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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Is it fair?
    #14383860 - 05/01/11 05:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

to want to break up with someone because of their spiritual/religious beliefs?

I know this sounds very immature at first, but let me explain. Me and my g/f have been going out for like 2 and a half years, we have fought only twice during the whole time we've known eachother and they were quite minor.. anyways, we've basically been stoned our whole relationship, have done psych's together multiple time etc.

Im a staunch secularist, somewhere between agnostic/atheist if you had to put it somewhere, but I never try and force my beliefs down someones throat and I tend to "humor"
people who are very religious.

anyways, my girlfriend believes in "god". The thing is she doesnt even know really what she believes, its not outlines in one book or theism, she believs in angels, to the point where she thinks writing a note and praying to them will actually help her in life. And she also basically judges everything based on "emotions", iguess most girls are like this, but litterally her whole reality is based on how she "feels", compared to mine where its all based on thought and I can honestly go long periods of time without actually thinking about how i feel..

IDK! its not so much that since she believes in god I want to break up with her, its more that she doesnt really use logic or rational thinking to answer questions.Its always about "feeling right" and staying in a positive attitude to get what you want, she doesnt really understand the scientific way of thinking which is showing skepticism towards pseudoscience and the such.. like she sort of believes in astrology and  she believes in a bunch of very weird healing techniques.

I dont know, it has alot to do with her parents who dont really show any spekticism towards the thought that telepathy might be fake or that UFo's arent real..

I cant really explain it, anyways we are kicking it this weekend and im kind of just thinking then she stands up and bends over to get something and her g-string pops out and all of the sudden my thinking does a 180 degree turn. She is also very good friends with my mom, dad and brothers and sisters and it would just make a huge fucking mess if we broke up. I also think if we broke up it would be good for her because she can just date some older guy who actually has a car/job/money and who maybe believes in angels. We still have fun when we hang out but it couldnt really ever go anywhere with our beliefs so different..

:zomgwtf:\

if you actually read thanks lol

there is so much more but thats a decent abstract.

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OfflineGastronomicus
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14383894 - 05/01/11 05:32 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

If you want to break up with every girl you date because she is irrational and emotional well... enjoy being single for the rest of your life.


--------------------
Make my Funk the P Funk, I wants to get Funked up

LAGM2024

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: Gastronomicus]
    #14383903 - 05/01/11 05:33 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

:sad:

i know every girl is emotional but its more that her life is dictated by her feelings.. like. fuck man i cant explain it..

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OfflineGastronomicus
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14383913 - 05/01/11 05:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Nah man I know what you mean, you have a disparity in worldviews and perspective. You can either cut her loose or open up your communication and find some resolution. Either solution is fair because a relationship is a two-way street.


--------------------
Make my Funk the P Funk, I wants to get Funked up

LAGM2024

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: Gastronomicus]
    #14383925 - 05/01/11 05:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

werd.

Ill see what I can do

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OfflineGastronomicus
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14383939 - 05/01/11 05:41 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Good luck man.


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Make my Funk the P Funk, I wants to get Funked up

LAGM2024

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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead] * 1
    #14383956 - 05/01/11 05:44 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

The way you talk about it sounds like you're being a bit dismissive of her beliefs because they don't fall under what you'd consider fact.

Quote:


The thing is she doesnt even know really what she believes, its not outlines in one book or theism, she believs in angels, to the point where she thinks writing a note and praying to them will actually help her in life.




It sounds like she's okay with leaving her faith as a nebulous and ill-defined thing, which is maybe where it belongs for her.

I'll put it this way: I'm an engineer. Everything boils down to likelihoods and reason to me. The woman I love is an english literature graduate, who is a lot more flowery and imprecise. I don't need another engineer. I already have that perspective. What I need is someone with a working sense of empathy.

Do you really need someone who sees the world as you do?


EDIT: And fuck yes it's fair if you don't think you'll be able to accept the other person's beliefs openly. Contempt is no basis for a relationship and it will make you both miserable.

EDIT EDIT: The missus is reading a book that says that the rolling of eyes is one of the best predictors of a failed marriage.


--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.

Edited by Kid_Orgo (05/01/11 05:46 PM)

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: Kid_Orgo]
    #14383983 - 05/01/11 05:47 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Man we've been dating for 2 and a half years, ive humored her, her mom and dad. The thing is its really, really hard to just shut my mouth and humor her when she goes on about how ghosts are real and how astrology is real and how to get somehting you just have to "get in the vortex" and it'll come. she doesnt grasp the concept that you actually have to plan and take small actions to get things done.

She's also not going to college and I cant communicate to her about virtually any higher level of thinking (about economics, human society, science, etc), I feel like she can find someone who will believe in the things she does and they can "connect" on that level.


I swear man its not that i havnt tried, its just that we are at odds in so many levels and I humor her because I dont want to obliterate the beliefs of her Mom/Dad.


