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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
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How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? 1
#14314569 - 04/18/11 10:57 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Thread dedicated to the intolerable purgatory that is "just friends." I literally throw up a little when I say it. If you are like me, you can't seem to break the friends barrier. Consistently throughout my life I become the good trusted friend; Mr. Nice Guy, Ol'Reliable, shoulder to cry on. When, what I really want is to be some type of relationship with her, be it sexual, bf/gf, long-term, or whatever.
The people here helped me. So feel free to post your questions, frustrations, experiences, or advice.
I need to get this sorted out in my head.
Okay, so Sarah and I hang out a bunch, we go to the bars, we grab lunch together, and go out on dinner dates, we work together. We generally have a good time together.
This has been going on for probably six months now. When I really started to notice she liked me, she would put her hands on my legs and just being really hands on. But whenever I tried reciprocating or making the moves she would tell me "thats not okay." We ended up kissing one night, but after that everything stopped. We still hung out, but the physical element had obviously cooled. Weird, I thought, until I found out she had a boyfriend all along.
Well, now the boyfreind is out of the picture, and I am turning things up a bit. We have been going on formal dates (nice restaurants, getting dressed up, etc) and have soft plans for PF Changs sometime later this week.
No kissing yet, but she told my friend that she likes me, trusts me, and was open to the idea of dating me. I got drunk and told her the other night that i liked her after our date. She just said "I know." and then we talked about the one time we kissed, but DIDN'T kiss again (WTF) and she never said that she liked me too or anything. kind of disappointing
She has been acting a little douchy lately though. She told me about how she made out with a guy at the bar on Thursday, ditched out on plans Saturday, and last night she was kind of holding hands with some guy she knew at the bar and left with him, right in front of me. But oh, she was sure to remind me of our PF Changs plans on her way out with him. Why would she do these things or tell me about them if she knows I like her and proclaims to others to like me?
Bottom line, I really like this girl, and it is driving me crazy that she is so casual with me. She is absolutely beautiful, and I just melt around her. I will do anything to be around her. I would literally do anything for her.
Thanks for reading. I know it is long. Please help me with your opinions about this up and down relationship with the understanding that I want to make this work with her. I am not looking to blow it up. I am not sure if I could do that anyway...
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Edited by fbi365 (04/20/11 03:27 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14314585 - 04/18/11 11:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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It's not something I would invest your feelings in too much.
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] 1
#14314596 - 04/18/11 11:02 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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shit test
I never heard of it until someone brought it up in another thread but apparently it's what girls really do. They treat you like shit to see what they can get away with and if you let them do that they deem you not worthy. At the same time if you blow up violently they deem you not worthy. They want to gauge your reaction.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: MisterMuscaria]
#14314612 - 04/18/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
MisterMuscaria said: shit test
Not sure I get it, I can't really stop her from doing anything if she wants to do it. What is the response to the shit test?
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] 1
#14314613 - 04/18/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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If I was interested in a guy, I wouldn't tell him about other exploits. Even if they might be there some. I wouldn't want him to become discouraged. I think if someone likes you, they want to foster good, romantic feelings. She might just see you as a friend.
I would try to distance yourself from her and see how that goes. Don't cut off contact completely, but don't take her out to dinner or treat her lavishly.
BUT If you really like spending time with her and looking at her beautiful person, then continue to hang around and see where it goes. Seems to me you are just a friend to her.
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ


Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] 2
#14314616 - 04/18/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
We have been going on formal dates (nice restaurants, getting dressed up, etc) and have soft plans for PF Changs sometime later this week.
free movies, food, and dates. sounds like youre a tool
Quote:
She told me about how she made out with a guy at the bar on Thursday, ditched out on plans Saturday, and last night she was kind of holding hands with some guy she knew at the bar and left with him, right in front of me.
getting under your skin. obvious she likes you for the attention
Quote:
I will do anything to be around her. I would literally do anything for her.
stop being whipped
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev] 3
#14314624 - 04/18/11 11:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Stop being whipped is how you pass the shit test.
Show you have your own personal drive, motivation and desires in life. Show you want to include her in your lifestyle, not have her be the center of it.
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ChellePepper
Stranger


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14314645 - 04/18/11 11:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I haven't heard of this shit test. I looked it up. Interesting. Seems to jive.
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14314650 - 04/18/11 11:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah girls seem not to like needy little boys who put them on a pedestal and come at them with this "you are my everything, I have to have you" energy. It's overwhelming. When girls come at me like that it freaks me out.
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reidzilla
Stranger

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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] 1
#14314651 - 04/18/11 11:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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She's just using you for attention. Put as much distance as you can between you and her. Especially if you work together. If She's telling you about how she's hanging out with other guys, that's her way of saying, she won't be doing that with you. Do yourself a HUGE favor; call the phone company and have her number blocked, (you can now block texts too) destroy any and all mementos you have of her (pictures, gifts, cards, all of it) and ignore her at work. The only way you can save your sanity is to end this toxic relationship as soon as you're done reading this very sentence. As long as you have friends that are women, you will not ever be able to have a real girlfriend. Be friends with the woman that you are already having sex with. Many women just can't get enough attention and they will get it ANY way they can. Don't let it get you down, you are not the only guy she's done this to, and you wont be the last.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev]
#14314697 - 04/18/11 11:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have two jobs and am getting a masters degree, she is nowhere near the center of my life. If fact we only spend time together maybe once a week sometimes twice, as little as once every two weeks. We text not regularly, but enough, she usually initiates text conversationQuote:
elliev said:
We have been going on formal dates (nice restaurants, getting dressed up, etc) and have soft plans for PF Changs sometime later this week.
free movies, food, and dates. sounds like youre a tool
Not sure how you hang out with somebody if you dont go somewhere and do something
I can try the distance thing, but we work together, so its hard...
I was actually going to just ask her strait up "You already know I like you, do you like me? Prob a bad idea?
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ


Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14314722 - 04/18/11 11:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said:
Not sure how you hang out with somebody if you dont go somewhere and do something
well if you're paying for all her shit youre a tool
going out somewhere and eating doesn't always count as a date btw
just sayin cause whenever i chilled with a guy, it'd piss me off when they were like "soooo is this a date?" because it was like... dude it's just hanging out and eating.
edit: i dont think its a bad idea to tell her how you feel about it. at most she'll probably fake freak out about not using you etc, or be cool and straight up tell you that she enjoys your company (aka attn and free foodz/dates) and tell ya that she doesnt feel the same way.
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Edited by elliev (04/18/11 11:26 PM)
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reidzilla
Stranger

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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14314779 - 04/18/11 11:34 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said:
I was actually going to just ask her strait up "You already know I like you, do you like me? Prob a bad idea?
BAD idea. End it now. You sound like you have really built this up in your mind but it's obvious to everyone else that has read your own words, she does not want anything to do with you in a normal relationship. If she's the kind of woman that has the capacity to treat a person like you, the way she has been, for this long, should be a major red flag! GET OUT NOW!
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev]
#14314819 - 04/18/11 11:40 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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tabs are generally split, but not always. I buy her things sometimes, but she also buys me things sometimes...
Yeah, I suppose we could just be going out to restaurants to "chill." Seems a little weird, but not too far out there...
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev]
#14314828 - 04/18/11 11:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Distance yourself. Distance...
Also do not let it affect you simply because it doesn't matter. Stop caring you know how she wants to play and you know what you need to do. Stand up for yourself. Period. Also grab yourself a back up.
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14314845 - 04/18/11 11:46 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: tabs are generally split, but not always. I buy her things sometimes, but she also buys me things sometimes...
Yeah, I suppose we could just be going out to restaurants to "chill." Seems a little weird, but not too far out there...
Even more to the point that you are probably this chicks friend. I've been the girl in the situation before. I enjoyed hanging out and spending time with him, but the chemistry wasn't there. I would tell him about my other dates or romantic interests because I treated him the way I would a friend. We'd go out to dinner, but I would insist on paying - something I don't do on a "date". If he bought me things, I would surprise him with something just to even out the efforts. Eventually, it just got to be too much. He said he was okay with just being friend - but he really wasn't.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14314869 - 04/18/11 11:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well this is all very bad news, not what I wanted to hear at all.
I wanted to stay positive about the whole situation...
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ChellePepper]
#14314876 - 04/18/11 11:51 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well this is all very bad news, not what I wanted to hear at all.
I wanted to stay positive about the whole situation...
Quote:
ChellePepper said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: tabs are generally split, but not always. I buy her things sometimes, but she also buys me things sometimes...
Yeah, I suppose we could just be going out to restaurants to "chill." Seems a little weird, but not too far out there...
Even more to the point that you are probably this chicks friend. I've been the girl in the situation before. I enjoyed hanging out and spending time with him, but the chemistry wasn't there. I would tell him about my other dates or romantic interests because I treated him the way I would a friend. We'd go out to dinner, but I would insist on paying - something I don't do on a "date". If he bought me things, I would surprise him with something just to even out the efforts. Eventually, it just got to be too much. He said he was okay with just being friend - but he really wasn't.
This sounds about right, unfortunately.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14314899 - 04/18/11 11:57 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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PS.. This "friends" situation has happened to me several other times It is a constant recurring theme in my life. I need to know how to break out of it. I just want to be a nice person, and I am honestly just being myself. I don't know how to, or really want to act any other way...
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14314907 - 04/18/11 11:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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O-O
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14315024 - 04/19/11 12:19 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'll be honest about the situation I was in. This was the most extreme.
The fellow wasn't ugly. In fact, he was exactly what I like in terms of looks. He was tall, had deep brown eyes and thick, brown hair. He had a good smile and was a kind person. In addition, he was really smart. I like fantasy and medieval literature, he took me to a renaissance fair. We swapped books and philosophies. I am a writer, he bought me a really nice leather-bound journal. He was considerate, thoughtful and fun to talk to. He was also incredibly pushy. He told me one night that I was exactly the sort of woman he wanted to marry. This was right before he asked if he could hold my hand. To which I recoiled and said I'd rather not. The thought of him touching me turned my stomach. I don't know what it was about him, but I knew I could never be intimate with him.
Sort of funny: He got into a battle of wits with the guy I was actually dating at the time. My guy lost spectacularly. I then stopped dating said guy because he was, in fact, a bit dense and treated me quite poorly. I had stayed with him because he had a huge cock, though. ANYWAY.
I guess from my previous experience, be aggressive, but not fawning.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ChellePepper] 1
#14315054 - 04/19/11 12:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChellePepper said: I'll be honest about the situation I was in. This was the most extreme.
The fellow wasn't ugly. In fact, he was exactly what I like in terms of looks. He was tall, had deep brown eyes and thick, brown hair. He had a good smile and was a kind person. In addition, he was really smart. I like fantasy and medieval literature, he took me to a renaissance fair. We swapped books and philosophies. I am a writer, he bought me a really nice leather-bound journal. He was considerate, thoughtful and fun to talk to. He was also incredibly pushy. He told me one night that I was exactly the sort of woman he wanted to marry. This was right before he asked if he could hold my hand. To which I recoiled and said I'd rather not. The thought of him touching me turned my stomach. I don't know what it was about him, but I knew I could never be intimate with him.
Sort of funny: He got into a battle of wits with the guy I was actually dating at the time. My guy lost spectacularly. I then stopped dating said guy because he was, in fact, a bit dense and treated me quite poorly. I had stayed with him because he had a huge cock, though. ANYWAY.
I guess from my previous experience, be aggressive, but not fawning.
So, slow and rude beats, smart and kind? Chicks really are crazy.
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ChellePepper
Stranger


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14315130 - 04/19/11 12:38 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said:
Quote:
ChellePepper said: I'll be honest about the situation I was in. This was the most extreme.
The fellow wasn't ugly. In fact, he was exactly what I like in terms of looks. He was tall, had deep brown eyes and thick, brown hair. He had a good smile and was a kind person. In addition, he was really smart. I like fantasy and medieval literature, he took me to a renaissance fair. We swapped books and philosophies. I am a writer, he bought me a really nice leather-bound journal. He was considerate, thoughtful and fun to talk to. He was also incredibly pushy. He told me one night that I was exactly the sort of woman he wanted to marry. This was right before he asked if he could hold my hand. To which I recoiled and said I'd rather not. The thought of him touching me turned my stomach. I don't know what it was about him, but I knew I could never be intimate with him.
Sort of funny: He got into a battle of wits with the guy I was actually dating at the time. My guy lost spectacularly. I then stopped dating said guy because he was, in fact, a bit dense and treated me quite poorly. I had stayed with him because he had a huge cock, though. ANYWAY.
I guess from my previous experience, be aggressive, but not fawning.
So, slow and rude beats, smart and kind? Chicks really are crazy.
Naw. The guy I was dating wasn't anything serious. It was just for sex and his beautiful cock. I didn't want anything serious with either of them. And it was easier to keep an emotional distance with "Guy".
The guy I am with now is sweet and kind. And while he may not be book smart and he doesn't like playing scrabble with me, we connect on other levels. Don't get me wrong, he isn't dumb. He is more mechanically inclined - i like watching him put his machines together. : ) Thing is, we just work. We balance each other out. That situation is a little different and doesn't apply here. We both fell head over heels for each other quickly. We couldn't fight it and didn't want to. There were no games, just an honest connection.
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14315162 - 04/19/11 12:44 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Indeed.
Aggressive, in other words grow a fucking backbone.
Also she's not crazy women don't like a man they can control or boss around.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14315186 - 04/19/11 12:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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There's women out there who love controlling and bossing around 
you don't want those women, OP.
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ChellePepper
Stranger


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14315187 - 04/19/11 12:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I really don't want you to think that the only way to get girls is to be a dick. That isn't it.
You seem like an honest, sweet guy. That is what women want. You just have to have a certain amount of swagger, too. Quote:
Fragment said: Indeed.
Aggressive, in other words grow a fucking backbone.
Also she's not crazy women don't like a man they can control or boss around.
This is also very true. The guy I am with is a MAN. I can't say that I haven't tried to push the limits - just to see. If I am being unreasonable or demanding, he is having NONE of it. However, when I am honestly hurting and concerned, he will take the time to listen and adjust whatever is bother me. It also takes a good man to know the difference and follow through.
Edited by ChellePepper (04/19/11 12:53 AM)
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shroomedalice
frog goten

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 150
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14315196 - 04/19/11 12:50 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I sugest taking a photo of her to the pro's and getting the closes looking girl you can.
it might take your mind off the problem at hand
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shroomedalice]
#14315253 - 04/19/11 01:03 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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@A1, Agreed/put them in their place.
@Chelle,1+
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14316194 - 04/19/11 09:08 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Id dial back the Mr Nice Guy and see how she reacts. Just act like you have WAY more important shit to do, see if she wants more of your attention after that.
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HipsterDoofus
older than dirt

Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 245
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14316227 - 04/19/11 09:17 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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You're safe. She's never going to be attracted to you.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shLong] 1
#14316288 - 04/19/11 09:38 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
shLong said: Id dial back the Mr Nice Guy and see how she reacts. Just act like you have WAY more important shit to do, see if she wants more of your attention after that.
I agree with dialing back the supplicating nice guy.
However, don't do it to get a response from her - it WILL get a response, but it's not a response that you should give any credibility for the most part. Reducing the level of "I want you to be my girlfriend" attention towards her will likely result in her trying to get that type of attention back, but NOT because she wants to be the girlfriend - only because she wants the ATTENTION.
This is not to say that all girls who hang out with guys are merely looking for attention. Sometimes we hang out with guys who we KNOW like us but they're too afraid to put moves on us, and really, we're waiting for them to do it. This doesn't sound like the case - you've tried to put moves on her and have been rejected, and yet she's touching you, etc, and you're letting happen. It's clear from that dynamic that you're more into her than she is into you.
TL;DR: Cut out the nice guy act, trying to get her to like you when clearly she doesn't "feel it", but don't do it so that you see how she reacts to your pulling away. That's manipulative and you'll just get a confusing result back anyway.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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Grok
Has Been a Bad Boy


