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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Breakdowns..
#14401876 - 05/04/11 08:23 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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So you guys sick of me "looking for attention" here yet?
as a side note after saying that, I swear I'm not looking for attention, I'm just one of those people who doesn't like to "talk" about his problems to other people face to face, but will write them down.. this is just my place for writing. And you guys are just so awesome.
Anywho...
Lately my symptoms have really been breaking me down. I got so paranoid the other night, I had to pee, and was too afraid to leave the room, so I just broke down crying. I haven't cried in ages, so I must be getting pretty weak. Then my mom came over, and we had a cig together, and I broke down in her arms crying.
Now today, I was out at applebee's and I started hallucinating. "They are behind you! Look!" "They're coming to get you!" "Don't leave.. he's outside!!!" *Looks outside* - See shadow of person standing in window "God can't help you through this one!" "You're going to die if you leave"
It took all I had to not break down and cry yet again, I had to hurry the check along, didn't eat half my food, and bolted. In my panic though I tipped the waitress 15.00$ my bill was only 28.00$
I'm breaking down I guess. I wonder how I'm going to deal with this for the rest of my life. I'm in for a rough road. I just wish I had someone here with me 24/7 that I could hold when I got scared.. it sounds childish, or couradly.. but damn.. I'm scared man.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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stranger_danger
psychonaut



Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 1,738
Loc: somewhere around here
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14401900 - 05/04/11 08:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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damn dude.... im rly sorry for you .... do you not have any close friends you could confide in/ask to be around you when you get real bad off?
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Light My Fire
Ripp mode



Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 722
Loc: TEXAS
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14401903 - 05/04/11 08:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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The other night you were rambling on about getting xanax or klonopin ?? If your that fucked up in the head just eat bars/benzos and then you will get over you paranoia but it will not fix it even thought the other night i didnt recommend you long term use of benzos
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cacharstar
Strange is good...


Registered: 11/13/08
Posts: 4,014
Loc: The West Coast
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14401922 - 05/04/11 08:32 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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dude. I guess it would be hard to cope with that on a daily basis. I do not no your story so you will have to bear with me. I have to ask what's wrong with you.
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pescadorabioso
Hedonistic Misanthropy



Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1,510
Loc: Fl
Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
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Damn I thought this was about deathcore 'breakdowns'
-------------------- What has made them conceive that man must want a rationally advantageous choice? I've become desensitized to these types of occurrences thus far. Yet, there lies a sensation of bitter disappointment embedded within.
FINE YOU IMBECILE; SUFFER!! IT IS YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE HURTING. NOTHING IS DETERRING YOU FROM ATTAINING THAT OF WHICH YOU INHERENTLY CRAVE. YOU HAVE LET THEM TAKE OVER YOUR MIND, YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL, YOU NEVER WERE.
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Quote:
stranger_danger said: damn dude.... im rly sorry for you .... do you not have any close friends you could confide in/ask to be around you when you get real bad off?
When I hallucinate or get paranoid, I shut down completely, and I'm too afraid to tell others it's happening. My psychotherapist said it's because I'm afraid if I tell people when it's happening the disease will become more "Real" to me and "rationalized" in my mind. and that makes sense.. but today I told my mom I was hallucinating when I was hallucinating.. she didn't know what to do or say.. but neither did I.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Quote:
cacharstar said: dude. I guess it would be hard to cope with that on a daily basis. I do not no your story so you will have to bear with me. I have to ask what's wrong with you.
Schizophrenia
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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stranger_danger
psychonaut



Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 1,738
Loc: somewhere around here
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14401958 - 05/04/11 08:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eshu said:
Quote:
stranger_danger said: damn dude.... im rly sorry for you .... do you not have any close friends you could confide in/ask to be around you when you get real bad off?
When I hallucinate or get paranoid, I shut down completely, and I'm too afraid to tell others it's happening. My psychotherapist said it's because I'm afraid if I tell people when it's happening the disease will become more "Real" to me and "rationalized" in my mind. and that makes sense.. but today I told my mom I was hallucinating when I was hallucinating.. she didn't know what to do or say.. but neither did I.
if u live anywhere near western NC i will gladly be a buddy you can unload on/cry too/be mad at/freak out on/hang out with if thats what you need?
hate to see a fellow shroomer in a real bad dire situation man
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sjfrockerdude
Dead Inside




