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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Carl Sagan]
    #14461022 - 05/16/11 08:02 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Carl Sagan said:
Quote:

guruu said:
In a more awesome world, we'd all be so cool that we'd never have to say "we're in a relationship," it would just work out that way and you'd be with one other person a bunch and have sex with them but you'd both be chill enough never to slap a label on it.  What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity...if two people really are self sufficient in their own lives, then who needs a "relationship" anyways...let things happen according to your natural feelings.  I feel like doin shit this way has the potential to create romance that is much more rewarding, because events will work out in a more effortless way without people trying too hard to make the situation what they think it should be.

thoughts?






Quote:

What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity..




Climb down off the horse broheem.  Your just as insecure as everyone else and that statement proves it. Figure it out...





Labels :feelsbadman:

However sometimes labels can give a new dimension to the relationship.
I don't agree with the concept of Ownership in a relationship - you don't own the other person.

YES :feelsbadman: is back!!!!!!


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


Edited by Cyclohexylamine (05/16/11 08:02 AM)


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OfflineKada
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: g00ru]
    #14461030 - 05/16/11 08:04 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I don't agree. I married my wife because I loved her and wanted to wake up everyday next to her and to keep her all to myself. :P

I don't want to be with anyone else. I would find that potentially dangerous to my health.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



Edited by Kada (05/16/11 08:21 AM)


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: g00ru]
    #14461079 - 05/16/11 08:23 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

guruu said:
In a more awesome world, we'd all be so cool that we'd never have to say "we're in a relationship," it would just work out that way and you'd be with one other person a bunch and have sex with them but you'd both be chill enough never to slap a label on it.  What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity...if two people really are self sufficient in their own lives, then who needs a "relationship" anyways...let things happen according to your natural feelings.  I feel like doin shit this way has the potential to create romance that is much more rewarding, because events will work out in a more effortless way without people trying too hard to make the situation what they think it should be.

thoughts?




I agree that people get in relationships and need the label to counter the insecurity. Although, there is that constant nag of wanting to socialize and build somethng with someone else.

A relationship can be seen like a challenge, a mission. How much crap can you take before you bail out.

oh and also, that little chemical reaction in your brain called love.


--------------------


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InvisibleOlympus Mons
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: g00ru]
    #14461103 - 05/16/11 08:30 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Love without expectation-Ram Dass


--------------------
I close my eyes and seize it
I clench my fists and beat it
I light my torch and burn it
I am the beast I worship....


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OfflinegENERIX
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Olympus Mons]
    #14461163 - 05/16/11 09:10 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I've never thought of it like that but I certainly like your way of thinking.


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Offlinegabbaganchi
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: rodfarva]
    #14461180 - 05/16/11 09:15 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

rodfarva said:
Yea.. i had this for about 5 years. It was fun. She finally used the excuse that she didnt think we were "official" when i called her out on being with other guys. Theres a lot more to it, but after five years she begs the question, and my answer was a definitive "no we are not."




labels are pointless. a relationship between your friend or your uncle or your lover is always in flux anyway.
you have a realtionship, working/playing in relation and intereaction to another person. they're just as much of a free spirit as anyone else thinks they are... i have sex with the same girl, and itellectual sex and we go hiking and shit. but i have no expectations.

my best friend could have a bigger dick than me. :hehehe:


--------------------
:sanpedro: :peyote: :tripmolecule:


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Offlineg00ru
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Carl Sagan]
    #14461328 - 05/16/11 10:14 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Carl Sagan said:
Quote:

guruu said:
In a more awesome world, we'd all be so cool that we'd never have to say "we're in a relationship," it would just work out that way and you'd be with one other person a bunch and have sex with them but you'd both be chill enough never to slap a label on it.  What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity...if two people really are self sufficient in their own lives, then who needs a "relationship" anyways...let things happen according to your natural feelings.  I feel like doin shit this way has the potential to create romance that is much more rewarding, because events will work out in a more effortless way without people trying too hard to make the situation what they think it should be.

thoughts?





Quote:

What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity..




Climb down off the horse broheem.  Your just as insecure as everyone else and that statement proves it. Figure it out...




no u are


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss


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OfflineKada
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: g00ru] * 1
    #14461383 - 05/16/11 10:35 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Labels put names to things. Your name is a label. You wear it and use it and it is useful to you and everyone around you. It's how you are identified.

