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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Weed Meditation - Long Rant
    #14403369 - 05/05/11 01:35 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

First off, let me say that these feel like insights for me. To you, they make look like a mad mans ramblings.  :P

So, I smoked weed for the first time in about 8 months today. The last time I smoked before this I had one of the worst highs of my life – I had a bout with what I considered an autonomous complex and lost. When I made a thread about it, many of the posters here saw it as form of death anxiety. This experience started out that way too. I’m going to try and write from the heart and not let me ego distort this experience.
I had lit a candle because I find it useful to hold attention during meditation. Also, it is a ritual act which sets the ambiance of meditation sessions. I had the half smoked joint sitting beside the candle.

I smoke about half a joint of “fake weed”, that JWH laced herb stuff. I sit down and simply become aware of my thoughts and how they relate to how I feel. I feel the familiar feeling of being high and all of a sudden start to feel bad out of nowhere – it’s just an irrational anxiety in my chest which has been a part of previous marijuana experiences.

My mind started to race with fearful thoughts. I dove into the negative feeling. I tried to hold my attention on it has much as possible. My mind raced with all of these ideas which correlated to the latent negativity. I was once again to face death. The feeling was almost unbearable. I thought that once again I had “done it”, and I would be left with a negative afterglow of feeling like crap for the next few days. But this time would be different. As I really feel the negativity I am brought to this point where I realize how much I resist the present moment, my own immortality. I came to the idea that death anxiety is analogous to immortality anxiety – the ego can’t come to grips that everything that always was and is and will be exists in the present moment. This idea was giving me so much negativity, but I moved into it and all of a sudden this silence overtook the room. I can’t explain it but it was the most liberating feeling I have ever felt in my life.

I felt like I had energy surging through my body. I felt like I was a “channel of creation” and I could always be in this moment, for this is all there ever is. I saw how there are realities superseding this reality where all knowledge can be intuited from, and this energy is constantly available in the present if we open up to it. A way to contextualize this is picture a reality above ours that is out of time from our perspective.

My body began to shake and I got the thought that I was having a “kundalini awakening” that I have read about. I was afraid of the idea that I would never be the same again. This I would die and I resisted. 

I began to see the futility of many of my ego-driven actions. For example, the death of Bin Laden has gotten me into this political mood the past few days where I have been posting my political views of facebook and debated people and whatnot. The way I was going about doing this seemed so silly to me now. I thought, You can’t change the world from an intellectual point of view. I realized that much more important work needs to be done in my immediate surroundings – such as how I interact with the people closest to me. I thought, “When the world will learn to be like brothers and sisters, the world will be a family.”

A wave of insights soon ensued coupled with nearly violent sensations in the body. As I sat energy raced up my body and I was shaking. I felt the connection to our intuition, to the eternal moment, rests in our ability to center ourselves in our feeling – in the “I AM”.

I thought, “We are consciousness opening up to its own potentialities.” The world and history display creation getting more and more complex, the evolution of consciousness. I saw how this consciousness, humanity itself, is like a force or a wave. We are literally evolving from the inside out. 

I saw the chemical I ingested as a channel between mind and body, intellect and emotion. These are the two snakes of the caduceus, the masculine and feminine, the ying and yang. The chemical was a tool for my consciousness, a symbiotic form of creation.

During all of this I was very much in touch with my body and its feelings. I felt I was in sync. It was as if at first I had only had an intellectual understanding, but now it was something tangible, something I can feel –  A simultaneous understanding between emotion and intellect.

The main thing I’m taking out of this is the necessity to really go into the feeling when facing fear, when facing disconnection. When you pull away you bottle up the energy, you reinforce the, for my case, intellectual belief structures which perpetuate the problem. This whole experience felt like a cleansing of my energy body. I thought how the source of all things burns the remnants of ego away, the small sense of self away. It is facing your own mortality, loss of control, or death.

Another insight was the importance of being. Being, that is being aware and operating from within the ‘I AM’ feeling, is the most influential thing you can do for the world. I felt as if one becomes a channel for nonlocal energy which reaches out in all directions.

