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InvisibleAbstraKt_I_Am


Registered: 12/21/10
Posts: 1,898
Loc: Abroad.
Mushrooms. Ego Death. Silent Darkness. Anything but Predictable.
    #14454022 - 05/14/11 10:57 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Okay, so earlier today. I consumed 23 grams of Atlantis Sclerotia(About five dried grams in regular shrooms) In hindsight I wish I would have eaten more but the trip was still everything I asked for, and more.

Now before I detail the trip, I'll let you know that I was in my room, on the bed in silent darkness and my intentions were to get introspective and hopefully heal myself. This trip was also strange, as it lasted but a mere 4 hours.

So about an hour after eating the truffles. Im just high as fuck, and defiantly feel something creeping up on me. So off my back patio down the stairs into my bedroom I retreat. I hit the light switch, lay on my bed and just wait..

and wait...

And then, In silent darkness I see faint neon lighted patterns expanding and dancing. But nothing too amazing or pronounced. (Through my whole trip I didn't get alot of visuals, in fact Ive had way more impressive visuals on half the dose I ate. But visuals were not the purpose of this trip.)

So an hour and a half into this, No rapid thousand-a-mile an hour thoughts, no CRAZY psychedelic patterns. Im seriously just really high, and wondering "What the fuck?"...

Im desperate for clarity, a life changing trip and Im getting teased on the biggest dose Ive eaten. It's making no sense to me. Why does this shit always happen to me. A motherfucking letdown...

So at this point, I feel this IMMENSE ENERGY around me... But it just was around me and not having any interaction with me. Like I said, I felt like I was being let down. So I started smack talking out loud.

"What the fuck! I cleared up my whole fucking day for this. It took planning to get the house to myself which I wont for awhile after this!" .... followed with a mockingly stated "Ooooh, I get it. All this shit I've read about you doing for other people. I guess IM NOT WORTHY"

And then it happened. This IMMENSE ENERGY extended like an invisible hallway towards me. It slowly crept. I watched it inch my way though I could not actually see it. On the outer rim of my skin the show began.

I started crying so hard. I heard a narration of thought..
"You haven't done this in a long time."
And I cried, and cried with no specific purpose at first. Then the visions started, each happening in a kind of panoramic view.


While the first vision started.. The Mushroom or whatever Presence I talked to the whole trip was throwing facts in my face ruthlessly. The fact I judge people too much, judge myself too much, belittle people for this or that too much, name the prejudice and it was brought to my face. So as this was happening Im crying my eyes and and the first vision is shown. Its all the teasing and repressed fucked up feelings for how I have been physically judged since I was a kid.
Being 6'6 Ive always been way taller then my peers especially as a child, and Ive worn that around like uncomfortable emotional baggage with never really being aware of it. Whats going on is so intense Im screaming "I won't ever make fun of anyone for any reason again or judge, I am so sorry!"

Next vision rolls into play. Its my Mom, I rushed her out of the house this morning; and for years have been so unbelievably horrible to her. I felt the pain I had caused her, finally. I could actually be empathetic towards how I treat her.(Been having some serious apathy issues since I quit taking asstons of anti depressants a few years ago) I was still crying uncontrollably but I knew things were happening how I hoped for a this point. After my mom rolled out of "view" in came my step dad. A man who might never look at me as anything, but now I was accepting what he stood for to me that was all that mattered. My sister and nephew roll into the Vision's spectrum and I see them all together. Four people who probably will never take a group photo huddled together in one right before my bawling eyes. Mom, Step Dad, Sister and Nephew. My family.

Out of sight they slide and on comes my next vision..
My Ex girlfriend. With no hesitation I screamed "YOU FUCKING BASTARD ANYTHING BUT THIS!"
The last person Ive been in a relationship with since last fall. Ive done nothing but try to ruin any good word of her and blamed months of suffering through heart ache on her. Now things were about to get to the point, the brutal no bullshit closure. I watched a vision of her from a child growing up and to who she when we dated. Then it showed me her with her other boyfriends.
At this point, I was screaming louder and crying harder then ever "This Isn't fair! I can't control who I love or care about, and can't control who cares about me!" ... ah so untrue. With that I was reliving everything from text messages to songs she sent me; Verifying I sparked her interest in me, to care about me and love me at one point and I also extinguished it. Damn this sucked, I was retracing my faulty behavior that led to me being dumped. I cried it all out though. It was a lesson and for facing it.. I felt, a detachment from her. A liberation I was very much in need in.

