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OfflineSimms
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Terrible anxiety over phones.
    #14276865 - 04/12/11 10:06 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

When I was a child, I had no problem with this. I constantly called to my friends etc, usually their parents picked up, and it was no worries at all. Cell phones weren't widely spread yet.

But now I have terrible fear of talking on phone. There are only about 2 people with whom I can speak comfortably over phone. In other cases I grow anxious as hell and usually avoid phone calls. If possible, I let other person do the phone call. I absolutely hate cell phones.

They are so tiny and people could be wherever when picking up, doing whatever. This makes me anxious. Usually when people are talking with cellural phones in streets etc, there are terrible background noises and me especially have to be super alert. I am a man and I am not perfect at multitasking either. I feel like a lot of the message goes into waste. With usual table phone though, you know the person is listening, because he/she is on the wire.

But this anxiety is really annoying and growing in me. I can not even call my GF properly without growing overly anxious and sounding like a robot. In some cases, it has taken me hours to decide wether call or not on very simple issue. It is really annoying. I just don't like calling.

Please help.


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OfflineFunguspants
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Simms]
    #14276994 - 04/12/11 11:03 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I dk dude.  But I do a similar kind of thing.  I won't pick up my phone unless I can give who ever is calling 100% attention so I hear what they say. I FUCKING HATE saying things only to not have them heard, or have the person hear them but they don't listen.  If someone is calling me and I can't talk to them at that moment, I ignore the call and text them and tell them I'm busy, text me.

To be honest, I don't know why people just don't text first.  Even a simple: "Yo dude could I call you real quick" before a call.  I mean, if your calling someone you're already assuming they have the phone on them why not just text? Also with a text, you send the person what you want to say and its there for whenever they see it.  If you call and someone doesn't answer they just have a missed call, or a voicemail and it takes to much time to listen to voicemails when your in the middle of shit.


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OfflineDave Soderberg
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Funguspants]
    #14278808 - 04/12/11 06:04 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I feel the same way... I think it has something to do with getting off the phone with people. I'm not very good with the hyanging up aspect


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OfflineSimms
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Dave Soderberg]
    #14312793 - 04/18/11 05:16 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Its both getting off the phone and getting the guts to call someone. I just managed to bore someone to tiredness. Thats it, I am not calling anyone anyomre, only from absolute neccesity, lets see what happens.

Calling to close people is the hardest, because then you have to talk about something bechause you want to know how they are doing and it is just good to hear their voices, but I just can't find anything to talk about. Banter is terrible, not for me. Should one just call and ask how they are doing, get an answer and hang up?

Why do I feel bad after each time I call someone?


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Edited by Simms (04/18/11 05:18 PM)


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OnlinelillFish
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Simms]
    #14321950 - 04/20/11 10:33 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

talking on the phone requires a person's full attention, it's not convenient and worst of all is when you are on the phone for no important reason. I like text because it's convenient and not very intrusive. Also, talking on the phone can be awkward, especially with silences.
simms, don't call anyone unless you really have to talk to them about something complicated that can't easily be expressed/said in a text. :smile: That's what I do...


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OfflineSterile
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Simms]
    #14332671 - 04/22/11 12:29 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I absolutely hate phones. I am seriously thinking to live my life without using any kind of phone at all, at some point.

90% of the calls i receive are for bullshit reasons, and from the remaining 10% only maybe 2% is truly urgent or important.

Phones should only be used for life threatening situations imo, because they steal the most fundamental characteristic of human nature.The love for the unexpected events of life.

The growing expectancy to meet a loved one, the appreciation of a random meeting, the good and bad surprises...all these have been perceived in a very flat emotional curve after the phone invaded humanity, the phone has actually flatten out the peaks of our emotional life.

We are trained to dislike the unexpected, the surprise, the random......the universe..

It gives people the illusion of connection, when in reality, it makes you meet everyone less, and the value of your meetings drops, since you already know all the stuff anyone wants to talk to you about.

I really don't think it is a sign of health to enjoy phone calls. It made my life so much better when i canceled my cell phone.

Life has no quality when a bell rings at random times with random people at the other end with random feelings, suck your energy away for whatever reason.

It sounds logical to me to feel stressed about these matters. I feel much more relaxed when i just communicate with humans without using the phone.


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Simms]
    #14334759 - 04/22/11 08:55 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

I feel your aversion to phones. I have it too but not as bad as that.

I would definitely not recommend avoiding phones as much as possible, because that will only make this worse, and phone communication is a reality. If you desperately want to, you could find ways to isolate yourself from that reality if you want but it's going to create a lot more anxiety than just getting used to them.