:facepalm:

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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14384009 - 05/01/11 05:51 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

If you're still "humoring her," then it's not really acceptance, it's tolerance, which is fine for dealing with some things, but not for a life partner's outlook on life.

You need to be with someone you respect and whose opinion you value, and it sounds like this isn't it.

I just hope that the discussion doesn't turn into you two debating whose perspective is right, and rather focuses on the reality that you may well be incompatible without some serious changes. :frown:


EDIT: People can be very different in a relationship and have it work, but there has to be respect and acceptance.


--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.

Edited by Kid_Orgo (05/01/11 05:52 PM)

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14384017 - 05/01/11 05:52 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

ahh ok i guess I am coming off as an asshole and could be more understanding, we really love eachother and besides ideology differences we really have had an almost perfect relationship.

I do respect what she says, I do respect her as a person its only on matters such as these that its really, really hard for me to believe because I spend all my time reading on how these things are not real.

:sad:

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14384032 - 05/01/11 05:53 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

so whenever she asks me about what im reading or what im studying its hard to talk about things that dont lead to discussion about conflicting beliefs

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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14384033 - 05/01/11 05:54 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm not saying you're coming off as an asshole at all, a member of my family is a practicing psychic, I can totally understand how you feel on this one.

I'm just saying there's a change of heart that'd have to happen for this to work, is all.


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He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.

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Invisiblenglsnv
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead] * 1
    #14384034 - 05/01/11 05:54 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

you sound like you'd be better off as friends than as lovers

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: nglsnv]
    #14384049 - 05/01/11 05:57 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

she (like most girls) has had a pretty hard family life growing up and she is just getting over a stint with heroin (semi-addiction i guess), and we are really attracted to eachother and when we hike/travel its all good//

ahh i dont even know what im saying anymore.. complicated stuff. We live 50 miles apart and take the train to see eachother, for every weekend for over 2 years, so it wouldnt really work as friends so much

i guess its either find a way to make it work or nothing :shrug:

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OfflineAnthony917
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14384124 - 05/01/11 06:10 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

based on what you posted I would probably break up with her too.


--------------------
Prisoner#1 said: I got my ass kicked by a 9yo when I was 17
Trippin? Click Me




What is life? I'm tired of life...

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Invisibleunam sanctum
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: Anthony917]
    #14384160 - 05/01/11 06:21 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I would just say don't shut the door before you're sure that's what you want.  It seems like you really like each other and people rarely have to feel exactly the same about things to have a good relationship.  Look beyond the detailed aspects of it and ask yourself if you simply enjoy her company or not- at least that's what I would do.

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: unam sanctum]
    #14384183 - 05/01/11 06:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

:hmm:

i do, i know she does to.Just coming up to the three year mark things start to change, we are kind of growing apart. hmmmm

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OfflineAnthony917
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14384193 - 05/01/11 06:27 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

realfuzzhead said:
Man we've been dating for 2 and a half years, ive humored her, her mom and dad. The thing is its really, really hard to just shut my mouth and humor her when she goes on about how ghosts are real and how astrology is real and how to get somehting you just have to "get in the vortex" and it'll come. she doesnt grasp the concept that you actually have to plan and take small actions to get things done.

She's also not going to college and I cant communicate to her about virtually any higher level of thinking (about economics, human society, science, etc), I feel like she can find someone who will believe in the things she does and they can "connect" on that level.


I swear man its not that i havnt tried, its just that we are at odds in so many levels and I humor her because I dont want to obliterate the beliefs of her Mom/Dad.


:facepalm:




to further expand, it just sounds like you guys aren't really made for each other :shrug:
It took me & my ex almost 3 years of being together before it became a reality that...we just weren't right for each other.
You can enjoy her company, but is it worth it?
Personally, if a girl can't hold an intelligent conversation with me then I don't even give them the time of day. I want my abstract thoughts to be countered with more abstractness, not someone who just says "ya" and then goes silent...

Anyway, before you actually make a decision, why not try and talk to her about this stuff? Tell her that you think her beliefs are assbackwards and explain why. If she can't take it, then she'll probably break up with you, and then you don't have to be the bad guy!! Hahah, anyways I feel for ya man. Sometimes it just doesn't work out :shrug:


--------------------
Prisoner#1 said: I got my ass kicked by a 9yo when I was 17
Trippin? Click Me




What is life? I'm tired of life...

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: Is it fair? [Re: Anthony917]
    #14384301 - 05/01/11 06:52 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

true true man. Damn im glad i made this thread puts a little perspective on it. I think im just going to convey that that we believe alot of different things, and that maybe its time to sit down andreally see how compatible we really are, not just how good we can hang out while smoking weed or having sex..

hmm. Being single seriously sounds really awesome right now, for every reason except I know once i dont have her im going to want to have sex with her soooooo bad.

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