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14316592 - 04/19/11 10:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I think the best thing to do in this instance is to either cut it off with her or play it cool and disinterested, depending on what your emotional disposition will allow. You're not the largest blip on her radar, hate to say. She will continue to treat you like dirt, because you allow and even encourage her to. Also I don't think it's usually a good idea to lay all your cards on the table in instances like this. A chick like this doesn't want what she knows she can have.
Keep your expectations low, otherwise you'll likely be disappointed.
-------------------- Entropy is increasing. To send me a PM, go to my journal
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Grok]
#14317058 - 04/19/11 12:16 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Okay I'm a girl, how do I beat the just friends situation?
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zgbzgb1
Stranger
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #2] 1
#14317073 - 04/19/11 12:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Stop being whipped.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Grok]
#14317110 - 04/19/11 12:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Okay, so I think I get the point. My friends seem to disagree, but they didn't have all the details you got here. Anyway, I thought I would change the subject of the tread to reflect what has become an incessant theme in my life:
"Were just friends."
I can think of three girls recently, more that I cannot remember now, where their idea of what friends do is a little different than mine and where I wanted more than just friends, but they didn't.
I am doing something to make them view me as a perfectly adequate friend, but not boyfriend material. I am not the greatest looking guy, but not ugly either. I am extremely introverted. Funny. Well educated. Not poor. I have a job. Seems to me that I should make a perfectly adequate boyfriend, but this is simply not the case.
What do you all think about the friend syndrome for good?
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14317130 - 04/19/11 12:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Okay I'm a girl, how do I beat the just friends situation?
If you are a girl you could beat the just friends situation by sleeping with him. Get drunk and make a few bad decisions together...
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 29
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14317168 - 04/19/11 12:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Okay I'm a girl, how do I beat the just friends situation?
Well, I've been in this situation more times than I care to count. I have no idea what to tell you. I am the type of girl who attracts boy friends. I am outdoorsy. I can hold my own in a conversation about sports - SEC college football, at least. I can drink, smoke and otherwise party with the best them. I'm not clingy or needy in my friendships, I just go with the flow. I love playing video games and can have detailed convos about every system from the Atari to the 360 - including the Segas.
I'm moderately attractive, slim but curvy with a "cute" face, I'm told. I am not a total tomboy - I love getting dressed up to go out with makeup, accessories. I get my toes/nail done. My hair is always neat.
There have been more than a couple of these boy friends that I developed a mad crush on. I though, WOW we are such great friends, we'd be perfect as a couple. However, by that time I was just "one of the guys." They'd probably have slept with me if we got drunk enough, but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted them to want me the way they wanted little Miss Muffet who sat on the river bank while I busted my ass trying to wakeboard. They didn't. We hung out a plenty and I would get invited to the outing Miss Muffet wouldn't, but I'd have rather been the girl they took out to diner instead of the sports bar.
At times, it was heart breaking. Especially watching them cuddle on the couch with their Miss Muffet. Now, I'm glad things stayed the way they did. I started dating a guy BEFORE I became friends with him and he love that I interested in some of the same things he is. But first, I was just a pretty, chatty girl to him.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: zgbzgb1]
#14317177 - 04/19/11 12:37 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Grok said: I think the best thing to do in this instance is to either cut it off with her or play it cool and disinterested, depending on what your emotional disposition will allow. You're not the largest blip on her radar, hate to say. She will continue to treat you like dirt, because you allow and even encourage her to. Also I don't think it's usually a good idea to lay all your cards on the table in instances like this. A chick like this doesn't want what she knows she can have.
Keep your expectations low, otherwise you'll likely be disappointed.
This makes sense. This is sound level headed advice. Thanks Grok and Chelle, and everyone else who did not suggest acting even more irrational than her.
Quote:
zgbzgb1 said: Stop being whipped.
Seriously? I will pistol whip the next guy that says 'stop being whipped' 
It just doesn't make sense!
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14317196 - 04/19/11 12:41 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (04/19/11 12:52 PM)
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ChellePepper]
#14317306 - 04/19/11 01:03 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChellePepper said:
Quote:
Anonymous said: Okay I'm a girl, how do I beat the just friends situation?
Well, I've been in this situation more times than I care to count. I have no idea what to tell you. I am the type of girl who attracts boy friends. I am outdoorsy. I can hold my own in a conversation about sports - SEC college football, at least. I can drink, smoke and otherwise party with the best them. I'm not clingy or needy in my friendships, I just go with the flow. I love playing video games and can have detailed convos about every system from the Atari to the 360 - including the Segas.
I'm moderately attractive, slim but curvy with a "cute" face, I'm told. I am not a total tomboy - I love getting dressed up to go out with makeup, accessories. I get my toes/nail done. My hair is always neat.
There have been more than a couple of these boy friends that I developed a mad crush on. I though, WOW we are such great friends, we'd be perfect as a couple. However, by that time I was just "one of the guys." They'd probably have slept with me if we got drunk enough, but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted them to want me the way they wanted little Miss Muffet who sat on the river bank while I busted my ass trying to wakeboard. They didn't. We hung out a plenty and I would get invited to the outing Miss Muffet wouldn't, but I'd have rather been the girl they took out to diner instead of the sports bar.
At times, it was heart breaking. Especially watching them cuddle on the couch with their Miss Muffet. Now, I'm glad things stayed the way they did. I started dating a guy BEFORE I became friends with him and he love that I interested in some of the same things he is. But first, I was just a pretty, chatty girl to him.
That sucks. I fear that I am 'one of the boys'. I'm not sure if I am or not but I seem to get that impression sometimes. I get so many mixed signals from him though, he acts like he's into me but then he treats me like a buddy of his. Then he turns around and dates some other chick. It adds insult to injury when the other chicks seem very much like me in many regards. Then when his feelings fall flat I suddenly get the attention again, kind of. I've been open for a relationship with him for years and years now but he's never made the move to turn it into some more than a friendship. There are a lot of common interests that we have, but I've even tried to show him the things that make me different from him too, the parts of life I pursue when he isn't around, in case that peaks his curiosity or makes him be like "hey this girl has her own separate life too" because I know firsthand what a terrible thing it can be to be in a relationship where literally everything is done as a couple, both him and I enjoying our private times alone. Anyway I think it's a lost cause. He is a very close friend but my feelings for him can't be pushed aside any longer, and watching him date girls that I wouldn't mind having as a friend too just makes things worse because I am obviously still jealous of them.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14317356 - 04/19/11 01:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Quote:
ChellePepper said:
Quote:
Anonymous said: Okay I'm a girl, how do I beat the just friends situation?
Well, I've been in this situation more times than I care to count. I have no idea what to tell you. I am the type of girl who attracts boy friends. I am outdoorsy. I can hold my own in a conversation about sports - SEC college football, at least. I can drink, smoke and otherwise party with the best them. I'm not clingy or needy in my friendships, I just go with the flow. I love playing video games and can have detailed convos about every system from the Atari to the 360 - including the Segas.
I'm moderately attractive, slim but curvy with a "cute" face, I'm told. I am not a total tomboy - I love getting dressed up to go out with makeup, accessories. I get my toes/nail done. My hair is always neat.
There have been more than a couple of these boy friends that I developed a mad crush on. I though, WOW we are such great friends, we'd be perfect as a couple. However, by that time I was just "one of the guys." They'd probably have slept with me if we got drunk enough, but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted them to want me the way they wanted little Miss Muffet who sat on the river bank while I busted my ass trying to wakeboard. They didn't. We hung out a plenty and I would get invited to the outing Miss Muffet wouldn't, but I'd have rather been the girl they took out to diner instead of the sports bar.
At times, it was heart breaking. Especially watching them cuddle on the couch with their Miss Muffet. Now, I'm glad things stayed the way they did. I started dating a guy BEFORE I became friends with him and he love that I interested in some of the same things he is. But first, I was just a pretty, chatty girl to him.
That sucks. I fear that I am 'one of the boys'. I'm not sure if I am or not but I seem to get that impression sometimes. I get so many mixed signals from him though, he acts like he's into me but then he treats me like a buddy of his. Then he turns around and dates some other chick. It adds insult to injury when the other chicks seem very much like me in many regards. Then when his feelings fall flat I suddenly get the attention again, kind of. I've been open for a relationship with him for years and years now but he's never made the move to turn it into some more than a friendship. There are a lot of common interests that we have, but I've even tried to show him the things that make me different from him too, the parts of life I pursue when he isn't around, in case that peaks his curiosity or makes him be like "hey this girl has her own separate life too" because I know firsthand what a terrible thing it can be to be in a relationship where literally everything is done as a couple, both him and I enjoying our private times alone. Anyway I think it's a lost cause. He is a very close friend but my feelings for him can't be pushed aside any longer, and watching him date girls that I wouldn't mind having as a friend too just makes things worse because I am obviously still jealous of them.
You could make a move. Dude, its 2011, chicks can make the first move...
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14317471 - 04/19/11 01:30 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have tried, many times. We've done some stuff sexually too, nothing serious and we have no slept together though. And we've had the talk in the past where I said I wanted to date him and he said he wasn't interested in a relationship at that time.
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 29
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14317492 - 04/19/11 01:35 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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True that women can make the first move. I think, however, that women are much more in tune to the "just friends" scenario than guys. I think women know when men want them and when they don't. And with the guys I was hanging out with, they CERTAINLY make it known.
And isn't just about sex. If it was just about sex, then sure, I'd make the first move.
I could be wrong, though. I should note that I really like traditional male/female roles in relationship.
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Curiousgeorge22
Mad Man



Registered: 08/17/09
Posts: 1,924
Loc: mommas womb
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ChellePepper]
#14317501 - 04/19/11 01:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Community >> Sexuality and Relationships Previous topic Previous View all topics Index Next topic Next Threaded Mode Threaded
Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | Next > [ show all ] Offlinefbi365 Nothing Male
Registered: 02/07/11 Posts: 261 Loc: Nowhere Last seen: 12 minutes, 40 seconds How Do I beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? + #14314569 - 04/18/11 09:57 PM (14 hours, 37 minutes ago) Edit postEdit Reply to this postReply Reply to this postQuote Quick ReplyQu
-------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?” - Bob Marley
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Cakret
Newbie Cultivator



Registered: 03/24/11
Posts: 112
Last seen: 3 months, 3 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14318163 - 04/19/11 03:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fragment said: Distance yourself. Distance...
Also do not let it affect you simply because it doesn't matter. Stop caring you know how she wants to play and you know what you need to do. Stand up for yourself. Period. Also grab yourself a back up.
I agree
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl] 1
#14318418 - 04/19/11 04:32 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said: In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
I don't agree with any of this. I would never date a guy who behaved in such a way.
I would also never date a guy seriously that I wasn't good friends with for at least a year. I try to maintain some kind of plan for everything I do. I don't like to act without having a backbone to my actions. I would never risk my emotional balance, mental health and time on a guy who I didn't know like the back of my hand.
I want to know what to expect, I want to understand consistency in personality, how one deals with stress, jealousy, etc....things you see as a friend. Any man who can't do that is simply not worth my time.
Pushy guys also make me shut down and turn into "use and abuse" mood. If you directly make me feel like you're trying to control shit and are "in charge", I'll butt heads so hard you won't know what happened. If you do it with smarts and collected coolness, I'll be intimidated because I understand there is shit going on inside that head I don't understand, can't control and want more of.
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14318656 - 04/19/11 05:22 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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@potgirl, Agreed/you could have worded it differently.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14318762 - 04/19/11 05:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Like I said, I have no intention of blowing things up with her. I would still value her as a friend, that is, if I can be around her and still be just friends. Which is possible, but less than ideal.
In the meantime, I am A) no more Mr. Nice Guy; 2) instantly and miraculously becoming aloof and disinterested; III) all dates are off, or indefinitely postponed "next week maybe" will become a very common phrase, which sucks because I really wanted to try PF Changs and I like eating out, now I have no one to try new restaurants with.
Possibly this will work, if not I am sure I will get over it eventually.
P.S. I puke a little when I say "just friends" What a load of horseshit
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Edited by fbi365 (04/19/11 05:51 PM)
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shroomedalice
frog goten

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 150
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #2]
#14318820 - 04/19/11 06:00 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Okay I'm a girl, how do I beat the just friends situation?
there are male pro's in the world as well
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14318860 - 04/19/11 06:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Good luck on the next one.
If you really want to go to PFChangs, then go. Go with someone else. Don't adjust your wants around a single person. If you want to do something, put your foot down, make plans, and do it. You're a man. Be a man. Practice it. PFChangs is really good, by the way.
Oh, and I wouldn't make "maybe next week" thing a habit. That's flakey.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14318942 - 04/19/11 06:19 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by fbi365Reason for deletion: extraneous
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14319037 - 04/19/11 06:34 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Not every girl is flakey. And don't sink to their level, you're above that. Flakiness isn't a medical condition, either. A girl that really likes you will not flake on you. They'll go out of their way to be with you.
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Mr.Al
Alphabet soup



Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 5,388
Loc: N.S.A. D.C.
Last seen: 1 month, 1 day
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Re: How Do I beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14319069 - 04/19/11 06:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Walk around naked.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14319117 - 04/19/11 06:47 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Sarah, bends over backwards to make time to hang out with me. In this sense she was fantastic. I would say, in every sense, that she goes out of her way to spend time with me.
She is rarely flakey, except for a few times, like last saturday, when she kinda ditched me to go hang out with her roomates. But when she texted me and said she had left, I found out later (after I called her out on it) that it was because she had waited for me, in the rain to tell me she was going elsewhere, but finally just left cause it was cold and I was running late. When I found out she wasn't at the planned place at the planned time I texted her " okay, cool, i guess i will see another time then." At this point she came ALL the way back, to say, Hi, and sorry, and blah whatever else..
I don't know. I am confused...
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Edited by fbi365 (04/19/11 06:48 PM)
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Mr.Al
Alphabet soup



Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 5,388
Loc: N.S.A. D.C.
Last seen: 1 month, 1 day
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14319129 - 04/19/11 06:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Sarah, bends over backwards to make time to hang out with me. In this sense she was fantastic. I would say, in every sense, that she goes out of her way to spend time with me.
She is rarely flakey, except for a few times, like last saturday, when she kinda ditched me to go hang out with her roomates. But when she texted me and said she had left, I found out later (after I called her out on it) that it was because she had waited for me, in the rain to tell me she was going elsewhere, but finally just left cause it was cold and I was running late. When I found out she wasn't at the planned place at the planned time I texted her " okay, cool, i guess i will see another time then." At this point she came ALL the way back, to say, Hi, and sorry, and blah whatever else..
I don't know. I am confused.
Give her some Molly? then walk around naked while vigorously jelqing.
When she's asks what you are doing tell her you are "maintaining plausible deniability..."
Play "Eye of the Tiger" and really get into jelqing while maintaining an ultra serious countenance...
Then look concerned and tell her you need a spotter for your "penis pushups".
Go now and know that FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! EYE OF THE TIGER MAN!
Edited by Mr.Al (04/19/11 07:05 PM)
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JT


