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Offlinearekusu
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Has LSD made me Crazy?
    #14400616 - 05/04/11 03:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I don't exactly know where to begin. I'll do my best to be as concise and descriptive as  possible. I hope by typing this out I will help quell whatever it is inside me, though I fear it might also do the exact opposite. As I am typing this, I feel a fear rising in my chest, and my hands are quavering.

I used to be quite the tripping afficando. I had taken ridiculous amounts of psychedelics and been fine. Previously, I had segments in trips that were 'bad' trips but I was always able to overcome them. There were times that I tripped several weekends in a row and been totally fine.

Psychedelics I have taken include 2c-e,2c-b,dextromethorphan,ketamine (k-holed),mushrooms,Mescaline Cactus, DMT (smoked and ayahuasca), 4-Aco-DMT, syrian rue, various E pills, Molly, and of course acid (there are probably some psychedelics that are slipping my mind as well.) I have tried various combinations such as mushrooms + 2c-e, and smoked DMT at the peak (amazing trip, while was on the DMT, I witnessed a glowing crystalline city being built with 360 degree vision, which was absolutely phenomenal.) I once took a high dose of acid and home grown mushies which were very potent and lost the ability to speak coherently. I have been down the rabbit hole and back. In a sense, I might have gotten too carried away and fancied myself as invincible to the dark side of psychedelics that I am now all too familiar with.

I will begin with were I believe things started to get unhinged. I was invited by one of my sister's friends (who I will refer to as D) to go Psymbiotek, which was an overnight dubstep/psychedelic trance festival that was totally amazing. It was thrown by Dr.Spook Geometric, a rather awesome guy. It was taking place close to Santa Cruz, where my best friend (J) attended college, so I invited him as well. We got there, pitched our tent, and smoked a bowl or three with several people we met. We went around socializing and meeting people.

Eventually, we came upon a smoking circle right next to one of the stages (this festival was taking place on a nudist colony, and the only security present was an Indian fellow in uniform who went around telling the DJ's to turn their music down, which of course they paid no attention to. Amazingly, everyone kept themselves in order. It was truly a great bunch of people) wherein we located a guy selling acid. He had acid in all kinds of forms. He had gel tabs, liquid, sugar cubes, paper, windowpanes ,crystal (which was already divided into clear gelatin capsules. I didn't see anything inside them, leaving me to believe he wasn't shitting us)

I got 2 geltabs and several cubes. When I put the tabs in my mouth, I instantly felt a change in my perception. I knew I was in for one hell of a ride. I also swallowed a cube. After this, I took one bong rip from the largest bong I had ever seen. I swallowed the massive hit I took, and felt like I was going to cough my lungs out. (This thing had NINE percolating chambers!!!!) D and J both got gel tabs, and I forgot what other forms of acid they bought. It was both of their first times with acid, although they had taken other psychedelics before, so they had a little less than me.

I remember coming up thinking how beautiful everything around me was. Not only was the festival taking place up in a forested mountain retreat, it was decorated in a rather interesting fashion. We all danced our asses off.

We took a break, and retreated to the tent. D whipped out some Nitrous. I had only taken Nitrous once the previous night, and J had never taken it before. He was rather apprehensive about it. We watched D take a hit. The sound of the cracker going off and the metallic canister coming out reminded me of a gunshot. D took the hit and his body instantly slumped. Jonathon and I both swore we saw D's essence leave his body temporarily. D's body was empty. It was frightening.

Dante came back into his body, and I don't know how, but persuaded us both to take nitrous. I went next.

POP! FWOOOOOOOOSH! The balloon was filled. I took my hit and melted into the chair, closing my eyes.

If you have ever taken Nitrous, you will be familiar with the loud, repeating noises one frequently hears. Some describe it as helicopter blades.

When you take acid and then do nitrous, your perception of time slows wwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy the fuck down. You actually experience what the Nitrous shows you, instead of it just speeding by in an indecipherable blur that people recognize as the helicopter blade sound.  The feeling of nitrous also stays with you much, much longer. That time, I saw time going backwards. I saw the point of me entering my body after I left it first, then going backwards from there. It was like I was seeing into the future, if only about 60 seconds.I remember opening my eyes after coming back into my body again.  Its very hard to describe, something you must experience yourself to really understand what I am talking about. After watching me come back in real time, J decided to give it a whirl as well.

When J came back and opened his eyes, something was different. We all looked at each other. Something was present there that wasn't before we had taken the nitrous. One of us thought something. I don't know who. We all had the same thought. And it happened again. And again. It was like we had access to (I'm being metaphorical here) an inter dimensional table. We could share whatever we wanted on this table. Emotions, pictures, thoughts, ect. We learned how to hone this connection between us. Unfortunately, this ability slowly deteriorated in about an hour.