I also had the idea of “right speech.” I thought one should only speak with conviction, but not with force. Say what you mean to say and put your feeling behind your speech.
“Just relax and breathe. Be in the present moment. Everything that has ever and will ever happen has happened. There is only one more journey, and it is to the Self. It is a journey that can only start at the present moment.” I saw this as an understanding which superseded space and time.

I wanted to write all of this up tonight, because I’m not sure the few sentences I recorded on my voice recorder will make sense tomorrow. I feel very energized and positive after this experience. I spent about two hours tonight simply standing in my room feeling the blissful energy of the body. Well, thanks for reading.  =D

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InvisibleCrasher
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14403382 - 05/05/11 01:41 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

And the Great Work begins!


--------------------
Give me silence, water, hope;
Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes...

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OfflineSatyapriya
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Crasher]
    #14403641 - 05/05/11 04:14 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Good to hear you came back to the herb :thumbup:  It works the same way for me as well, it helps bridge that gap to myself again when my mind has been running the show.  I also deal with a lot of anxiety when I smoke, usually triggered by either accidental high doses or uncomfortable social situations.  Which is why I don't smoke that often.  But I tend to lose myself in my mind when I'm sober, and become somewhat numb in comparison.  So I consider it essential to maintaining my emotional health.

I began to see the futility of many of my ego-driven actions.

This is very important.  What matters to ego is rarely what really matters to the soul, and vice verse.  As aware as I am of my ego's actions and planning, and how it does not always coincide with what I really want, it still finds a way to "justify" it or convince me to go along with it.  Sometimes I wonder if I have a split personality when I think about this stuff, but then I realize, I'm just asleep far too often.

My body began to shake and I got the thought that I was having a “kundalini awakening” that I have read about. I was afraid of the idea that I would never be the same again. This I would die and I resisted. 

I have had an experience like this once on a high dose of mushrooms, and I still question whether or not it was a kundalini awakening.  It was like hitting the reset switch on my mind, and I felt like a child again, and instantly started crying at the realization of my present situation in life and the pain that I feel, and have become more or less numb to.  It lasted about 25 minutes and then faded as waves of anxiety, pain, and sadness came rushing over my body until I became numb and just laid on the floor in shock of what just fucking happened.  Changed me forever though.  Showed me that I'm still there underneath the thick layers of my ego.  Gave me hope and motivation that I still hold on to a year later.

Thanks for posting, I love to read other people's insights into their life and emotional health.  :peace:


--------------------
www.collectivelyconscious.net - Hive mind for the awakened. ॐ Collectively Conscious ॐ is a community-powered, community-verified, alternative news/multimedia aggregation service for global citizens.

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InvisibleLuman
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Satyapriya]
    #14403719 - 05/05/11 05:13 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Awesome read, struck a chord here.  A lot of these experiences are very similar to some I've had.

Quote:

You can't change from an intellectual point of view




Love this


--------------------
"The soul?  Here we have no use for such frivolities."

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InvisibleHeartAndMind
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14404326 - 05/05/11 09:12 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Oh wow, true glimpses of simple wisdom you had. Your story reminded me of " Way of the peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman,
there are similiar sayings pointing to the truth which is ever present.
:shineon:

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Offlinedesert father
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14404414 - 05/05/11 09:42 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

dude, weed rocks.

i'm glad you remembered.


--------------------
vi veri veniversum vivus vici

What she said :
"I smoke 'cos I'm hoping for an
Early death
AND I NEED TO CLING TO SOMETHING !"

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14404911 - 05/05/11 11:53 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Awesome report dude!  You're making me want to blaze up now; I haven't smoked herb in months.


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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InvisibleChronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14405141 - 05/05/11 12:53 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

c0sm0nautt said:
The main thing I’m taking out of this is the necessity to really go into the feeling when facing fear




:thumbup:

I'd also suggest not necessarily going into the feeling but just observing it, not moving away from it & not moving towards it, but just staying where you are as you always are


--------------------

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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Chronic7]
    #14405344 - 05/05/11 01:45 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Hey thanks for all the feedback everyone. I'm happy to report that the afterglow has been going strong all day. I even managed to remember some interesting dreams from last night, which is rare for me after I smoke.