Registered: 02/28/07
Posts: 7,027
Loc: athens
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14319447 - 04/19/11 07:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said:
Quote:
potgrrl said: In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
I don't agree with any of this. I would never date a guy who behaved in such a way.
I would also never date a guy seriously that I wasn't good friends with for at least a year. I try to maintain some kind of plan for everything I do. I don't like to act without having a backbone to my actions. I would never risk my emotional balance, mental health and time on a guy who I didn't know like the back of my hand.
I want to know what to expect, I want to understand consistency in personality, how one deals with stress, jealousy, etc....things you see as a friend. Any man who can't do that is simply not worth my time.
Pushy guys also make me shut down and turn into "use and abuse" mood. If you directly make me feel like you're trying to control shit and are "in charge", I'll butt heads so hard you won't know what happened. If you do it with smarts and collected coolness, I'll be intimidated because I understand there is shit going on inside that head I don't understand, can't control and want more of.
Good alternative perspective. Curious though, when you say you only date guys who you've been friends with for a long time, does that include being their friend while you were dating someone else? In my experience being a single guy and friends with a girl who has a BF is a good way to get stuck there for life. I can understand if it's a building thing that happens over time while you're single, but bein the girls shoulder to cry on while she's with other guys is about the worst thing you can do to boost your chances.
Maybe you're unique and not as superficial as the girls I've dated, but the guys they are friends with who have a thing for them are viewed as highly unattractive in that sense. Just emotional support. It's hard to have feelings for someone when you've thought of them like that. This is why I felt I needed to cut off contact with some of the girls after getting put in the friend zone. I told myself exactly what you said, maybe if I'm her friend for a while she'll start to like me and we can get together. But most often it ends up with her finding some new guy when you least expect it, and yo're just the same old boringdependable guy.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: JT] 1
#14319498 - 04/19/11 08:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
JT said:
Quote:
TTT said:
Quote:
potgrrl said: In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
I don't agree with any of this. I would never date a guy who behaved in such a way.
I would also never date a guy seriously that I wasn't good friends with for at least a year. I try to maintain some kind of plan for everything I do. I don't like to act without having a backbone to my actions. I would never risk my emotional balance, mental health and time on a guy who I didn't know like the back of my hand.
I want to know what to expect, I want to understand consistency in personality, how one deals with stress, jealousy, etc....things you see as a friend. Any man who can't do that is simply not worth my time.
Pushy guys also make me shut down and turn into "use and abuse" mood. If you directly make me feel like you're trying to control shit and are "in charge", I'll butt heads so hard you won't know what happened. If you do it with smarts and collected coolness, I'll be intimidated because I understand there is shit going on inside that head I don't understand, can't control and want more of.
Good alternative perspective. Curious though, when you say you only date guys who you've been friends with for a long time, does that include being their friend while you were dating someone else? In my experience being a single guy and friends with a girl who has a BF is a good way to get stuck there for life. I can understand if it's a building thing that happens over time while you're single, but bein the girls shoulder to cry on while she's with other guys is about the worst thing you can do to boost your chances.
Maybe you're unique and not as superficial as the girls I've dated, but the guys they are friends with who have a thing for them are viewed as highly unattractive in that sense. Just emotional support. It's hard to have feelings for someone when you've thought of them like that. This is why I felt I needed to cut off contact with some of the girls after getting put in the friend zone. I told myself exactly what you said, maybe if I'm her friend for a while she'll start to like me and we can get together. But most often it ends up with her finding some new guy when you least expect it, and yo're just the same old boringdependable guy. 
I am very picky and I don't just date people. If I see someone who has all the qualities I want and they happen to be taken, I can play the friend role because they're decent enough to want in my life in the first place. And if they are, I won't be-friend them with intention, I will because I truly care about them and want to be there for them when they need me.
I feel a guy should be able to do the same thing. Perspectives are always shifting, expanding and wisening up. As friends, we could think we can't work but if you were to look at the mechanics of the relationship over time (a year or more), and saw that it helped each other become who you want to be AND you are sexually attracted....it will happen.
I can't say how common my views are because I don't really have any female friends. I am very much a loner, and have mostly male friends.
This is just how I have interpreted other peoples' failed relationship trials, problems, personal perspective clashes, and patterns in people's personality. My view on it all may very well change in some time. This is how I approach the dating world.
There are guys who I am kind of friends with. They aren't really good friends. They don't make me feel like my close friends do...they kind of penetrate the outer core of my caring. I care about them as people in my life but I could live without them with no problems. Usually I only feel this way about people who I get a long with, but they don't contribute any great things to my life. Its not always an enriching experience hanging out with them. Its more of killing time with another person sort of thing. Small talk with no substance because theres not enough there for substance. Those guys tend to fall for me, for whatever reason, and I often try to keep it casual and make it VERY clear I am not interested. If they're annoying and don't get the message and the cons outweigh the pros, I'll totally take advantage of free food and entertainment.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14321608 - 04/20/11 05:34 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Sarah, bends over backwards to make time to hang out with me. In this sense she was fantastic. I would say, in every sense, that she goes out of her way to spend time with me.
She is rarely flakey, except for a few times, like last saturday, when she kinda ditched me to go hang out with her roomates. But when she texted me and said she had left, I found out later (after I called her out on it) that it was because she had waited for me, in the rain to tell me she was going elsewhere, but finally just left cause it was cold and I was running late. When I found out she wasn't at the planned place at the planned time I texted her " okay, cool, i guess i will see another time then." At this point she came ALL the way back, to say, Hi, and sorry, and blah whatever else..
I don't know. I am confused...
She does sound like a good FRIEND, but the whole point is that you don't WANT to be "friends" with her, you're only accepting it because you don't want to lose her entirely.
But, because of your feelings for her, you're shooting yourself in the foot - you will be less likely to notice other women who may actually be interested in dating you, or if you notice them, they'll notice you're into your "friend" and they'll be suspicious of your ability to be loyal.
If you have another girl come on to you or show you interest, does Sarah encourage you towards that girl, or away?
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14321655 - 04/20/11 06:22 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said:
Quote:
potgrrl said: In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
I don't agree with any of this. I would never date a guy who behaved in such a way.
I would also never date a guy seriously that I wasn't good friends with for at least a year. I try to maintain some kind of plan for everything I do. I don't like to act without having a backbone to my actions. I would never risk my emotional balance, mental health and time on a guy who I didn't know like the back of my hand.
I want to know what to expect, I want to understand consistency in personality, how one deals with stress, jealousy, etc....things you see as a friend. Any man who can't do that is simply not worth my time.
Pushy guys also make me shut down and turn into "use and abuse" mood. If you directly make me feel like you're trying to control shit and are "in charge", I'll butt heads so hard you won't know what happened. If you do it with smarts and collected coolness, I'll be intimidated because I understand there is shit going on inside that head I don't understand, can't control and want more of.
Hey there, thanks for your contribution, that's great!
My quick thoughts are:
- "dating" doesn't mean "exclusive" in my book. It means "getting to know someone I'm attracted to on a level more than 'just friends'". If "dating" doesn't turn into something exclusive, they go back down to the rank of "acquaintence" instead of "friend" as noted below. - "friends" are people I feel comfortable inviting into my home, and going to theirs and being alone with them without there being sexual tension in the air. I am comfortable telling them the more intimate parts of my life going on these days (my stresses, my dreams, my fears, my loves). I have very few at this level of closeness because it requires a high degree of trust - pretty much to the level of a marital partner - and I don't get into relationships like that without a lot of screening. Dishonest people need not apply. - "acquaintences" are people I know on an every day basis. From work, school, around home, whatever. They don't come into my home unless it's a group gathering, and they get a "happy, friendly facade" of who I am that doesn't include the more intimate details that my friends get. This is where I pull my dating pool from, and where I throw them back if it's not looking to work out.
I used to try to be friends with guys who obviously wanted more, but it always turned into a big crap fest filled with drama, jealousy, pouting and whining. Every time I've tried to be friends with a guy who wanted more, I spent half my time consoling his bruised ego after treating him like a friend and telling him what's going on in my life, like I do for friends. If I keep them at the aquaintence level then I don't have to deal with a tenth of the drama.
IMO, if your "friend" can't handle hearing when you go on dates with other people, then they're not much of a friend. They're a poser who is hoping that by being friends with you, you'll eventually see what a great guy they are and want to be with them. It's dishonest at a fundamental level.
That being said, I know there ARE guys and girls who can truly really honestly just be friends - like siblings who get along really great, they can talk about anything in life and they can cheer for each other when each finds love, etc. That's awesome, I highly approve of those friendships, because they're REAL friendships. Don't let those go!
There's also a big difference between "leading" and "controlling" that I think we probably fundamentally agree upon - controlling assholes can take a hike, but guys with solid leadership qualities respected by men, women and children alike are VERY attractive to me. I like to know that my man is respected by other people, after all!
PS: Re: your "use and abuse" mode can't be used on a guy who has the self-respect to walk away, which is the kind of guy I was encouraging in my original stuff up there. Guys and girls only get used for money or sex when they allow it to happen, after all. A guy who takes the lead and sets the pace of the relationship he wants to have in life, and then walks when the current one doesn't meet his needs isn't one that you can use and abuse, because... he's gone You either shape up or you let him go.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (04/20/11 06:32 AM)
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14321708 - 04/20/11 06:53 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
TTT said:
Quote:
potgrrl said: In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
I don't agree with any of this. I would never date a guy who behaved in such a way.
I would also never date a guy seriously that I wasn't good friends with for at least a year. I try to maintain some kind of plan for everything I do. I don't like to act without having a backbone to my actions. I would never risk my emotional balance, mental health and time on a guy who I didn't know like the back of my hand.
I want to know what to expect, I want to understand consistency in personality, how one deals with stress, jealousy, etc....things you see as a friend. Any man who can't do that is simply not worth my time.
Pushy guys also make me shut down and turn into "use and abuse" mood. If you directly make me feel like you're trying to control shit and are "in charge", I'll butt heads so hard you won't know what happened. If you do it with smarts and collected coolness, I'll be intimidated because I understand there is shit going on inside that head I don't understand, can't control and want more of.
Hey there, thanks for your contribution, that's great!
My quick thoughts are:
- "dating" doesn't mean "exclusive" in my book. It means "getting to know someone I'm attracted to on a level more than 'just friends'". If "dating" doesn't turn into something exclusive, they go back down to the rank of "acquaintance" instead of "friend" as noted below. - "friends" are people I feel comfortable inviting into my home, and going to theirs and being alone with them without there being sexual tension in the air. I am comfortable telling them the more intimate parts of my life going on these days (my stresses, my dreams, my fears, my loves). I have very few at this level of closeness because it requires a high degree of trust - pretty much to the level of a marital partner - and I don't get into relationships like that without a lot of screening. Dishonest people need not apply. - "acquaintances" are people I know on an every day basis. From work, school, around home, whatever. They don't come into my home unless it's a group gathering, and they get a "happy, friendly facade" of who I am that doesn't include the more intimate details that my friends get. This is where I pull my dating pool from, and where I throw them back if it's not looking to work out.
I used to try to be friends with guys who obviously wanted more, but it always turned into a big crap fest filled with drama, jealousy, pouting and whining. Every time I've tried to be friends with a guy who wanted more, I spent half my time consoling his bruised ego after treating him like a friend and telling him what's going on in my life, like I do for friends. If I keep them at the acquaintance level then I don't have to deal with a tenth of the drama.
IMO, if your "friend" can't handle hearing when you go on dates with other people, then they're not much of a friend. They're a poser who is hoping that by being friends with you, you'll eventually see what a great guy they are and want to be with them. It's dishonest at a fundamental level.
That being said, I know there ARE guys and girls who can truly really honestly just be friends - like siblings who get along really great, they can talk about anything in life and they can cheer for each other when each finds love, etc. That's awesome, I highly approve of those friendships, because they're REAL friendships. Don't let those go!
There's also a big difference between "leading" and "controlling" that I think we probably fundamentally agree upon - controlling assholes can take a hike, but guys with solid leadership qualities respected by men, women and children alike are VERY attractive to me. I like to know that my man is respected by other people, after all!
PS: Re: your "use and abuse" mode can't be used on a guy who has the self-respect to walk away, which is the kind of guy I was encouraging in my original stuff up there. Guys and girls only get used for money or sex when they allow it to happen, after all. A guy who takes the lead and sets the pace of the relationship he wants to have in life, and then walks when the current one doesn't meet his needs isn't one that you can use and abuse, because... he's gone You either shape up or you let him go.
Yeah, you are right. I focused on the few differences we had between our "types". =P
I agree with everything you said. I still never date guys, though. If I pursue guys for flings, I generally don't respect them at all and could potentially drop them at any moment unless they've proven to be a good friend as well. Then, I'll want them around because I care for them.
I have had good success in befriending guys who liked me. I knew that they always had motives kind of, but over time they got over it and I'm friends or acquaintances with some. Usually there is butthurt and drama for about 6months to 2 years (ime) where I kind of lose them, and then once they've healed we chill again as friends.
Edited by TTT (04/20/11 06:54 AM)
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14321762 - 04/20/11 07:21 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said: Yeah, you are right. I focused on the few differences we had between our "types". =P
Definitions are always the kicker in debate and discussion, I'm finding! 
Quote:
I agree with everything you said. I still never date guys, though. If I pursue guys for flings, I generally don't respect them at all and could potentially drop them at any moment unless they've proven to be a good friend as well. Then, I'll want them around because I care for them.
I have had good success in befriending guys who liked me. I knew that they always had motives kind of, but over time they got over it and I'm friends or acquaintances with some. Usually there is butthurt and drama for about 6months to 2 years (ime) where I kind of lose them, and then once they've healed we chill again as friends.
It sounds like you're still in school somewhere - college or university, etc?
I found that once I started a career job, then I went on more regular "dates" where we went out just the two of us for a movie or out for dinner or out to something going on in the city. I also found that I did most of my date pulling from recreational activities I got involved in, whereas in school I was hanging out/going out with fellow schoolmates. Dating co-workers can get really messy, however, so the outside-of-work hobbies suddenly became really important, whereas in school they didn't matter as much.
Add in there that if you're introverted vs extroverted, once your friends start marrying off and procreating, your social groups get more fragmented and smaller and the ability to passively watch and choose partners is reduced yet again.
It's interesting to note that there's a whole new slew of single people once you get to your mid-30s again, as a bunch of the ones who married in their early 20s get divorced... but they're still difficult to discern in a standing crowd. (thus if they're direct and just ask me out, I appreciate that)
And heh, another definition item to ponder: If you're spending time together and you're both attracted to another, but the word "date" hasn't been uttered, does that mean it's NOT a date? I think if the intent is to get to know each other better with the purpose of screening for a long term romantic entanglement, no matter if both sides don't agree, it's a date for the person who is actively screening. Thus, you may not only be "dating" more than one person right now, you might even be going out on "group dates" like they used to call them in the 50s, when you hang out with friends & there's someone there you have chemistry for.
The word "friend" has been so clouded in the past 50 years it's hilarious. Facebook using that terminology has only added to the cloud of confusion, because really, who has 800 friends who know them intimately, and vice versa? I think the word "date" has also been pretty clouded with taboo and fear and labels of promiscuity.
If nothing else, it makes for interesting conversations with new internet buddies 
Oh yah, I should add "buddy" into that definition list. I can be quite open with online buddies but they're still not necessarily "friends". Slight step up from Aquaintences tho 
TTFN, internet buddies
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (04/20/11 07:23 AM)
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14321780 - 04/20/11 07:31 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
TTT said: Yeah, you are right. I focused on the few differences we had between our "types". =P
Definitions are always the kicker in debate and discussion, I'm finding! 
Quote:
I agree with everything you said. I still never date guys, though. If I pursue guys for flings, I generally don't respect them at all and could potentially drop them at any moment unless they've proven to be a good friend as well. Then, I'll want them around because I care for them.
I have had good success in befriending guys who liked me. I knew that they always had motives kind of, but over time they got over it and I'm friends or acquaintances with some. Usually there is butthurt and drama for about 6months to 2 years (ime) where I kind of lose them, and then once they've healed we chill again as friends.
It sounds like you're still in school somewhere - college or university, etc?
I found that once I started a career job, then I went on more regular "dates" where we went out just the two of us for a movie or out for dinner or out to something going on in the city. I also found that I did most of my date pulling from recreational activities I got involved in, whereas in school I was hanging out/going out with fellow schoolmates. Dating co-workers can get really messy, however, so the outside-of-work hobbies suddenly became really important, whereas in school they didn't matter as much.
Add in there that if you're introverted vs extroverted, once your friends start marrying off and procreating, your social groups get more fragmented and smaller and the ability to passively watch and choose partners is reduced yet again.
It's interesting to note that there's a whole new slew of single people once you get to your mid-30s again, as a bunch of the ones who married in their early 20s get divorced... but they're still difficult to discern in a standing crowd. (thus if they're direct and just ask me out, I appreciate that)
And heh, another definition item to ponder: If you're spending time together and you're both attracted to another, but the word "date" hasn't been uttered, does that mean it's NOT a date? I think if the intent is to get to know each other better with the purpose of screening for a long term romantic entanglement, no matter if both sides don't agree, it's a date for the person who is actively screening. Thus, you may not only be "dating" more than one person right now, you might even be going out on "group dates" like they used to call them in the 50s, when you hang out with friends & there's someone there you have chemistry for.
The word "friend" has been so clouded in the past 50 years it's hilarious. Facebook using that terminology has only added to the cloud of confusion, because really, who has 800 friends who know them intimately, and vice versa? I think the word "date" has also been pretty clouded with taboo and fear and labels of promiscuity.
If nothing else, it makes for interesting conversations with new internet buddies 
Oh yah, I should add "buddy" into that definition list. I can be quite open with online buddies but they're still not necessarily "friends". Slight step up from Aquaintences tho 
TTFN, internet buddies 
I am highly introverted and have a very, very small group of friends. Because I am really shy, can be a bitch, and tend to be too literal, I'm bad at making friends in school environments or any environment where people aren't unified by one common interest like...orchid culture. However, I like a broad range of subjects and involve myself in many things so I meet people through that. I try to meet people through activities, that way I know they already have something going on in their lives that could make our relationship enriching (be it platonic or potential for something more).
I am not actively looking for a guy either...I never really did. I contented myself dreaming about being a hermit, single, mad scientist who lives in an off-the grid cabin in the woods with a sick lab, with art decorating the property. 
I still view date in the same way as you, but I don't use it ever. Idk, I just haven't "liked" enough people to know, honestly. I've only developed feelings for one person.
I am indeed college age, but I am not currently enrolled.
I'll stop hijacking now.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14322077 - 04/20/11 09:18 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I just want you to know how absurd all of this sounds to me.
@PotGrrl-" if your "friend" can't handle hearing when you go on dates with other people, then they're not much of a friend. They're a poser who is hoping that by being friends with you, you'll eventually see what a great guy they are and want to be with them. It's dishonest at a fundamental level."
What you are saying is that people, in order to become attached, should be emotionally unattached. You are saying that people should be self-centered. The guy should not give a shit about the girl, and the girl is welcome to talk and act in whatever way she wants without regard to the effects it has of the other person's feelings. And if these two shallow self-centered people, put their shallow self centered lives away for a minute to be together, the relationship will be empty because will be built on mutual disrespect for one-another.
God forbid you treat somebody's feelings with respect...
You are saying that I should throw whatever I have away, because men should act like MEN? Sure I would be alone, or find myself a shollow meaningless relationship, but at least I would have my self-respect (another selfish, egotistic emotion) and manhood...
Now, I am convinced there are plenty of men out there that act like this. But not everyone does. And its easy for you guys to say to me, "just be that guy." But, I can never be that guy, and I am pretty sure I have no desire to act that way whatsoever 
@TTT-"I don't agree with any of this. I would never date a guy who behaved in such a way.
I would also never date a guy seriously that I wasn't good friends with for at least a year."
Yeah, I really feel more comfortable dating with someone I know and am comfortable with. Personally, I have no urge to engage in PUA bullshit. I really have no desire to put myself through, boring, pointless, superficial convos, with stupid girls I don;t know. No it really is true, I have almost zero desire to meet new people because 99% of them are a waste of space; men and women.
Not that I have a good track record for picking the best mates, but I find that the person I would choose initially, is not the one who usually emerges over time as the person I desire most. Basically, the right girls have a tendency to grow on me.
Now the question is, how to avoid the friend zone later on, while building a friendship and an initial bond, whilst, not acting like a fucking-self-centered douche bag shallow piece-of-shit? I don't feel like we have really gotten at the issue yet...
Thanks again everyone for your input. I am learning that relationships are even more difficult than I imagined...
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14322099 - 04/20/11 09:25 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: Sarah, bends over backwards to make time to hang out with me. In this sense she was fantastic. I would say, in every sense, that she goes out of her way to spend time with me.
She is rarely flakey, except for a few times, like last saturday, when she kinda ditched me to go hang out with her roomates. But when she texted me and said she had left, I found out later (after I called her out on it) that it was because she had waited for me, in the rain to tell me she was going elsewhere, but finally just left cause it was cold and I was running late. When I found out she wasn't at the planned place at the planned time I texted her " okay, cool, i guess i will see another time then." At this point she came ALL the way back, to say, Hi, and sorry, and blah whatever else..
I don't know. I am confused...
She does sound like a good FRIEND, but the whole point is that you don't WANT to be "friends" with her, you're only accepting it because you don't want to lose her entirely.
But, because of your feelings for her, you're shooting yourself in the foot - you will be less likely to notice other women who may actually be interested in dating you, or if you notice them, they'll notice you're into your "friend" and they'll be suspicious of your ability to be loyal.
If you have another girl come on to you or show you interest, does Sarah encourage you towards that girl, or away?
Hmmm, I don;t feel like I have noticed this one way or the other. She does have a tendency to "mark her territory a bit." I guess, but this could be for a whole range of reasons. She HATES another girl at work that gets flirty with me. haha!
Once I was talking to a girl with green hair, and Sarah seemed very annoyed by her hair color. So, maybe, maybe not?
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14322303 - 04/20/11 10:16 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: I just want you to know how absurd all of this sounds to me.
I agree, it's absurd. I wish it wasn't this way, too. I'd rather people could both be straight with one another, but after listening to David Deida's Way of the Superior Man where he talks about how sexual polarity develops between two people, I started to realize there are some VERY interesting dynamics going on that we try to rationalize our way out of, and fail.
Quote:
@PotGrrl-" if your "friend" can't handle hearing when you go on dates with other people, then they're not much of a friend. They're a poser who is hoping that by being friends with you, you'll eventually see what a great guy they are and want to be with them. It's dishonest at a fundamental level."
What you are saying is that people, in order to become attached, should be emotionally unattached. You are saying that people should be self-centered. The guy should not give a shit about the girl, and the girl is welcome to talk and act in whatever way she wants without regard to the effects it has of the other person's feelings. And if these two shallow self-centered people, put their shallow self centered lives away for a minute to be together, the relationship will be empty because will be built on mutual disrespect for one-another.
God forbid you treat somebody's feelings with respect...
What about her feelings of not wanting to be faced with the jealous boyfriend act from someone who isn't even a boyfriend?
Quote:
You are saying that I should throw whatever I have away, because men should act like MEN? Sure I would be alone, or find myself a shollow meaningless relationship, but at least I would have my self-respect (another selfish, egotistic emotion) and manhood...
Now, I am convinced there are plenty of men out there that act like this. But not everyone does. And its easy for you guys to say to me, "just be that guy." But, I can never be that guy, and I am pretty sure I have no desire to act that way whatsoever 
I found it very enlightening to find relationship boards and read about the guys who talk about their lives once they're 40 and married, with a mortgage and a couple of kids... and read their backstories. Especially the ones who are facing a sexless marriage or an affair of some sort (hers or his). Guys who acted too supportive and "emotional" ended up getting walked over. One they found their inner masculine strength and passion and direction in life, the women that walked over them either left because they wanted to find a new sucker, or they smartened up because they appreciated the healthy boundaries.
If nothing else, think of the guy that you and others around you respect the most. He doesn't let people mistreat him, he pulls them aside and handles things maturely. He doesn't beat his chest and say "look at me, how great I am" yet people continually think he's great. He works hard and plays hard but always with a good sportsmanship theme, where he is capable of winning OR losing while still sincerely congratulating his opponent for their skill and tenacity.
I agree that assholes suck, don't become one. But a man who acts from a place of confidence, passion for life, and appreciation of the awesomeness of existence is truly a force to reckon with, and has his choice of high quality women who will nurture not only him, but his children, for years.
Quote:
Now the question is, how to avoid the friend zone later on, while building a friendship and an initial bond, whilst, not acting like a fucking-self-centered douche bag shallow piece-of-shit? I don't feel like we have really gotten at the issue yet...
Thanks again everyone for your input. I am learning that relationships are even more difficult than I imagined...
Thank you for bringing the topic back
Seriously, all you can do is let them know your desires, what you want to see happen, and be willing to set some healthy boundaries to protect yourself so you don't lay yourself out to be abused, and then feel resentful at the abuse later on.
If you are okay with being friends, then BE FRIENDS. Treat her exactly like you'd treat a guy friend - that is, be direct with your thoughts and opinions and don't hold them back out of fear of "hurting" her... she is responsible for her own feelings, you're not her caretaker - and don't try to protect her from herself or her own choices, either.
If you're just friends with her, then you should be looking to date other girls, and setting boundaries of acceptable behavior that you will and will not stand for from her (you're accepting that she stakes ownership but WON'T LET YOU TOUCH HER??! How convenient for her that you don't get her and you don't get to have ANYONE either!)
If you can't do that, if you find yourself being eaten up inside when she talks about another guy or when she goes on a date with another guy, then you really HAVE to WALK AWAY for your own sake.
You don't have to walk away permanently, but often 6 months to a year break from a close friend you've fallen in love with will let you "reset the buttons" and have more emotional control the next time you try the friends thing.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink. Sometimes the hardest part about being a mature adult - man or woman - is knowing when it's best to save your pride and walk away completely.
If she's not interested in a relationship with you and is actively blocking you with jealousy when you begin to show interest in someone else (or they in you) I'd say it's time to walk away and go "no contact" for 6 months to reset the buttons.
Who knows, once you show you have the internal fortitude to walk away and stay away from her, she may find she really IS interested in a relationship with you. But will it be truth, or just another attempt to get you back under her thumb, doing things for her without her having to do much for you? That's the hard part to figure out
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 29
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14322540 - 04/20/11 11:20 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I second the above posting.
FBI, I don't know if you can avoid being but in the friend zone, especially if you were friends with her before you started dating her. What she wants from you is her choice. You shouldn't have to suddenly become someone else.
You really should date other women. I know so many females who are dying to meet a good guy, and it sounds like you are a very genuine person. Even if you don't fall for them like you fell for this girl, it will help you move past her. Eventually, she'll only be your friend and you'll have found a wonderful woman with whom you have a mutual bond. That beat any sort of unrequited love ANY day.
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Psychoslut
The Mother Fucking Bear-o-dactyl

Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 20,917
Loc: all up in ya
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14322601 - 04/20/11 11:39 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: I just want you to know how absurd all of this sounds to me.
I agree, it's absurd. I wish it wasn't this way, too. I'd rather people could both be straight with one another, but after listening to David Deida's Way of the Superior Man where he talks about how sexual polarity develops between two people, I started to realize there are some VERY interesting dynamics going on that we try to rationalize our way out of, and fail.
Quote:
@PotGrrl-" if your "friend" can't handle hearing when you go on dates with other people, then they're not much of a friend. They're a poser who is hoping that by being friends with you, you'll eventually see what a great guy they are and want to be with them. It's dishonest at a fundamental level."
What you are saying is that people, in order to become attached, should be emotionally unattached. You are saying that people should be self-centered. The guy should not give a shit about the girl, and the girl is welcome to talk and act in whatever way she wants without regard to the effects it has of the other person's feelings. And if these two shallow self-centered people, put their shallow self centered lives away for a minute to be together, the relationship will be empty because will be built on mutual disrespect for one-another.
God forbid you treat somebody's feelings with respect...
What about her feelings of not wanting to be faced with the jealous boyfriend act from someone who isn't even a boyfriend?
Quote:
You are saying that I should throw whatever I have away, because men should act like MEN? Sure I would be alone, or find myself a shollow meaningless relationship, but at least I would have my self-respect (another selfish, egotistic emotion) and manhood...
Now, I am convinced there are plenty of men out there that act like this. But not everyone does. And its easy for you guys to say to me, "just be that guy." But, I can never be that guy, and I am pretty sure I have no desire to act that way whatsoever 
I found it very enlightening to find relationship boards and read about the guys who talk about their lives once they're 40 and married, with a mortgage and a couple of kids... and read their backstories. Especially the ones who are facing a sexless marriage or an affair of some sort (hers or his). Guys who acted too supportive and "emotional" ended up getting walked over. One they found their inner masculine strength and passion and direction in life, the women that walked over them either left because they wanted to find a new sucker, or they smartened up because they appreciated the healthy boundaries.
If nothing else, think of the guy that you and others around you respect the most. He doesn't let people mistreat him, he pulls them aside and handles things maturely. He doesn't beat his chest and say "look at me, how great I am" yet people continually think he's great. He works hard and plays hard but always with a good sportsmanship theme, where he is capable of winning OR losing while still sincerely congratulating his opponent for their skill and tenacity.
I agree that assholes suck, don't become one. But a man who acts from a place of confidence, passion for life, and appreciation of the awesomeness of existence is truly a force to reckon with, and has his choice of high quality women who will nurture not only him, but his children, for years.
Quote:
Now the question is, how to avoid the friend zone later on, while building a friendship and an initial bond, whilst, not acting like a fucking-self-centered douche bag shallow piece-of-shit? I don't feel like we have really gotten at the issue yet...
Thanks again everyone for your input. I am learning that relationships are even more difficult than I imagined...
Thank you for bringing the topic back
Seriously, all you can do is let them know your desires, what you want to see happen, and be willing to set some healthy boundaries to protect yourself so you don't lay yourself out to be abused, and then feel resentful at the abuse later on.
If you are okay with being friends, then BE FRIENDS. Treat her exactly like you'd treat a guy friend - that is, be direct with your thoughts and opinions and don't hold them back out of fear of "hurting" her... she is responsible for her own feelings, you're not her caretaker - and don't try to protect her from herself or her own choices, either.
If you're just friends with her, then you should be looking to date other girls, and setting boundaries of acceptable behavior that you will and will not stand for from her (you're accepting that she stakes ownership but WON'T LET YOU TOUCH HER??! How convenient for her that you don't get her and you don't get to have ANYONE either!)
If you can't do that, if you find yourself being eaten up inside when she talks about another guy or when she goes on a date with another guy, then you really HAVE to WALK AWAY for your own sake.
You don't have to walk away permanently, but often 6 months to a year break from a close friend you've fallen in love with will let you "reset the buttons" and have more emotional control the next time you try the friends thing.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink. Sometimes the hardest part about being a mature adult - man or woman - is knowing when it's best to save your pride and walk away completely.
If she's not interested in a relationship with you and is actively blocking you with jealousy when you begin to show interest in someone else (or they in you) I'd say it's time to walk away and go "no contact" for 6 months to reset the buttons.
Who knows, once you show you have the internal fortitude to walk away and stay away from her, she may find she really IS interested in a relationship with you. But will it be truth, or just another attempt to get you back under her thumb, doing things for her without her having to do much for you? That's the hard part to figure out 
Are you all having a conversation or writing a book? This thread has too many words.
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[quote]KristiMidocean said: Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Psychoslut]
#14322712 - 04/20/11 12:04 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Psychoslut said: Are you all having a conversation or writing a book? This thread has too many words.
LOL then you quote the entire article... I love the irony.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14322846 - 04/20/11 12:34 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Je-Zus-Christ. I have some real sole searching to do. LIke up in the mountains, grow a beard, have a vision quest sort of thing. I don't even know where to start...
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Edited by fbi365 (04/20/11 12:49 PM)
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14322994 - 04/20/11 01:13 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Je-Zus-Christ. I have some real sole searching to do. LIke up in the mountains, grow a beard, have a vision quest sort of thing. I don't even know where to start...
Women are freaking confusing - we even confuse ourselves!!!
I don't envy you guys.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 29
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14323016 - 04/20/11 01:17 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Je-Zus-Christ. I have some real sole searching to do. LIke up in the mountains, grow a beard, have a vision quest sort of thing. I don't even know where to start...
Lol. Ain't that the truth. Everyone could benefit from a little self reflection - most of the women I know, especially.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ChellePepper]
#14323061 - 04/20/11 01:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChellePepper said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: Je-Zus-Christ. I have some real sole searching to do. LIke up in the mountains, grow a beard, have a vision quest sort of thing. I don't even know where to start...
Lol. Ain't that the truth. Everyone could benefit from a little self reflection - most of the women I know, especially.
True, we all could benefit from self-reflection.
The kicker is that a lot of social messages tell women "go girl" and men "down boy", and that's got to be re-addressed at a personal level for most guys.
Until a guy respects himself enough to not allow a cute girl to use him, the cute girl isn't going to have a need to self-reflect. In fact, she may never have to - there are an endless supply of guys who will let a cute girl walk all over them for the brief chance of some attention, or maybe a little sex.
Sad sad sad but once the truth is accepted, a guy can more easily screen out the attention whores and find the quality girl who is quietly living her life.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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shroomedalice
frog goten

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 150
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14323116 - 04/20/11 01:46 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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for gods/goddesses (not sexist again fuck yas) say this after me.
I am responsible for everything that happens to ME. I will see the next day as a day I shall take responsibility for the way I feel act and think.
I will not feel anything other than what I promote my "mind" to feel. I shall love what I choose and hate what I choose.
If I choose to understand some one or thing then I shall. If I choose to let some one else not understand me I shall.
but most important I shall be responsible for the way I feel and act.
what friends syndrome are we talking about again.
there are so many people in this world if you feel that your not getting what you wish from a relasionship with another living creater then decide what to do about it.
but most of all realise that its your feelings that you control that has put you in this place in the first place.
now if your into souls its totaly different.
but then again you would know that a soul mate comes when you least expect it.
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ChellePepper
Stranger


Registered: 02/12/11
Posts: 29
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14323125 - 04/20/11 01:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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One day, those cute girls are going to be haggard old women. If they made poor choices, they may end up with the wrong dude who still wants the cute, attention-whoring girl. And seeks and perhaps finds it. I guess they'll do some reflecting, then. Maybe pass on those reflections to children / grandchildren / nieces?
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shroomedalice
frog goten

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 150
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Mr.Al]
#14323140 - 04/20/11 01:52 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Mr.Al said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: Sarah, bends over backwards to make time to hang out with me. In this sense she was fantastic. I would say, in every sense, that she goes out of her way to spend time with me.
She is rarely flakey, except for a few times, like last saturday, when she kinda ditched me to go hang out with her roomates. But when she texted me and said she had left, I found out later (after I called her out on it) that it was because she had waited for me, in the rain to tell me she was going elsewhere, but finally just left cause it was cold and I was running late. When I found out she wasn't at the planned place at the planned time I texted her " okay, cool, i guess i will see another time then." At this point she came ALL the way back, to say, Hi, and sorry, and blah whatever else..
I don't know. I am confused.
Give her some Molly? then walk around naked while vigorously jelqing.
When she's asks what you are doing tell her you are "maintaining plausible deniability..."
Play "Eye of the Tiger" and really get into jelqing while maintaining an ultra serious countenance...
Then look concerned and tell her you need a spotter for your "penis pushups".
Go now and know that FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! EYE OF THE TIGER MAN!
YOUR THE MAN !!!!
couldnt have said it better.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ChellePepper]
#14323151 - 04/20/11 01:53 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
ChellePepper said: One day, those cute girls are going to be haggard old women. If they made poor choices, they may end up with the wrong dude who still wants the cute, attention-whoring girl. And seeks and perhaps finds it. I guess they'll do some reflecting, then. Maybe pass on those reflections to children / grandchildren / nieces?
Yep, eventually everyone gets to reflect.
I think straight males are kind of forced to do it earlier in life due to nature's biological power dynamics.
Forced to do it, or remain lonely and undersexed, that is, until he marries and raises someone else's kids
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (04/20/11 01:56 PM)
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shroomedalice
frog goten

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 150
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14323175 - 04/20/11 01:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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honestly girls are a dime a dozen.
ive hung with dudes that were in there 60's still pullen babes and happy that they knew which ones were good of heart and mind.
its in your heart and soul.
learn to be.
hell whats trippen about after all.
take some dance classes or something. learn to cook. learn tai chi join a band it never ends.
in all honesty most people have such shit lives that they are screaming for some one that has an idea about what this planet and existance is about.
find the answer and you find the jewel.
simple your responsible for your own feelings and life.
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shroomedalice
frog goten

Registered: 11/23/09
Posts: 150
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shroomedalice]
#14323244 - 04/20/11 02:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Ill add to that as above this is not what a soul mate is.
you can not pick them you can not expect to even get one.
there is no lets find the right person or dating services would work.
do we all share something that is infanite and universal ?
the right people just know.
some of us get the chance and some of us dont.
I would rather be alone and going from relasionship to relasionship than try and cop out and say I am looking for the right person.
the right person will just happen to cross my path or they wont.
why should I or any one else feel bad becouse there not part of the 4.5 member family with the loving partner that does exactly what our system expects them to do.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shroomedalice]
#14323534 - 04/20/11 03:17 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
shroomedalice said: for gods/goddesses (not sexist again fuck yas) say this after me.
I am responsible for everything that happens to ME. I will see the next day as a day I shall take responsibility for the way I feel act and think.
I will not feel anything other than what I promote my "mind" to feel. I shall love what I choose and hate what I choose.
If I choose to understand some one or thing then I shall. If I choose to let some one else not understand me I shall.
but most important I shall be responsible for the way I feel and act.
what friends syndrome are we talking about again.
there are so many people in this world if you feel that your not getting what you wish from a relasionship with another living creater then decide what to do about it.
but most of all realise that its your feelings that you control that has put you in this place in the first place.
now if your into souls its totaly different.
but then again you would know that a soul mate comes when you least expect it.
Isn't that like the Alcoholics anonymous prayer or something? Joking.
My patience and drive to put the effort into women comes and goes. I feel a wave of apathy coming on in spite of all your motivating words. This apathy is directly proportional to the magnitude of my injury.
Unfortunately, this one's pretty epic. 6+ months of clean shaves, nice cologne, all smiles and laughs, and countless hours.
If the community wants. I will turn this thread over to anyone else out there needing advice/to vent about the intolerable purgatory that is "JUST FRIENDS" 
I will continue to post as questions/concerns come up, but I think I got what I needed.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14323680 - 04/20/11 03:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Unfortunately, this one's pretty epic. 6+ months of clean shaves, nice cologne, all smiles and laughs, and countless hours.
Actually, that's not too bad. I've seen guys go for YEARS in an obviously losing battle.
I'll bet, actually, that if you look around at some of the women who are "just kinda around" in your social group, there are a few who have noticed your ability to clean up nice, and kind of wish you'd turn your attention towards them a bit.
Don't be afraid to let your "inner scruffy man" come out, too! It's very masculine, that facial hair stuff!
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14323714 - 04/20/11 03:55 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Oh, don't worry Summer's coming and my big boy job is ending next month. I don't have to be so clean looking anymore. IME most women love facial hair...
Also, at lease I found out where all the ladies hang out on the Shroomery
--------------------
Edited by fbi365 (04/20/11 04:16 PM)
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meatwodd7600
Spiritual Developer



Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 551
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14324010 - 04/20/11 04:58 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah OP, I have read this thread and what I come up with is your said female friend is basically stringing you along. I have found that some women like to play two or more hands at once (same with men). Sending you mixed ambiguous signals so as to confuse you even further than you already are. That way, if she is pursuing a potential suiter and it doesn't work out between them, she can still come to you for emotional support or attention when she needs it. And since the signals are blurred, she would even have the option to date you. This is the worst kind of situation to be in. It is unfair for her to use you like that and she knows it.
If you don't believe me, just reverse the rolls. Keep acting like her friend and make up stories about your new love interest(s). Tell her that with your new found love interests, you just dont have time to hang out like you used to. I would bet that unless she is really getting involved with a partner of her own, that she would try and pull you out of the friend zone, and be more intimate with you, at least long enough to further confuse you and send more mixed signals. Allas, the cycle continues.
As far as advice, I wouldn't even know where to start. I will leave that up to you. I probably would just distance myself from her and chalk it up to a life lesson learned. That is unless you think you can be friends and nothing more with her. That rarely works because you still have romantic feelings towards her and she will take advantage of that.
Now I read somewhere on this thread that some of you have waited a year or longer before you decide to make the first move. That seems way to long to me. If you have been friends for a year or more, and nothing intimate has happened, chances are it is not going to happen. You are already in the friend zone by then, so it is too late. Not all of the time, but usually.
Well, that is my two cents. Hell, I might be totally wrong about her, but I bet I am not.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: meatwodd7600]
#14324051 - 04/20/11 05:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
meatwodd7600 said:
If you don't believe me, just reverse the rolls. Keep acting like her friend and make up stories about your new love interest(s). Tell her that with your new found love interests, you just dont have time to hang out like you used to. I would bet that unless she is really getting involved with a partner of her own, that she would try and pull you out of the friend zone, and be more intimate with you, at least long enough to further confuse you and send more mixed signals. Allas, the cycle continues.
Yeah, I could easily do this without making anything up. I am sleeping with someone casually (did I not mention this, oops). But I just don't think that I want to act that trashy by telling her to get a reaction. I mean its a little manipulative, and its really none of her business.
I don't like games, so I choose not to play them on other people as best I can. Tempting though
I guess I could do this if I decided to "bring out the big guns." Haha, but this seems last resort-ish...
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meatwodd7600
Spiritual Developer



Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 551
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14324086 - 04/20/11 05:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah, it would just be a way to verify said relationship status. You are right. If less of us played games, life would be a lot less complicated.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14324094 - 04/20/11 05:22 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: Je-Zus-Christ. I have some real sole searching to do. LIke up in the mountains, grow a beard, have a vision quest sort of thing. I don't even know where to start...
Women are freaking confusing - we even confuse ourselves!!!
I don't envy you guys.
Most. true. statement. ever.
I am intimidated by women because I am one and I know how I am......
vague as fuck. emotional. sometimes cranky. capability of being a super cold, ruthless bitch or the most empathetic person possible.
Its crazy shit.
Edited by TTT (04/20/11 05:23 PM)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
#14326072 - 04/21/11 01:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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First test =
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BadAcid
PLUR 2011>



Registered: 06/23/10
Posts: 224
Loc: UK
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14326209 - 04/21/11 02:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I will not say much all I will say is my short opinion:
that girl has played you like a violin. Always remember that. She has to prove herself worthy to YOU. You are the one who will decide when, where and if you show her any affection. She OWES you after all this fucking around just remember that. What someone above said about time limits is very true, you want to start putting the moves on her WITHIN THE FIRST 3 WEEKS OF KNOWING HER. Increasing with time.
If she still doesn't WANT you to fuck her after doing this for 3 months, it's over. Trust me.
anyway good luck.
and let me re-iterate it is YOU who is in charge and it is HER who must EARN your affection.
-------------------- People can fly
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: BadAcid]
#14326354 - 04/21/11 04:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said:
Yeah, I could easily do this without making anything up. I am sleeping with someone casually (did I not mention this, oops). But I just don't think that I want to act that trashy by telling her to get a reaction. I mean its a little manipulative, and its really none of her business.
I'm actually kinda glad to hear you have a F*buddy (FB), it's probably the only thing that's kept you sane with what's going on elsewhere.
But yes, I agree, don't bother trying to make her jealous with it, that's not only manipulative, but it's childish and passive aggressive. Plus, your casual buddy won't appreciate the shared info either, and let me tell you - a casual buddy who is happy staying casual is an awesome thing to maintain throughout life for those... "dry spells".
Quote:
BadAcid said: I will not say much all I will say is my short opinion:
that girl has played you like a violin. Always remember that. She has to prove herself worthy to YOU. You are the one who will decide when, where and if you show her any affection. She OWES you after all this fucking around just remember that.
I like, in general, what BadAcid has to say, but I would like to add in that while it's okay to power yourself with the indignance that you believe she "owes" you, don't go so far as to try to communicate to HER that you think she owes you. It won't go over well.
But in general, I'm a big proponent of using the power of anger and indignance to make real lasting change in our lives - just don't let it seep out to punish others around you, that's the hard part
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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reidzilla
Stranger

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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14327285 - 04/21/11 11:22 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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i know you you have a picture of this Sara. put up a face pic?
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: reidzilla]
#14327408 - 04/21/11 11:58 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
reidzilla said: i know you you have a picture of this Sara. put up a face pic?
I vote "no, that would be juvenile".
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14327471 - 04/21/11 12:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
reidzilla said: i know you you have a picture of this Sara. put up a face pic?
I vote "no, that would be juvenile".
I am the most immature person I know, besides my one other buddy. I don't think it is a good idea to post pictures of anybody's face on Shroomery. Mine or anybody else's.
 