We went back to dancing. We went into one room that was packed with people. And as I started to get into my groove of dancing, I dissociated from my body. I watched my body dance, and I watched the crowd dance. I felt myself merge into them, into the DJ. My perception of time got increidbly messed up. Sometimes I would watch time just speed by, everyone dancing like they were fast forwarded, and other times the exact opposite occured.

I also understood the DJ. I saw him react to the crowd, and the crowd react to him. He was perfect. He knew exactly when to transition into drop, when to slow the beat down a little, everything. He controlled the crowd. It got me thinking: everyone here is together. We are creating energy. We are doing something. But what? Where was this energy being directed to?

The rest of the night was amazing. I developed a new respect for DJ's. A good DJ is truly one with the people dancing to his music. The rapport that builds between the two...

Nitrous is called hippy crack for a reason. The rest of the night, J, D and I were fiending for the sensation of mind melding, of almost telepathic communication. We found some nitrous, and were able to achieve it again. But it was more fleeting this time.  It was sad.

D suddenly became quiet. In his hand he was holding a caramel apple pop  in his hands, looking at it with a forlorn expression. I didn't notice this and immediately jumped for joy: caramel apple pops are my favourite candy in the world, and I hadn't had one in ages. Not to mention the fact I was tripping and stoned, so candy was the perfect thing. D looked a little angry at me, and told us something:
His brother committed suicide. Right before he did, he stole a huge box of caramel apple pops for his friends. Every year, around that time, his family bought a box of caramel apple pops. He just figured out why: to commemorate his dead brother. I felt like I had cast the ultimate insult upon D and his family by the shear joy I expressed by seeing the pop. Ever since then, things between me and D have been a little off.

I'm going to post this now, and I will continue it in class. I need to stretch my legs. This is simply the prelude, and the trip that really instigated this horrible feeling will follow.

Edited by arekusu (05/04/11 03:46 PM)

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Offlinei like cow poo
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: arekusu]
    #14400703 - 05/04/11 03:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Sounds like you do dangerous and impulsive drug consumption. You are only concerned with what feels good. You should probably PLAN things out. You should probably avoid doing so many drugs at once so you don't fuck up your brain.:crazy:
Your title says has LSD made me crazy? First of all you didn't address that issue in enough detail.
Secondly if your asking that question you obviously need to lay off the drugs big time for a while.:smirk:

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OfflineThird i
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: i like cow poo]
    #14400743 - 05/04/11 04:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm gonna wait to see what else you post before I add my opinion.

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Offlinearekusu
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: i like cow poo]
    #14400745 - 05/04/11 04:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

i like cow poo said:
Sounds like you do dangerous and impulsive drug consumption. You are only concerned with what feels good. You should probably PLAN things out. You should probably avoid doing so many drugs at once so you don't fuck up your brain.:crazy:
Your title says has LSD made me crazy? First of all you didn't address that issue in enough detail.
Secondly if your asking that question you obviously need to lay off the drugs big time for a while.:smirk:




I realize now that this is at least partially true. I used to trip quite frequently, but tapered it off to about once a month before I had the trip I am leading up to. The vast majority of the drugs I mentioned are not physically harmful or physically addicting (ketamine and dextromethorphan being the exception. I have only done K a handful of times, and I have done dex about 11 times) I don't do any illegal drugs now. I drink caffeine and smoke 1 cig per day. I never was concerned with what felt good, actually. I recognized that consuming psychedelics  makes you feel godawful sometimes, but it can also lead to amazing insights. Please don't cast your judgement on me until I am done with my story.


--------------------
Moodion said:
There's only one way to answer that frustrating question of "what was it like?".

You hand the fucker The Machine packed with an 80mg dose and wave goodbye.

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Offlinei like cow poo
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: arekusu]
    #14400766 - 05/04/11 04:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

My bad bro, didn't realize you weren't done with your story.:pipesmoke:
Sometimes I become a little judgmental, for that I apologize.
I'm jealous about the lsd guy though, wish I coulda got some:awesomenod:

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Offlinearekusu
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: i like cow poo]
    #14400997 - 05/04/11 05:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I shall continue with the rest of my story.

I had a conversation with D and J separately, and they both confirmed that we really had experienced this feeling of mental sharing. When I talked with J, he said that something about D really struck him as disturbing and wrong. In the back of my mind, I agreed, but I didn't want to acknowledge this, as I still considered D as a friend. This was the first and last time J met D.

D wanted to buy a sheet of acid. Against my better judgment, I agreed. D's brother had a huge history with consuming and selling drugs. His father is an alcoholic.  I didn't want Dante to continue down the same path, but I always wanted a sheet of acid to call my own.

