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Hey- I dont expect you guys to respond to this. It's just a way of me getting some stuff out of my system to people with similar values, I guess. I started to grow mushrooms in september. I decided to grow them because I thought it would be a good way to get closer to the mushroom, the trip, ect. I would feel better eating something I put time, energy and love into rather than from a drug dealer which comes with its own set of stigma to begin with. Well, my single terrarium turned into 2 which eventually turned into 4. Everything kept increasing and it was all driven by this black freight train called money. I kept thinking I could pay my bills with ease, wouldn't need to work, could buy things I always wanted, ect. I fell into the trap and avoided taking my own stuff because I knew my subconcious, Self, what have you would knock me right on the head during the trip. There have been signs galore as well, namely Abbey Road. It wasn't until tonight, very stoned, that I gave it up. I destroyed everything except one mini-terrarium and three jars. ENough to take me back to the origianl decision of why to grow shrooms in the first place. I hope it works. I feel more in control than I did yesterday but still have this emptiness too me. I think it may be the pissed off ego. cheers