Talk on the phone more. Spend less time thinking about your phone calls before you make them. Phone people just to ask "a quick question" to get a few non-terrible phone calls under your belt. It will get easier relatively quickly if you do what you're afraid of here and you'll pick up some skills that would make this part of your life much less difficult.

I have learned that whenever I start stressing about how the phone call's going to go, I'm only making it worse. When I realize I'm doing that, I just start dialing. It's okay to have lame conversations on the phone. It's much better than continuing to be afraid of something that's everywhere for the rest of your life. It will get better.


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

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Invisiblerackem
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #14336246 - 04/23/11 01:57 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

thats good advise whiskey.

i had a chick im starting to get to know ask me what my biggest fear is and i said cold calls.

i cant seem to handle them even though it is a part of my life. i text whenever possible even if it is to clients.

cold calls or calling for business or even ordering take out is a fucking absolute nightmare. sometimes taking up to an hour just to get the motivation/courage/plan just to dial the damn number.


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Offlineclaraclairvoyant
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Simms]
    #14340603 - 04/23/11 10:55 PM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Do you ever text? It's a lot easier and takes away the anxiety. But then again it will only fuel your phone anxiety when you have to call someone :shrug:


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Invisiblequinn
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: claraclairvoyant]
    #14341205 - 04/24/11 01:05 AM (9 years, 6 months ago)

Simms,

"The past can always be annihilated… the future is inevitable."

stop dwelling and reflecting on what has happened. it is gone. all that is real is yet to come.


this attitude will help. :shrug:


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InvisibleCloud9
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: rackem]
    #14392684 - 05/03/11 04:05 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

rackem said:
thats good advise whiskey.

i had a chick im starting to get to know ask me what my biggest fear is and i said cold calls.

i cant seem to handle them even though it is a part of my life. i text whenever possible even if it is to clients.

cold calls or calling for business or even ordering take out is a fucking absolute nightmare. sometimes taking up to an hour just to get the motivation/courage/plan just to dial the damn number.




totally agree. i didn't even get a cell until two years ago when i had to for work, and the longer i have it, the more i don't want it. i communicate by text if i have to, otherwise i only keep my phone for the internet/emergencies. when i was younger i loved talking to people, but for some reason i just can't do it anymore. my girlfriend knows i hate getting called and she knows not to. when my phone rings, no matter who it is, the first thing i do is say "FUCK" really loud no matter where i am. people around me learned quickly not to call me unless they have to.


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OfflineSimms
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: rackem]
    #14393107 - 05/03/11 08:48 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

rackem said:


cold calls or calling for business or even ordering take out is a fucking absolute nightmare. sometimes taking up to an hour just to get the motivation/courage/plan just to dial the damn number.




Haha, yes, we are on the same boat with this one.


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InvisibleTheEnd
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Simms]
    #14396032 - 05/03/11 08:48 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

I also have the same problem. I think it probably started around the time that cell phones started getting real popular and everyone was getting them. I agree that about 95% of the calls I get are just bs and have no real importance or urgency, and the other 5% could easily be done by text. It's like people feel the need to call just to call because they pay all this money for the latest and greatest "smart phone", and that they need to call or text just so they feel like they're getting their money's worth or something. Whenever I see my friends in person, theres not really anything new to talk about because I've already heard it through texts or over the phone while they were driving or multitasking, and half the time they don't even remember what they said. Phones and cell phones especially have made communicating so impersonal. The only reason I have one is because I have health issues and I know that my parents worry about me, having a phone on me helps them to worry less just in case something does happen. But other than that, I don't need it or want it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #14397912 - 05/04/11 03:09 AM (9 years, 5 months ago)

I don't use a phone but for other reasons than anxiety lol but it can easily be done now a days people call people for stupid ass reasons like to see if the other person is taking a shit....kidding aside.... with the internet you could still communicate as easily as you would with a phone.


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InvisibleTheEnd
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14406528 - 05/05/11 07:58 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

I like the internet for many reasons, but it has its many downsides just like everything else. The internet in and of itself is a whole other issue.


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OfflineAnthony917
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Re: Terrible anxiety over phones. [Re: TheEnd]
    #14406595 - 05/05/11 08:11 PM (9 years, 5 months ago)

That's really strange OP. If people call you, they want to talk to you :shrug:

I feel like nowadays with texting/internet/email people are becoming way less personable. I like calling people. It's way easier than texting, and takes way less time. Besides you can say a whole lot during a 2 minute phone conversation that would take like 20 texts :facepalm:


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