She has a cute unique looking face, an immaculate she-mane (seriously, she has the most beautiful hair), she has a nice body petite but not tiny, large breasts, small but round behind. Thats the best I can do, you will have to fill in the blanks. She is attractive, but certainly not a ten. I am not the most attractive guy by a long shot though.
She won't stop texting me. Do I ignore them completely?
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14327565 - 04/21/11 12:40 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said:
She won't stop texting me. Do I ignore them completely?
Here's about what I would say. It's based on what I DID actually say to someone when I was in your situation and it was just hurting me too much:
"Look, I really enjoy hanging out with you but my feelings are too strong to watch you date and flirt with other people. I realize you don't feel the same for me, and that's fair.
I need to take some time for myself for a while, so I can come back and truly be friends with you again. Give me 6 months of 'no contact' and we can try this 'friends' thing again. Sound reasonable?"
You may have to repeat the message a few times, keep all the heat on YOUR feelings and how YOU need time to detatch and "reset" or whatever.
It helps if you let them know you're not planning to go away forever... saying 6 months gives them a time frame so they don't feel completely abandoned.
Ultimately, after those 6 months you may choose to NOT re-initiate the friendship, and that's your right to do at the time. Don't share that bit of information, it just wigs them out. Keep it in your own arsenal for your own sanity.
At some point you'll have to decide to stop responding completely, because it's unlikely she'll give you the space properly (your attention felt really good!! being desired is awesome even if we don't really WANT the guy...), but do your best to do the "broken record" technique 3-4 times before you stop responding entirely.
If you stop responding too soon, it's more indicative of you trying to "punish" her, which isn't going to help you detach from your feelings for her. Hate and Love are very similar... the opposite of Love is actually indifference, not hate.
Let us know how it goes, this part is the hardest and most dramatic, but once you get into the 6 months of "no contact" the drama between you and her slows down in a huge way.
Then it's the drama in your MIND you have to contend with, but at least you don't have the hormonal response to seeing her/being touched by her all the time, too.
Good luck, man. Hang out with friends, work out, distract yourself. Read books about communication and relationships so you can deal with her (and other women's) little tricks!!
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (04/21/11 12:41 PM)
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HuHEN
I am the Owl



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14327649 - 04/21/11 01:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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just go fuck someone else. You can't force someone into wanting a relationship with you. So unless you want a shitty GF find someone that is genuinely interested in you
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Psychoslut
The Mother Fucking Bear-o-dactyl

Registered: 12/10/02
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Loc: all up in ya
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14327667 - 04/21/11 01:05 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Just friends isn't a syndrome, its just a very simple way for a girl to say she is not into sex or a relationship with you right now. If you want her bad enough you will hang out with her until she decides shes in love and jumps your bone.
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[quote]KristiMidocean said: Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: HuHEN]
#14328078 - 04/21/11 02:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
HuHEN said: just go fuck someone else. You can't force someone into wanting a relationship with you. So unless you want a shitty GF find someone that is genuinely interested in you
You missed the part where he already IS fucking someone else I think it's partially what's kept him sane this past 6 months.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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Psychoslut
The Mother Fucking Bear-o-dactyl

Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 20,917
Loc: all up in ya
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14328116 - 04/21/11 02:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
HuHEN said: just go fuck someone else. You can't force someone into wanting a relationship with you. So unless you want a shitty GF find someone that is genuinely interested in you
You missed the part where he already IS fucking someone else I think it's partially what's kept him sane this past 6 months.
And the only reason she aint fucking him right now, is because she is fucking, or trying to fuck someone else.
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[quote]KristiMidocean said: Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Psychoslut]
#14328129 - 04/21/11 02:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Psychoslut said:
Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
HuHEN said: just go fuck someone else. You can't force someone into wanting a relationship with you. So unless you want a shitty GF find someone that is genuinely interested in you
You missed the part where he already IS fucking someone else I think it's partially what's kept him sane this past 6 months.
And the only reason she aint fucking him right now, is because she is fucking, or trying to fuck someone else.
Sorry man, but women are actually capable of having more than one sexual partner at a time and desiring them both
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (04/21/11 02:59 PM)
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Psychoslut
The Mother Fucking Bear-o-dactyl

Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 20,917
Loc: all up in ya
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14328169 - 04/21/11 03:07 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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All I know is hanging out with girls is alright to do long enough to see if you can get some vag, if they dont give it up he needs to just go find someone that will.
she could be one of those i only fuck one guy at a time because i dont want to feel like a whore kind of girls.
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[quote]KristiMidocean said: Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]
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livelovelaugh
Stranger



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Psychoslut]
#14328954 - 04/21/11 05:35 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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hmm this sort of sounds like the situation my boyfriend and i were in before we started officially dating. this girl sounds a lot like me and what i put my boyfriend through..
what finally made me stop fucking around and commit to my guy was mostly due to me. i just genuinely felt bad about what i was doing and realized that no guy in the past has ever treated me as nicely and respectfully as this guy has. not too mention he was so intelligent and considerate. so i put aside my fears and any reservations i had about dating him, and just let it happen. maybe she's has the same reservations or anxieties i had about committing too. try talking to her about it, a real, honest conversation about your feelings and what you'd both like to do.
he, however, stopped talking to me as much as he used to, started hanging out with his friends more, and even starting talking to other girls. i got super jealous, and realized "shit, i really like this guy, i don't want him hitting on other girls or making plans to see them" so idk, maybe play her game. go out with girls or talk to them when youre out together or something.
hopefully it all works out in your favour
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: livelovelaugh]
#14329332 - 04/21/11 06:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
livelovelaugh said: hmm this sort of sounds like the situation my boyfriend and i were in before we started officially dating. this girl sounds a lot like me and what i put my boyfriend through..
what finally made me stop fucking around and commit to my guy was mostly due to me. i just genuinely felt bad about what i was doing and realized that no guy in the past has ever treated me as nicely and respectfully as this guy has. not too mention he was so intelligent and considerate. so i put aside my fears and any reservations i had about dating him, and just let it happen. maybe she's has the same reservations or anxieties i had about committing too. try talking to her about it, a real, honest conversation about your feelings and what you'd both like to do.
he, however, stopped talking to me as much as he used to, started hanging out with his friends more, and even starting talking to other girls. I got super jealous, and realized "shit, i really like this guy, i don't want him hitting on other girls or making plans to see them" so idk, maybe play her game. go out with girls or talk to them when youre out together or something.
hopefully it all works out in your favour 
Well your story is a nice contrast to what has been a pretty depressing story throughout this thread. Thanks for sharing because that is obviously what I might want to happen. Although, I know, in the back of my head it won't because things like that just don't happen to me. So I am going to do my best to forget about it all if I can, like your boyfriend did, or tried to do.
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14330080 - 04/21/11 09:04 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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FBI365, You remind me of my friend I let him do the pondering and wondering and I go get the girls.
Potgirl is on her shit like half the world should be but then it would be fucking boring :p
And it doesn't have to be forgotten some people just need to know their place. Some people just need to be brought down a notch. Oh well you live and you learn. Hopefully.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14330106 - 04/21/11 09:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fragment said: FBI365, You remind me of my friend I let him do the pondering and wondering and I go get the girls.
Good for you 
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14330144 - 04/21/11 09:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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^ Indeed but more like a blessing and a curse.
Not everything is good. Seriously.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
#14330180 - 04/21/11 09:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Okay, and bad things aren't good. Right?
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Fragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14330205 - 04/21/11 09:40 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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It depends on how you let it affect you if at all.
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Soularize
slanted and enchanted



Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14331259 - 04/22/11 01:02 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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PF Chang's lol
-------------------- "All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Soularize]
#14336568 - 04/23/11 01:00 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I don;t know. I am trying to "distance" myself. But I think I am just coming off as an asshole or angry, which I am not. I think its the same reason I can't pull of cocky-funny; because I just come off as a dick.
She just keeps on asking me "why are you mad?" "What's wrong" "Are you in a bad mood" "Are you okay?" I am not in a bad mood or pissed, that is, until she keeps on asking me that, which is annoying.
I am not doing anything, I am just not chatting her up like usual, I am not really even ignoring her, just not my usual self with her, I guess.
I am not going to explain to her what's going on, like you said Potgrrl. Its just not my style to say "hey, i have feelings for you and since you don't share them, i need some space." I talk about my feelings very often, and I don;t like other people to know how I feel it is embarrassing,, ,
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Edited by fbi365 (04/23/11 01:14 AM)
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iamnotadream
Enis the Penis

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 2,599
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14336703 - 04/23/11 01:29 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Excellent 
By distancing yourself you are showing that you are independent of her and that you have other things going on in your mind.
Stay positive around her. Don't completely shut her out or anything, which you aren't doing. Just don't go overboard on the whole distancing thing y'know?
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rackem



Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: iamnotadream]
#14337482 - 04/23/11 08:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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once a 'friend' alawys a friend..
there is no going back...
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: rackem]
#14341320 - 04/23/11 11:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Okay, so this is setting off a firestorm. And Things are getting waaaaaay out of hand. My friends are pissed at me, because they want to know why I am acting this way. Even though I told them that I need to stay away from her. She is absolutely blown back by it.
I think the status quo is sounding better and better...
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Soularize
slanted and enchanted



Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 1,178
Loc: United States
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14341521 - 04/24/11 12:16 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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So initially I just commented in this thread because I was in a weird mood and PF Chang's always sounds funny to me...I know I'm strange.
Anywayyy, per your situation at hand, it sounds all too familiar. Many of us have had the misfortune of catching a one way ticket to "friendsville". A boulevard of broken dreams indeed. Honestly man, I think that maybe like one out of every ten of these scenarios actually pans out, but I would strongly advise you to try your absolute hardest to cut ties with this girl and move on. It's hard to break out of the friend zone dude. I was in a similar situation a few years back, it caused me so much stress and turmoil...I pined for this chick like crazy, thought about her all the time, I talked and complained about her to my friends so much I'm sure they all thought I'd become a super annoying pussy.
You can try and play that whole angle of 'not giving a fuck' when with her, but I swear it's more of a hassle than it's worth. You would be incredibly wise to just distance yourself from her. If something happens in the future, GREAT, but don't hold out any lofty expectations.
"They either like you or they don't"
Good luck.
-------------------- "All but one man died. There at Bitter Creek. And they say he ran awayyy." - A little show called Branded
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Soularize]
#14343807 - 04/24/11 02:46 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yep, well, I told her last night that we should take some time apart. Turned into this three hour conversation about us both. As I suspected, she likes me a lot, but for whatever reason just doesn't want to date me (doesn't want relationship now, doesn't want to date a co-worker, the usual bullshit excuses for, you are good but not good enough).
All the things she was doing that hurt me, she didn't know were having that effect. But thats too late I guess.
I think it really hurt her, our friend break-up. I know I feel incredibly empty and sad. I really don't want her to feel that way. This was supposed to make me feel better, right now if feel like the worst person ever.
I lost my friend last night I think
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Cakret
Newbie Cultivator



Registered: 03/24/11
Posts: 112
Last seen: 3 months, 3 days
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14344777 - 04/24/11 06:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Time heals all wounds, it may have just been the wrong time, for you guys to happen, don't severe all ties, but keep it low key for a while, if she messages you, try once more if not, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
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Joolz


Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Cakret]
#14347209 - 04/25/11 01:52 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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You can be friends with her, just find your pants and venture into the sea first. Keep talking to her at work or whatever though, just don't hold out for her in any way, shape, or form. Contrary to popular belief you can be "just friends" with the other sex.
-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Joolz]
#14351014 - 04/25/11 07:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Don't mind me, I am just using this as my place to vent. Read it if you want, respond if you like. I don't care....
I was listening to this Tool song today that sounded like it fit my situation perfectly
Slipping back into the gap again. I'm alive when you're touching me, alive when you're shoving me down.
But i'd trade it all for just a little piece of miiiiiiiiiiiiiiind.
(Pushit on me, 4x) You're pushing, and shoving, and scrambling, keep my feet back on the ground!
(Put me somewhere I don't wanna beee. 2x)
Seeing someplace I don't wanna seeee.
Never wanna see that place agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain.
Saw that gap again today while you were begging me to stay. Managed to push myself away, and you, as well, my dear.
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Edited by fbi365 (04/25/11 07:22 PM)
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Psiclone
Kansas-Bound

Registered: 11/27/06
Posts: 180
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14351840 - 04/25/11 09:26 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Wow. I am kind of taken back by this thread. This pretty much explains the situation I went through a few weeks ago.
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Open your Third Eye!
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Psiclone]
#14352274 - 04/25/11 10:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah, interesting. How did you deal with it?
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Joolz


Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14352790 - 04/25/11 11:46 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Joolz]
#14368814 - 04/28/11 07:02 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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"Fuck You Lucy" Atmosphere
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Edited by fbi365 (04/28/11 07:03 PM)
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14394753 - 05/03/11 02:36 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Yep, well, I told her last night that we should take some time apart. Turned into this three hour conversation about us both. As I suspected, she likes me a lot, but for whatever reason just doesn't want to date me (doesn't want relationship now, doesn't want to date a co-worker, the usual bullshit excuses for, you are good but not good enough).
All the things she was doing that hurt me, she didn't know were having that effect. But thats too late I guess.
I think it really hurt her, our friend break-up. I know I feel incredibly empty and sad. I really don't want her to feel that way. This was supposed to make me feel better, right now if feel like the worst person ever.
I lost my friend last night I think 
Hey man, sorry for the delayed response, I've been internet-restricted for the past few weeks (kind of relieving in some ways actually! like a tolerance break...)
Don't worry about having lost your friend forever. Part of backing off from her and especially the part about going "no contact" is about resetting your emotional ties to her, and emotions are very very drug-like. You're GOING to experience withdrawl, this is NORMAL.
The best thing you can do for yourself is distract yourself from thinking about it. Let time pass by doing new things, spending time with friends who don't talk about her or mention her, and re-discovering the joys you probably put away because she didn't share them with you, or she disapproved of them.
Spend some time doing things like:
- Listening to music you used to like to listen to before you two became friends and her views began to influence yours. - Participating in hobbies you used to like, which you dropped along the way in order to spend more time with her or to gain her approval. - Working out. Endorphins are nature's anti-depressants, and if you get into a recreational activity with a good social group, a lot of your time is taken up in a healthy way between practices, socializing, and potential competitions (becoming an official in your chosen activity is VERY rewarding as well, and gets you front row access to some awesome competition) - Reading books that help you understand human dynamics and the human condition. Books about motivation (why we do what we do) I found particularly interesting because it helped me slow and eventually stop some unhealthy behaviors that had contributed to the downhill motion of relationships around me. Classics like Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People are excellent mind fodder, and Psycho Cybernetics is an excellent book about how our minds work and how to make them work better and FOR us vs AGAINST us.
In all of these things, be open for new friendships. Volunteer your time to help valuable social activities go off well (I like helping kids sports for this, I think competitive sports are an awesome base for kids to learn healthy physical activity and meet coaches who will influence their lives forever). Notice the traits of socially successful people (not the bitchy ones - the ones people truly RESPECT, no matter what car they drive or how much money in the bank) and think deeply about what drives you.
And, write. Sometimes just writing out your feelings - good, bad and ugly - helps stop them from whirring around endlessly in your head. Once you've written them down, you know you can go back to them and re-read them and you won't forget what you were thinking about, and that lets your mind relax.
Good luck, man!
PS: Note, the guy I broke up with 10 years ago and essentially went No Contact with, aside from maybe 5 or 6 short contacts during that time, is now one of the people closest to me again, and we're single at the same time again and still like each other at a fundamental level. You never know what the future holds, and a little bit of growing up and having life weigh on our shoulders took a huge edge off of the problems we had when we dated the first time. Never would have thought we'd consider getting together again, but here we are, slowly getting to know each other again
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (05/03/11 03:02 PM)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: potgrrl]
#14397123 - 05/03/11 09:54 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, Potgrrl. Thanks. I started reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy!" Like you suggested. I think it all describes me pretty well. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it all, but then again, I just started reading his book and blog just last night.
I am trying some things he suggests about controlling your thoughts and not letting your mind wonder and obsess about things. Also trying to look for ways to control my anger and jealousy. Not just with women, but in general. I have been intolerably angry at everything lately; my friends, my jobs, school, girls, even my family. I am working on some breathing techniques and just becoming aware when its happening so I can do something to stop it.
I went jogging for the first time in a lil while last night. Although, I am pretty active already, I have been noticing some weight gain lately.
All this, however, is being tempered by an alcohol binge of epic proportions.
I am basically using this thread as my journal. An anonymous internet vent thread where I can write things down. At least to get them off my mind, if not to get some sound advice.
Thanks again for your input.
--FBI
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14398719 - 05/04/11 08:00 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Awesome, glad to hear The forums over there have a LOT of great reading material, other guys like you being very honest and getting very honest assessments back.
Re: your jealousy and anger, the best thing I've found it to actually OWN and ACKNOWLEDGE those things instead of trying to "get rid" of them.
Negative things that you own about yourself has this weird way of defusing the power those negative things have over you. It makes it so others can't poke at your sore spots, because you acknowledge they're there, and that disarms the other person, too (since they expect you to deny it and they're ready to bitch at you to "prove" they're right, and they don't know what to do when you own it). It's weird and counter-intuitive, but it works.
I love reading human condition books, I'm listening to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey right now - it's not a new book or anything (and in fact he's got a mess of books on the same topic) but it's full of really great stuff and I highly recommend it as well.
Anything that pats us on the back for our good efforts, or brings a sense of relief is awesome. We're all flawed, but with good mental fodder to ponder on, life is a heck of a lot easier.
When my mind is spinning with negativity, I listen to one of my audiobooks by Brian Tracy, Stephen Covey, Dale Carnegie, or even the Law of Attraction materials (these are kinda weird but everyone's saying the same thing ultimately), and I FORCE the bad thoughts into the back of my head by focusing intently on the soothing words of another. I used to wake up at 3:30 AM in a panic due to my life situation, and those audiobooks helped soothe me back to sleep.
Good luck man, the acute withdrawl period is the hardest but in a month you'll feel much better, and in a year, it'll all feel like a distant dream
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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Blueflowers
Noobin