Next vision rolls in, All about the Benjamins right? I get shown a flash of one hundred dollar bills and then a bulldozer going through some rainforest to clear ground for gold mining and panning. Poor native people of what looks like South American decent, trading in their native beliefs and heritage to make a living. I see women being sexually exploited on some levels I wont speak of for money. I see children in Africa getting killed. Bombs going off in the middle east. Oil gushing into the sea waters from drilling. Im sobbing so hard at this point, Im screaming and begging for the vision to stop.
All I can do I scream and cry Im sorry for what we are doing to the planet and each other over money. The vision played a roll though for my personal life. As someone who's an ever growing public figure in society, I know where to stand with certain issues and the allure to money now.

The final visions start coming into play. Visions of Self.
I start admitting my faults, my weaknesses, my limits and my kinks. Im getting them forcefully pressed on me, showing myself everything which I hide from.
Now I don't know if this is ego death? In the past I have fought ego death off, and what happens is I forget who I am and everything about my personal life. But not this time. I remember who I was.. It just didn't mean anything to me though. I didn't feel like I was dieing. I just felt like I was having all these shitty qualities of myself brought to the surface for me to accept and embrace. With my list of faults ending and me pronouncing it's all my ego and not I. I watched an apparition photocopy of myself float off my body, full of negativity get tossed into nothingness like a rag-doll. I had officially been repenting and crying for 2 hours, thrashing around on my bed like a scene from the exorcist. I was about to have that change finally.

I moved onto visions of extreme encouragement, and reassurance in who I was. I felt an uplifting powerful but gentle energy charge through my physical body as I was shown my potential at its fullest in my head. During this time I was told "You are just a reflection of the experiences you go through throughout life.".... That line looped in my head, while I was thinking philosophically about all sorts of things. I was thinking about how I wouldn't be able to do the experience it's justice with English words ever. I heard "Maybe you should title me anything but predictable." I laughed extremely hard, as the experience was honestly nothing like what I expected from reading other high dose reports. This went on for the next half hour while I watched amazing psychedelic CEVs break apart into each other revealing an abyss behind them that looked like a giant red sea.

The visuals gradually faded. Atlas I was coming down to a dreamy haze, with alot on my mind. I was feeling so humbled and filled with so much gratitude for the experience. I spent the end of the trip hearing a symphony of self composed synths and piano keys play in my head.
Singing/Songwriting for a living, this meant alot to me. My apathetic spells have left me in a writers block for a long time. Void of inspiration, only to have it working fluently at 1000% for me now. The instrumentals banging in my head louder then ever.. I sang with no thought to it...
"Your Utmost Beautiful Glory.... It's something I just wanna bask in 
Your Utmost Beautiful Glory... Oh where Oh, where Oh have you been.
Your Utmost Beautiful Glory... I don't even have to ask again.
Your Utmost Beautiful Glory... Its something my mind will stay wrapped in.
Your Utmost Beautiful Glory... If only the whole world could join right in."


I was basking in the most beautiful presence ever, like sunrays of love. Just singing purely from heart. I finally decided to go upstairs and sit outside to reflect. Its what I've been doing for the past few hours. My perspective on so much dissolved today so I could look at life completely differently. This will no doubt help me so much shall I choose to carry the experience as a reminder and intergrate it into my daily life. Thats it for my trip report.

Thanks in advance if you read, Sorry for the length. :mushroom2::heart::mushroom2::heart::mushroom2::heart:

 
 


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Edited by AbstraKt_I_Am (05/14/11 11:13 PM)


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OfflineJustinJohn
Wizard
Male


Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 107
Loc: California
Last seen: 11 years, 30 days
Re: Mushrooms. Ego Death. Silent Darkness. Anything but Predictable. [Re: AbstraKt_I_Am]
    #14454511 - 05/15/11 01:21 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

:crymeariver:  i love the part about the song. I always hear the coolest music in my head on shrooms haha !

sounds like a good trip man learn from it  :Awemush:


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:bobmarley:  :etbig:  :tmckenna:


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Offlinersrkt
Male User Gallery


Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 121
Loc: WaggaaggaW Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Mushrooms. Ego Death. Silent Darkness. Anything but Predictable. [Re: AbstraKt_I_Am]
    #20750558 - 10/25/14 07:18 AM (9 years, 3 months ago)

naiiiiicee :smile:


--------------------
Psychedelic Guide - Heal Your Mind
www.psychedelicsguide.com


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