friendships aren't the same as when I enjoyed them, things are different, we've both changed, grown apart, etc etc. Within the last 10 years or so it's happened with at least a few other people besides those two friends, and it turns into the same thing.
Maybe it's just me. 
Sorry for the rant. I'm a little .
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Shroomerited


Registered: 06/12/10
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Re: Becoming closed off? [Re: TheEnd]
#14490944 - 05/21/11 06:56 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I swear to god man, I got a LOT out of that post again. Also, my senior year of high school I got VERY sick aswell. It changed me a lot and set off a huge chapter in my life, which is now over, and that's what this post is about.
Hey dude, do you have an AIM or other instant messaging service?
I know it sounds funny coming from someone who's talking about being closed off, but I want to get to know you better hahaha. It's more that I'm done with everyone around me and I need NEW people, someone who can teach me something new.
I TOTALLY agree with what you said about morals though. That's the main reason why I'm cutting off friendships with others. It's because morals are SO different.
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TheEnd
Strange Daze


Registered: 09/04/06
Posts: 1,021
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pm'd
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R.J. Schiffler
Stranger


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Re: Becoming closed off? [Re: TheEnd]
#14492064 - 05/21/11 11:49 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I actually love being by myself. Its just I live with two other people who think its very strange I spend so much time alone. They think I have a problem and that negativity and doubt makes me feel like shit.
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TheEnd
Strange Daze


Registered: 09/04/06
Posts: 1,021
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It sucks when your friends are the ones that intentionally try to make you feel weird about being different.
No respect...
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geokills
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Registered: 05/08/01
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Last seen: 15 hours, 11 minutes
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Quote:
R.J. Schiffler said: I actually love being by myself. Its just I live with two other people who think its very strange I spend so much time alone. They think I have a problem and that negativity and doubt makes me feel like shit.
Are you often negative or doubtful, and/or do you feel like shit? If so, you probably should try changing some things about your life in efforts to improve your level of happiness and gratification. If you're already feeling good about the place you're in, you should kindly tell your housemates that it ain't about being negative or feeling like shit, and to feck off if they can't understand why you enjoy your peace and quiet!
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-------------------- ┼ ··∙ long live the shroomery ∙·· ┼ ...╬π╥ ╥π╬...
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Steve
Stranger

Registered: 09/22/07
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Loc: AUS
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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I agree alot with this post.
As you get older you have more responsibilities, work more etc etc and have less time for a social life. You will only see or keep in contact with a handful of people. Well at least that is the case from my perspective.
Sometimes I feel like I could go bush and never see any of my friends again and I wouldn't have any issues or miss them very much.
It seems like the same boring stuff happens in everyones lives and is all trivial because at the end of the day we are all going to die anyways and we will be forgotten by everyone we know 100 years from now.
Some people may have lots of friends that they keep in contact with but thats the exception rather than the rule.
I don't know anyone who truely inspires me and makes me want to spend alot of time with them (except my girlfriend).
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