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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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off my chest
#14370590 - 04/29/11 12:17 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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there is a black cloud looming over my relationship. we have some issues that need sorting out. throughout my life i've prided myself on my problem solving abilities but i'm failing this time. when i try to talk through our issues it's like i drive us further apart. she gets aggravated and i feel like i'm nagging her or something. then she calms down as soon as the subject changes to something less heavy.
but all the while this dread looms on. this needs to be talked about. i feel like i'm doing something wrong by not saying anything. i feel keeping it in is driving me from her. i just don't see her in the same way in light of these feelings. its feels bad man through and through. thanks for reading.
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Eminence



Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Re: off my chest [Re: dummy]
#14370681 - 04/29/11 12:33 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Women can be hard to deal with sometimes. Instead of jumping straight into the situation you want to talk to her about, try first explaining to her how important it is to you that you get it off your chest and resolve the problem and that it constantly bothers you the more it goes unresolved.
It seems people tend to think more deeply about things when they're the ones in trouble, and the other person mainly has to deal with the stress of hearing the other person's thoughts on the subject.
So, just tell her how important the talk is, before you actually get into the talk. Put emphasis on its importance..Assuming you haven't already done this.
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Edited by Eminence (04/29/11 12:41 AM)
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: off my chest [Re: Eminence]
#14370688 - 04/29/11 12:36 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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thats a good idea thanks for the advice.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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Eminence



Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Re: off my chest [Re: dummy]
#14370714 - 04/29/11 12:42 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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No problem
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: off my chest [Re: Eminence]
#14371280 - 04/29/11 05:39 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Open questions, dude, lots of open questions.
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: off my chest [Re: koraks]
#14372278 - 04/29/11 11:54 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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what do you mean by open questions? i just feel like whenever i bring it up her facial expression changes and looks like i'm slaughtering her or something and her voice reflects this too. i hate doing it because i don't want to hurt her. i hate not doing it because its really killing me. what do you mean by open questions?
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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Eminence



Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Re: off my chest [Re: dummy]
#14372305 - 04/29/11 12:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Well obviously it's about something she's done right?
Why should you live with what she did when it's her responsibility to own up to it and explain herself?
You're the one enduring what she did, so you gotta push through it and "hurt her" temporarily and settle it, then it will all be done with and then you can work on forgetting about it and then you'll both be fine.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs



Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: off my chest [Re: dummy]
#14372542 - 04/29/11 01:05 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said: what do you mean by open questions? i just feel like whenever i bring it up her facial expression changes and looks like i'm slaughtering her or something and her voice reflects this too. i hate doing it because i don't want to hurt her. i hate not doing it because its really killing me. what do you mean by open questions?
I think he means, for exmaple, instead of asking her "why did you do that?", trying something like "I was wondering what were the reasons that made you decide you should do that."
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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