Registered: 04/12/11
Posts: 82
Loc: Hell
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14401963 - 05/04/11 08:37 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Man I am really sorry thats happening to you, I cant even imagine how hard it must be. But at least you have your mom to confide in.
I hope you can get some meds or something, that has got to be pure hell.
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"It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied. Better to be Socrates dissatisfied then a fool satisfied. And if the fool or the pig are of different opinion, it is because they only know their side of the question." John Stuart Mill
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Light My Fire
Ripp mode



Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 722
Loc: TEXAS
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14401969 - 05/04/11 08:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Just man up and walk outside if you cant do it just east a shit love of bars and drink a 6 pack of tall boys brew but make sure you are at your house just in case you black out lol
i hold my own but you need to jsut get out and breath some fresh air jesus christ man i hope you pull thru
just jam the beatles or some zep or some dylan that will make you see the light
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The Vapor
Lost In A Tea Daze


Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C.
Last seen: 2 years, 7 days
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Damn that is absolutely shitty. Sorry to hear about how bad things are getting. I don't know what to say other then there are people here who support you and want the best for you.
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Quote:
stranger_danger said:
Quote:
Eshu said:
Quote:
stranger_danger said: damn dude.... im rly sorry for you .... do you not have any close friends you could confide in/ask to be around you when you get real bad off?
When I hallucinate or get paranoid, I shut down completely, and I'm too afraid to tell others it's happening. My psychotherapist said it's because I'm afraid if I tell people when it's happening the disease will become more "Real" to me and "rationalized" in my mind. and that makes sense.. but today I told my mom I was hallucinating when I was hallucinating.. she didn't know what to do or say.. but neither did I.
if u live anywhere near western NC i will gladly be a buddy you can unload on/cry too/be mad at/freak out on/hang out with if thats what you need?
hate to see a fellow shroomer in a real bad dire situation man 
Thanks man, but I'm a New Yorker.Quote:
sjfrockerdude said: Man I am really sorry thats happening to you, I cant even imagine how hard it must be. But at least you have your mom to confide in.
I hope you can get some meds or something, that has got to be pure hell.
I'm on meds. Oh God.. you should see me off meds. I think one night I posted on here warning people about an alien invasion.. even got into a pm thing with (Connar??) << I think -- About Aliens, and telling him to warn people.
I'm more of a mess without them hah.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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Light My Fire
Ripp mode



Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 722
Loc: TEXAS
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i dont even know the guy but i got all night to chit chat some i got you ESHU you weirdo lol.. Just go buy a 6 pack of beer or eat a bar it will make you chill
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Quote:
Light My Fire said: i dont even know the guy but i got all night to chit chat some i got you ESHU you weirdo lol.. Just go buy a 6 pack of beer or eat a bar it will make you chill
Alcohol makes me crazy man.. really crazy. Plus, I'm only 19
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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The Vapor
Lost In A Tea Daze


Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C.
Last seen: 2 years, 7 days
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14402039 - 05/04/11 08:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eshu said:
Quote:
Light My Fire said: i dont even know the guy but i got all night to chit chat some i got you ESHU you weirdo lol.. Just go buy a 6 pack of beer or eat a bar it will make you chill
Alcohol makes me crazy man.. really crazy. Plus, I'm only 19 
You're only 19? Holy shit, for some reason I thought you were much older.
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Mind Transcribing
Candy Baron



Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 2,356
Loc: Lost in Tanaris
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14402076 - 05/04/11 08:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm here for you too Eshu. You aren't cowardly, the problems you are dealing with would have broken me a long time ago and I just want you to know we're here for you.
If you wanna chat just send me a pm and we can exchange yahoo accounts or whatever suits you best. Do you live in New York City? I live on the eastern border of PA, not that far away.
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Quote:
The Vapor said:
You're only 19? Holy shit, for some reason I thought you were much older.
I get that a lot ^^
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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Light My Fire
Ripp mode



Registered: 04/24/11
Posts: 722
Loc: TEXAS
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14402085 - 05/04/11 08:57 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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drink anyways fuck i started when i was 12
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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Quote:
Mind Transcribing said: I'm here for you too Eshu. You aren't cowardly, the problems you are dealing with would have broken me a long time ago and I just want you to know we're here for you.
If you wanna chat just send me a pm and we can exchange yahoo accounts or whatever suits you best. Do you live in New York City? I live on the eastern border of PA, not that far away.
Not NYC.. upstate.
Nice sig by the way.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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Mind Transcribing
Candy Baron



Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 2,356
Loc: Lost in Tanaris
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
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Re: Breakdowns.. [Re: Eshu]
#14402091 - 05/04/11 08:58 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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If you wanna pm me your town I could always check to see how close or far they are, if not that's cool too though!
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