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helix
Idealist Thinker Musician Lover


Registered: 09/13/10
Posts: 409
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Re: cant trip without dissociating [Re: g00ru]
#14403195 - 05/05/11 12:33 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Give yourself time to integrate!
I experienced this after taking a several hits of lsd countless weekends in a row. Definitely stay sober, give your fragmented self time to to congeal into something, stay in a routine, meditate, think about what you want to accomplish in your life, exercise, etc
The solution to getting through a bad trip in life is the same as getting through a bad trip while tripping - let go and give it time
Edited by helix (05/05/11 12:38 AM)
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: cant trip without dissociating [Re: g00ru]
#14403682 - 05/05/11 04:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
guruu said: you gotta believe in yourself man, one day at a time just start building something, you have to have dreams to be a happy human, you have to be able to have a good imagination about your future.
Ive thought about it more and why Im experiencing this. The "characters" all are pretty solid...theyve done stuff, amassed fortunes, have strong views, faced difficulties I couldnt comprehend and stayed strong in spite of it all.
I feel as though I am weak, directionless, untalented, unintelligent, worthless and frankly a waste of oxygen.
Quote:
redgreenvines said: I partly get that you are aware that you have achieved something and I also am aware that you are resentful about what you no longer have.
people that lock into this often get treated for OCD, if you wanted you could be diagnosed and treated.
I am not sure you really need that, but if you can't turn this into something positive on your own, then you probably should and nobody here will think the worse of you.
to turn this around you need to find your new self in between the fragments and you have to like it. this is not something we are trained to do. yeah, meditation can help that, but it's not easy.
at least you don't need to be exorcised.
maybe you have a gestalt treatment center in your town, they can be excellent.
I dunno how youve picked up on this from what ive written here. I am very resentful for what I no longer have...i basically lost everything.
I dont like what Ive been but just dont know where to start.
I feel disgusted with what Ive done with my life and my lack of personality. I want to have a personality. I want to be interesting. I dont want to be dull, listless and passive.
Edited by MisterMuscaria (05/05/11 04:52 AM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,845
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the easy way is to get SSRI's the medium way to deal is to get into Gestalt Training the more difficult way to deal is to read everything, and pull yourself through life on your own, by art or work, or yoga or all of those.
I cannot say that life is easy, but I can say that the pieces will fall into perspective over time if you care and try to make things better.
the specific sense of loss is endemic to all humans, and can be used to access your humanity, after you shed the resentment which throws you into chaos - i.e. the one thing that is currently your demon, can become your ally in being a better person.
psychedelics? - give them a rest.
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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I like to go the most difficult route.
I do art, work and yoga all recently. It's sorta a coping mechanism. My boss makes me feel like I cant do anything right and it doesnt help. Dont read as much as I used to, but I stay up to date on current events. My work is so harsh on my chronic back pain that I have to do yoga just to feel okay.
I dont feel like I need psychedelics though, I think Ive learned all that I can learn from them and I need time to rebuild. First they made me aware of the ego, then they killed the ego, then they resurrected the ego, then they fed the ego, then they bore a litter of egos.
In addition to their value through what theyve done, what they do, what theyve amassed, what struggles theyve had, etc, mostly the characters have personality. I feel as though I lack personality because I have no identity and no identity because Im so dissociated. I dont know who I am. I dont know my purpose. Some say my purpose should be to "have fun" but I feel as though Id be eschewing adult responsibility. ive got death anxiety and feel like I should be doing something with myself other than working a job i hate, drinking, tripping, etc. At the same time I feel like I cant relax and just mellow out because of this. I drink to mellow out and be comfortable around people...so that I dont feel judged for my personality or lack thereof by them. I think too much about what others think so I play characters to divert their attention. Some of the characters are really charismatic and the ladies like them. Few ladies ever like me for who I really am and when they really get to know me the real me they run far far away. Recently I met one who I was comfortable around enough to tell her what Ive been doing with my life, with no fear and she actually admired it. I told her of my shame about my situation but she said that she wished she could live my life or a similar life. She admired that i go on adventures. The only thing Im good at talking about when Im not playing a character is my adventures and certain personality types call them cool but it's all very hunter s thompson fear and loathing I got so fucked up I didnt know where I was type of stuff and hid it well but still came out okay in the end and all this shit happened. I could write a book but i lack the discipline.
I just dont like that Im so one dimensional. That all my adventures are so drug fueled and when I take away the drugs I have no more adventures and am terrified at the idea.
Edited by MisterMuscaria (05/05/11 05:19 AM)
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g00ru
lit pants tit licker


Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 21,088
Loc: georgia, us
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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from reading this thread, i'm optimistic about you, your'e obviously intelligent and highly self aware and most people don't have the courage to give a nice hard look at themselves like that.
RGV had amazing advice on the easy, medium, and hard ways to pull yourself out of this. Imo, this is not the only life we have lived, and you'd be doing yourself a disservice by going any other way than the hard route.
You say you don't know who you are? If you honestly want to find out who you are, nothing can prevent you from realizing that. Ask yourself "who am i" in a meditation and see where the question takes you. You sound very close to the realization honestly, and sometimes at that point it's so subtle that it seems to discourage looking, because you might not find anything. But I would say, the further inward you go, the more your surface thoughts and personalities will begin to naturally balance and converge, as you learn how to quiet the mind and focus on the being.
hmmm i've been in advice mode the past few days
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,845
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really get to know me the real me [Re: g00ru]
#14404991 - 05/05/11 12:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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bingo
Quote:
"Few ladies ever like me for who I really am and when they really get to know me the real me they run far far away. Recently I met one who I was comfortable around enough to tell her what Ive been doing with my life, with no fear and she actually admired it."
***"really get to know me the real me"*** who's that (? - no answer expected, but in the same way it was used, so it is abused - so be gentle) and good luck with that yoga and your back.
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: really get to know me the real me [Re: redgreenvines]
#14405022 - 05/05/11 12:19 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I dont know who the real me is, but it's more of a "default" when all the characters go away. When all the demons come out.
When I speak without thinking, that's the real me.
The characters are like invasive thoughts...meditation can block them out but then im just there...i am the fool on the hill again with a grin.
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Cactilove
Controversial Mystic



Registered: 02/17/11
Posts: 4,826
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Re: cant trip without dissociating [Re: g00ru]
#14409640 - 05/06/11 11:06 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Always have a fire extinguisher on hand!
-------------------- Orgone Conclusion...Bringing OTD to PS&P since 2007.
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ChronicSmoke
wanderer


Registered: 02/25/11
Posts: 538
Loc: On the Moon
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: cant trip without dissociating [Re: Cactilove]
#14410131 - 05/06/11 12:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Man, I think some of you are taking too many psychedelics and too often.
Whats with all this demonic talk about seeing things or thinking things that change your life. You guys know what is happening isn't really happening. I regularly have problems at the beginning of trips, but its normal anxiety and I recognize it.
Psychedelics are not to be abused, and my mind gets stronger and stronger every day, I feel the occasional mushroom trip expands my understanding of myself.
If you push it too far, your probably going to be fucked up in the head this should be understood from the start.
Moderation is the key to everything in life.
-------------------- This is a public computer, 1,000's of people use it everyday this isn't me typing this. I dont even know how I got on this site, how the hell do I even work this computer.
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: cant trip without dissociating [Re: ChronicSmoke]
#14410845 - 05/06/11 03:19 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well i know that now. hence why I stopped tripping for a while and have only done it three times this whole year.
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eckhem

Registered: 02/02/10
Posts: 677
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Re: cant trip without dissociating [Re: ChronicSmoke]
#14417086 - 05/07/11 10:47 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChronicSmoke said: Man, I think some of you are taking too many psychedelics and too often.
Whats with all this demonic talk about seeing things or thinking things that change your life. You guys know what is happening isn't really happening. I regularly have problems at the beginning of trips, but its normal anxiety and I recognize it.
Psychedelics are not to be abused, and my mind gets stronger and stronger every day, I feel the occasional mushroom trip expands my understanding of myself.
If you push it too far, your probably going to be fucked up in the head this should be understood from the start.
Moderation is the key to everything in life.
Rapid changes to your ego and self, or prolonged to nonexistent ones? Which is your choice in life? I have probably "abused" mush, but who's to say it hasn't bettered me?
You learn rather quickly that light and dark aren't so different when you only see shades in between. Evil dark thoughts become lost, but so do the good. There are no distinctions besides the ones we create.
Psychedelics have what could be called a mind altering power. People such as yourself say not to abuse that... but... this is your one shot at life! Who's to tell another person how they "should" experience or understand it?
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