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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#14398789 - 05/04/11 08:20 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Man i was and still am going through the same shit , i loved this girl so much that i would spend nights drunk punching walls till my knuckles bled not getting why she would lead me on and then ditch me just like that. i know how you feel , she's the only girl that you wouldn't mind spending the rest of eternity with.
The remedy ?
i went from being a pussy fiend to mr nice guy. MR NICE GUY DOES NOT FUCKING WORK! girls thrive for thrill they need someone who keeps them on their toes. They ask where chivalry is THEY FUCKING KILLED IT. ive been inn love 3 times in my life and every time i have been fucked around, it hurts because i have love to give but i don't get shit in return. So let me give you a remedy . Forget about her focus your mind on anything else i.e mycology , get out there and have fun go out with your mates and treat girls like they are nothing more than pussy.
Experience these things and wait for the girl who is actually genuinely interested in you. The girl that smiles when you say stupid shit , the girl that hugs you first , the girl that you know is going to love you back grab that bitch and never let her go!
Now this method for me aint foolproof , you don't have that warm feeling in your heart at the end of the night...you just got pussy, but as i said when you find her you will have all the time in the world to smile truly and feel the richness of your soul with your soul mate.
Peace brother - fuck bitches get money!.....till you find her
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Blueflowers]
#14399317 - 05/04/11 10:43 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Blueflowers said:
Peace brother - fuck bitches get money!.....till you find her 
LOL 
So, Last night she showed up at my house at 2am. We ended up talking again until 5. About us, but mostly just about life, and her trip to London (yeah, the wedding, jeez!). She hasn't stopped thinking about me since I told her to take a hike. And I can't stop thinking about her.
I tried sticking to my guns, but, alas, she's not having any of that. She expressed her mutual feelings for me. How much she wants to be with me, but the fact that she has decided to go back home to Cali for the summer to be with her family and to have a medical procedure done. And the usual reservations about not dating someone from work, how much she values her freedom, how now is bad timing, and how she doesn't want it to end or to end badly.
We both agreed it would be stupid to start anything now with her leaving. But that we would take up the issue when she gets back...
Anyways, she stayed the night, on my couch. We both fell asleep holding each other. No sex, but I probably wouldn't have let that happen anyway. I am still a little apprehensive about the whole situation. But we kissed again for a long while for the first time in a very long time. I came to find out she is a closed mouth kisser. Which is weird 
Anyway, there it is. Can't say I am any more clear on where we stand than before. Although, I think we share feelings for each other. I don't think she is leading me on or fucking with me. She is a pretty genuine person...
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365] 1
#14400574 - 05/04/11 03:30 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I personally don't appreciate it when I'm asked to "wait" for someone, especially when I'm ready NOW.
I'd personally rather leave myself open to potentially finding someone else who is ready NOW, which means putting my head and heart and body in places where I can meet new people and not feel like I'm "cheating" on someone who hasn't even committed to me yet.
You are part of her security blanket, and all her insecurities about it not being a good idea are signs that you're her security blanket.
This is not to say she doesn't genuinely like you, but if she's not willing to commit to being exclusive with you after all the time you've spent getting to know each other, that tells me she's keeping her options open for someone else in the mean time.
It's okay to be a bit of a security blanket for someone willing to commit to you (not marriage necessarily, but at least exclusivity in dating while you figure out if you WANT to get married) but people not willing to commit aren't worthy of your masculine security.
Women are security seeking creatures. That's why a woman will be "friends" with a bunch of guys who really really really actually want to be more - then she always knows she's got someone who will make her feel good about herself when she's insecure or hurting.
I'd think about this one very very carefully. A healthy boundary might be to say "if you're not willing to commit to being my exclusive girlfriend, then we're just friends until you are willing to commit, which means I'm leaving myself open to finding someone who IS willing to commit". And then take action to expand your social circle, chat up new women, make new friends, and let the chips fall where they may.
In the fall when she comes back, if things work out for the two of you - great! If not, you aren't left with resentment from "waiting" for something that never materializes.
PS: In no more mr nice guy terminology, you waiting for her vs making it clear right now is a "covert contract" - you are hoping that by giving her space and believing her word that she'll repay your patience and trust. The way you can tell this is a covert contract is to think about how you'd feel if it didn't materialize - you'd be resentful and upset, and that's always a sign of covert contract. If you were able to detach from outcome and NOT feel jealous, mad, resentful, or whatever, then it wouldn't be a covert contract. Let me know if this is clear or if you have questions
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (05/04/11 03:34 PM)
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GoldenCapAttack
Psilocybin Dumpster Divin'


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14405292 - 05/05/11 01:37 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah my gf and I just broke up after ten months... We were best friends before we got together. Like inseperable. I was always the cool boyfriend, goin to parties lettin her have girl nights. Everynight we'd fuck hardcore. But after ten months, I guess it was too serious, for our age at least. She said it's just not what she wanted right now. I blame myself a little because, it's not like I had no spine or was whipped really. I just tried to be the cool boyfriend since we were such good friends ya know? But nawww, they like a little fight. Even know they have you, they like you to Apply the dickness, with just the right Amount. Thy way they feel like they have to fight for you even though your already yours... They'll push you, and if your a sap like me take my advice. Push back, just a little. Don't explode, but don't roll right over for her. Thy like to know your firm... That was my problem, I was always there. Readily available.. And now after ten months, I've lost my bestfriend. And my girlfriend..
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: GoldenCapAttack]
#14405425 - 05/05/11 02:01 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, I find it really interesting that I have been here all along, and my feelings for her were more or less obvious.
Then as soon as I tell her I don't want anything to do with her for a while, she suddenly realizes that she needs me, and more so, wants to be with me.
I think you are right on G.C. Attack, that perfect combination of aloofness and attitude is what you need to have. But its a delicate balance.
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moz88
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14405645 - 05/05/11 02:42 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Random first post but hey ho.
I was really into a girl once when I was 14, we were best mates for going on a year, but she said she was not interested in me. I became agitated at how close she'd let me be instrumentally but how she'd contradict it communicatively (like cognitive dissonance and other nonsense). We fell out (over various things) and didn't talk for a couple of months. [I'd be 15 at this point]
Anyway after those couple of months we ended going out for somewhere around three to four years after we declared our love for each other, and it was pretty much spot on amazing until the last year and a half. It ended horribly with me living at hers horribly depressed(I had a significantly troubled family life) and us breaking up. [I'd be 18 going on 19 at this point]
This is all pretty irrelevant BUT! At that age time (in the mental sense) passes much slower, and it took me an awful long time to get over, I also believe that the carefree - non work-life balancing mind can produce some seriously profound consciousness (In the innocence/experience Blake sense).
Essentially, from the brief (very brief reading of this thread i.e. skipping from the first page to about here) reading of your situation, winning the girl becomes a powerful narrative/consciousness. Women know this. And if you get together you will be bound to each other in a very lasting sense and that is a lot to handle, and I don't think you think that, but you will eventually and it will affect your life whatever happens.
So yea, being in the "friend zone" can be a catalyst - apparently denying that right might get you what you want (did for me - abliet when I was 15), but be sure you know what you want as you'll be diving head first into a highly concentrated plurality of emotions.
Good luck and I hope it works out! (Really do as well, got me all bleary eyed (or not.))
Anyway, I'm a dmt-nexus-noob-refugee! need to grow some shrooms methinks, get the feeling it'll be harder than a DMT extraction - though I think I'll form an emotional attachment to whatever I'm growing.
Casual sexism... marvelous.
Edited by moz88 (05/05/11 02:48 PM)
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GoldenCapAttack
Psilocybin Dumpster Divin'


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: moz88]
#14408080 - 05/05/11 11:36 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, it's a very thin line you walk on with girls like that. Push too hard, your an ass. Don't push at all, and you've already lost her. Just know that, and take it from me. If you love her, and you really want to be with her. Don't be a bitch, tell her how you feel And assert your feelings. And if you do it right, before hand. You have nothig to lose. Worse comes to worse, you stay friends.. Just take my advice and don't wait till it's too late. It's hard, bit nothing worth having comes easy.. Just don lose her as a friend AND girlfriend.. Pick one and go for it...
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sandi
omg


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: GoldenCapAttack]
#14408116 - 05/05/11 11:49 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Damn...I am too straightforward for all this bullshit. Life is short. I went on and met someone else after dating a guy who couldn't commit after a while of us screwing around, been with the new person ever since. I get that people don't want to lock themselves into something, but enough is enough sometimes.
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Edited by sandi (05/22/11 05:32 AM)
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fbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: sandi]
#14409775 - 05/06/11 11:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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We had sex last night for the first time... It was all like
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GoldenCapAttack
Psilocybin Dumpster Divin'


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14409978 - 05/06/11 12:13 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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sandi
omg


Registered: 04/11/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14411254 - 05/06/11 04:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: We had sex last night for the first time... It was all like 
Good news everybody!
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: sandi]
#14411739 - 05/06/11 06:26 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shLong]
#14413202 - 05/06/11 11:47 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Its just funny how life swings back and forth like it does. I was in the pits last week. And today I feel great! A little hungover, but good spirits.
I have been in love with this girl for over 6 months. And finally! FINALLY!
When we saw each other today at work she came right up to me and gave me a big hug. She told me how last night "was like a dream."
Today I am a winner 
Not only that but my boss at my internship with one of the largest non-profits in the world pulled me aside and told me how great a job I was doing. He said I have an excellent intellectual capacity, and that I am ready for the professional world...
Edited by fbi365 (05/08/11 02:28 PM)
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14414394 - 05/07/11 09:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Wow man, enjoy the upswing!
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MisterMuscaria



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Loc:
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: GoldenCapAttack]
#14416530 - 05/07/11 08:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I used to be the guy who just put up with anything now im more or less the guy who wont put up with anything. Neither way really works.
If a girl treats me like shit I tell her to go fuck herself. I used to just let girls treat me like shit. It's hard to find the balance there.
The girls Im aloof around and completely uninterested in become obsessed with me. The girls Id do anything for ignore me, use me or send me mixed signals.
I cannot win.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: MisterMuscaria]
#14418477 - 05/08/11 07:20 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Wow hey I'm glad to be wrong in this case!
Congrats man, sometimes all it takes is a little distance to allow her to "come" to you
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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BadAcid
PLUR 2011>



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14418736 - 05/08/11 09:43 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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YES! Well fucking done son!
Now, don't fall in love too much or she will get bored, but make sure you also give her the attention she craves.
Im actually so fucking happy and I can't help but think this thread helped you sort out your thoughts to enable you to 'get er done' lol.
Nice one mate.
-------------------- People can fly
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14419178 - 05/08/11 11:36 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said: Wow hey I'm glad to be wrong in this case!
Congrats man, sometimes all it takes is a little distance to allow her to "come" to you 
I don't think you were wrong at all. I followed your advice. More or less. And it worked out in a positive way. 
I think it just took a little shock to snap her out of her little girl, self centered, world revolves around me attitude to realize that she cares for me. She is only 21, and a bit of a lush. So I understand how it is easy to get caught up in the moment. She realizes that our friendship is not "unconditional." And that there are consequences to our actions (both of our actions), in that there are emotional repercussions to all that flirting a playing around we did.
Anyway, she just left my house. She stayed the night again. I don't think we even slept all night. And I even got to try some new positions. lol. And I think she likes to talk dirty Which is a new one for me... It is probably the best sex I have ever had.
She is hands down the most attractive woman I have ever slept with. What she sees in me physically I don't really know. But I am not complaining.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



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Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14419298 - 05/08/11 12:09 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Re: what she sees in you physically...
Remember, guys value good looks more than girls do, on a whole. Women appreciate inner strength, passion for life and the future, and the feeling of "safety" with their guy.
Don't confuse "safety" with "boredom" however - physical safety, knowing you'd fight for her and not leave her in the lurch. It's one of those biological things, women scope out men for their ability to protect her and the young'ns, even if they don't have any desire for young'ns. Emotional safety is extremely important, too - learn how to deal with your stresses so you don't take it out on her when you're stressed at life. I can't count how many times I've watched guys have a temper tantrum because they're stressed at work, and lash out in my direction because I'm the closest to them. (note: those guys aren't in my life anymore)
Note: women often deny their need for safety because they fear it makes them look weak, but deep down, we get wet about men with emotional strength who don't break down and look for a Mommy to care for them. This is why you'll see "bridge trolls" with beautiful women who are happy to be with their guy.
Being vulnerable with her is not a weak thing, either - as long as it's an honest vulnerability and not one that's an attempt to guilt or obligate her to you, or get her to solve your problems for you. If your parent is sick and dying, share your heart with her. If someone at work is making your life hell or she is taking advantage of you, learn to figure out how to deal with it by taking action, with only minimal verbal vents along the way.
It's a tough balance to figure out, I feel like I'm only "getting it" now, and I'm 38!
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14419690 - 05/08/11 01:43 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, It helps if you can get it done in the sack too. Which I think I am well over above average in that department if every woman I have ever been with is to be believed.
On a serious note. I am by no means ugly, just not the type of guy who gets it done on looks alone. I guess I blend into a crowd well. I recognize from personal experience that emotional ties are often more important to women than looks. Every woman I have ever dated has been attractive (to others too, not just me :-) and there has usually been something aside from my looks that attracts them to me.
Its a tough balance as you say, but I also want to point out how much more simple it seems when you are together with someone. This conversation started with how I needed to do somethings different, or to act in a way that is not entirely natural for me.
Now, you are saying "be genuine." Be myself, be strong, treat the other well, don't forget that I am my own person. This might be a little ahead of my current situation though. I still feel like I am playing a bit of a game here, although it has gotten fun (thank god, because it wasn't fun there for a while). She is now the one that is playing catchup I think this has put me in a better position in the relationship. I need to be able to maintain this position.
We are not in a relationship in any formal sense. We have discovered how deeply we care about each other. Our friendship has gotten intensely physical in a hurry. We have been spending considerably more time with each other. We got here by experiencing an intense emotional trauma, and simply being honest with each other and coming out with it.
I think the physical aspect of it is helping to simplify this unnecessarily complicated situation. When her head starts spinning from it all (and mine too), and all the doubts, uncertainties, and insecurities take over. I just ask her "do you like laying next to me and holding my hand? Do you like it when I kiss you good night and good morning? Do you like the absurdly spectacular sex we had?
To which she emphatically replies "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
"Then its really not that complicated at all is it?" I say.
"No, you are right"
Plus, nothing is ever that bad when you are getting busy. 
Quote:
BadAcid said:

YES! Well fucking done son!
Now, don't fall in love too much or she will get bored, but make sure you also give her the attention she craves.
Im actually so fucking happy and I can't help but think this thread helped you sort out your thoughts to enable you to 'get er done' lol.
Nice one mate.
Thanks man. Yes this thread has absolutely helped me get passed that friends zone. If it weren't for this forum I would still be stressing over it and unhappy with our situation.
So really the thanks is to all of you who read my pathetic dribble, and especially responded. Honestly, I feel like a million bucks right now. I am sooooooooooo happy. I even told my mom I got laid... 
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Edited by fbi365 (05/08/11 04:33 PM)
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14429737 - 05/10/11 12:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Stop asking for her to soothe your anxieties about how much she likes you, that gets old fast. It's always better for the guy when the GIRL is the one who is asking insecure questions (and instead of saying "yes", you pin her against the wall and demonstrate your answer).
Also, you can't logic her into a relationship with you. Until you both agree you're "in a relationship" then the reality is, you're just FWBs.
I still see warning signs, which makes me say "have fun while it lasts, but don't go and tell yourself this is long term until she commits to exclusivity and starts telling people you're her boyfriend".
Fun is fun, but fun doesn't mean shit when it comes to long term commitment.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14429914 - 05/10/11 01:42 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I don't really know what to make of it all. I am not really all that insecure about our situation now.
I think you are getting the warning signs from the fact that she is leaving for two months. She asked me if we could just take up the conversation about being "in a relationship" after she gets back. And I agreed that was a good idea. Neither of us wants to negotiate a long term relationship two weeks into the beginning of our relationship. That's just silly.
I am okay with fun. I would have a problem if she went and did something with another guy even though we are not "in a relationship." She knows that. I guess that's where my insecurity is then. And I don't really know how to conduct myself (in terms of hooking up) around other women since I don't want to be a hypocrite.
I guess all I can really do is have fun while it lasts...
You are right, I need to play it a little more cool. I agree. Its hard though...
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Edited by fbi365 (05/10/11 02:01 PM)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14435771 - 05/11/11 04:52 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Something in this world is conspiring to see me not get laid. We had plans to spend time together before she leaves, and guess what? I just came down with a highly contagious deadly form of strep throat. Estimated duration: all weekend 
Fuck my life...
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14438601 - 05/12/11 04:12 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Men give love for sex.
Women give sex for love.
You're fucking up the formula and giving the love away for free. Guys who aren't "Just Friends" don't go for that shit.
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Lennyk
D-O-L-E Dole


Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 2,385
Loc: Near the Ground
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #3]
#14438891 - 05/12/11 06:55 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Men give love for sex.
Women give sex for love.
You're fucking up the formula and giving the love away for free. Guys who aren't "Just Friends" don't go for that shit.
There appears to be an issue with the 'formula' op. Although this formula reminds me of the geocentric theory.
-------------------- Stealth Lighting Cubensis benefits beyond cluster headaches Mush Extract! (You can even use Vinegar!) Flame your needle in style with a sexy mini butane torch ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What happens in the Romper Room, stays in the Romper Room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All posts are written by the sex deprived helper monkey Curious George.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Lennyk]
#14439887 - 05/12/11 12:08 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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The formula. Of Course! Stimpy. You Idiot! You have fucked up the formula again!
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Anonymous #4
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14441385 - 05/12/11 06:18 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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IMHO if you really want this girl in your future now is the time to find other really hot girls to hang out with/fuck.
Then she will be yours forever because everyone wants what they think they can't have.
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14441653 - 05/12/11 07:12 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: I don't really know what to make of it all. I am not really all that insecure about our situation now.
I think you are getting the warning signs from the fact that she is leaving for two months. She asked me if we could just take up the conversation about being "in a relationship" after she gets back. And I agreed that was a good idea. Neither of us wants to negotiate a long term relationship two weeks into the beginning of our relationship. That's just silly.
El Oh El.
It's not like you just met this chick. You've got a history of makeouts while she was with her last boyfriend (red alert!). You've been friends for how long? You've spent AT LEAST 6 months wooing her after her breakup with the other guy. You KNOW you want to be in a serious relationship with her.
So, since you're not in a relationship with her, not exclusive, does that mean you're also actively dating other chicks? Or are you going to "wait for her", which means essentially being exclusive to someone who has told you she won't be exclusive to you this summer?
If she comes back after this 2 months and tells you she met someone in the mean time (or just comes back with a STI but doesn't tell you for a long time that she actually fooled around with a few guys during those 2 months? Note: she doesn't have to ever tell you how many/who she made out with during those 2 months. You are not exclusive, you have no right to the information.), how are you going to feel about that? Pretty shitty I'd guess, and pretty resentful because YOU waited for HER and avoided a lot of summertime opportunities.
In fact, I'll bet you'll even feel guilty checking out the women during the summer when they're dressed the sexiest, so you'll refrain from doing that out of loyalty to a girl who has told you she's not ready to be loyal to you.
Quote:
I am okay with fun. I would have a problem if she went and did something with another guy even though we are not "in a relationship." She knows that. I guess that's where my insecurity is then. And I don't really know how to conduct myself (in terms of hooking up) around other women since I don't want to be a hypocrite.
YOU ARE NOT EXCLUSIVE.
She has every right to make out with every cute boy she meets this summer, because you're NOT EXCLUSIVE. It's not cheating when you're not committed.
Do we need to go back to the thing about the jealous boyfriend who isn't even a boyfriend?
Quote:
I guess all I can really do is have fun while it lasts...
You are right, I need to play it a little more cool. I agree. Its hard though...
You not only have to play it a little more cool, you need to get yourself out there in the market and start asking other women out for coffee and movies and all those pre-cursor-to-serious-relationship things.
It's not being a hypocrite. She said she doesn't want to be your girlfriend until she comes back. She's friends with benefits and THAT IS ALL. Treating her like she's your girlfriend is living in dream land.
BTW, the only reason a girl won't commit to someone she claims to like is because she's keeping her options open.
BTW 2, going exclusive is reversable if it doesn't work out. Going exclusive is NOT marriage (and even that's reversable), it's committing to a degree of fidelity and true effort to see if marriage is feasable. You're asking her to be your girlfriend when you ask her to not make out with other people. She's told you she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Do the math - now, or when she comes back and after 6 months of exclusive dating when she knows you're good and hooked (or infected with some STI she brought back to you), she opens up about her wild summer.
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (05/12/11 07:23 PM)
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14441806 - 05/12/11 07:39 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Man, potgrrl, you have so much to teach us...
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14443001 - 05/12/11 11:29 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
You KNOW you want to be in a serious relationship with her.
Yep I do.
Quote:
If she comes back after this 2 months and tells you she met someone in the mean time how are you going to feel about that? Pretty shitty I'd guess, and pretty resentful because YOU waited for HER and avoided a lot of summertime opportunities.
Not likely, but plausible. She is having jaw surgery. Her jaw will be wired shut and she will be recovering for the majority of the summer. I guess she could meet a great male nurse who services her smoothie. Lol
Quote:
In fact, I'll bet you'll even feel guilty checking out the women during the summer when they're dressed the sexiest, so you'll refrain from doing that out of loyalty to a girl who has told you she's not ready to be loyal to you.
I will just keep my options open. I have never been the guy who hooks up with girls often or at random. My hook ups come after some amount of getting to know and a little work. I have no desire or patience to "meet new people" or "date." If something comes around I will be open, but really I don't think this will be an issue.
Quote:
You not only have to play it a little more cool, you need to get yourself out there in the market and start asking other women out for coffee and movies and all those pre-cursor-to-serious-relationship things.
This is entirely unlikely. And it has nothing to do with her. I spend my life between the pages of books and between two beers. There are not too many real women who live there. The thought of coffee and a movie makes me giggle. Thats silly. lol
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Edited by fbi365 (05/12/11 11:51 PM)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14443047 - 05/12/11 11:39 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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P.S. Potgrrl,
Sunday is her birthday and the last day she will be here. She is leaving Monday morning. What do you think about a birthday/going away gift? And while on that subject, a get well gift after her surgery?
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Edited by fbi365 (05/12/11 11:51 PM)
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potgrrl
Tripper Grrl



Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 641
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14443869 - 05/13/11 05:19 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: P.S. Potgrrl,
Sunday is her birthday and the last day she will be here. She is leaving Monday morning. What do you think about a birthday/going away gift? And while on that subject, a get well gift after her surgery?
My general thought on this is: If it were a guy friend who you were close to, how would you treat the occasions? What if it were a non-relative female friend you weren't sexually attracted to?
Don't reward her with girlfriend-like treatment when she has made it clear she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Putting her up on a pedestal where you treat her as if she's more special than everyone else (after she's put you on hold) subcommunicates to her that you value HER more than you value YOURSELF. Very very very very dangerous precident to set up - women are pro's at milking guys for all they're worth and then showing no guilt when we walk away. After all, she TOLD you she didn't want to be serious yet. Keep your balls out of her purse, man! Once we have your balls in our purse, we're SO much less sexually attracted to you it's not even funny.
It's unlikely you're the only friend who can be there to emotionally support her. It's much healthier for her to turn to her relatives and girlfriends, but if she's an attention-seeker, she probably has you and at least one other guy on the string for the fall. This also qualifies as "keeping her options open".
-------------------- Everything is arbitrary. (me)
Edited by potgrrl (05/13/11 05:44 AM)
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14445350 - 05/13/11 12:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: P.S. Potgrrl,
Sunday is her birthday and the last day she will be here. She is leaving Monday morning. What do you think about a birthday/going away gift? And while on that subject, a get well gift after her surgery?
Quote:
My general thought on this is: If it were a guy friend who you were close to, how would you treat the occasions?
I guess its different. A guy friend would get a bottle and a sack of mushrooms and hopefully a mad hangover. lol
Quote:
Keep your balls out of her purse, man! Once we have your balls in our purse, we're SO much less sexually attracted to you it's not even funny.
That makes me laugh
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Dank_Trichome


Registered: 03/28/08
Posts: 751
Last seen: 9 years, 2 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14454813 - 05/15/11 04:09 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: P.S. Potgrrl,
Sunday is her birthday and the last day she will be here. She is leaving Monday morning. What do you think about a birthday/going away gift? And while on that subject, a get well gift after her surgery?
Your dick in a box.
This thread was an epic read.
fbi: Mad respect for having the balls to let it all hang out here, but more importantly for following all the GREAT advice by the female posters. I know you helped a ton of guys in similar situations who were too scared to ask for advice. Seriously girls, that was awesome reading all that you had to say about a situation that happens to a lot of guys.
Congrats on hooking up with her, I did a celebratory fist pump when I read that post. 
Big summer coming up for you, other girls will definitely pick up on your confidence/swagger/vibes that comes from gettin it on. Keep following potgrrls advice, she has not failed you yet!!
I think it'd be smart to explore the female opportunities that will present themselves in the coming months, you will be able to get a better understanding of your feelings for Sarah depending on how you feel after going after/getting some other girls this summer.
potgrrl, TTT, and the other female posters who I'm forgetting it was great reading the girls perspective of this type of situation, your posts were appreciated. 
I'm sad the first part of this saga is over, but fbi keep us updated on your exploits over the summer, good luck man.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Dank_Trichome]
#14455760 - 05/15/11 11:32 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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AND... SHE... IS... GONE...
Quote:
Dank_Trichome said:
Quote:
fbi: Mad respect for having the balls to let it all hang out here, but more importantly for following all the GREAT advice by the female posters.
Congrats on hooking up with her, I did a celebratory fist pump when I read that post. 
Thanks Bro! I have been doing a few fist pumps myself as of late. I don't know what to say other than, this shit in this thread works, even if you fuck it up a lot, it still works.
Quote:
Big summer coming up for you, other girls will definitely pick up on your confidence/swagger/vibes that comes from gettin it on. Keep following potgrrls advice, she has not failed you yet!!
I feel like I have a little extra swag in my step, a little extra gleam in my smile, we'll see if I can make it pay off 
Quote:
potgrrl, TTT, and the other female posters who I'm forgetting it was great reading the girls perspective of this type of situation, your posts were appreciated. 
Agreed Girls, thanks again
I'm sad the first part of this saga is over, but fbi keep us updated on your exploits over the summer, good luck man.
Thanks for your words Dank
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Blueflowers
Noobin



Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 174
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 7 days, 9 hours
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] 1
#14460569 - 05/16/11 03:16 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Man i keep coming back to this post so good!,meh from what i have read on her she is either keeping her options open so she can have summer flings, leading you the hell on(doubt it since you did say she is nice and honest) or she is hesitant to be in a relationship with such a good friend. Trust me when she comes back just be a mad chill friend still flirt but tease her with it i.e. after you kiss tease her with one more and stop until the next time you see her, take her out to places you'll know she will have fun at. I always take girls to Max Brenner and end up doing shit like having a chocolate fights and getting the staff pissed off(take her mind off things and focus on it being a world with only you and her doing fun shit together)
my analysis of her personality is closely related to a model i was seeing , girls like this don't want to be treated like a queen they long for s guy who is relaxed as a friend but also keeps them on their feet by doing fun interesting things. once you show her that you aint under her spell and you don't feel nervous around her but you like her she's all yours man trust me
Girls are simple in the way that most of them look for a similar attribute in men , an easy going fun lovin guy that aint fussed. have you noticed the girls you don't want anything to with relationship/love wise want you so bad? its because you couldn't care less what they think and you see them as a friend. Whereas you might not realize it but the actual girl you fall in love with ,you turn into a big fat lovey dovey teddy bear that will do anything for em AND THEY KNOW THAT!, they don't want the fucking teddy bear...trust me, that is why they lead you on and then just leave you in a shithole when they find somone they want to fuck or date.
Ahhh i could talk all day but unfortunately i have work , Goodluck man you remind me of the person i once was and the person i long to be again, an honest guy who really gives a fuck. she dosn't realize that then she is yet another dumbass bitch who ends up regretting it when they marry the slob who sits on his ass and cheats on her
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ShroomyJohn
Stranger
Registered: 09/13/10
Posts: 1,085
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: potgrrl]
#14473171 - 05/18/11 12:56 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
potgrrl said:
Quote:
I am okay with fun. I would have a problem if she went and did something with another guy even though we are not "in a relationship." She knows that. I guess that's where my insecurity is then. And I don't really know how to conduct myself (in terms of hooking up) around other women since I don't want to be a hypocrite.
YOU ARE NOT EXCLUSIVE.
She has every right to make out with every cute boy she meets this summer, because you're NOT EXCLUSIVE. It's not cheating when you're not committed.
Do we need to go back to the thing about the jealous boyfriend who isn't even a boyfriend?
Quote:
I guess all I can really do is have fun while it lasts...
You are right, I need to play it a little more cool. I agree. Its hard though...
You not only have to play it a little more cool, you need to get yourself out there in the market and start asking other women out for coffee and movies and all those pre-cursor-to-serious-relationship things.
It's not being a hypocrite. She said she doesn't want to be your girlfriend until she comes back. She's friends with benefits and THAT IS ALL. Treating her like she's your girlfriend is living in dream land.
BTW, the only reason a girl won't commit to someone she claims to like is because she's keeping her options open.
BTW 2, going exclusive is reversable if it doesn't work out. Going exclusive is NOT marriage (and even that's reversable), it's committing to a degree of fidelity and true effort to see if marriage is feasable. You're asking her to be your girlfriend when you ask her to not make out with other people. She's told you she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Do the math - now, or when she comes back and after 6 months of exclusive dating when she knows you're good and hooked (or infected with some STI she brought back to you), she opens up about her wild summer.
I'm sorry but I feel as though you've had some bad relationships so you feel that until you "are exclusive" you can do whatever the fuck you want, so you should. Just because you can go date 5 guys at once because your " not exclusive" with any of them doesn't mean it should be done. Females talk about how guys are assholes, but for some reason you're allowed to be fucking however many people you want. That's gross and you're doing nothing but leading everybody on. Fuck you're telling him to do whatever he wants while she is gone? HA in two months when she comes back and they start back up, that is NOT going to go over well. You talk like women are simple people and that's a 100% lie because women are (like you said) built on emotions. And when you deal with emotion, nothing is simple. How to please a man: good sex and being faithful. How to please a woman: depends on the woman, the day, the weather, what commercial was just on TV, who said what yesterday, what the scale read this morning, etc. 2 months is nothing to go without hooking up with some slut when you have the chance to see if someone you may really care about sees you the same way. It isn't infidelity, it is showing respect. If she goes and has a wild summer maybe you might need to look a little more closely at what you want from her
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thoughts
imagining.


Registered: 10/06/07
Posts: 16,816
Loc: here.
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ShroomyJohn]
#14473408 - 05/18/11 01:46 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Great thread, i've learned a couple thangs.
-------------------- I need Jesus.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: thoughts]
#14516253 - 05/26/11 04:25 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I can't stop thinking about her. This is terrible. She is consuming probably 90% of my brainpower right now.
I don't know what to do to get my mind off her. There are no other girls to keep my mind off her. None. So that is not an option, and please dont suggest it to me.
I feel like this is very unhealthy. And probably going to wreck everything with her, because in my past, this stage, the constantly thinking stage, is where it all fucks up.
So far, I have had very little contact with her since she left, a couple text messages, and a few minutes on chat, but thats it. I want to call her or text her, but I can't even think of what to say. I feel like being neurotic and saying dumb shit isn't going to help, but I also feel like not texting or calling at all will not help either.
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Dank_Trichome


Registered: 03/28/08
Posts: 751
Last seen: 9 years, 2 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14517968 - 05/26/11 09:46 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Oh no! Don't relapse now...
Females please help...
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Dank_Trichome]
#14518745 - 05/27/11 12:02 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I think... If you two got married, and eventually she died, she'd want you to have a life beyond missing her, kay? Chill. Out. You need to have a life beyond her when she gets back as well, no one likes to be smothered. You'd have something to say to her if you spent your time doing something other than wait for her.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Lynnch]
#14520823 - 05/27/11 01:22 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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No one is smothering anybody, first of all.
And God damn it! I knew I shouldn't text her because she didn't even respond. WTF? I ONLY did it, against my better judgement, because a friend was telling me "just text her and say hi, and tell her I say hi, and see how she's doing."
Usually, I would just erase a girls number once she stopped responding to texts/calls, but this is different. I just won't text her unless she texts me first, I guess
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14520885 - 05/27/11 01:31 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Look dude, I don't want to be a dick, but I have been in the situation you have been in. I have followed this thread upside down, inside out, and used bits and pieces of it to try to resolve my own relationship issues. In doing so, I realized something:
NO GOOD RELATIONSHIP SHOULD EVER BE THIS FUCKING HARD TO MAINTAIN!
When you and the other person are truly sharing something intimate and special, NONE of this shit is even a factor. Worrying about texting her and making yourself look like an idiot is a surefire sign you are doing something wrong.
Once you are in the friends zone, it is impossible to get out of it unless you force yourself away from this thing for a while. A good relationship stems from good, sexual comfort. Fearing judgement for texting her because you miss her is unhealthy and very, very idiotic. She can sense these things in the energy you portray through your texts, and they turn her off the same way her unresponsiveness turns you off.
Don't shit all over the relationship, but for your sake and especially for her sake, allow the two of you some breathing room. The time you spent together, the goals you achieved, all of those things were meant to be brief and meant to be in the moment. Trying to prolong something that is getting you nowhere is insanity, and even if you are in love, it is still insanity.
Stop killing yourself and stop killing your relationship with her.
Let her come to you, NEVER go to her. Only then will things work out.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shimishimiman]
#14521041 - 05/27/11 01:53 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Its only hard because I am a neurotic wreck when it comes to women. If I could just make it stop, don't you think I would by now?
Everything is so simple when she is right there with me. When she is laying next to me I know. When she kisses my back and tells me I am perfect, it is simple. And when she says all she wants is her bed, and me in it kissing her, those moments are perfect and devoid of any doubt about what is really going on.
But when she is away, every bit of insecurity and doubt takes over and I don't know how to MAKE IT STOP.
I believe some people are doomed to be alone their whole lives. And I think I am one of those people...
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14521228 - 05/27/11 02:22 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I can assure you, it stops when you decide to make it stop. Being a hopeless romantic, as charming as it may be, doesn't get anyone anywhere for too long.
Get your shit together, fool! You had your fun; now stop giving into the withdrawals and be a man!
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shimishimiman]
#14521409 - 05/27/11 02:50 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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its not over, we are just taking a break...
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Shrink
The Curious



Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 1,119
Loc: bay area
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14523655 - 05/27/11 09:45 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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The friendzone situation blows. Especially because of the issues that come up. Being a best friend and having a crush on them makes it increasingly difficult to give unbiased advice to them - which is crucial in a good friendship. Definitely shaky when your girl best friend considers you her go-to person, completely trusts you, and you fall for her.
Last night I told my best friend that I loved her. I had to tell her, I was already "leaking" signs like a rusty tank under pressure and finally blew.
Everyone seems to give the advice that its best to avoid the feelings and try to get over them, due to the chance of ruining the friendship. In the long run this is much better for your mental health. But we tell each other everything, I had to be honest with her. I wasn't sure what the heck love was for the longest time. There isn't a thing she doesn't know about me. I would do literally anything for her and my stomach drops like an elevator whenever I'm close to her. I decided that if anything is love, this is it, because I can't imagine every fiber of my being melting with passion a single bit more for a person.
She went into shock, I didn't get the response I wanted, but I didn't really go into it expecting anything. I asked her if I could kiss her. Normally I wouldn't ask and wait for appropriate signs but I didn't think that was the way to go in the situation I was in. She still has some feelings for an old friend of ours. I thought she knew that he had moved on, so I mentioned it. Apparently she didn't know, what I was telling her about him moving on was completely new to her. I felt horrible. I thought I had gotten some signs from her that she liked me back, and I had also assumed that she had moved on from this guy. The damage is done now I guess.
In the mean time she's still in shock and dealing with all this new information. But we promised we will always stay best friends no matter what happens - we're actually hanging out again tomorrow night. I just feel awful that all this happened to her in one night and I can tell she's confused and upset. It's a shitty situation, but I can't just hide how much I love this chick my entire life. She also told me that she had hooked up with a guy about 7 months ago - completely intoxicated and spontaneously. This makes me feel like complete shit, that I pour my heart out for this girl and can't even get a kiss. When I think about it I just shrivel up inside.
Hope this story is relevant to the OP, thanks for reading, and comments are appreciated.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Shrink]
#14525405 - 05/28/11 08:46 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I hope things go well for you tonight. She might still be processing though. its not really a good sign if she shot you down for a kiss though. I normally wouldn't ask. Ever. That is an open invitation for them to say 'no.'
I think its good you told her. Depending on how things go from here on out, you may want to tell her that you need some time away from her. This way you can sort your shit out, and she will have some time to process and decide how she really feels about you.
Gotta run for now, but I do hope things go well for you tonight.
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Shrink
The Curious



Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 1,119
Loc: bay area
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14526977 - 05/28/11 04:41 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah I really wish I wouldn't have asked. It was a bad idea I guess. But she told me she didn't ever consider the possibility of having feelings for me. So maybe I saved a little anguish, or maybe just going in for the kiss would have resulted in some ephemeral success. Did I make the right choice then? I was giving her a massage earlier, and we are very physically comfortable together (especially so this night), so I thought the physical tension was already there :/
Its a ridiculously complicated situation. She said part of the reason she hadn't considered any feelings is because her and my best friend used to date and she still had feelings for him. I'm all for respecting bro/girl-rules and boundaries, but I thought enough time had passed and there was the fact that I really love this chick. Hence the trainwreck that happened. Then I told her I loved her, a lot, which is sort of when she went into shock. No guy has ever told her the "I Love you" line. I don't even like to use the word, and I had never said it to a girl before. I could tell her mind was racing at the speed of light but I'm not sure if it changes anything.
The thing I'm afraid of, as most people who go through this situation are afraid of, is that not only will she break my heart, but we won't be friends anymore. Time will tell I guess but we're closer with each other than any other human beings on earth so I can't imagine it any other way.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Shrink]
#14528007 - 05/28/11 08:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah. Maybe 'I love you' was a bit heavy. Probably ' I really like you' would have been better. It's a little less ummmm drastic sounding.
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Shrink
The Curious



Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 1,119
Loc: bay area
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14528044 - 05/28/11 08:15 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I already told her that "I really like" her about 10 months ago. Not sure if that changes your opinion or not. I mean what I said, I'm not sure exactly what love "should" be, but in my opinion, if you feel everything for someone, with all your being, would do anything for them, would die for them - I can't think of any other definition and I'd be glad to be enlightened with a better one.
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sonavapreacha
Stranger


Registered: 02/02/10
Posts: 200
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Shrink]
#14528170 - 05/28/11 08:40 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have someone you can call...
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: sonavapreacha]
#14529242 - 05/29/11 02:30 AM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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lol I don't get the reference...
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thedream
The Most High

