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isthisreallife
Stranger
Registered: 05/18/11
Posts: 5
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
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One of those nights...
#14473710 - 05/18/11 02:47 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Hey guys, first post. I hope this is the right spot to post. If not can a moderator please move it to it's appropriate place.
Anyways here is my story. Drugs I've done. In order...weed, salvia, coke, shrooms, chocolate shrooms.
First time I did shrooms was in summer 2005. I had a crazy trip and it really changed my perspective on life. I had some far out thoughts while I was tripping. I will also add in that my Father is Bi Polar manic depressive since 83 and was discharged from the Marines and put on 100% disability in 93.
So the days after my trip I tried my best to get over it and eventually did. Fast forward to June 29th, 2006 at a friends house partying (drinking mixed drinks and smoking on some good)...well after this night my life wouldn't be the same. I'm sitting on the couch next to two black girls and they are giggling at me and then all of a sudden my heart starts racing and my dick shrinks and I feel a liquid is slowy leaking out. I can't tell if I'm cumming or going (literally).
I look to my right and there is a poster of Death behind the door looking right at me. It freaked me out a bit and I stood up and heard Lil Wayne's song "Hustler Muzik" in the next room and the lyrics "why the fuck is you tripping"...this really put me over the edge. My best friend in the whole world says to me "Mikey you scared of the South?"...I just keep walking towards the door and go outside. I never go back inside and demand my friend to take me home. On the drive home every car is a cop car and this is just to much for me. At this time I'm thinking I smoked some laced weed or someone put something in my drink. The next couple days I smoke endless packs of cigs to calm me down and my buddy can tell I'm still "geeking out".
So after this episode I get a job and give up weed. While working at ACE Hardware I start to notice "things". For some reason pictures or tattoos of the moon, sun, pirates, skull & bones, the color red etc stand out to me. I couldn't even walk through the Barnes n Noble next door without stuff popping out to me trying to tell me something. I would take a glance at a bookshelf and every book had to do with pirates/dreams/heaven & hell. It's like either my mind is fucking with me or the devil is.
A month later I smoke again and was in the middle of watching the movie "Man On Fire"...halfway through I start having scary racing thoughts of Mexicans/Pirates and go to the other room and try to get myself together. I throw away the pack of cigs and just try to be cool. This episode wasn't as bad but still freaked me the fuck out. Anytime I would go in public my eye would catch signs or words that had some meaning to them or trying to tell me something.
Eventually I confront my Mother about this and talk to a psychiatric and start taking Abilify. (In elementary school I took Ritalin, Adderall in middle school and finally concerta in high school.) I also take a 100 question test to see if I'm crazy or not. I pass and say I have no mental issues.
In the next couple years I don't have any major episodes like the first two but here and there my body/brain would get triggered by someone saying something like an old saying "money doesn't go on trees" for example. For some reason my mind takes things to seriously and I over-think situations.
Now let's get to last night's episode. I just got back from a poker trip to New Orleans for a week. Greatest vacation ever and had a real good time with my buddy. We smoked a half oz of good stuff and all was good.
Well last night I go with my older brother to his boys house. My brother was a big fuck up and then got his shit str8, married, had a kid, had a house etc but eventually got separated and moved out. Since he has moved out he started drinking beer, smoking cigs and doing lines of adderall and coke here and there. While watching the NBA playoff game my brother's friend busts out this legal weed and I puff one hit and it doesn't do anything. While my brother and his friend blab on about Ecstasy experiences I take another hit and immediately feel something. I'm a little wired now and get a can of Diet Dr Pepper. I sit back in my chair and I start going into an episode where I feel really scared like something is wrong and my body/mind is tingled and fear takes over me. It basically feels like I'm having a flashback trip of my first time on shrooms. Every word coming out of my brother and friends mouth was about ecstasy and all the pleasures of it. I start to panic and repeatedly sip on my drink to calm me down. I keep my eyes glued on the television and try my best to block out what they are saying without freaking out. At this time I have this crazy feeling that everyone is tripping in the whole world and I'm the last one to know about it. My brother starts talking to me and says something like "I was the last one to know out of my group of friends" and thats when I started to get really really freaked out. I kept my composure and tried to pass out to get away from all this. The thoughts kept racing through my head like I'm trying to find the answer or key to life. It's like everyone is tripping on E and its ok to get naked and feel each other.
So what I'm trying to get to is am I crazy? or is this shit for real?
Me living a normal life doesn't seem feasible but I'm trying my best to walk a straight line lol. In the end I really wish I never did those shrooms. I think my life would have been better off regardless of what truth I may or may not find.
All three of these episodes have come after smoking weed. I gave it up in June 2009 for college but started up again 18 months later during Spring Break 2011. I think I really have to throw in the towel with weed. As much as I love it I can't have these panic attacks. It's the worst feeling I've ever had.
After reading my post I realized that Weed might really be a gateway drug. It's like my brother wanted me to experience all the other drugs in order to get freedom.
edit: I have to add in that I got a big sense of paranoia one day at the mall while I was at a video game tournament. I walked outside and ran into an old friend. His nickname was "Oxy" and he was a tattoo artist that had a gig in the mall. I walk and talk with him and go into his office. I give him my number and I see that he has the movie "Running Scared" playing. The 2006 Paul Walker version. For some reason this is when another minor episode happened and I kinda just backed out and say bye and tried to shake it off.
Edited by isthisreallife (05/18/11 03:34 PM)
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Gotlib



