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Anonymous #1
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To have kids, or not to have kids...
#14396865 - 05/03/11 09:10 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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My girlfriend is all about having kids. She believes having kids is the purpose of life, and wants to have one by the time she's 30 (she's 26 now). I'm 30 now and I haven't made up my mind yet.
I feel like I still have a lot of time before I really need to make this decision, but she feels strongly that children benefit from having younger parents.
What are your thoughts on having children?
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Mycjunky
Stranger


Registered: 07/25/09
Posts: 1,837
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14396889 - 05/03/11 09:15 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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For health reasons I would agree it's better to do it before 30 at least on the woman's part. Not sure what to tell you though cause if you don't want kids then it's not a good thing to force.
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Sleepwalker
Overshoes


Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14396924 - 05/03/11 09:20 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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She thinks that's the "purpose" of life? Biologically, maybe.
Sounds pretty meaningless to me. The only purpose for her kid's existence would be to multiply further. What a dark world view.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Sleepwalker]
#14396960 - 05/03/11 09:27 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I agree, I thought it was a strange answer. She says I focus too much on the work and reponsiblities and not enough on the positive aspects. I said "well you know why I'm hesitant, why don't you tell me why you're so gung-ho?" All she comes up with is circular logic and that it's the purpose of life.
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Greendreams

Registered: 01/07/08
Posts: 3,863
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... *DELETED* [Re: Mycjunky] 1
#14397005 - 05/03/11 09:35 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Post deleted by Greendreams
Reason for deletion: .
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Humility
Working on it



Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 6,745
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Greendreams]
#14397956 - 05/04/11 01:22 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Don't have kids with anyone that you don't plan on being with for at least a couple of decades. Estranged relationships don't ever benefit children pretty much.
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Maharishi_2_U
Opt Out Super Fag


Registered: 10/21/09
Posts: 6,316
Loc: The Streets
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Humility] 2
#14397977 - 05/04/11 01:29 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I love my son in ways words cannot describe. I can be having the worst day imaginable, and his smile makes me just mellllt. I did not want children or a wife. I have both. Life is good. You can try and find another, more spiritual meaning to life, I am. However, my family brings more meaning to everything else in life. Being a father and husband seems to be the best catalyst to discovering lifes little secret truths. In this search for the "purpose" many miss all the important truths. Family > Lone Wolf
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14398657 - 05/04/11 07:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: My girlfriend is all about having kids. She believes having kids is the purpose of life, and wants to have one by the time she's 30 (she's 26 now). I'm 30 now and I haven't made up my mind yet.
I feel like I still have a lot of time before I really need to make this decision, but she feels strongly that children benefit from having younger parents.
What are your thoughts on having children?
No matter why or when she wants kids, if you "aren't sure" while she's sure, you're doing her a disservice by staying in a relationship with her.
If she wants to have a first kid by 30 and that's 4 yrs away, you can consider what she's saying now as a "breakup warning".
If you're lying to her, saying you're still "thinking about it" (sorry, that's BS, if you want kids, it's a drive you can't quell, it's something you knew when you were 12 that you wanted to have in your life) then you're in for a relationship from hell in the future.
Physiologically, the younger the woman is (within reason) the more chance there is for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. The older she gets, the more chance there are of birth defects or not being able to conceive and carry to term. If she wants "kids" she doesn't just want ONE, and popping them out every 9 months is insanely tiring. Men can knock a woman up until they're dead and it be perfectly fine, so you can eventually change your mind and make babies with a younger woman.
Man up. Have the conversation that tells her you're not going to be ready because you're NOT ready. Give her these four years to find someone new who KNOWS he wants to have kids.
This isn't a joke. You're going to break up with her being extremely resentful, or she's going to do something like go off the pill and NOT TELL YOU, so you get her pregnant and then you're financially responsible for the kid no matter if you stay with her or not.
Don't get trapped by a woman who wants kids. You're getting a big big warning. Heed it.
PotGrrl
PS: I have no kids, want no kids, and told my now-ex husband within 2 weeks of dating that I didn't want kids. He readily accepted it at the time because he wanted to date me and he was lonely and afraid of being alone. I swear we fought about the kids thing every 6 months after the first 2 yrs of being together, until I simply walked out of the room when he brought up the topic yet another time. A big part of our divorce was that he wanted to have kids but wasn't up front, and it tainted our entire relationship with resentment until eventually I walked so he could find someone to have kids with.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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i like cow poo
Nature Lover


Registered: 10/20/09
Posts: 4,041
Loc: Mother Nature's Vagina
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#14398739 - 05/04/11 08:06 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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The worlds very overpopulated. Sounds like she's got the crazy need to reproduce instinct going on. Hell she might not even be ready for a kid, but her instinct tells her she has to have one. Adoption would be a wonderful tradeoff down the road if you and her BOTH decide you want one. Theres alot of kids already born who are in need. Don't let women tell you what you want or else you'll have a MISERABLE marriage. Good luck bro! Don't be afraid to tell her how it is!
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: To have kids, or not to have kids... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14398757 - 05/04/11 08:12 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: My girlfriend is all about having kids. She believes having kids is the purpose of life, and wants to have one by the time she's 30 (she's 26 now). I'm 30 now and I haven't made up my mind yet.
A little less than a year ago, I found myself in exactly the same position, with the ages matching and all. So last summer I decided that it would be unfair to keep evading the issue and basically let the bubble burst. She indicated she wanted to have kids within the next 4 years, and I indicated I probably wouldn't want that for at least another 4 years, so our interests diverged somewhat, you could say. Based on that and some other stuff, we decided to take it no further and we separated. For my part, I was sick of feeling guilty about holding her back, because she obviously wanted to move on in life, while I plan to continue my streak of mild debauchery for a little while longer.
So basically: what potgrrl says. Maybe you can stall the situation a little longer if you really really fancy each other, but in my experience, a woman stating that she wants to have kids within the next 4 years is probably going to want them within the next year or so. Once the vague idea settles in a person's head, it tends to get stronger in an uncontrollable way, and before you know it, your relationship is turning sour because the whole 4 year horizon thing proved to be a misconception.
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