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OfflineTrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy] * 1
    #14410675 - 05/06/11 02:44 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

dummy said:
its hard not to look to relationships for the wrong reason when you've been conditioned by popular media since you've been an impressionable youth that it's all just hugs and kisses.




You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.

Quote:

I agree with this entirely and it was one of my mistakes in my last major relationship. She made me happy for so long I forgot how to do it on my own. We were so integrated it was like we were the same person. When she started taking advantage of my trust it spiraled out of control and got nasty.

Do not rely on others for your happiness.





At first i thought it was such a good thing i could make my partner happy. But then when they're upset its your fault too. After awhile you realize how shitty it is. Both partners need to be able to find their own happiness not looking for it in the other. Its ok for them to be happy while together/ the fact they are together. But your partner should not be the one "making you happy".

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OfflineKickleM
Wanderer
 User Gallery

Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,914
Last seen: 16 hours, 18 minutes
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf] * 1
    #14410699 - 05/06/11 02:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

TrustYourSelf said:
You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.




Can you name anything you've seen that is truly happy/good? What does it mean to be "truly happy/good"? Is this an static and idealistic frame of reference for something that is actually dynamic?


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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OfflineTrustYourSelf
Stranger
Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: Kickle]
    #14411213 - 05/06/11 04:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Kickle said:
Quote:

TrustYourSelf said:
You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.




Can you name anything you've seen that is truly happy/good? What does it mean to be "truly happy/good"? Is this an static and idealistic frame of reference for something that is actually dynamic?




I realize i'm referring to something very vague.

What i really meant is a relationship that isn't based off of wanting something from the other person. You are just happy being with them. Not to run from aloneness, not for them to make you happy. Just because you love their being.

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InvisibleI_was_the_walrus
eggshells
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf] * 1
    #14411326 - 05/06/11 04:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Both partners need to be able to find their own happiness not looking for it in the other.




This was my biggest feat. After leaving a 5 year relationship, I pretty much felt like I was learning to walk again. Everything was different. From waking up to going to bed, to everything in between. I pretty much had to rebuild my own little world from scratch. I never realized how much we depended on each other for every little detail in our lives. It was sooo weird/depressing.

But everything looks different from the outside looking in. Now that I dont have a "rosie blindfold" the faults and cracks are so obvious. I just cant believe I gave so much of myself for so long. But the feeling is mutual. She made the same mistakes. You live and you learn. At least any future relationships I may have will be more matured and understood, hopefully giving a stronger foundation.

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InvisibleautomanM
blasted chipmunk
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Registered: 09/18/03
Posts: 8,272
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
    #14411439 - 05/06/11 05:23 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

I_was_the_walrus said:
Quote:

Both partners need to be able to find their own happiness not looking for it in the other.




This was my biggest feat. After leaving a 5 year relationship, I pretty much felt like I was learning to walk again. Everything was different. From waking up to going to bed, to everything in between. I pretty much had to rebuild my own little world from scratch. I never realized how much we depended on each other for every little detail in our lives. It was sooo weird/depressing.






I just ended an 8 year relaionship/7 year marriage. I couldn't have said it any better.

Everything is much better now. I have a2 wonderful kids from it and now a beautiful new girlfriend. I'll do much better next time around.


--------------------
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical. ~ Niels Bohr

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OfflineApostle
Philanthropist
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Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14411799 - 05/06/11 06:39 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm in an "OPEN" relationship and it is GREAT


she doesnt want me to sleep around but understands that i'm "allowed" to if i want to

& because she doesnt give me shit and is always down for me, i keep the "cheating" to  minimum.

I would'nt have it any other way. We spent 1 year in a commited relationship and 3 in n Open one and everything is pretty nice.


I have my own addictions etc. that makes things terrible

but our relationship is something special and i love it and i love her more than any girl in the world

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OfflineKickleM
Wanderer
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Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,914
Last seen: 16 hours, 18 minutes
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf] * 1
    #14411931 - 05/06/11 07:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

TrustYourSelf said:
Quote:

Kickle said:
Quote:

TrustYourSelf said:
You also rarely see a truly happy/good relationship. Often it is completely unbalanced or for all the wrong reasons.