He knew someone in Santa Cruz with good acid, so I gave him the money, and he returned with a sheet of WoW.  To test it out, we decided to each take 5 hits. This was the largest dose of acid I had consumed in one sitting. I had taken other combinations of psychedelics that together were probably more potent, so I got a little headstrong. I wasn't nervous about the trip really. I was looking forward to it. My mum would be home in about 5 hours, but we planned to be gone before that happened.

He also invited a mutual friend over, K. K took 2 hits. The trip took place at my mum's house (I have since moved out to attend college). About an hour in, I began to feel a little odd. For reasons unknown, I began to feel rather uneasy and unnerved. I made some tea for K and D, but things seemed uncannily wrong. I kept moving around the tea pots, and various cups.  D and I were having a conversation that I felt like I had before. K was silent.

  In my head, a scene played out. I was a woman, D was a man I was married to. I understood that I was in an abusive relationship with this man. He frequently hit me and berated me. Today was the last day in that woman's life. She had enough. While making tea for her husband, she sparked an argument that lead to the man beating her around the kitchen, eventually killing her with a tea kettle. On some level, I experienced this. I didn't feel the pain physically fortunately. I looked around the kitchen. The kettle and the cups and the spills were all in the same place they were in the other lifetime. The conversation I was having with D was the same one I had with the man. The words were the same, but the meaning behind the words in this lifetime had a slightly different meaning behind them. There was still malice behind them however. I was freaked out at this point. When I was speaking to D, I felt the words just come out of my mouth.

D is passive-aggressive. I believe this is what J sensed what was wrong with him. As this trip continued, I saw all the malice and hate behind D's words and actions. He has a very dominating personality, and likes to control and manipulate people, and he is frighteningly good at it. (K agrees with me, and he and D aren't friends anymore.)

For example, during the trip, we needed to leave my mum's house and get to D's house. We weren't going to drive, and D was too lazy to walk. He called a guy he sold acid to. The guy picked us up. D demanded that the guy give his acid back to D, and he complied. Then, D had the guy drive us to the local high schools parking lot, when many people were still parked there, and arranged an acid deal. He sold acid to two kids out of the car. When he did,he passed the acid to the guy,who passed it out the window to the two kids. This all went down right next to a mum in her car talking on her cell phone. I brought this up, and D immediately apologized and said he didn't realize that he was in a public space and right next to a potential witness. But it was rather apparent to everyone in the car that his words rang hollow. He knew. He just didn't care. Plus, even if the mum reported us, all she would have seen was the license plate of a car D didn't own, and a guy with barely any connection to D giving the kids what was obviously some kind of drug, and receiving money in return. I realized this, and looked at K. We shared the same expression and insight. 

As the trip went on, I realized what an awful person D was.  It made me sad, because I realized that he was once a good person, but he was headed down the wrong path, and it was making him into something sinister. D plays dumb a lot, but in reality he does this as just another way to manipulate people.

One other thing that frightened me was that I realized ever since the trip at the music festival, I had been showing some passive aggressive traits that D was. I wondered if perhaps during the time  we shared a common thought process, I had picked up some of D's Passive Aggressive traits.

This also wasn't the trip that put me over the edge, but it brought me closer.

My next post will tell that story, and how this "craziness" has manifested itself in my life today.


--------------------
Moodion said:
There's only one way to answer that frustrating question of "what was it like?".

You hand the fucker The Machine packed with an 80mg dose and wave goodbye.

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Offlinehetfield
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: arekusu]
    #14401059 - 05/04/11 05:21 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm looking forward to the rest of your story!

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OfflineNunbuh_Chrubble
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: arekusu]
    #14401101 - 05/04/11 05:32 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

damn, super interesting story. I'm eager for the next installment.

Some questions:

How old were you when you first started tripping?

How many trips total would you say that you've had up until this story begins?

The reason I ask is that that is a shit ton of different drugs to do even in a life time. I started tripping at 16 years old and it wasn't long before I was tripping every weekend. That continued for a year or two and I definitely felt myself begin to disconnect with reality. But that was only with mushrooms mainly. I'm almost 25 now and I only get to trip a few times a year and have felt my perma-trip and reality-loss really ease up. Also, i don't smoke MJ hardly at all anymore.

Psych's that I've taken: LSD, Mesc, DMT, shrooms, MDMA, 2C-I, 2C-B, 5-MeO-DMT, DXM, and probably some others that I can't remember. But all of the exotic ones I've only taken a handful of times. Mainly it's shrooms, LSD, and a little DMT and MDMA. Those are the good ones.


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"This day is a lover..."

~Rumi

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Offlineg00ru
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: arekusu]
    #14401123 - 05/04/11 05:39 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

well, i read your first one and can only assume that you start going bonkers irl from all those insane mind melding experiences.

