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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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DELETED
#14466541 - 05/17/11 06:44 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by shLong<p>Reason for deletion: .
Edited by shLong (07/15/11 11:39 AM)
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puff4200
Natural born lever puller


Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 1,269
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong] 1
#14466620 - 05/17/11 07:08 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well it doesn't sound like theres enough evidence that she was cheating or anything like that, with the facts you have now you have no reason to not believe her. Although at this point if I were you I would just become a little more aware. I would imagine its nothing to worry about and it wont do you any good to worry about it, just keep an eye out for other odd things.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong] 1
#14466633 - 05/17/11 07:12 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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You're asking us if you should trust her. I answer that you should search yourself if you trust her. You're the one with the most reliable information. If you trust her, then tell her how you feel about finding that piece of paper and ask her what she thinks of it. If you don't trust her, then either break up with her, or stay in it for the sex but avoid further emotional attachment. The latter is more of a hypothetical option, but I included it for completeness.
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shroomzi8
king of the wild fronteer



Registered: 10/04/10
Posts: 1,764
Loc: Valencia, Spain
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong] 1
#14466648 - 05/17/11 07:18 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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trust her. if you dont it may all go wrong. if you do trust her and she proves herself as a cheat, walk away and chalk it up to experience. but for now you should trust her. imo. 
mahalos
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse *DELETED* [Re: koraks]
#14466658 - 05/17/11 07:20 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by shLongReason for deletion: .
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Doc_T
Random Dude




Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 42,395
Loc: Colorado
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14466664 - 05/17/11 07:22 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Having friends outside a relationship is healthy. And lots of people have lots of phone numbers, that's meaningless.
-------------------- You make it all possible. Doesn't it feel good?
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse *DELETED* [Re: Doc_T]
#14466708 - 05/17/11 07:34 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by shLongReason for deletion: .
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Doc_T
Random Dude




Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 42,395
Loc: Colorado
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14466712 - 05/17/11 07:36 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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"Hiding" the phone number?
If she's not smart enough to hide something from you successfully, throw her back and get a new one.
-------------------- You make it all possible. Doesn't it feel good?
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out


Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14466733 - 05/17/11 07:43 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said:
Quote:
Doc_T said: Having friends outside a relationship is healthy. And lots of people have lots of phone numbers, that's meaningless.
QFT
But, this was the one guy I had a bad feeling about...and I was honest with her about it. Always going to the bar to "meet her dad" hinting she didnt want me to come with, albeit in a round-about way. Hiding the phone number.
IDK man, I have some trust issues and the fact I FEEL she betrayed that just hurts a lot.
I have a few females friends, but I wouldnt go to their house and hang with em or anything w/o having her come with, out of respect.
Maybe we're just in a fucked up relationship, maybe im just fucked up, IDFK...
Then you have to communicate it with her. She most likely hid it because she didn't want to cause issues because she was worried you would take it the wrong way. While that is not a good reason, it is quite understandable.
Sit down with her, and communicate. It is 100% healthy to hang out with friends of the opposite gender in a relationship. If you trust her this shouldn't be an issue. Lets face it you preventing her from hanging out with people of the opposite gender won't cause her not to cheat if she wants to, it will just build resentment.
So talk to her, let her know its perfectly fine as long as she doesn't go behind your back, but the same has to be true for you. Relationships are VERY much about trust, once that trust is gone its extremely hard to build back. Honesty is one of the most important parts of a relationship.
Until she gives you a real reason to not trust her, trust her. If she is going to cheat she is going to cheat. Trust me you will find out. And then simply dump her. You cannot "prevent" your partner from cheating by restricting their friends and making rules.
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
Edited by Cyclohexylamine (05/17/11 07:43 AM)
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14466762 - 05/17/11 07:55 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said: I have a few females friends, but I wouldnt go to their house and hang with em or anything w/o having her come with, out of respect.
I don't know about you, but for me, that would be a serious inhibition of my social life. Also, if I had a girlfriend who would not trust me enough to 'allow' me to visit female friends, I would get the hell out of the dysfunctional relationship.
shLong, don't take this the bad way, but you sound pretty paranoid. That's ok, but be aware of the risk of projecting your insecurity/paranoia/lack of trust on your partner, thereby ruining the relationship. Based on the things you posted in this thread, I'd say that this thing is in your head, and not in her behavior. There are two ways to deal with your lack of trust: pose high requirements on your partner's behavior (don't hook up with other men, don't hang out with other men, don't accept phone numbers from other men, etc.), or you could try to build some confidence yourself (easier said than done, I know). The former works for some people, but most will eventually escape from the cage that is constructed for them by their partner. The latter is, as I said, easier said than done, but in my opinion the more sustainable route. If you feel secure about your own value as a person and as a partner, you don't need to worry so much about your partner running off with someone else.
So get to grips with the fact that you are worth hanging out with, that you're a good partner and lover, and that it's worthwhile for your gf to be with you If she doesn't see it that way, then that's her loss. That sounds arrogant, but it isn't intended as such. Arrogance is the other wrong end of the scale that runs from extreme insecurity to extremely narcissistic arrogance. Do justice to yourself as a human being and try to move a bit more to the center of that scale; be aware of the extremes, and try to keep a balanced position If necessary, remind yourself on a daily basis that you are a valuable individual.
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse *DELETED* [Re: koraks]
#14466794 - 05/17/11 08:06 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by shLongReason for deletion: .
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: koraks]
#14466795 - 05/17/11 08:06 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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OP: Is that guy still working at the bar? 6 years is a lot time for a bartender to hold down a single job. Additionally: how often does she go meet w/ her dad at the bar while you're at work? Not trying to say its not happening, just that I dont know anyone who oftentimes goes to meet their dad at a bar for drinks (just because I dont know anyone, doesn't mean it doesnt happen).
At the same time, if she was cheating on you, she would've probably had enough of a thought process to throw the number away, or to come up with a different excuse every now and then.
Like everyon else: i recommend a conversation w/ yer woman.
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse *DELETED* [Re: memes]
#14466800 - 05/17/11 08:08 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by shLongReason for deletion: .
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14466821 - 05/17/11 08:15 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said: I have a real insecurity stemming from my ex fucking my very good buddy one night at my apt. The memory remains.
That sucks. The memory will never go away, but keep this in mind: that this girl cheated on you, doesn't necessarily mean that you did something wrong back then, and it sure as hell doesn't mean you are a bad person now. Don't let it haunt you; work it over, learn the lessons from it that are in there, and move on. But always maintain your self esteem. Nobody can do without it, and nobody needs to do without it. I reiterate: you're valuable. And you're allowed (and encouraged) to acknowledge that to yourself.
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san112
Stranger
Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 5
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: koraks]
#14466873 - 05/17/11 08:29 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Do you trust her?? That is the question. You have been with her for six years? Why can't she be friends with other guys? I have hung out with guys & not told my bf, I would never cheat on him, but I don't have to tell him what I am doing all the time. && I know he has done the same, hung out with ppl, male and female, and not told me exactly who. Not a big deal, he is not having sex with them, etc. so it is fine with me.
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14466891 - 05/17/11 08:35 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said: She goes about once a week...She also sells a sack or 2 to her dads buddies during.
this bartender wants to smoke with her, she goes to teh bar and comes home with less weed, goes to meet her dad, etc.
have you met her dad? See him often? seem like the type of guy who would meet his daughter at a bar with some of his friends and let her sell weed to them? i know my dad sure as hell wouldn't let my sister drive to a public place to sell bud -- puts her at risk.
im just thinking out loud here. I'm probably a bit more on the inherently-skeptical side because i have similar trust issues.
But at the end of the day -- if she's just goin to the bar to meet her dad -- you're the one who sounds crazy and insecure
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: memes]
#14466917 - 05/17/11 08:44 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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She is going there to meet her dad, but this dude she dated briefly happens to work there too...
I have told her im not crazy about guy, and the secrecy is what piques my paranoia...
Im probably just fucked in the head, bro
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14467266 - 05/17/11 10:32 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Took an hour off work, went home, talked for a min and had the most aggressive sex in my life...
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out


Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: shLong]
#14467310 - 05/17/11 10:44 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said: Took an hour off work, went home, talked for a min and had the most aggressive sex in my life... 
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Finding another mans phone # in her purse [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
#14467318 - 05/17/11 10:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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and I quote "I thought you were trying to kill me" 
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