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Rompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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Post A Joke
#14353997 - 04/26/11 08:09 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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This is the pub after all so while we are kicking back and enjoying a beer lets hear a few jokes from all of you fellow patrons. heres a few to kick the thread off.
I was arrested three times last week for punching up the wife. the copper ask me "why do you keep beating her?" i replied " i'd say its probably because i have a significant weight advantage, longer reach and better footwork"
Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? about 20 to 30 kilos.
little johnny walked into his parents room 1 day to find his father putting on a condom getting ready to have sex with his wife. trying to hide his erection from johnny he bent over towards the floor. "What are you doing dad" said johnny. his father replied "a rat... just checking for a rat that ran under the bed" in which johnny replied "what are ya gonna do dad. fuck him?"
POST
-------------------- suck my cashews
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DeliciousVinyl



Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson] 1
#14354004 - 04/26/11 08:11 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra
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Rompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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Quote:
DeliciousVinyl said: Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra
haha. they must have known that dyslexic morman who went around spreading the word of dog.
-------------------- suck my cashews
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DeliciousVinyl



Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
#14354036 - 04/26/11 08:23 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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/thread
lol seriously dude...
where did you come from... Laughs R Us
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Doc_T
Random Dude




Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 42,395
Loc: Colorado
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Que dicho el azucar a la cuchara?
Nos vemos- por el cafe!
-------------------- You make it all possible. Doesn't it feel good?
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Rompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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Quote:
DeliciousVinyl said: /thread
lol seriously dude...
where did you come from... Laughs R Us
no i actually come from ya mums house and ya mum came from... well she just came. several times infact.
-------------------- suck my cashews
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,562
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 1 hour, 16 minutes
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: Doc_T]
#14354097 - 04/26/11 08:47 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Doc_T said: Que dicho el azucar a la cuchara?
Nos vemos- por el cafe!
jajajajaja!
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MadamLeMorte
Talented


Registered: 04/12/11
Posts: 111
Last seen: 10 years, 30 days
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: twighead]
#14354115 - 04/26/11 08:54 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Why didn't the cannibal eat the clown?
Because he tasted funny.
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DeliciousVinyl



Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
#14354146 - 04/26/11 09:11 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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my mom is ded
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mrckb
Bob Sacamano



Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 2,852
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Quote:
DeliciousVinyl said: Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra
you put the sex in dyslexic
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uber_aj
Goodbye Shroomery!


Registered: 11/13/05
Posts: 4,486
Loc: Much love to you all
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: mrckb]
#14354177 - 04/26/11 09:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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What's the downside to violently raping a 3 year old? There is none.
Why do women take longer than men to reach orgasm? Who cares?
How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house? Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
Why do black people have white hands? The paint rubs off the cop cars!
What do call a black guy who has a regular job, sleeps in the same bed every night, and doesn't rape white women? Inmate #3354990
What's 12 inches long, hard, and makes women scream in the night? A baby with SIDS
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gilesypopper
Psycho Jester



Registered: 03/30/07
Posts: 1,873
Loc: Dimenson D
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: uber_aj]
#14354219 - 04/26/11 09:37 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing - you've already told her twice.
...read that on /b/ earlier...
-------------------- Law breakers, law makers, let us fight them all, why not.
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DeliciousVinyl



Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: mrckb]
#14354222 - 04/26/11 09:38 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
mrckb said:
Quote:
DeliciousVinyl said: Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra
you put the sex in dyslexic 
he he he
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Rompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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theres a dude laying on the beach with no arms and no legs. 3 stunning looking girls are looking over at him, the first girl walks over and says " i feel so sorry for you having no arms and no legs. i bet you've never even been hugged before" the dude replies "no i havent" with that she bends down and gives him a hug. the second girl walks over to him and says "i feel sorry for your situation, i bet you have never even been kissed before" the man replies " no actually i havent" with that the girl bends down and gives him a kiss. the third girl walks over and says "aw you poor thing i bet youve never even been fucked before" with a bit of a grin on his face the man replies "no i havent" the girl then replies "well your fucked now, the tides coming in"
-------------------- suck my cashews
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ROFL_my_ WAFFLE


Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 3,984
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
#14354269 - 04/26/11 09:50 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A Jew with a coupon.
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w1llyw0nka
Prophet



Registered: 03/11/11
Posts: 55
Loc: Ethiopia
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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I left him dead in the living room. Get it? Dead.. in the living room.
-------------------- "If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it."
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Rompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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found out the other day that there is a substance in sausages called FUCK. i was cooking sausages and my dad came up to me and said "aw good on ya tom you burnt the FUCK out of the sausages"
cheers dad.
-------------------- suck my cashews
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 20 hours, 47 minutes
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Quote:
DeliciousVinyl said: Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra
Dyslexics are teople poo!
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Rompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: Patlal]
#14354312 - 04/26/11 10:03 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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i was walking home the other day when this black guy sitting on the corner of the street put his hat out and said to me " hey mate any change" i said "nah mate your still black"
-------------------- suck my cashews
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numonkei
Back! From thedigestive tractof dave theiguana!

Registered: 04/12/06
Posts: 2,500
Loc: A Tree
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
#14354341 - 04/26/11 10:12 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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A Jew, a nigger, and a spick walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

~Monk
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Best In The World
Respect The Pipebomb


Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 1,835
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: numonkei]
#14354391 - 04/26/11 10:25 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Why are all the black people fast nowadays?
Because all the slow ones got caught xP
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DeliciousVinyl



Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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what's a Jew's biggest dilemma??? free pork
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pouihi
Mary Jane Doe



Registered: 01/04/11
Posts: 2,384
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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The hard stool is going to rob a bank and then he finds the diarrhea, who asks: - Can I come along? and he answers: - No. This is just for though guys.
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"If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite."
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DeliciousVinyl



Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Post A Joke [Re: pouihi]
#14354477 - 04/26/11 10:50 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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shop for: toilet paper
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GrizzlyBear
Shaman



Registered: 11/20/10
Posts: 100
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
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Why can't Ray Charles read? -He's Black
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Normal Flora



Registered: 05/16/10
Posts: 882
Last seen: 8 days, 22 hours
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A pedophile and a little boy are walking through the woods. The little boy says, "Hey mister, I'm scared". The pedophile says, "You're scared?! I have to walk back alone."
A guy walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in saran wrap. The doctor says, "I can clearly see you're nuts!" <-- that one's better when you actually SAY it...ya know cause of the 'your' thing...
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Micawber
...............................



Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 2,644
Loc: southeast
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why do cowgirls walk bow-legged??
cause cowboys eat with there hats on
-------------------- (mik-kaw'-bur) n. one who is poor but lives in optimistic expectation of better fortune
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