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you know that nasty familiar darkness that always comes back to haunt you? like when you're trying to learn something or enjoy yourself, theres this voice that is just like "ok you had your fun, now your comin back to where you belong". Its this soul shattering cycle i've been stuck in for awhile now, but I finally feel like I'm stepping beyond it. and i cant help but surrender to this positive direction.
i feel like i should offer some advice, but i dont really know what to say... maybe that you have to really look at what issues you have, and dont bullshit yourself ever, dont get down about things that havent even happened yet.. dont try and fool yourself into being happy when your not, and realize that the best thing you can ever do is be honest with yourself, no matter how afraid you are of going somewhere inside yourself that you're unsure of.
in the words of chris cornell: get yourself afraid, get yourself alone, get yourself contained, get your self control...
I must agree. We all lie to ourselves..if you want to hear me rant about that look under Peds post in the Suport group forum. for me it was" I dont care what other people think"..followed by a sub-conscious/conscious I hope that made me sound cool
I dont know..I think when you truely face yourself..and I mean truely -dont be afraid, how can we pursue truth without facing our own deceptions?-( plus the thing maybe we should fear is self deception ) But ya, when you truely face yourself.. you see how fucked up and deceptive and worthless you are..but.. you also see and remeber how great..kind and loving you are. can you be blamed for your actions without that realization? Once you see it and can learn from it.. Its such a great feeling!
My personal favorite is the innocence.I feel like a child again..I can see how a mystery that haunted me for some time makes sense.."how can people so old still be just as idiotic and immature in there choices as me" I mean I saw that each year I grew and through my experiences gained wisdom~which automatically gave me respect for my elders..yet why people seemingly so wise and intelligent could .... It seems like the world is some giant pathetic playground-except people DIE from these actions
But it is so- just as I realized I am innoncent so is every other human. We never stop being children.
Ya I know that feeling..and it can seem very hard to not surrender but the "positive" is sooo much stronger..although it is hard to see it.. isnt it always so though If we hold fast to that force we feel..that love we see in each others eyes..the thing that is there yet we cant seem to express. I have no doubt we will not fail.
I understand exactly grav. i took me quite some time to realize that my head was just a pointless circle, as long as i was enjoying myself, thats all that should matter, read my energy raising technique. And if anyone has any other techniques, please share.
-------------------- " liken this life illusory, for your sand castle will one day be adrift amongst the wind "
Awesome. I think I am with you. I can honestly say that the last couple years have been a tremendous growth experience and a breaking of habits that served as obstacles to my growth. Honesty with yourself is absolutely critical, and I think shrooms are an awesome tool to make you painfully aware of what you have been denying.
I switch back and forth between different maxims or mantras to help in my growth. Right now, I am still getting a lot from Eckhart Tolle's "Be Here Now" and the idea of presence in the moment. I find one quote especially helpful: "Ask yourself: Is there joy, ease, and lightness in what I am doing? If there isn't, then time is covering up the present moment, and life is perceived as a burden or a struggle."
-------------------- Concepts which have been proved to be useful in ordering things easily acquire such an authority over us that we forget their human origins and accept them as invariable.- Albert Einstein
growth is infinitly continuous at every moment. there is not a time when you emerge from a new growth. its just when you tune in to recognize it happening constantly. growth can go in many directions, but all is interesting and meaningful (meaningless-same) in its own way. the growth of a homeless person as he lives his entire life on the streets, sounds terribly tragic, yet beautiful at the same time.