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mishiskit
Mr. Mushy


Registered: 04/12/11
Posts: 93
Loc: by the great lakes
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14388072 - 05/02/11 11:30 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Don't kill yourself, that is never the answer. Sounds to me you are getting down on your self for the way other people are. If someone doesn't want the package of knowing you our being there for you thats their fault. You are an individual instead of looking at the bad look agar you have good.There are so many people I'm sure would love to know you after all you are not the only one that feels like this.I'm not on here that much due to work but if you want pm me if I'm on and I'd be glad to get to know you.
-------------------- every thing from this name is completely fictional and shouldn't be taken literally pictures and accounts are untrue and borrowed from numerous resources
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Shroomy Dan
Experienced NOOB


Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 33
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: mishiskit]
#14404303 - 05/05/11 09:06 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Start a quest. With a theme like.."Nothing is more important than that I feel good!" "No matter where I'm going, no matter what I'm doing or who Im doing it with it is my dominant intent to look for things that I want to see or that feel good."
Become focused, alert. Listen to what your mind chatter is saying. Get it out on paper. When you think a thought that doesn't feel good shift it,pivot it, change it to one that feels at least a tiny bit better than the one that was there a moment ago.
Try to wrap your mental abilities around the idea that what we call the past, and what we call the future are not places per say. They are all happening NOW. Because there is only HERE, there is only NOW. Everything exists NOW in simultaineously co-existing parallel realities. And yes you are connected to all of those other versions of yourself. You are an interlaced web of consciousness across the matrix of existence.
So,decide today to use your connections to access a future you, an idealized version of you. Use your imagination and start a dialogue with that you. What is he doing?Where does he live? How is he feeling? Does he have any guidance for you. Create a crystal clear picture of that you in that idealized life. You can shift to that reality. Begin to behave like that you would behave in any given scenario. Visualize looking into a mirror, see that smiling happy future version of you and create a stabbing light, a laser like light bursting from your solar plexis and connecting squarely and firmly with the other you. See those realities vibrating more and more in harmony, like giant tuning fork mirrors. Remember it is all happening NOW. That future you exists already in another parallel reality. Know you are connected. Everything is.
Have you learned all that you needed to learn from your past experiences? Does it serve you to keep recalling the past and talking about the past and using the past as an excuse for who you are now? The past has NO BEARING WHAT SO EVER on what you choose to be NOW. The YOU you are NOW is a complete and totally new person than the one that was there a moment ago. Be who you prefer to be, feel how you prefer to feel no matter what is going on around you. Eventually reality will reshape itself in such a manner as to completely support the state of being you chose. State of being determines circumstances. Circumstance do not determine state of being. You don't need an external conditional reason to be happy. Just be happy. It is a choice. BE happy simply because that is what you prefer and physical reality will reflect that happiness back to you.
I was depressed for many years and I do understand that telling you to just be happy may sound pretentious and may not be possible for you at this moment. But the next moment..who knows. The core cause of depression is actually self devaluation. "I'm not worthy." So get in touch with beliefs you hold that would make you feel unworthy. Ask yourself the simple question.."What would I have to believe in order to feel this way?" Once you discover the belief you can change it to one that serves you. Rather than keep buying into beliefs that you stole from other people and that don't work for you at all. I'm sorry I've droned on way too long.
Unconditionally love yourself, even if there are parts you don't like you can still love them for what lessons they bring to you.
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Anthony917
why dont we do it in the road



Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 3,243
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Hollowed]
#14405701 - 05/05/11 02:54 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hollowed said:
Quote:
bigmike7104 said:
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I feel like my life isn't ever going to amount to anything
that's just irrational thinking probably caused by your past trauma. it's pretty screwed up your mom left you for contemplating suicide, that doesn't make you a bad person. what you went through is a lot to deal with and would be a lot to handle for anyone, no matter how strong that person is. so it's not a surprise that your feeling the way you do, but it doesn't mean you can't get over it and live a good life. but you can only do that if you let go of the past and stop beating yourself down.
at the very least go into some therapy for a while, it can really help. also lot of people that suffer from abuse as a young child suffer from PTSD. not saying you have it for sure but it's possible and it's a treatable condition, but you have to at least attempt to get help.
also have you ever tripped before? i'm curious if you did and if it helped at all.
Been smoking pot since I was 12 did shrooms twice. Smoking pot doesn't help anymore and I don't want to self medicate and become like my brother.
Also; if I were to get through all the shit and lead a "normal life" would it really be worth it? I mean all the shit I've gone through... how does a normal life make up for it?
OK OP you have two options. Kill yourself, or keep living.
You only get one life, and even though circumstances might be pretty rough, why should they define & ruin your life? What do you want from life? Do you want to get married? Have kids? Do you have any goals? Graduate from college? Have a great career? There are a lot of things in this life that are satisfying and rewarding. IMO you should use your past as a catalyst for good. Only you have the power to reverse this type of thinking.
Don't let other people and their actions define YOU. Life sucks, it sucks for all of us sometimes, but that's why we struggle through it so we can appreciate the good times. 
Keep your head up man
-------------------- Prisoner#1 said: I got my ass kicked by a 9yo when I was 17 Trippin? Click Me
What is life? I'm tired of life...
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anthony917]
#14443881 - 05/13/11 05:29 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Been doing the meditation and other things that are supposed to help that everyone has suggested. But it's not helping. Everyday is still a struggle not to put the clip in my gun.
I need help. I can't afford professional help.
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Greenvalley
PRS



Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 2,033
Loc: Why not?
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14445088 - 05/13/11 11:36 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Im so glad that you are making an effort dont get discouraged it takes time to heal and to grow into something great and better. Keep at it and remember you always have a support group here at the shroomery free of charge.
Is there any specific kind of advice you are looking for at the moment that some one here may be able to help you with?
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Greenvalley]
#14446002 - 05/13/11 03:08 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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yea it takes time to change, so keep it up(especially meditating daily) and don't let yourself get discouraged.
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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zorbman
blarrr


Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 5,952
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14447734 - 05/13/11 08:31 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Been doing the meditation and other things that are supposed to help that everyone has suggested. But it's not helping. Everyday is still a struggle not to put the clip in my gun.
I need help. I can't afford professional help.
Re-read everything you've read here again.
Again and again.
You've gotten some good advice here already. No one is gonna wave a magic wand and make things better, my friend. I would like to hear what you find wrong or right with what has been given already. Just to know that you've at least read it, if not absorbed it.
This is a hard world we live in.
Show us some fight!
Show it to yourself.
-------------------- “The crisis takes a much longer time coming than you think, and then it happens much faster than you would have thought.” -- Rudiger Dornbusch
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Hollowed
Stranger

Registered: 04/29/11
Posts: 13
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: zorbman]
#14447924 - 05/13/11 08:59 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Some of you (in essence) have told me just to suck it up. Some of you have told me to do the things that make me happy. Some tell me to meditate and to try to figure out what I am, and what I am not. (the whole "you are not your thoughts" bit). others suggest that I just look ahead. That I forget the past; put it behind me. Some suggest that I look at now, and enjoy now, and live for now. Some suggest that I attempt to find worth in myself. Some suggest that I keep living, so that I will be "stronger" "more mature". Some suggest I should self medicate. Some suggest professional help.
I have tried all of these things, excluding the therapy. But that's because I'm a jobless teen and don't have any real support, other than a friend letting me stay in their extra bedroom.
I have meditated. I have actually done some form of meditation since I was 15, because I couldn't sleep. I have insomnia. Not nearly as bad as when I was 15. But I find the only way to get to sleep is to dope myself up or meditate into sleep.
I have tried getting support from others, but I don't have many close friends, and the one person I do feel like I can talk to about this, isn't much better off than I am.
I have tried finding value in myself. There is nothing I like about me, unless I'm sedated, and even that is starting to fade.
I have tried to just forget why I'm depressed and live in now. But my thoughts are dictated by past experience, so I can never escape who I am. I can live in now. But now is me, and I hate me. I hate that I'm depressed, I hate my feelings, I hate my actions, I hate my failures, and I hate my success.
I have tried to think about how much stronger I will be if I ever come out of this. Why would I give a shit. If I'm stronger, then more shit will be thrown at me and when I crack people will criticize me for cracking. They will be mad that me. They will claim I'm supposed to be ore durable. There would be no reason for me to succumb, for I am supposed to be "stronger" "more mature".
I have tried doing the things that make me happy, but it's extremely temporary. What will make me happy for a moment, will eventually fade and be replaced by by thoughts and my depression again.
It's all bullshit.
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zorbman
blarrr


Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 5,952
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Hollowed]
#14448137 - 05/13/11 09:33 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Okay good. Now we have more to work with. You stepped up to the challenge and showed some energy. If you're wanting to off yourself, my friend, I've got some bad news for you: You're not done yet! You wouldn't have poured that much energy into your response unless you had some fight in you.
Clearly you do.
Also, please allow me to note your username: Hollowed. I like it and I don't like it. I like it because of the creativity. It's like the opposite of "Hallowed". You took something holy and made it profane. But you can flip that, too! Only an empty vessel can be filled. I'm not talking religion btw.
You cannot live without energy. Your battery has gotten dangerously close to zero. There are ways to refill that sucker. It all comes down to your will. You talked about living a movie earlier. How do you want that movie to end? No matter what your life has been until now, that choice is yours. Make the right choice.
You just need a step by step plan. (You need a script). How do you want this thing to go?
Hint: Since you're the director, make yourself look damn good by the end.
-------------------- “The crisis takes a much longer time coming than you think, and then it happens much faster than you would have thought.” -- Rudiger Dornbusch
Edited by zorbman (05/13/11 09:45 PM)
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: zorbman]
#14450441 - 05/14/11 10:32 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
I have tried all of these things
it's not going to work right away, but keep it up and things will get easier. also if you were truly living in the now, you wouldn't be so focused on things like
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But now is me, and I hate me. I hate that I'm depressed, I hate my feelings, I hate my actions, I hate my failures, and I hate my success.
sure the now is you, but the thought about you hating yourself is just another thought that your believing too much.
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But my thoughts are dictated by past experience, so I can never escape who I am
doesn't mean you have to react to those thoughts, just let them go away on it's own. and instead of trying to escape yourself, embrace and accept yourself.
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I have tried finding value in myself. There is nothing I like about me
if the most coolest, successful person in the world spent a lot of time everyday focusing on how much they hate themselves, they wouldn't feel they have any value either.
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What will make me happy for a moment, will eventually fade and be replaced by by thoughts and my depression again.
instead of worrying about being happy, focus on not wallowing in your depression and feeding the thoughts that fuel it
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14460503 - 05/16/11 02:37 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm in a very similar situation. I'm 30 now and still having nightmares from my childhood.
I'm stuck in the same behaviour of never wanting to leave my house accept at night when I can't be seen.
I'm waking up everyday wanting to kill myself. Manicly depressed. The doctors are fucking useless they just give you pharmecuticals that make you even more unstable when what I really need is someone to talk to.
I just don't think I can hang on here much more. I coped with this shit my whole life and its not getting any better. Even worse thing is I feel trapped because I can't suicide because it will ruin my families lives as well then... so I'm just trapped in this fucking loop when all I want is to end it.
Success hasn't helped either. Even when I was in full time job and making loads of money it did nothing to help my mental state.
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14463488 - 05/16/11 05:49 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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have you tried therapy instead of seeing a psychiatrist?
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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Anthony917
why dont we do it in the road



Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 3,243
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: bigmike7104]
#14464911 - 05/16/11 09:30 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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yeah man, what is making you so depressed? What would you want out of life that you don't already have that would make you happy? I mean, don't you have goals? Get married, start a family, raise kids? There are so many amazing experiences that life has to offer, if you die you'll never get to experience....any of it. Personally I want to have a family some day...I want to have a good career, and see the world.
What do you like doing? Have any hobbies? I just....I think suicide is so tragic because life is so amazing. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I have hope for you guys, don't kill yourselves
-------------------- Prisoner#1 said: I got my ass kicked by a 9yo when I was 17 Trippin? Click Me
What is life? I'm tired of life...
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: bigmike7104]
#14465923 - 05/17/11 01:15 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
bigmike7104 said: have you tried therapy instead of seeing a psychiatrist?
No, you are right though. I think me and the original poster need therapy.
I'm just too scared to go through everything with someone else. I don't know if I can go through all the emotion again over and over. I've tried telling friends bits of it at times and they were so bad at being understanding.
My main problem is that I think about my bad experiences from childhood everyday. I wake have nightmares. It effects my day time behaviour. Its constantly there. I don't think its ever going to go away because these experiences are a part of me. They changed me as a child forever.
I can't run away from myself but I don't want to live like this either.
Its unfortunate but part of the whole problem for people like us is that we don't want to trust anyone else enough to tell them everything or let them in on our emotions because when your own family shuns you or were the perpetrators of the trauma you just shut that part of you down and exist in your own world where you don't let anybody else in. If you can't trust your own family then you lose the ability to trust anyone not to hurt you when your guard is down.
Edited by Anonymous (05/17/11 01:25 AM)
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Hollowed
Stranger

Registered: 04/29/11
Posts: 13
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14466067 - 05/17/11 02:08 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Anonymous said: If you can't trust your own family then you lose the ability to trust anyone not to hurt you when your guard is down.
Exactly. Why would we want to attempt to trust anyone else? My own mother turned on me in such a vile manner when I was trying to seek help. How could I possibly trust anyone else?
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Anthony917
why dont we do it in the road



Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 3,243
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Hollowed]
#14467014 - 05/17/11 09:11 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hollowed said:
Anonymous said: If you can't trust your own family then you lose the ability to trust anyone not to hurt you when your guard is down.
Exactly. Why would we want to attempt to trust anyone else? My own mother turned on me in such a vile manner when I was trying to seek help. How could I possibly trust anyone else?
well because not everyone is a douche
-------------------- Prisoner#1 said: I got my ass kicked by a 9yo when I was 17 Trippin? Click Me
What is life? I'm tired of life...
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: Trying to decide if it's the only way out. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14468240 - 05/17/11 02:38 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
bigmike7104 said: have you tried therapy instead of seeing a psychiatrist?
No, you are right though. I think me and the original poster need therapy.
I'm just too scared to go through everything with someone else. I don't know if I can go through all the emotion again over and over. I've tried telling friends bits of it at times and they were so bad at being understanding.
My main problem is that I think about my bad experiences from childhood everyday. I wake have nightmares. It effects my day time behaviour. Its constantly there. I don't think its ever going to go away because these experiences are a part of me. They changed me as a child forever.
I can't run away from myself but I don't want to live like this either.
Its unfortunate but part of the whole problem for people like us is that we don't want to trust anyone else enough to tell them everything or let them in on our emotions because when your own family shuns you or were the perpetrators of the trauma you just shut that part of you down and exist in your own world where you don't let anybody else in. If you can't trust your own family then you lose the ability to trust anyone not to hurt you when your guard is down.
Yea of course the experience happened, but that doesn't mean it has to affect you forever. The only reason it is still affecting you the way it is because it's happening in your subconscious. And you say your afraid to go through all that emotion over and over again, but what if that's what it takes to get over what's affecting you, wouldn't that be worth it? Also fearing those emotions is what is giving it power over you and affecting you. As for your friends, they probably don't know how to help you which is why you should see a professional whose job is to help people with problems such as yours.
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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