Registered: 05/01/11
Posts: 7,643
Loc:
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Go see a mental health professional and tell them exactly what you describe here.
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isthisreallife
Stranger
Registered: 05/18/11
Posts: 5
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
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Re: One of those nights... [Re: Gotlib]
#14473783 - 05/18/11 02:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Butt-Head said: Go see a mental health professional and tell them exactly what you describe here.
I'm in Florida for the summer. My plan is to start seeing a therapist when I get back up north.
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Dawks
Jolly African Potato


Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 4,935
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You're symptoms seem highly indicative of paranoid schizophrenia. Either this, or you might simply have panic disorder (spontaneous panic attacks brought on by the fear of having another panic attack). But don't worry these conditions are manageable.
Unfortunately weed exacerbates both these disorders and you may need to stop smoking weed altogether. 
See a psychiatrist and ask about these problems. They may start you off with some simple benzos (things like Xanax and Valium) to calm you down from these panic episodes. You can just pop a benzo every time you freak out and it should bring you down to earth. Be careful with benzos though, they feel good and can be addictive. Make sure you ONLY use them when you need it.
If your problems persist and even start to increase you may get prescribed an anti-psychotic. I recommended that you try ALL other options and get loads of second opinions before you start taking an anti-psychotic. These are serious business and you should exhaust ALL other options first.
Good luck man, be safe.
Edited by Dawks (05/18/11 03:05 PM)
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isthisreallife
Stranger
Registered: 05/18/11
Posts: 5
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
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Re: One of those nights... [Re: Dawks]
#14473932 - 05/18/11 03:30 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Dawks said: You're symptoms seem highly indicative of paranoid schizophrenia. Either this, or you might simply have panic disorder (spontaneous panic attacks brought on by the fear of having another panic attack). But don't worry these conditions are manageable.
Unfortunately weed exacerbates both these disorders and you may need to stop smoking weed altogether. 
See a psychiatrist and ask about these problems. They may start you off with some simple benzos (things like Xanax and Valium) to calm you down from these panic episodes. You can just pop a benzo every time you freak out and it should bring you down to earth. Be careful with benzos though, they feel good and can be addictive. Make sure you ONLY use them when you need it.
If your problems persist and even start to increase you may get prescribed an anti-psychotic. I recommended that you try ALL other options and get loads of second opinions before you start taking an anti-psychotic. These are serious business and you should exhaust ALL other options first.
Good luck man, be safe. 
thanks for the response. Sucks to give up herb but at least it is not addictive. I think my father will be happy that I WANT to seek professional help.
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Pigasus
D.T.K.L.A.M.F.

