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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Man...
#14447147 - 05/13/11 06:52 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I went like 3 days without hearing any voices, except for about 2 minutes of hearing my name repeated. Then... today I went to wal mart, got extremely over-whelmed, left, had a panic attack in the car, then started hearing voices the whole way home, telling me I'm worthless and to kill myself.
So I made a plan tonight to do it. I was going to over-dose on all my drugs.
:feels bad man:
I pulled myself out of it thankfully. I tried to O.D once before, and I felt the biggest regret the next day ( I was a newb, and I thought 5 klonopins would be enough lol ) I just passed out and felt sick the next day. I just remember feeling regret, like thanfully I didn't know what I was doing y'know.
I'm glad I talked myself out of it. I can't imagine the heart ache my mom, girlfriend, sister, and friend would go through.
man... I feel awful for even considering it.
I hope these hallucinations don't get the best of me one day. I like myself, I think I'm a halfway decent person. I don't want to cut my life short. I guess the next time, I'll comit myself to MHU just for safety.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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SpiritualSnorkel
Registered: 06/18/06
Posts: 1,545
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447165 - 05/13/11 06:55 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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How could you ever think 5 Klonopin would be enough?
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Equipto


Registered: 03/12/11
Posts: 1,280
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447169 - 05/13/11 06:56 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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The fact that you didn't go through with it and realize the consequences you would leave behind leads me to believe that you'll be okay bro. Sendin some good vibes your way bro
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Newlord
The Evil White Man


Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 720
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447177 - 05/13/11 06:57 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eshu said: I went like 3 days without hearing any voices, except for about 2 minutes of hearing my name repeated. Then... today I went to wal mart, got extremely over-whelmed, left, had a panic attack in the car, then started hearing voices the whole way home, telling me I'm worthless and to kill myself.
So I made a plan tonight to do it. I was going to over-dose on all my drugs.
:feels bad man:
I pulled myself out of it thankfully. I tried to O.D once before, and I felt the biggest regret the next day ( I was a newb, and I thought 5 klonopins would be enough lol ) I just passed out and felt sick the next day. I just remember feeling regret, like thanfully I didn't know what I was doing y'know.
I'm glad I talked myself out of it. I can't imagine the heart ache my mom, girlfriend, sister, and friend would go through.
man... I feel awful for even considering it.
I hope these hallucinations don't get the best of me one day. I like myself, I think I'm a halfway decent person. I don't want to cut my life short. I guess the next time, I'll comit myself to MHU just for safety.
I am no psychiatrist but do you think that drug use attributes to the oncoming voices, as well as excitement?
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Newlord
The Evil White Man


Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 720
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Quote:
Eshu said: I went like 3 days without hearing any voices, except for about 2 minutes of hearing my name repeated. Then... today I went to wal mart, got extremely over-whelmed, left, had a panic attack in the car, then started hearing voices the whole way home, telling me I'm worthless and to kill myself.
So I made a plan tonight to do it. I was going to over-dose on all my drugs.
:feels bad man:
I pulled myself out of it thankfully. I tried to O.D once before, and I felt the biggest regret the next day ( I was a newb, and I thought 5 klonopins would be enough lol ) I just passed out and felt sick the next day. I just remember feeling regret, like thanfully I didn't know what I was doing y'know.
I'm glad I talked myself out of it. I can't imagine the heart ache my mom, girlfriend, sister, and friend would go through.
man... I feel awful for even considering it.
I hope these hallucinations don't get the best of me one day. I like myself, I think I'm a halfway decent person. I don't want to cut my life short. I guess the next time, I'll comit myself to MHU just for safety.
I think getting some help would be the best for your situation. As your current one is obviously not working for you.
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Quote:
SpiritualSnorkel said: How could you ever think 5 Klonopin would be enough? 
never used drugs before in my life bro. Klonopin was the first I had, and I was told "You'll only need 1." ( to get high that is )
so I figured 5 would suffice.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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rackem



Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447223 - 05/13/11 07:04 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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glad ya pulled outta it bro..
fuck them voices.. they are 
good vibes brotha man :shroom2:
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SpiritualSnorkel
Registered: 06/18/06
Posts: 1,545
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447224 - 05/13/11 07:04 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eshu said:
Quote:
SpiritualSnorkel said: How could you ever think 5 Klonopin would be enough? 
never used drugs before in my life bro. Klonopin was the first I had, and I was told "You'll only need 1." ( to get high that is )
so I figured 5 would suffice. 
So what happened? You took the pills and sat there expecting to die soon and then nothing? What kind of anticipation comes with this situation or in one alternatively where one gets sold bunk suicide juice? Did you tell someone what you did eventually? Were you hospitalized?
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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447240 - 05/13/11 07:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eshu said: never used drugs before in my life bro.
What are you doing here then?
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Quote:
SpiritualSnorkel said:
Quote:
Eshu said:
Quote:
SpiritualSnorkel said: How could you ever think 5 Klonopin would be enough? 
never used drugs before in my life bro. Klonopin was the first I had, and I was told "You'll only need 1." ( to get high that is )
so I figured 5 would suffice. 
So what happened? You took the pills and sat there expecting to die soon and then nothing? What kind of anticipation comes with this situation or in one alternatively where one gets sold bunk suicide juice? Did you tell someone what you did eventually? Were you hospitalized?
Took the pills, laid in bed waiting to fall asleep/coma and just not wake up. I'm not sure if O.Ding works like that, but I was hoping. I posted on yahoo answers something along the lines of.. "has anyone ever attempted suicide, last night I tried to O.D but I got the dosage wrong, I really regret it." My sister had my email password somehow, and went in and saw it in my email, and I went to see my psychotherapist. I begged her not to hospitalize me, and she didn't. I'm sure that's against her practice, but I stayed away from the hospital.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Mad_Larkin said:
Quote:
Eshu said: never used drugs before in my life bro.
What are you doing here then?
cause after that I got into drugs, and curiousity about drugs brought me here.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447273 - 05/13/11 07:13 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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When did you start hearing voices and shit?
If you don't mind talking about it...
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Mad_Larkin said: When did you start hearing voices and shit?
If you don't mind talking about it...
July 15 2010
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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foodsgoodtoo
FPSnosurrender


Registered: 02/13/09
Posts: 3,720
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447309 - 05/13/11 07:18 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Was this on your medication too or did you get off the meds?
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Mad_Larkin

Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447316 - 05/13/11 07:20 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eshu said:
Quote:
Mad_Larkin said: When did you start hearing voices and shit?
If you don't mind talking about it...
July 15 2010
What happened?
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Mind Transcribing
Candy Baron



Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 2,356
Loc: Lost in Tanaris
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447321 - 05/13/11 07:21 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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When I was young and in 10th grade I tried to take a bunch of anti-depressants with a glass of alcohol in the hopes of putting myself into a coma. I was young and stupid at any rate.
Please hang in there Eshu, and don't give up hope. May I ask why you don't like taking your medications?
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Caine
lab rat



Registered: 01/25/10
Posts: 3,920
Loc: NE
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Re: Man... [Re: Eshu]
#14447322 - 05/13/11 07:21 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I really feel bad, all of your posts here for the past month or so have sounded very much like you're down in the dumps... You just have to know that it will take time, these things do not cure themselves overnight. Those three days of no voices? Don't look at it like a broken streak, look at it like some serious progress. When's the last time you had such a long respite?
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sandi
omg


Registered: 04/11/11
Posts: 796
Loc: M6 (Butterfly Cluster)
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Yeah, you should really be talking to someone professionally about the voices. Just because you're fine this time doesn't mean there may not be another time when you actually go through it it, sorry to say...for people who really don't want to live, that's one thing, but to off yourself due to voices or mental illness would be horrible. Get yourself checked out dude!
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Quote:
foodsgoodtoo said: Was this on your medication too or did you get off the meds?
On meds.Quote:
Mad_Larkin said:
Quote:
Eshu said:
Quote:
Mad_Larkin said: When did you start hearing voices and shit?
If you don't mind talking about it...
July 15 2010
What happened?
Was working half a double at my Job, was all alone, around 11pm and I heard my name being called. I called back a couple times, and then checked all the security camera's at my desk. There wasn't a soul. It stopped after a while. I was freaked out really bad, went home to crash, and heard my name being called again in my room. I went straight to the dr's the next day, and it just progressed from there. just FINALLY found a med that is helping. ( geodon )
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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