Quote:

deCypher said:
Awesome report dude!  You're making me want to blaze up now; I haven't smoked herb in months.




You should man. Don't smoke too much and just sit down on a chair and let the herb to the work. :cool:

Quote:

The Chronic said:
Quote:

c0sm0nautt said:
The main thing I’m taking out of this is the necessity to really go into the feeling when facing fear




:thumbup:

I'd also suggest not necessarily going into the feeling but just observing it, not moving away from it & not moving towards it, but just staying where you are as you always are




Yea, I think that's what I meant. When I say "going into" I mean staying aware and fixated on the feeling. :awesome:

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InvisibleChronic7
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14405386 - 05/05/11 01:55 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I actually got the vibe that's what you meant but i guess i wanted to clarify what i was :thumbup:ing about it :wink:

I read someone quote Ramana the other day saying 'Calmness is the gauge of spiritual growth'


--------------------

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OfflineOneU
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Chronic7]
    #14405606 - 05/05/11 02:35 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

That last part is so true. Every word is a distortion of it but the concept or sense of knowing that everything already is. It always has been. Sort of like an experience trying to catch up to the infinite knowing.

I am glad you had a fulfilling experience. Bless up brother.

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Invisibler72rock
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14406355 - 05/05/11 05:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

That was an awesome report! :cool:

I liked everything from delving into fear and mortality to finding a peaceful center.

You're a very good writer and accountant of experiences.

I'm glad to hear that your glow is going strong. :sun:


--------------------
Current favorite candy: Peanut Butter Kisses

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Offlineg00ru
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Crasher]
    #14407661 - 05/05/11 09:47 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Crasher said:
And the Great Work begins!




:thumbup:

awesome read cosmonaut, so awesome that happened when you were high. "blessed is he who knows the atman"


--------------------
check out my music!
drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss

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OfflineForever White Belt
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: g00ru]
    #14412196 - 05/06/11 08:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Fake weed?? Damn I wouldn't touch that shit!!

Why didn't you smoke real herb?? I mean there are different kinds that have different effects from relaxing to uplifting.... In other words not all "weed" will make you feel "high" if that is not what your after...

Seriously herb is medicine and should be taken accordingly.

Ever heard what happened to the monkey who took Xanax??


--------------------
The Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.
      J. B. S. Haldane

The quest of the absolute leads into the four-dimensional world.
Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington

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OfflineOneU
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Forever White Belt]
    #14412226 - 05/06/11 08:07 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I think he meant ganja laced with other herbs.

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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Forever White Belt]
    #14412387 - 05/06/11 08:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Forever White Belt said:
Fake weed?? Damn I wouldn't touch that shit!!

Why didn't you smoke real herb?? I mean there are different kinds that have different effects from relaxing to uplifting.... In other words not all "weed" will make you feel "high" if that is not what your after...

Seriously herb is medicine and should be taken accordingly.

Ever heard what happened to the monkey who took Xanax??




I couldn't have smoked real weed because of work-related drug tests.

From wikipedia:
Quote:

JWH-018 (1-pentyl-3-(1-naphthoyl)indole) or AM-678 is an analgesic chemical from the naphthoylindole family, which acts as a full agonist at both the CB1 and CB2 cannabinoid receptors, with some selectivity for CB2.It produces effects in animals similar to those of THC, a cannabinoid naturally present in cannabis, leading to its use in synthetic cannabis.




This does not show up on drug tests and has, in my experience, identical results to smoking "natural" weed. It gives me more of a body high which is a property of the cannibus indica.

I agree that most psychedelics (weed included) have the potential to be a tool in personal growth and healing. IMO, the most important thing is the intent of the consciousness involved, as opposed to some arbitrary standard of "naturalness." Are spiritual experiences on LSD not as real as those on mushrooms?

