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InvisibleFragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14330080 - 04/21/11 09:04 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

FBI365, You remind me of my friend I let him do the pondering and wondering and I go get the girls.

Potgirl is on her shit like half the world should be but then it would be fucking boring :p

And it doesn't have to be forgotten some people just need to know their place. Some people just need to be brought down a notch. Oh well you live and you learn. Hopefully.

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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
    #14330106 - 04/21/11 09:09 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Fragment said:
FBI365, You remind me of my friend I let him do the pondering and wondering and I go get the girls.






Good for you :congrats::yawn:


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InvisibleFragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14330144 - 04/21/11 09:18 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

^ Indeed but more like a blessing and a curse.

Not everything is good. Seriously.

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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
    #14330180 - 04/21/11 09:29 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Okay, and bad things aren't good.  Right?


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InvisibleFragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14330205 - 04/21/11 09:40 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

It depends on how you let it affect you if at all.

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InvisibleSoularize
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Registered: 02/11/05
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
    #14331259 - 04/22/11 01:02 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

PF Chang's lol


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"All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded

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Offlinefbi365
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Soularize]
    #14336568 - 04/23/11 01:00 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I don;t know.  I am trying to "distance" myself. But I think I am just coming off as an asshole or angry, which I am not.  I think its the same reason I can't pull of cocky-funny; because I just come off as a dick. 

She just keeps on asking me "why are you mad?"  "What's wrong" "Are you in a bad mood"  "Are you okay?"  I am not in a bad mood or pissed, that is, until she keeps on asking me that, which is annoying. 

I am not doing anything, I am just not chatting her up like usual, I am not really even ignoring her, just not my usual self with her, I guess.

I am not going to explain to her what's going on, like you said Potgrrl.  Its just not my style to say "hey, i have feelings for you and since you don't share them, i need some space."  I talk about my feelings very often, and I don;t like other people to know how I feel it is embarrassing,, ,


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Edited by fbi365 (04/23/11 01:14 AM)

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Invisibleiamnotadream
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Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 2,599
Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
    #14336703 - 04/23/11 01:29 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Excellent :mrburns:

By distancing yourself you are showing that you are independent of her and that you have other things going on in your mind.

Stay positive around her.  Don't completely shut her out or anything, which you aren't doing.  Just don't go overboard on the whole distancing thing y'know?

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Invisiblerackem
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: iamnotadream]
    #14337482 - 04/23/11 08:46 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

once a 'friend' alawys a friend..

there is no going back...


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: rackem]
    #14341320 - 04/23/11 11:29 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Okay, so this is setting off a firestorm.  And Things are getting waaaaaay out of hand.  My friends are pissed at me, because they want to know why I am acting this way.  Even though I told them that I need to stay away from her.  She is absolutely blown back by it. 

I think the status quo is sounding better and better...


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InvisibleSoularize
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
    #14341521 - 04/24/11 12:16 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

So initially I just commented in this thread because I was in a weird mood and PF Chang's always sounds funny to me...I know I'm strange.

Anywayyy, per your situation at hand, it sounds all too familiar. Many of us have had the misfortune of catching a one way ticket to "friendsville". A boulevard of broken dreams indeed. Honestly man, I think that maybe like one out of every ten of these scenarios actually pans out, but I would strongly advise you to try your absolute hardest to cut ties with this girl and move on. It's hard to break out of the friend zone dude. I was in a similar situation a few years back, it caused me so much stress and turmoil...I pined for this chick like crazy, thought about her all the time, I talked and complained about her to my friends so much I'm sure they all thought I'd become a super annoying pussy.

You can try and play that whole angle of 'not giving a fuck' when with her, but I swear it's more of a hassle than it's worth. You would be incredibly wise to just distance yourself from her. If something happens in the future, GREAT, but don't hold out any lofty expectations.

"They either like you or they don't"

Good luck.


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"All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded

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Offlinefbi365
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Soularize]
    #14343807 - 04/24/11 02:46 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Yep, well, I told her last night that we should take some time apart.  Turned into this three hour conversation about us both.  As I suspected, she likes me a lot, but for whatever reason just doesn't want to date me (doesn't want relationship now, doesn't want to date a co-worker, the usual bullshit excuses for, you are good but not good enough). 

All the things she was doing that hurt me, she didn't know were having that effect.  But thats too late I guess. 

I think it really hurt her, our friend break-up.  I know I feel incredibly empty and sad.  I really don't want her to feel that way.  This was supposed to make me feel better, right now if feel like the worst person ever. 

I lost my friend last night I think  :confused:


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OfflineCakret
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
    #14344777 - 04/24/11 06:29 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Time heals all wounds, it may have just been the wrong time, for you guys to happen,  don't severe all ties,  but keep it low key for a while,  if she messages you, try once more if not,  there are plenty of fish in the sea.

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OfflineJoolz
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Cakret]
    #14347209 - 04/25/11 01:52 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You can be friends with her, just find your pants and venture into the sea first. Keep talking to her at work or whatever though, just don't hold out for her in any way, shape, or form. Contrary to popular belief you can be "just friends" with the other sex.


