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OfflineRompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Post A Joke
    #14353997 - 04/26/11 08:09 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

This is the pub after all so while we are kicking back and enjoying a beer lets hear a few jokes from all of you fellow patrons. heres a few to kick the thread off.

I was arrested three times last week for punching up the wife. the copper ask me "why do you keep beating her?" i replied " i'd say its probably because i have a significant weight advantage, longer reach and better footwork"

Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
about 20 to 30 kilos.

little johnny walked into his parents room 1 day to find his father putting on a condom getting ready to have sex with his wife. trying to hide his erection from johnny he bent over towards the floor. "What are you doing dad" said johnny. his father replied "a rat... just checking for a rat that ran under the bed" in which johnny replied "what are ya gonna do dad. fuck him?"

POST


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suck my cashews

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OfflineDeliciousVinyl
Male


Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson] * 1
    #14354004 - 04/26/11 08:11 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra

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OfflineRompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: DeliciousVinyl]
    #14354019 - 04/26/11 08:17 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

DeliciousVinyl said:
Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra




haha. they must have known that dyslexic morman who went around spreading the word of dog.


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suck my cashews

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OfflineDeliciousVinyl
Male


Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
    #14354036 - 04/26/11 08:23 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

/thread

lol seriously dude...

where did you come from... Laughs R Us

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InvisibleDoc_T
Random Dude
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 42,395
Loc: Colorado Flag
Re: Post A Joke [Re: DeliciousVinyl]
    #14354038 - 04/26/11 08:24 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Que dicho el azucar a la cuchara?

Nos vemos- por el cafe!


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You make it all possible. Doesn't it feel good?

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OfflineRompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: DeliciousVinyl]
    #14354058 - 04/26/11 08:34 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

DeliciousVinyl said:
/thread

lol seriously dude...

where did you come from... Laughs R Us




no i actually come from ya mums house and ya mum came from... well she just came. several times infact.


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Onlinetwighead
mͯó
I'm a teapot


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,834
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill Flag
Last seen: 7 minutes, 12 seconds
Re: Post A Joke [Re: Doc_T]
    #14354097 - 04/26/11 08:47 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Doc_T said:
Que dicho el azucar a la cuchara?

Nos vemos- por el cafe!



jajajajaja!


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¿Check out some art m8?


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OfflineMadamLeMorte
Talented
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/12/11
Posts: 111
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: twighead]
    #14354115 - 04/26/11 08:54 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Why didn't the cannibal eat the clown?







Because he tasted funny.

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OfflineDeliciousVinyl
Male


Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
    #14354146 - 04/26/11 09:11 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

my mom is ded
:sad:

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Invisiblemrckb
Bob Sacamano
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 2,852
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Flag
Re: Post A Joke [Re: DeliciousVinyl]
    #14354150 - 04/26/11 09:13 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

DeliciousVinyl said:
Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra




you put the sex in dyslexic :datass:

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Invisibleuber_aj
Goodbye Shroomery!
Male

Registered: 11/13/05
Posts: 4,486
Loc: Much love to you all
Re: Post A Joke [Re: mrckb]
    #14354177 - 04/26/11 09:24 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

What's the downside to violently raping a 3 year old?
There is none.

Why do women take longer than men to reach orgasm?
Who cares?

How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

Why do black people have white hands?
The paint rubs off the cop cars!

What do call a black guy who has a regular job, sleeps in the same bed every night, and doesn't rape white women?
Inmate #3354990

What's 12 inches long, hard, and makes women scream in the night?
A baby with SIDS

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Offlinegilesypopper
Psycho Jester
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/30/07
Posts: 1,873
Loc: Dimenson D
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: uber_aj]
    #14354219 - 04/26/11 09:37 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing - you've already told her twice.




...read that on /b/ earlier...


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Law breakers, law makers, let us fight them all, why not.

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OfflineDeliciousVinyl
Male


Registered: 07/07/09
Posts: 1,954
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: mrckb]
    #14354222 - 04/26/11 09:38 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

mrckb said:
Quote:

DeliciousVinyl said:
Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra




you put the sex in dyslexic :datass:



he he he
:feelsgoodman:

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OfflineRompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: DeliciousVinyl] * 1
    #14354258 - 04/26/11 09:48 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

theres a dude laying on the beach with no arms and no legs. 3 stunning looking girls are looking over at him, the first girl walks over and says " i feel so sorry for you having no arms and no legs. i bet you've never even been hugged before" the dude replies "no i havent" with that she bends down and gives him a hug. the second girl walks over to him and says "i feel sorry for your situation, i bet you have never even been kissed before" the man replies " no actually i havent" with that the girl bends down and gives him a kiss. the third girl walks over and says "aw you poor thing i bet youve never even been fucked before" with a bit of a grin on his face the man replies "no i havent" the girl then replies "well your fucked now, the tides coming in"


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OfflineROFL_my_ WAFFLE


Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 3,984
Loc: Florida Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
    #14354269 - 04/26/11 09:50 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

What's faster than a speeding bullet?

A Jew with a coupon.


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Offlinew1llyw0nka
Prophet
Male


Registered: 03/11/11
Posts: 55
Loc: Ethiopia
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: ROFL_my_ WAFFLE]
    #14354274 - 04/26/11 09:52 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I left him dead in the living room. Get it? Dead.. in the living room. 

:mrt:


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"If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it."

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OfflineRompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: w1llyw0nka]
    #14354289 - 04/26/11 09:57 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

found out the other day that there is a substance in sausages called FUCK. i was cooking sausages and my dad came up to me and said "aw good on ya tom you burnt the FUCK out of the sausages"

cheers dad.


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,818
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 5 hours, 34 minutes
Re: Post A Joke [Re: DeliciousVinyl]
    #14354294 - 04/26/11 09:58 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

DeliciousVinyl said:
Two dyslexic buys walk into a bra




Dyslexics are teople poo!


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OfflineRompson
Awesome

Registered: 11/25/10
Posts: 84
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: Patlal]
    #14354312 - 04/26/11 10:03 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i was walking home the other day when this black guy sitting on the corner of the street put his hat out and said to me " hey mate any change" i said "nah mate your still black"


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Offlinenumonkei
Back! From thedigestive tractof dave theiguana!

Registered: 04/12/06
Posts: 2,500
Loc: A Tree
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Post A Joke [Re: Rompson]
    #14354341 - 04/26/11 10:12 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

A Jew, a nigger, and a spick walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

:facepalm:



~Monk

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