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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: fazdazzle]
#14389218 - 05/02/11 03:22 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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i guess you could look at it you learned that what you did was mistake, and you need to try harder to be aware when your about to do it again.
or maybe you subconsciously expect yourself to make those mistakes, so it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy and you just need confidence.
obviously i can't say what could be the reason, but the past only as exists as much as you focus on it, so why not instead let it go and look ahead?
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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nice1
Not the droid your looking for



Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 10,449
Loc: earth
Last seen: 11 years, 28 days
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: fazdazzle]
#14389251 - 05/02/11 03:26 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm a drug addict. I hide my real troubles by getting high all day on anything possible.
I am ashamed and abandoned by my own father.
I'm manicly depressed. One minute extremely happy the next I'm ready to off myself.
I have no direction in life at all.
I have never had a proper long term relationship.
I'm scared of commitment.
All the women I once knew are now married with children.
I'm a loner.
The truth is I'm so messed up I wouldn't know where to start even fixing myself which is why I'm so tempted to just give in.
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: nice1]
#14389363 - 05/02/11 03:42 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm a drug addict. I hide my real troubles by getting high all day on anything possible.
see a psychologist and deal with your real troubles then you won't have to rely on drugs.
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I am ashamed and abandoned by my own father...I have never had a proper long term relationship...I'm scared of commitment.
maybe these three are related. if were you abandoned at a young age maybe maybe you fear commitment so you can't get hurt and rejected, kind of like the movie good will hunting. that sucks your father did that to you, but in a relationship with a girl sense, everyone gets rejected, doesn't mean you always will be.
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I'm manicly depressed. One minute extremely happy the next I'm ready to off myself.
maybe your bi-polar and should get checked out?
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I have no direction in life at all.
nobody automatically has direction in life, you make and give yourself a direction and then pursue it.
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All the women I once knew are now married with children.
maybe a lot do, but certainty not all, you just have to keep looking.
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I'm a loner.
then don't be and face your fears. "Your mind is everything, what you think you become."-The Buddha
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The truth is I'm so messed up I wouldn't know where to start even fixing myself which is why I'm so tempted to just give in.
so then look at why your messed up and then fix yourself, and there may be problems but if you try look at yourself objectively, are you really as messed up as you say you are. you don't have to answer just sometimes we believe what we think too easily.
http://www.evolver.net/user/linaluv/blog/you_are_not_your_thoughts
not to downplay your problems, but if people have had problems just as bad as you and have gotten over it, you can too. it just takes time and effort.
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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nice1
Not the droid your looking for



Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 10,449
Loc: earth
Last seen: 11 years, 28 days
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: bigmike7104]
#14389566 - 05/02/11 04:15 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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My other whole issue is I spent my teenage years being abused by my neighbour. Eventually I was too scared to go out. I developed fear of leaving during the day and only went out at night when I could not be seen. I only ever walked back alleys and stayed off the main road in case this guy was out and spotted me.
I still follow the exact behavioural patterns today. I usually only go out at night and I never walk the main streets.
I spent most of my life directing my hate at my abuser and have sat here plotting to kill him although I know it will only make things worse for me. 
I'm only typing this now because theres enough drugs inside me to just tell everyone my weaknesses. Generally I can't let it out because people just use this shit against you. They tell everyone at laugh at how fucked up you are.
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: nice1]
#14389810 - 05/02/11 04:51 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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if anyone laughs at you for that, then their the ones that are fucked up pieces of shit. i could see why you wouldn't want to tell people though, that's a private matter i wouldn't want many people knowing too.
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I still follow the exact behavioural patterns today. I usually only go out at night and I never walk the main streets.
that's probably because what you went through is probably still affecting you subconsciously. see a psychologist and get some therapy it's their job to help you, and it's much better than dealing with it on your own.
good luck and hope you get better
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: nice1]
#14390136 - 05/02/11 05:48 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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nice1 said: My other whole issue is I spent my teenage years being abused by my neighbour. Eventually I was too scared to go out. I developed fear of leaving during the day and only went out at night when I could not be seen. I only ever walked back alleys and stayed off the main road in case this guy was out and spotted me.
I still follow the exact behavioural patterns today. I usually only go out at night and I never walk the main streets.
I spent most of my life directing my hate at my abuser and have sat here plotting to kill him although I know it will only make things worse for me. 
I'm only typing this now because theres enough drugs inside me to just tell everyone my weaknesses. Generally I can't let it out because people just use this shit against you. They tell everyone at laugh at how fucked up you are.
The past is the past man. You cant change it, you can only deal with it in a positive or negative way. Life is like that, there are people out there who wrong you. The thing you have to train yourself to do is love them anyways, because theyre stupid human beings who didnt know any better.
But first you must love yourself, regardless of anything and everything. You will accomplish very little until you love yourself unconditionally. From there its a matter of using that inner love as fuel that drives you away from your negative behaviors (i.e., negative self image, drug abuse, isolation, feeling like the world and those in it are out to get you).
You can change any behavior in your life, just like you can decide to hold your breath for 30 seconds if you so choose. Love yourself through meditation, then reflect on what you want to change in your life, and make those changes. Sounds easy, and it is, once youre working from the inside out.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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nice1
Not the droid your looking for



Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 10,449
Loc: earth
Last seen: 11 years, 28 days
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: ManianFH]
#14392843 - 05/03/11 03:48 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Thank you everyone.
I'm gonna try to be the change I want to see.
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: nice1]
#14393661 - 05/03/11 09:57 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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that's a good start
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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fazdazzle
Wanderer


Registered: 02/17/05
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Last seen: 11 years, 28 days
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: ManianFH]
#14393894 - 05/03/11 11:11 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I've been trying to understand exactly what is meant by loving one's self....how do you understand it, mick? or anyone else?
The best I've come with is accepting myself, which I still don't do fully, yet I feel like there's more to it than just that. I read recently a line that described someone who doesn't love themselves which helped to clear this up a little bit. The author said that people who don't love themselves will let themselves be insulted, brought down, degraded, etc. I'm heavily paraphrasing and there was more than that, but I thought it was a good start to understand fully how to love myself.
And really, how do you accept yourself? How can you *actively* accept something that you dislike about yourself? is it enough say "I constantly procrastinate and that's OK"? If it was this easy I think more people would be loving and accepting themselves, which is clearly not the case.
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egodeathflux
Guttersnipe



Registered: 02/02/10
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: fazdazzle]
#14394001 - 05/03/11 11:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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My views on life and growing older (key word there: older).
Time is relative and is a human construct essentially. If you didn't have birthdays or a number attached to your
age I think you may find more freedom to move on in life. You are as old as you feel. There are thousands of
people 80+ who could whoop most of our asses in most sporting endeavours. Muscles atrophy with lack of use,
nothing more. The hair loss can be sorted in any number of ingenious ways, look at Donald Trump, bet he stil
enjoys his life. (not that he should, moron as he is).
I'm in my 30's, I've used hard drugs, alcohol (a hard drug in the wrong amounts) and pot daily for 15+ years. I
know the feeling that nothing will ever change or have a point. Then something happens like my best friend
drowning, and I feel lucky to be alive still, even if I have to endure a burden of more pain and questions.
Life ain't easy, death is the easy part, avoiding it is the difficult bit. 
**BTW I just managed nearly 3 weeks without a joint, something I seriously considered impossible for years.
There's always hope, I refer to you Pandora's Box.
-------------------- "Atrophic interludes weave through my life far too often, for me to fight the biggest enemies" "Standing on the corner of 5th and Vermouth"
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livelovelaugh
Stranger



Registered: 06/21/10
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does anyone ever feel that the older they get, the faster time goes by? i dun lyk it
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Quote:
I've been trying to understand exactly what is meant by loving one's self....how do you understand it, mick? or anyone else?
i think it's about self esteem. not only accepting the way you are, but looking at yourself as a valuable person that is worth something and has talents. of course that can go to far(narcissism) which is just as unhealthy, so it's all about balance.
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does anyone ever feel that the older they get, the faster time goes by? i dun lyk it
i think everyone feels that way, especially compared to when we were young kids. i think it's because as things get more familiar we don't really pay attention to it and start spend more getting lost in our thoughts.
here's an interesting study about that
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People’s minds wandered about 46.9 percent of the time, and no less than 30 percent of the time during every activity except sex, according to a study in the journal Science.
http://www.nola.com/health/index.ssf/2010/11/people_daydream_almost_half_th.html
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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nice1
Not the droid your looking for



Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 10,449
Loc: earth
Last seen: 11 years, 28 days
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Quote:
egodeathflux said: The hair loss can be sorted in any number of ingenious ways, look at Donald Trump,
Please enlighten me, lol.
I hate going bold, even my friends constantly take the piss. I shouldn't let it get to me but it does ya know
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,748
Last seen: 5 hours, 18 minutes
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: nice1]
#14400465 - 05/04/11 03:12 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I actually really like being bald. i would choose it over hair.
this is life man, genetics, roll with it. stop worrying about this shit. learn to laugh about it.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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nice1
Not the droid your looking for



Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 10,449
Loc: earth
Last seen: 11 years, 28 days
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: ManianFH]
#14400886 - 05/04/11 04:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I used to like it until this woman complained about it. She basically said I only looked good with hair. I know its just her opinion but it made me real self conscious.
I should just laugh. Some women love bold heads. I dunno gotta stop being paranoid
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ManianFH
living in perverty


Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,748
Last seen: 5 hours, 18 minutes
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Re: Getting old makes me sad [Re: nice1]
#14401365 - 05/04/11 06:43 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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yes you should 
you could be the best looking, most capable man in the world, and there will still be a 2:1 ratio of women who will tell you youre not good enough in one way or another.
I, ... I just.... i just feel like you could be trying... harder to pleeeeaese me
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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