Why are labeling things bad? I say it's down right useful. If this was labeled correctly people wouldn't be dead. Labels are useful as hell.

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/14449771/fpart/1/vc/1/nt/4

Without my wifes wedding ring as a label, other men would think she was available and she would get unwanted sexual advances. I'd say that that label is a good one. If someone says they are married it means ABSOLUTELY NOT AVAILABLE. Unless marriage doesn't mean shit to you and you cheat. Then you get unlabeled and get divorced when your infidelity is discovered.

I say labels define us. Not just names, but the things we wear, the way we talk, the cars we drive. Labels tell the world who we are just like a label on a bottle tells what it is.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



Edited by Kada (05/16/11 10:43 AM)


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Anthony917]
    #14461415 - 05/16/11 10:47 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Anthony917 said:
I think people put labels on their relationships because NOT having a label leaves it open to....anything really.

When you say "this is my girlfriend" it's almost like a sense of ownership, where she is exclusive to you...which is what a relationship is about.
If you don't want to call someone you love & sleep with your girlfriend/wife/whatever....then I'd just say you're fuck buddies...





uhhhh i think this mentality is incredibly dangerous.  you cannot OWN a person, geez.  when has putting a label on a relationship stopped us from going outside the relationship if we feel like doing so.  i have SO many friends going through divorces right now due to cheating and affaires.

anyway i think the problem with labels is that we use them to form attachments, and create a false sense of happiness and security.......


The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.


--------------------


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InvisibleCarl Sagan
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Registered: 04/19/11
Posts: 922
Loc: Myco-tek.org
Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: g00ru]
    #14461419 - 05/16/11 10:48 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

guruu said:
Quote:

Carl Sagan said:
Quote:

guruu said:
In a more awesome world, we'd all be so cool that we'd never have to say "we're in a relationship," it would just work out that way and you'd be with one other person a bunch and have sex with them but you'd both be chill enough never to slap a label on it.  What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity...if two people really are self sufficient in their own lives, then who needs a "relationship" anyways...let things happen according to your natural feelings.  I feel like doin shit this way has the potential to create romance that is much more rewarding, because events will work out in a more effortless way without people trying too hard to make the situation what they think it should be.

thoughts?





Quote:

What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity..




Climb down off the horse broheem.  Your just as insecure as everyone else and that statement proves it. Figure it out...




no u are




Must I explain it to you?    :doublefacepalm:


--------------------
“Sacred cows make the best hamburger”

Mark Twain



Independant Research Foundation


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: yogabunny]
    #14461453 - 05/16/11 10:57 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Anthony917 said:
I think people put labels on their relationships because NOT having a label leaves it open to....anything really.

When you say "this is my girlfriend" it's almost like a sense of ownership, where she is exclusive to you...which is what a relationship is about.
If you don't want to call someone you love & sleep with your girlfriend/wife/whatever....then I'd just say you're fuck buddies...





uhhhh i think this mentality is incredibly dangerous.  you cannot OWN a person, geez.  when has putting a label on a relationship stopped us from going outside the relationship if we feel like doing so.  i have SO many friends going through divorces right now due to cheating and affaires.

anyway i think the problem with labels is that we use them to form attachments, and create a false sense of happiness and security.......






:thumbup:


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


Edited by Cyclohexylamine (05/16/11 10:59 AM)


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OfflineKada
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: yogabunny]
    #14461461 - 05/16/11 10:58 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Anthony917 said:
I think people put labels on their relationships because NOT having a label leaves it open to....anything really.

When you say "this is my girlfriend" it's almost like a sense of ownership, where she is exclusive to you...which is what a relationship is about.
If you don't want to call someone you love & sleep with your girlfriend/wife/whatever....then I'd just say you're fuck buddies...





uhhhh i think this mentality is incredibly dangerous.  you cannot OWN a person, geez.  when has putting a label on a relationship stopped us from going outside the relationship if we feel like doing so.  i have SO many friends going through divorces right now due to cheating and affaires.

anyway i think the problem with labels is that we use them to form attachments, and create a false sense of happiness and security.......