Make sure you're integrating your experiences and understanding them as you go.  For me meditating, doing yoga, and making art are totally invaluable in that department.


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OfflineThird i
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: g00ru]
    #14401153 - 05/04/11 05:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I don't think your passive aggressive. If you don't want to be
Quote:

guruu said:
well, i read your first one and can only assume that you start going bonkers irl from all those insane mind melding experiences.

Make sure you're integrating your experiences and understanding them as you go.  For me meditating, doing yoga, and making art are totally invaluable in that department.



:whathesaid: Space your trips out so you have time to think about what they mean. Plus you need to spend time in reality so you don't forget what its like. Sometimes a trip can be a lie. Especially if your using more than one substance at a time.

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Offlinebholzer
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: Third i]
    #14401262 - 05/04/11 06:19 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Wow man, can't wait to read the rest.


--------------------


Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.

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OfflineAlexander1138
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: Third i]
    #14401493 - 05/04/11 07:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Third i said:
I don't think your passive aggressive. If you don't want to be
Quote:

guruu said:
well, i read your first one and can only assume that you start going bonkers irl from all those insane mind melding experiences.

Make sure you're integrating your experiences and understanding them as you go.  For me meditating, doing yoga, and making art are totally invaluable in that department.



:whathesaid: Space your trips out so you have time to think about what they mean. Plus you need to spend time in reality so you don't forget what its like. Sometimes a trip can be a lie. Especially if your using more than one substance at a time.




Yeah I agree with this. From experience I know that if I start tripping more than once a month I get this anxiety that makes me feel like I'm losing touch with reality. Spacing trips out really helps me adjust my life to the most recent experience I have.

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InvisibleDawks
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: arekusu]
    #14401825 - 05/04/11 08:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

arekusu said:
As the trip went on, I realized what an awful person D was.  It made me sad, because I realized that he was once a good person, but he was headed down the wrong path, and it was making him into something sinister. D plays dumb a lot, but in reality he does this as just another way to manipulate people.





Maybe D is a sociopath? Someone who lacks empathy. I've met people like this before and they are nearly always dangerous to be around because rather than acting in the best interest of their group, they get their group to act in the best interest of themselves.

Anyway I don't think you can become a sociopath, it's just like being gay - if you are, you are.

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Offlinek00laid
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: arekusu]
    #14401877 - 05/04/11 08:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

trauma can worsen or cause sociopath-like behavior. easily.


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Offlinesporesmores420
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: Dawks]
    #14401878 - 05/04/11 08:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Your def crazy, but my bet is its the nitrous.:eek:


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Offlinek00laid
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: sporesmores420]
    #14401880 - 05/04/11 08:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

also OP i have only ONE SINGLE QUESTION

have you ever been offered a drug and refused?


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Offlinearekusu
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: k00laid]
    #14401960 - 05/04/11 08:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

k00laid said:
also OP i have only ONE SINGLE QUESTION

have you ever been offered a drug and refused?




If weed counts as a drug, all the time. I have also said no to other harder drugs such as coke. I don't really do drugs besides psychedelics. Other drugs are physically harmful and addictive, and I have seen too many people succumb to things such as opiates,ritalin, ect.  No one has ever offered me acid. If I was at a festival I would gladly accept.If I felt uncomfortable with the situation I would say no.

And I am almost done with my last bit.


--------------------
Moodion said:
There's only one way to answer that frustrating question of "what was it like?".

You hand the fucker The Machine packed with an 80mg dose and wave goodbye.

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OfflineThird i
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: sporesmores420]
    #14401984 - 05/04/11 08:40 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Your go craz
Quote:

sporesmores420 said:
Your def crazy, but my bet is its the nitrous.:eek:



What makes him crazy? Not something you want to tell someone who is worried about going crazy. If you think your going crazy, then you'll deff go crazy. If he just takes a break and doesn't get so stuck on this idea he'll be fine. I too have experienced the mind connection. It's hard to explain.

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Offlinek00laid
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: Third i]
    #14402003 - 05/04/11 08:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

im waitin for the third part. i have a feeling its going to be a good read.

i was reluctant to read the first two, but some decent reading.


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Offlinei like cow poo
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Re: Has LSD made me Crazy? [Re: k00laid]
    #14402040 - 05/04/11 08:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I would never take five hits and not have a planned out trip and trip setting. Being in a controlled environment is essential for something like this. Ignoring the magnitude of such a situation is a sign of disrespect for psychedelics.:oldman:
I believe 99% of shroomery members would agree that you can't go around just riding in cars on 5 hits; thats a recipe for a bad trip.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound judgmental but I am just pointing out what SOME of the source of your problems are.:strokebeard:
Very well written story so far. But forreal you need to plan your trips out and not be surrounded with people with "problems."

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