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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.

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Offlinefbi365
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Joolz]
    #14351014 - 04/25/11 07:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Don't mind me, I am just using this as my place to vent.  Read it if you want, respond if you like.  I don't care....

I was listening to this Tool song today that sounded like it fit my situation perfectly

Slipping back
into the gap again.
I'm alive when you're touching me,
alive when you're
shoving me down.

But i'd trade it all
for just a little
piece of
miiiiiiiiiiiiiiind.

(Pushit on me, 4x)
You're pushing,
and
shoving,
and scrambling,
keep my feet back on the ground!

(Put me
somewhere I don't wanna beee. 2x)

Seeing someplace I don't wanna seeee.


Never wanna see that place agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain.

Saw that gap
again today
while you were begging me to stay.
Managed to push myself
away,
and you, as well, my dear.




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Edited by fbi365 (04/25/11 07:22 PM)

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OfflinePsiclone
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Registered: 11/27/06
Posts: 180
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
    #14351840 - 04/25/11 09:26 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Wow.  I am kind of taken back by this thread.  This pretty much explains the situation I went through a few weeks ago.


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Open your Third Eye!

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Offlinefbi365
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Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Psiclone]
    #14352274 - 04/25/11 10:20 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah, interesting. How did you deal with it?


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OfflineJoolz
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
    #14352790 - 04/25/11 11:46 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

:mjk:


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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.

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Offlinefbi365
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Joolz]
    #14368814 - 04/28/11 07:02 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

"Fuck You Lucy"
Atmosphere



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Edited by fbi365 (04/28/11 07:03 PM)

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Invisiblepotgrrl
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Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
    #14394753 - 05/03/11 02:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

fbi365 said:
Yep, well, I told her last night that we should take some time apart.  Turned into this three hour conversation about us both.  As I suspected, she likes me a lot, but for whatever reason just doesn't want to date me (doesn't want relationship now, doesn't want to date a co-worker, the usual bullshit excuses for, you are good but not good enough). 

All the things she was doing that hurt me, she didn't know were having that effect.  But thats too late I guess. 

I think it really hurt her, our friend break-up.  I know I feel incredibly empty and sad.  I really don't want her to feel that way.  This was supposed to make me feel better, right now if feel like the worst person ever. 

I lost my friend last night I think  :confused:




Hey man, sorry for the delayed response, I've been internet-restricted for the past few weeks (kind of relieving in some ways actually! like a tolerance break...)

Don't worry about having lost your friend forever.  Part of backing off from her and especially the part about going "no contact" is about resetting your emotional ties to her, and emotions are very very drug-like.  You're GOING to experience withdrawl, this is NORMAL.

The best thing you can do for yourself is distract yourself from thinking about it.  Let time pass by doing new things, spending time with friends who don't talk about her or mention her, and re-discovering the joys you probably put away because she didn't share them with you, or she disapproved of them.

Spend some time doing things like:

- Listening to music you used to like to listen to before you two became friends and her views began to influence yours.
- Participating in hobbies you used to like, which you dropped along the way in order to spend more time with her or to gain her approval.
- Working out.  Endorphins are nature's anti-depressants, and if you get into a recreational activity with a good social group, a lot of your time is taken up in a healthy way between practices, socializing, and potential competitions (becoming an official in your chosen activity is VERY rewarding as well, and gets you front row access to some awesome competition)
- Reading books that help you understand human dynamics and the human condition.  Books about motivation (why we do what we do) I found particularly interesting because it helped me slow and eventually stop some unhealthy behaviors that had contributed to the downhill motion of relationships around me.  Classics like Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People are excellent mind fodder, and Psycho Cybernetics is an excellent book about how our minds work and how to make them work better and FOR us vs AGAINST us.

In all of these things, be open for new friendships.  Volunteer your time to help valuable social activities go off well (I like helping kids sports for this, I think competitive sports are an awesome base for kids to learn healthy physical activity and meet coaches who will influence their lives forever).  Notice the traits of socially successful people (not the bitchy ones - the ones people truly RESPECT, no matter what car they drive or how much money in the bank) and think deeply about what drives you.

And, write.  Sometimes just writing out your feelings - good, bad and ugly - helps stop them from whirring around endlessly in your head.  Once you've written them down, you know you can go back to them and re-read them and you won't forget what you were thinking about, and that lets your mind relax.

Good luck, man!

PS: Note, the guy I broke up with 10 years ago and essentially went No
Contact with, aside from maybe 5 or 6 short contacts during that time, is now one of the people closest to me again, and we're single at the same time again and still like each other at a fundamental level.  You never know what the future holds, and a little bit of growing up and having life weigh on our shoulders took a huge edge off of the problems we had when we dated the first time.  Never would have thought we'd consider getting together again, but here we are, slowly getting to know each other again :smile:


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Everything is arbitrary.  (me)

Edited by potgrrl (05/03/11 03:02 PM)

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