Can you name anything you've seen that is truly happy/good? What does it mean to be "truly happy/good"? Is this an static and idealistic frame of reference for something that is actually dynamic?




I realize i'm referring to something very vague.

What i really meant is a relationship that isn't based off of wanting something from the other person. You are just happy being with them. Not to run from aloneness, not for them to make you happy. Just because you love their being.




it still seems like a static ideal that could never possibly capture the dynamic process which is life. Sometimes we feel we need things. Whether that be a particular item we are going to save up for or approval  or whatever. Can you honestly say that you never have expectations when posting here? That you don't post here expecting some companionship or enjoyment? I think those are perfectly normal and acceptable expectations myself. They can't be concrete of course because those expectations won't always be met. Just like sometimes you will feel very alone in a relationship and rather than feeling happy you will feel shit on. Same thing happening all throughout life as far as I can tell :yinyang:


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Offlinefbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship
Male


Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 5 months, 10 days
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14419991 - 05/08/11 02:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

TrustYourSelf said:
Are you afraid to be alone?  No, being alone is not frightening.  It does get awfully boring sometimes though and it does get old.

Does being alone make you unhappy?  Yes, but that is because sometimes I feel like I have no other option.  Like alone is my only option because no one wants to be with me.  I am alone because no one sees me as good enough to be with.  This is what makes me unhappy.  On the other hand, I like alone time.
 
Can someone else make you happy?  Yes, the right person could absolutely make me happy.

Can you make someone else happy?  I think so.  I can be charming.  I know I am funny.  I have a lot to offer someone else.  I just think its hard for other people to see that.  Conversely, I have the ability to be absolutely rotten if I want to or if I loose control.  I have the ability to make someone very unhappy.

Do you need someone to rely on?  Yes, a good person willing to stand behind you and help you do the right things in life is important.  Hard times are a little less hard when you have someone with you. 

Do you need someone to rely on you? At this point, no.  I am reliable, but forgetful.  I don't need anybody to rely on me.  But if I was with someone, I would want to be the person they could rely on.

Are you just looking for something new?  No, new is interesting, but it makes me uncomfortable.
 
Do you keep on hoping you'll find that "someone"?  Yes.  I intensely want to find that someone.  I want it so badly it hurts...






--------------------



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OfflineNova

Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 1,365
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: dummy] * 1
    #14420145 - 05/08/11 03:33 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

You can't be happy because someone else. Only you can put yourself in the right mindset to let yourself be happy.

It seems people look to relationships to make them happy but that just doesn't work. If one gets their head on right and finds happiness, then they can share it with a special someone and make it that much better.

Quote:

dummy said:
its hard not to look to relationships for the wrong reason when you've been conditioned by popular media since you've been an impressionable youth that it's all just hugs and kisses.



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Invisibleacidxprincess
 User Gallery


Registered: 01/07/11
Posts: 1,884
Loc: Isla Sorna Flag
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: Nova]
    #14426520 - 05/09/11 07:51 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

There's no point unless you actually think you can see yourself with them in the future. I've been in only one serious relationship.  And I don't regret it. But the pain I never wanna go through that again. Wish I could've never loved then loved at all. Worst ever.


--------------------
"what do you call Discovery?
I call it rape of the natural world."

"In the end
the choice is all yours."

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OfflineEdgeChaos
Still a stranger

Registered: 08/04/06
Posts: 2,071
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
Re: Why be in a relationship? [Re: acidxprincess]
    #14426831 - 05/09/11 08:52 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

acidxprincess said:
There's no point unless you actually think you can see yourself with them in the future. I've been in only one serious relationship.  And I don't regret it. But the pain I never wanna go through that again. Wish I could've never loved then loved at all. Worst ever.





I hate hangovers.

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