Registered: 05/04/08
Posts: 3,572
Loc: slow death
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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not to make light of your situation, but I'd probably go crazy too if I had to sit through man on fire again.
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Nunbuh_Chrubble
I'm just a kittycat


Registered: 01/23/06
Posts: 3,534
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: One of those nights... [Re: Pigasus]
#14475284 - 05/18/11 08:27 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Definitely sounds like you've got some mental health issues. Marijuana clearly exacerbates it.
The above advice is good. Stay away from recreational drug use. Even alcohol probably. Seek professional help, but don't let them get you all fucked up on anti-psychotics. You probably should just have some xanax or valium on hand for emergency situations like this.
To me it sounds like this is not a chronic problem (ie. that your symptoms are not persistent). Everything you describe comes in episodes. Stay away from things which you know trigger those episodes and have some anti-anxiety pills on hand for when they do happen.
Otherwise it sounds like you should be able to keep your shit together and live a normal life.
What are you like when you're not having an episode. I mean, can you function normally? In other words, do you socialize well, can you hold down a job, do you take care of your personal hygiene? Do you have good friends? Romantic partners? Etc?
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"This day is a lover..." ~Rumi
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isthisreallife
Stranger
Registered: 05/18/11
Posts: 5
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
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Quote:
Nunbuh_Chrubble said: Definitely sounds like you've got some mental health issues. Marijuana clearly exacerbates it.
The above advice is good. Stay away from recreational drug use. Even alcohol probably. Seek professional help, but don't let them get you all fucked up on anti-psychotics. You probably should just have some xanax or valium on hand for emergency situations like this.
To me it sounds like this is not a chronic problem (ie. that your symptoms are not persistent). Everything you describe comes in episodes. Stay away from things which you know trigger those episodes and have some anti-anxiety pills on hand for when they do happen.
Otherwise it sounds like you should be able to keep your shit together and live a normal life.
What are you like when you're not having an episode. I mean, can you function normally? In other words, do you socialize well, can you hold down a job, do you take care of your personal hygiene? Do you have good friends? Romantic partners? Etc?
I like where you are going with this. Those are some personal details but I'll give a brief descirption. I'm 24 and going into my 5th semester of college. I'm sorta anti social because I played a lot of video games and recently was a semi professional online poker player. (now that the DOJ banned online poker in America I need to find a job). I've had numerous jobs but am a quick learner. I take showers everyday and brush my teeth. I have more "buddies" than friends. Most close friends either love drinking or smoking herb. Romance wise I've only been really really close with a few girls.
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isthisreallife
Stranger
Registered: 05/18/11
Posts: 5
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
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hey guys. its been 8 months and I wanted to check back in for a talk.
since my last post here i've completed a semester of college with a dismal 2.0 gpa but at the same time got a part time job at fedex. I work 4am-8am Tues-sat. im taking 15 credits as well this semester at the same university.
but...I started smoking again. it was during october and I didn't have any panic attacks.
work is fine but the hours obviously suck. so anyways im back here because I stopped smoking about a week ago.
now I feel better physically but mentally im a wreck. I've found myself 2 or 3 times in class where my thoughts will go haywire and I think of the most fucked up things and it takes me like 20-30 seconds to get the thoughts out of my head.
this might have something to do with my sleep/sleep patterns or even the 5 yr old mattress I sleep on.
Damnit I have to leave for work in 5 mins..ill update this when I get back.
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spikeycloud
Truth seeker

Registered: 11/22/11
Posts: 254
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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I had some strange shit too after smoking weed, little forms of depersonalisaion for an example. I don't do weed anymore for that reason.
Edited by spikeycloud (02/03/12 03:25 AM)
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