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Eshu
Sean.



Registered: 06/27/10
Posts: 2,139
Loc: USA
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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I guess I'm growing up...
#14344788 - 04/24/11 06:31 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Man, I'm nearing 20, and I'm scared shitless.
One day I'm going to have spread my wings and go out on my own, but I worry.
I'm not getting any better ( illness ) and when I'm alone, I get extremely paranoid, and hallucinate a lot better.
It's also becoming very real to me, that all my support groups ( My Mom, My grandmother ) will eventually die, and I'll be alone.
I fear of becoming homeless, and insane. I had such a good head on my shoulders, and had life all figured out ( pre-illness ) now it seems everything I thought would/could happen, is collapsing.
But I have to be strong, and figure shit out, no matter my irrational fears.
Thankfully I have a girl who loves me to death, and would do anything for me. So I'll have somebody for life ( I hope )
She hasn't given up on me, ever. And trust me.. I've put her through a lot of shit the past few years.
I'll have to get over my fears of life, and settle down. But damn.. it's like a pressure in my mind just thinking about all of it.
I'm sure this is normal -Going out on your own for the first time- fears.
I don't know man.

The good news is, I had a wonderful Easter, and an amazing Easter dinner.
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  ~^*>~.Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit.~^*>~
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Salomon
ಠ︵ಠ balance ಠ_ಠ weaver ಠ‿ಠ

Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 25,128
Loc: America, FUCK YEAH
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14344876 - 04/24/11 06:51 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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que sera sera
-------------------- EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT
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4runner


Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 15,406
Loc: State of Jefferson
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345000 - 04/24/11 07:18 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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I really have nothing to say about your situation. It is one that is so foreign to me and one I have no advice, useful thoughts, or even something that can somewhat be useful to you.
I have read many of your posts. I truly feel for you and your situation.
Just keep an open conversation with your love one and always let her know about anything that is going on, good or bad.
Glad you had a wonderful Easter.
May the sun always shine on you when needed and let the moon reflect the way when when you require it.
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Big Worm
Perf



Registered: 04/20/09
Posts: 7,642
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: 4runner]
#14345012 - 04/24/11 07:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Salomon
you're sig
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Cherk
Fashionable



Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345025 - 04/24/11 07:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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you just need to lay off the drugs and psychotic avatars
quit hitting yourself and get a job
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
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electricfeel
wild wallflower


Registered: 05/19/10
Posts: 554
Loc: sinking into the center
Last seen: 8 months, 17 days
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Cherk]
#14345036 - 04/24/11 07:26 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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i'm 19 and going through the same thing.
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Shroomism
Space Travellin



Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345047 - 04/24/11 07:29 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Stop letting them tell you that you're crazy for one and stop believing them. Everyone is fucked in the head. We are in control of our own reality. Don't let irrational fears cloud your judgement. Live in love!
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Cherk
Fashionable



Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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"you have to fight the pussy inside to become more insane" - cherokee
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
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gerryjarcia
biophiliac



Registered: 05/29/10
Posts: 1,889
Loc: the woods
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345057 - 04/24/11 07:31 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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i don't know your situation, but i can empathize with some of your fears. find good people (in real life) and stick close to them, lean on them for support (as it sounds like you are already doing).
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"We are all intoxicated. We were born into an insane asylum, a world crazy-making. We believe what we see and hear. The real myth is the myth of sanity, of rationality: it's a disease that is eating away at the earth. All the poisons flow from our denial. We deny madness, we forget our crimes, we dismember the corpse, we imprison our children. We need poison to poison the poison, to remember the sacred nature of intoxication, the green body of the young god." ~ Dale Pendell
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Takura001
Stranger than strange



Registered: 01/29/11
Posts: 525
Loc: KS
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: gerryjarcia]
#14345121 - 04/24/11 07:46 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Life is scary man.
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vinsue
Grand Old Fart



Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345142 - 04/24/11 07:49 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Just wait 'till you're growing older.. .Quote:
Everyone is fucked in the head.
True that ... OP, don't worry, you'll be fine. Pretty soon, you'll be able to legally drink in my state ... . . .
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"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ... Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) . ...
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robbyberto
Water Boy


Registered: 05/11/06
Posts: 15,502
Loc: Netherlands
Last seen: 28 days, 22 hours
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345154 - 04/24/11 07:51 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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You should be getting stronger physically and mentally until your mid-twenties.
-------------------- “People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.” -Karl Pilkington
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unam sanctum



Registered: 04/20/11
Posts: 6,702
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: robbyberto]
#14345186 - 04/24/11 07:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Life can be a mother fucker dude just focus on the positive things and people that are around you.
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Cherk
Fashionable



Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345196 - 04/24/11 07:58 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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I used to want to be homeless; trust me when you want to be homeless your family will do everything they can to keep that from happening...when you don't want to - not so much
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
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mrckb
Bob Sacamano



Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 2,852
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Eshu]
#14345297 - 04/24/11 08:12 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Ugh man, depressing. Moving out will suckin some ways, but you can just move in with some mates . Im 19 and probs wont be living at home for much longer either.
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4HO-DMT


Registered: 01/11/11
Posts: 5,073
Loc: County Line Road
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: Cherk]
#14345300 - 04/24/11 08:13 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Don't fret it man. Tomorrow you'll wake up and be 35 and you'll say man, I wish I was 19 again, them were the days.
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StaleShrooms
human after all



Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 2,342
Loc: Detroit
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Re: I guess I'm growing up... [Re: mrckb]
#14345310 - 04/24/11 08:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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growing up is scary as shit.
bout to be 21 in a month. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE HOLY SHIT
hahahaha
-------------------- Kick is seeing things from a special angle. Kick is momentary freedom from the claims of the aging, cautious, nagging, frightened flesh. Maybe I will find in yage what I was looking for in junk and weed and coke. Yage may be the final fix. ~William S. Burroughs
Edited by StaleShrooms (04/24/11 08:16 PM)
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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*



Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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Get a job, write up a budget, find place, move in.
Its really that fuckin simple.
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Sprezzatura
Virtuoso


Registered: 10/01/09
Posts: 2,637
Loc: On the Atlantic Ocean
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
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Quote:
electricfeel said: i'm 19 and going through the same thing. 
I like 19 year old chicks... you can stay at my house if you end up on the streets.
I'm a huge pervert though, but I look like young Johnny Depp on the plus side.
-------------------- Spectaculorum procedere debet
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skatealex2
////////////////



Registered: 07/04/08
Posts: 18,699
Last seen: 4 months, 26 days
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Quote:
Bodhi of Ankou said: Get a job, write up a budget, find place, move in.
Its really that fuckin simple. 
HOw simple is finding a good job though? 
A few months after the summer im going to have my degree than gonna have to decide what to try to do for the time being, along with raking in the $$$$
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