My wife didn't put a label on me when she married me and I didn't put one on her. We put it on ourselves to tell the world that we are one and we are not available. We vowed to be there for each other and it's us against the world. It's a stand we took together to make each others positions in each others lives more permanent. If that makes us feel more secure in the world then why is that bad? We ARE happy and our "label" tells everyone so. If we weren't then we would rid ourselves of it and go on our separate ways.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Patlal]
    #14461488 - 05/16/11 11:05 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

guruu said:
In a more awesome world, we'd all be so cool that we'd never have to say "we're in a relationship," it would just work out that way and you'd be with one other person a bunch and have sex with them but you'd both be chill enough never to slap a label on it.  What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity...if two people really are self sufficient in their own lives, then who needs a "relationship" anyways...let things happen according to your natural feelings.  I feel like doin shit this way has the potential to create romance that is much more rewarding, because events will work out in a more effortless way without people trying too hard to make the situation what they think it should be.

thoughts?




I agree that people get in relationships and need the label to counter the insecurity. Although, there is that constant nag of wanting to socialize and build somethng with someone else.

A relationship can be seen like a challenge, a mission. How much crap can you take before you bail out.

oh and also, that little chemical reaction in your brain called love.



"Love" is just a trick of nature to get us to procreate, no?


--------------------


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InvisibleCarl Sagan
Time Dilation Analyst


Registered: 04/19/11
Posts: 922
Loc: Myco-tek.org
Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Carl Sagan]
    #14461524 - 05/16/11 11:13 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

yogabunny said
Quote:

uhhhh i think this mentality is incredibly dangerous.  you cannot OWN a person, geez.  when has putting a label on a relationship stopped us from going outside the relationship if we feel like doing so.  i have SO many friends going through divorces right now due to cheating and affaires.

anyway i think the problem with labels is that we use them to form attachments, and create a false sense of happiness and security.......




Quote:

uhhhh i think this mentality is incredibly dangerous.  you cannot OWN a person, geez.



Do you really feel threatened by this persons use of a simile to describe boundries
in a relationship?

Quote:

when has putting a label on a relationship stopped us from going outside the relationship if we feel like doing so




Yes people lie and cheat. Welcome to reality;)

Quote:

anyway i think the problem with labels is that we use them to form attachments, and create a false sense of happiness and security.......





The problem is your use of the word "label". The word in our society, and your use of
it carries a negative connotation.  You are using the word in its verb form and it
is merely a way to distinguish, identify, and define something.

Quote:

we use them to form attachments, and create a false sense of happiness and security.......



Please remove the word we from your statement; as one can only define happiness
and security for ones self. Wether these "feelings" are false or true is highly subjective.


--------------------
“Sacred cows make the best hamburger”

Mark Twain



Independant Research Foundation


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #14461527 - 05/16/11 11:13 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

tyrannicalrex said:
Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

guruu said:
In a more awesome world, we'd all be so cool that we'd never have to say "we're in a relationship," it would just work out that way and you'd be with one other person a bunch and have sex with them but you'd both be chill enough never to slap a label on it.  What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity...if two people really are self sufficient in their own lives, then who needs a "relationship" anyways...let things happen according to your natural feelings.  I feel like doin shit this way has the potential to create romance that is much more rewarding, because events will work out in a more effortless way without people trying too hard to make the situation what they think it should be.

thoughts?




I agree that people get in relationships and need the label to counter the insecurity. Although, there is that constant nag of wanting to socialize and build somethng with someone else.

A relationship can be seen like a challenge, a mission. How much crap can you take before you bail out.

oh and also, that little chemical reaction in your brain called love.



"Love" is just a trick of nature to get us to procreate, no?




Meh, I think sex drive is natures trick to procreate. Love is womens trick to guilt us into not having sex with other women


--------------------


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OfflineKada
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #14461534 - 05/16/11 11:15 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

tyrannicalrex said:
Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

guruu said:
In a more awesome world, we'd all be so cool that we'd never have to say "we're in a relationship," it would just work out that way and you'd be with one other person a bunch and have sex with them but you'd both be chill enough never to slap a label on it.  What good does the label do? It's just to compensate for insecurity...if two people really are self sufficient in their own lives, then who needs a "relationship" anyways...let things happen according to your natural feelings.  I feel like doin shit this way has the potential to create romance that is much more rewarding, because events will work out in a more effortless way without people trying too hard to make the situation what they think it should be.

thoughts?




I agree that people get in relationships and need the label to counter the insecurity. Although, there is that constant nag of wanting to socialize and build somethng with someone else.

A relationship can be seen like a challenge, a mission. How much crap can you take before you bail out.

oh and also, that little chemical reaction in your brain called love.