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Invisibleunam sanctum
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14412514 - 05/06/11 09:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Really interesting thoughts, and very coherent writing as well.

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OfflineForever White Belt
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14413182 - 05/06/11 11:40 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

c0sm0nautt said:

I couldn't have smoked real weed because of work-related drug tests.

I agree that most psychedelics (weed included) have the potential to be a tool in personal growth and healing. IMO, the most important thing is the intent of the consciousness involved, as opposed to some arbitrary standard of "naturalness." Are spiritual experiences on LSD not as real as those on mushrooms?





I would not wish that on my worst enemy!! Do they piss test?? I have successfully used synthetic urine four or five times it works 99.9% or your money back.


My tai-chi teacher used to burn it with me right before class and I have personally found it a great aid in my meditation through out the years. I do not drink, or smoke tobacco and cannot for the life of me figure out why such horrible things are legal in this country.

I thought LSD was synthesized from ergotamine a chemical derived from ergot a grain fungus found on rye?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stroma_Claviceps_purpurea.JPG


They are little purple fungus babys. it would seem to me no less natural than a mushroom.

I used to think mushrooms were cheating, spiritually I mean... But then life got real busy and I understood how awesome it can be to have a ten day meditation retreat packed into one bag of mushrooms and 6 hours...

God I miss shroomin, its definitely time again...


--------------------
The Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.
      J. B. S. Haldane

The quest of the absolute leads into the four-dimensional world.
Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington

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Invisiblec0sm0nautt
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: Forever White Belt]
    #14413269 - 05/07/11 12:08 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Forever White Belt said:
Quote:

c0sm0nautt said:

I couldn't have smoked real weed because of work-related drug tests.

I agree that most psychedelics (weed included) have the potential to be a tool in personal growth and healing. IMO, the most important thing is the intent of the consciousness involved, as opposed to some arbitrary standard of "naturalness." Are spiritual experiences on LSD not as real as those on mushrooms?





I would not wish that on my worst enemy!! Do they piss test?? I have successfully used synthetic urine four or five times it works 99.9% or your money back.


My tai-chi teacher used to burn it with me right before class and I have personally found it a great aid in my meditation through out the years. I do not drink, or smoke tobacco and cannot for the life of me figure out why such horrible things are legal in this country.




Haha synthetic urine? I think I saw that on a TV show once, "Manswers". Some guy had a fake penis and everything. I'm in-between jobs right now so I have to take drug screenings for some of the interviews I've been going on. It won't be a permanent thing.

I drink on occasion. I think everything had the potential to be abused, even stuff like food and television, but I don't think anything should be illegal.

Quote:

Forever White Belt said:
I thought LSD was synthesized from ergotamine a chemical derived from ergot a grain fungus found on rye?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stroma_Claviceps_purpurea.JPG


They are little purple fungus babys. it would seem to me no less natural than a mushroom.

I used to think mushrooms were cheating, spiritually I mean... But then life got real busy and I understood how awesome it can be to have a ten day meditation retreat packed into one bag of mushrooms and 6 hours...

God I miss shroomin, its definitely time again...




Yep. Similarly the synthetic cannabinoids are nearly identical to THC. Chemical cousins just like all the 2Cs and any other phenethylamine is a chemical cousin of mescaline. I guess what I'm saying is they are all just chemicals interacting with our brains and I don't think any could be considered more real or natural than the other.

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OfflineOneU
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Re: Weed Meditation - Long Rant [Re: c0sm0nautt]
    #14413286 - 05/07/11 12:16 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Tobacco is a plant man. Why are you insulting it? Cigarettes are at the most 60% tobacco and the rest toxins like rat poison and synthetic chemicals that will numb your throat to increase your intake tolerance. Organic, raw tobacco is much, much more powerful and leads to many spiritual aspects if used correctly.

Especially rude since Native Americans and many, many, MANY healers, shamans and medicine people of the southern countries (all the way to Peru and stretches to the East) use it for it's spiritual properties.

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