"Love" is just a trick of nature to get us to procreate, no?



No.

You might learn what it means some day. Experience and time brings understanding and enlightenment if you know where to look and how to listen.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Kada]
    #14461567 - 05/16/11 11:23 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Kada said:

My wife didn't put a label on me when she married me and I didn't put one on her. We put it on ourselves to tell the world that we are one and we are not available. We vowed to be there for each other and it's us against the world. It's a stand we took together to make each others positions in each others lives more permanent. If that makes us feel more secure in the world then why is that bad? We ARE happy and our "label" tells everyone so. If we weren't then we would rid ourselves of it and go on our separate ways.






you're getting mighty defensive.  and cool, whatever works for you and yours.  for me, i find the confines of traditional relationships to be tiresome, restrictive and unnecessary.  i don't even like the idea of saying "my" boyfriend or "my" girlfriend.  it implies ownership and i think that's weird. 


i think it's funny that people are so protective of their naming and labeling.  "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

you relationship to a person does not change if you decide tomorrow to call the person a shoe instead of your best friend.


:shrug:


--------------------


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OfflineKada
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: yogabunny]
    #14461612 - 05/16/11 11:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Not to me it wouldn't change. It would just confuse everyone else.

I wasn't trying to get defensive at all. I think most people are just ignorant about some things and they have no idea what they are talking about sometimes. Excuse me if my marriage is precious to me and I say so when everyone else is saying it's worthless. Well it's not at all to people who find out what it can really be and hold it in high regard. I would take slams against marriage as an insult if I thought people that were debating against it had any idea of what they were even talking about.

I respectively bow out of this conversation because I don't think anyone speaking against love or marriage has a single idea of what they are talking about and it's useless to remain in such a conversation. It makes me feel REALLY lucky to have met my wife.

Hey, were all allowed to have our own perspectives on things, and we won't all agree with each other. I just don't agree with 99% of the things in this thread.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: yogabunny]
    #14461623 - 05/16/11 11:37 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I was with someone for 14 years that claimed to "love" me. The way they treated me and the way things turned out was not very loving at all. There were moments that will be forever remembered as very succinct in the way I felt connected to this person. I would call that love. I just wonder if I will ever meet anyone that I will feel that way all the time, or at least most of it.

I still don't believe in total monogamy for myself. I just can't explain that. Maybe that is part of the way things go for me. The perfect relationship to me would be one that would allow each other the freedom to have fun with whoever they wanted while having the strongest mental bond with me.

I agree with the yogabunny.
Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Kada said:

My wife didn't put a label on me when she married me and I didn't put one on her. We put it on ourselves to tell the world that we are one and we are not available. We vowed to be there for each other and it's us against the world. It's a stand we took together to make each others positions in each others lives more permanent. If that makes us feel more secure in the world then why is that bad? We ARE happy and our "label" tells everyone so. If we weren't then we would rid ourselves of it and go on our separate ways.






you're getting mighty defensive.  and cool, whatever works for you and yours.  for me, i find the confines of traditional relationships to be tiresome, restrictive and unnecessary.  i don't even like the idea of saying "my" boyfriend or "my" girlfriend.  it implies ownership and i think that's weird. 


i think it's funny that people are so protective of their naming and labeling.  "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

you relationship to a person does not change if you decide tomorrow to call the person a shoe instead of your best friend.


:shrug:




--------------------


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: relationships are based inherently in insecurity [Re: Kada]
    #14461638 - 05/16/11 11:40 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Kada said:
Not to me it wouldn't change. It would just confuse everyone else.

I wasn't trying to get defensive at all. I think most people are just ignorant about some things and they have no idea what they are talking about sometimes. Excuse me if my marriage is precious to me and I say so when everyone else is saying it's worthless. Well it's not at all to people who find out what it can really be and hold it in high regard. I would take slams against marriage as an insult if I thought people that were debating against it had any idea of what they were even talking about.

I respectively bow out of this conversation because I don't think anyone speaking against love or marriage has a single idea of what they are talking about and it's useless to remain in such a conversation. It makes me feel REALLY lucky to have met my wife.

Hey, were all allowed to have our own perspectives on things, and we won't all agree with each other. I just don't agree with 99% of the things in this thread.



I know exactly what you are saying. You are very lucky to have met and married the person you have. I am happy for you. I hope I can feel that way with someone one day.


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