Registered: 12/25/10
Posts: 592
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14537805 - 05/30/11 08:48 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Congrats bro you manned up and handled your shit. You were interested in her and when she did not recipricate those feelings you did what you should have; show her that not just any girl can hold your attention and you are not looking for friendship, albeit thanks to the fine advice from our fellow shroomerites ofcourse but you followed through and it payed off.
With that being said the timing is less than ideal with her going away for two months. Be prepared for one of the following four things to happen upon her return: 1)She changed her mind and does not want to be an intimate relationship with you. 2) You two remain as friends with benefits until one of you, most likely her it sounds like, finds someone else or 3) your ideal circumstance, she does indeed like you and want to be in a relationship or 4) you two remain as just friends until you one of you falls out of contact with the other. Judging by how much contact you two have over the break will help gauge which choice she makes.
Due to the unpredictable nature of most girls and this girl especially it is hard to say which she will chose. But in my opinion she knew she would be away for awhile and therefor could be intimiate with you without having to commit to a relationship with you, hence the sympathy fucks. Doing so allowed the two of you to end things on good terms without having to officially end things. Not only that, it allowed her to not feel bad about the way she treated you because in the end you somewhat got what you wanted, atleast this is more than most of those in your position can say.
And I dont mean to take anything away from your experiences as I'm sure it was amazing and in all likelyhood she wanted to jump your bones just as bad but just be prepared that she is not madly in love with you as you are with her. Play it cool over the break don't text her nonstop. A simple text saying "just wanted to say hi how are you feeling" is ideal once in awhile. Don't let your insecurities get the best of you, women can pick up on it like its their job and is a huge red flag to them.
Overall it sounds like you kind of have her on the fence about you. As stated before women moreso than men want what they can't have and when you gave the slightest inclination that she couldnt have you she suddenly was more interested in you. You do not want to be in a relationship with this type of person where you have to manipulate her into liking you. They are not with you for the right reasons and will utlimatly be unfaithful to you. But if you want to ride it out and you two are friends on facebook take some pictures with some pretty girls doing fun stuff, it will make her extremely jealous and attracted to you!
She has problems for sure but it also sounds like you have some yourself. Your happiness should not depend on the love from another, it should only supplement the love you have for life and for yourself ofcourse. This is tough to digest even for myself as I've been in your shoes and in hindsight I could not believe how I could let myself get so carried away for a person who could not recipricate the feelings I was dishing out. I could be wrong about all of this but the message I want to give to you is just hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. If it works out; cool, if it doesnt; cool.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: thedream]
#14547480 - 06/01/11 07:15 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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Thanks, man, for the thoughtful response. Yeah, it all of those things are possibilities I have considered. Really, anything could happen. I wouldn't be all that surprised if she came back and called it off entirely. I just really don't know with this girl. Trying to judge her by her actions is impossible. She has a way of keeping actions and emotions compartmentalized. I am just trying my best to avoid dedicating time to imagining contingencies. Its very hard.
And the thing about not manipulating someone into a relationship makes sense.
I texted her a bit today after she initiated a conversation. I was kind of wondering if she didn't want to talk to me or something. Other than that I have cooled down a bit on the neurotic thoughts. There is really nothing I can do until she gets back then I will see where we stand. I am not prepared for a big let down though. That would be devastating...
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nikegurl192


Registered: 11/10/10
Posts: 21
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14556247 - 06/03/11 03:52 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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eek..shes just not that into you bro. and sounds like she's using you for attention and to feel better about herself -- not really the kind of qualities you'd want in a mate anyways
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: nikegurl192]
#14558066 - 06/03/11 10:40 PM (12 years, 7 months ago) |
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it would be in your best of interest to start mentally preparing for the break up. long distance does not work, not matter how powerful either of you think the bond is.
you definitely know deep down that there is something wrong, or you would not have made this whole fucking thread to begin with. happiness in a relationship most definitely does not stem from one party being completely neurotic and obsessed with the other. you blame yourself saying you are a neurotic to begin with, but i don't think that's true - i think SHE just makes you neurotic.
i have been in this same situation before, and the whole thing blew up in my face something awful. it fucking sucked and i have cut that bitch out of my life because there was no other way to deal with her stupid ass. i loved her more than anything in the world and she used my love to fuel her ego and make me look like a jackass.
if you really want a solution to this, you need to tell her that you can't be in a long distance relationship and that you need to end it. be fucking prepared to end it, and don't go back on your word. even if you think you love this girl more than anything, you cannot keep torturing yourself with the prospect of something that is inevitably going to blow up in your face.
be strong dude, your weak insecurity regarding this girl is something she is most definitely aware of and something she will exploit. its not because she's a bad person or because she doesn't love you, its just because you are ALLOWING her the opportunity to exploit it.
the only way to make yourself seem strong and attractive to her is to tell her you can't be long distance with her. you need love and you need pussy, and she can't deliver either if she's way off in wherever doing whatever.
also, stop being in denial dude. denial is a powerful thing, and if you keep trying to brush off all of this advice we are giving you, the shit most certainly will not work out and you will be a depressed fuckin wreck for a long time.
i am not you and i would be a liar if i said i am an expert on relationships or YOUR relationship for that matter, but the best solution to this is definitely for you to dump her before she dumps you. tell her you are a confused wreck with her gone, and you can't keep this shit up. you'd still like to be friends, but you have needs that she can't fulfill from a distance. be straight up honest to her, but most of all be honest to yourself. if you got a girl as hot or as special as her, you can definitely get another one. just make sure you keep the upper hand, or you will crash and burn.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shimishimiman]
#14725478 - 07/06/11 12:05 PM (12 years, 6 months ago) |
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I thought I would give a little update, again, for my own good to get it off my chest as well as for any good advice that might come from the shroomery community.
So, basically, she has been short or completely unresponsive most of the summer. I called her out on in and she said nothing was wrong, just the great physical distance between us.
And I think I have figured out what attracts me to her so strongly; she makes me feel like complete shit. I have never known any other feeling from a woman before, and to be honest I don't think I deserve anything better which is why I like her so much.
With that being said. I met somebody else ( I'm FBI, Nice to meet you). Things with her seem to be the opposite of with Sarah. They are simple. She likes me a lot and makes it known. I tried for a while to resist because she is a little out of my age category and because I didn't know how to approach things with the Sarah thing, but I think I am caving.
The new girl, Kassi, is very affectionate, caring, and sensitive to my feelings. She is fun and flirtatious. She does have a little temper though and she likes cats which is creepy (and I'm allergic). The whole thing is more simple and I am having fun with it. Its kinda nice and the complete opposite of what it was like with Sarah. To be honest though, I don't have a terrible amount of emotional investment right now. I just want to keep it FUN, thats all. When it stops being fun, I am out of there. Also, it is happening at a weird time for me so I am a little apprehensive right now.
Oh, and did I forget to mention? She is GORGEOUS YAY! Not cute, beautiful, or hot. Kassi is drop dead gorgeous. Strait up bangin. I won't say she's a 10, but she's somewhere damn close. She is the girl ALL of my guy friends want. lol. and I got her. It makes me giggle We slept together for the first time on the Fourth of July.
Thanks for listening shroomers. Thanks for the advice. I think I am getting it
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14725860 - 07/06/11 01:08 PM (12 years, 6 months ago) |
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Well done comrade, I think I speak for all of us when I say WE ARE VERY FUCKING PROUD OF YOU !
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14918926 - 08/14/11 02:25 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: I thought I would give a little update, again, for my own good to get it off my chest as well as for any good advice that might come from the shroomery community.
So, basically, she has been short or completely unresponsive most of the summer. I called her out on in and she said nothing was wrong, just the great physical distance between us.
And I think I have figured out what attracts me to her so strongly; she makes me feel like complete shit. I have never known any other feeling from a woman before, and to be honest I don't think I deserve anything better which is why I like her so much.
With that being said. I met somebody else ( I'm FBI, Nice to meet you). Things with her seem to be the opposite of with Sarah. They are simple. She likes me a lot and makes it known. I tried for a while to resist because she is a little out of my age category and because I didn't know how to approach things with the Sarah thing, but I think I am caving.
The new girl, Kassi, is very affectionate, caring, and sensitive to my feelings. She is fun and flirtatious. She does have a little temper though and she likes cats which is creepy (and I'm allergic). The whole thing is more simple and I am having fun with it. Its kinda nice and the complete opposite of what it was like with Sarah. To be honest though, I don't have a terrible amount of emotional investment right now. I just want to keep it FUN, thats all. When it stops being fun, I am out of there. Also, it is happening at a weird time for me so I am a little apprehensive right now.
Oh, and did I forget to mention? She is GORGEOUS YAY! Not cute, beautiful, or hot. Kassi is drop dead gorgeous. Strait up bangin. I won't say she's a 10, but she's somewhere damn close. She is the girl ALL of my guy friends want. lol. and I got her. It makes me giggle We slept together for the first time on the Fourth of July.
Thanks for listening shroomers. Thanks for the advice. I think I am getting it
She is a fucking hornet! She dumped me to the friend zone three days ago and has taken every opportunity to pick a fight with me since. She offered no reason. One day she was all "lovey, I like you so much" The next day she tossed me to the street. no reason, or explanation...
I am drunk. Have been for three days straight. But I want to resurrect this thread to understand what the fuck went wrong. Again. and again...
Will update when I straighten out. But I need some help on the application of these things.
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phantomstranger
Stranger


Registered: 12/17/05
Posts: 285
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14918961 - 08/14/11 02:37 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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This is disheartening. I read this entire thread a while back believe it or not, and I found it very interesting because I was going through a very similar situation. And to see somebody at least had broken out of it was very encouraging.
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evildee125
Here now



Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 3,179
Loc: fl
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Mr.Al]
#14919019 - 08/14/11 03:07 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Anonymous #5
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: evildee125]
#14919359 - 08/14/11 05:57 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Thread dedicated to the intolerable purgatory that is "just friends." If you are like me, you can't seem to break the friends barrier. Consistently throughout my life I become the good trusted friend; When, what I really want is to be some type of relationship with her, be it sexual, bf/gf, long-term, or whatever.
Okay, so Sarah and I hang out a bunch, we go to the bars, we grab lunch together, and go out on dinner dates, we work together. We generally have a good time together.
This has been going on for probably six months now. When I really started to notice she liked me, she would put her hands on my legs and just being really hands on. But whenever I tried reciprocating or making the moves she would tell me "thats not okay."
(You should have listened and let her do her thing)
We ended up kissing one night, but after that everything stopped.
(probably because your kissing sucked = inexperienced in other areas)
We still hung out, but the physical element had obviously cooled
(It got cool because you didn't bring chemistry). Weird, I thought, until I found out she had a boyfriend all along.
Well, now the boyfreind is out of the picture, and I am turning things up a bit. We have been going on formal dates (nice restaurants, getting dressed up, etc) and have soft plans for PF Changs sometime later this week.
(that sounds really weak & boring, she has a bf but shes going out with you, touching your leg, and you couldn't close?)
No kissing yet, but she told my friend that she likes me, trusts me, and was open to the idea of dating me. I got drunk and told her the other night that i liked her after our date. She just said "I know." and then we talked about the one time we kissed, but DIDN'T kiss again (WTF) and she never said that she liked me too or anything. kind of disappointing
(*Here you made a fatal flaw by giving her all the power)
She has been acting a little douchy lately though. She told me about how she made out with a guy at the bar on Thursday, (jealousy test) ditched out on plans Saturday (clinginess test), and last night she was kind of holding hands with some guy she knew at the bar and left with him, right in front of me (failed all 3 after surrendering power).
But oh, she was sure to remind me of our PF Changs plans on her way out with him. Why would she do these things or tell me about them if she knows I like her and proclaims to others to like me?
(In her eyes you're a beta provider, your jealousy showed because she held hands with her friend, now she thinks you're a frustrated chump because you kept buying her dinners and failing the tests
Bottom line, I really like this girl, and it is driving me crazy that she is so casual with me. She is absolutely beautiful, and I just melt around her. I will do anything to be around her. I would literally do anything for her.
(people don't like you more when you give or do things for them, people like you more when you let them do things for you, like if I said hey could you grab me a drink, run the scenario through your mind doing something for someone you think of them while you are carrying out the task you think about what I like and pleasing me and all )
Thanks for reading. I know it is long. Please help me with your opinions about this up and down relationship with the understanding that I want to make this work with her. I am not looking to blow it up. I am not sure if I could do that anyway...
(You keep talking about the friend zone, you want to know how to get out of it...stop being in it, I like you you're kinda cute but I can't do the just friends thing)
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Anonymous #6
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Anonymous #5]
#14920095 - 08/14/11 10:25 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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You already fucked her... Now you can forget her like a champion!!!
Fuck em, dump em
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Altered States
Synesthesia seeker



Registered: 04/18/10
Posts: 336
Loc: USA
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14920581 - 08/14/11 12:16 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Not to be a bitch but I must say that you need to grow some balls kid!! I mean really!! Don't let these girls run your emotions like that, quit wearing them on your sleeves like you do, girls can totally see that and they will take advantage of it every time..Buck up and be a man, know what you want then go out and get it, if it doesn't work out move on & try again. Don't be so vulnerable & emotional, it's a big turn off!! Don't think every girl you hook up with is the girl your going to marry, because trust me there not thinking that way at all!! Girls at you age want to have fun & get fucked by a MAN!! Not a little boy bitch, & there definitely not thinking about marriage & steady relationships, they can get that when there 35. You can do it just take it down a few hundred notches & "HAVE FUN"..LOL!! Good luck!!
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 SUPPORT M.A.P.S. "MULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIES" DRUMMING ON THE EDGE OF MADNESS!!
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Altered States]
#14921208 - 08/14/11 02:50 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't know how to do that. I am not making the choice to be a fucking emotional wreck. It just happens. And when it does it is totally out of my control.
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Altered States
Synesthesia seeker



Registered: 04/18/10
Posts: 336
Loc: USA
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14921329 - 08/14/11 03:17 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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I suppose it is easier said than done, you live & learn. Maybe start out by not falling for these girls so hard, lighten up & have fun with it. Remember that that's what it's all about "FUN" & You'll be OK.
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 SUPPORT M.A.P.S. "MULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIES" DRUMMING ON THE EDGE OF MADNESS!!
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Altered States]
#14921565 - 08/14/11 04:12 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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That's all I wanted was fun. And it was fun right up until the moment she dumped me. I think the issue now is that I never got a lot of girls, until now. I keep fallin for everyone because I want that one to be THE one cause I feel like I don't know how many more I will get the chance with.
So issue number one is learning how to control my emotional investment in these relationships. I can work on knowing that I have the ability to get other girls but other than that I have no idea how to limit those emotions. If you can help please let me know!
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phantomstranger
Stranger


Registered: 12/17/05
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14921785 - 08/14/11 05:07 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah, that's all I wanted too. She was the one that started talking to me first. And she initiated conversation by calling me texting me 95% of the time. I didn't even like her at first. But when we started getting to know each other I realized she was everything I was looking for in someone. She told me how much she liked me, told me she loved me, all the unspeakable things she would do to me. Then she got back with her boyfriend. I'd try to hide my feelings but they'd come out sometimes and we'd start arguing every week or two and I guess after a year and a half of that she got tired of it.
She split up with the boyfriend a few months ago but I'm not sure they've finished up wrapping everything up because they had been together for 6 years. I thought maybe after they would break up she could see how much better an option I was. We were best friends, we both knew we had a special connection and it was obvious to every other person we knew. But, even though I didn't exactly wait around for her because I had talked to a few other girls she knew that if she'd show interest in me I'd come back like a puppy wagging it's tail. And she took advantage of that, but I know that I let her.
A couple weeks ago, she got pissed at me for not inviting her to a party I was having and next time I talked to her I was like well let's do something this weekend. She said idk I might be going sleep at my friend's (guy) house. I reacted badly. Got jealous. We argued for 2 hours, both said pretty hurtful things. She got mad, she got on twitter and called me a pussy and a bitch (she didn't know I knew her twitter). Since then we haven't talked, it's been about 10 days. Before now I didn't know that you could love a person and hate them at the same time. I miss her and I wonder if she misses me or if we'll ever see each other again but at the same time I don't want to. She is very strong willed and stubborn so I kind of doubt she'll be the one to try to talk to me and I promised myself that I won't come crawling back this time...
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PsychoKinesiS
Alien Resources Manager
Registered: 08/05/11
Posts: 1,444
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: phantomstranger]
#14924016 - 08/15/11 01:39 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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In my experience, there is never a friend stage. There is either clearly a sexual interest/action/flirting from the start or there is not. Even if there is not a relationship yet, it should still be obvious. If it starts out with a sexual interest and then it stops at some point, it is over. There is no platonic friends. I used to try to be friends with people and all I got was used, abused, and hurt over and over. Nobody is attracted to a doormat but they love to step all over you. Eventually I said "fuck it - no more friends". Every since I adopted that policy, I've been extremely successful. But then again, I'm gay... :p
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Edited by PsychoKinesiS (08/15/11 01:39 AM)
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JT


Registered: 02/28/07
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14924282 - 08/15/11 03:42 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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I posted in here a while back, feelin down about a chick in a similar situation although more progressed than the OP. I'd like to come back and offer some advice now that I feel I'm as over her as I'll ever be. You're going to look back on this all and realize that being apart is for the best, but more importantly, you're gonna learn from the situation. Relationships take practice, and this is bound to happen to a lot of people until they learn what they really want and should expect in one.
You know how easy it is to get sucked in, how you can get used, and what the signs are. More importantly, you're gonna realize that these things come and go. There could always be someone else, so there's no need to rush things and become clingy. That is very difficult to understand and do until you have experiences like this. It's all part of learning to be an equal partner and not and slave to their actions.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: phantomstranger]
#14937986 - 08/17/11 03:45 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
phantomstranger said: Yeah, that's all I wanted too. She was the one that started talking to me first. And she initiated conversation by calling me texting me 95% of the time. I didn't even like her at first. But when we started getting to know each other I realized she was everything I was looking for in someone. She told me how much she liked me, told me she loved me, all the unspeakable things she would do to me. Then she got back with her boyfriend. I'd try to hide my feelings but they'd come out sometimes and we'd start arguing every week or two and I guess after a year and a half of that she got tired of it.
She split up with the boyfriend a few months ago but I'm not sure they've finished up wrapping everything up because they had been together for 6 years. I thought maybe after they would break up she could see how much better an option I was. We were best friends, we both knew we had a special connection and it was obvious to every other person we knew. But, even though I didn't exactly wait around for her because I had talked to a few other girls she knew that if she'd show interest in me I'd come back like a puppy wagging it's tail. And she took advantage of that, but I know that I let her.
A couple weeks ago, she got pissed at me for not inviting her to a party I was having and next time I talked to her I was like well let's do something this weekend. She said idk I might be going sleep at my friend's (guy) house. I reacted badly. Got jealous. We argued for 2 hours, both said pretty hurtful things. She got mad, she got on twitter and called me a pussy and a bitch (she didn't know I knew her twitter). Since then we haven't talked, it's been about 10 days. Before now I didn't know that you could love a person and hate them at the same time. I miss her and I wonder if she misses me or if we'll ever see each other again but at the same time I don't want to. She is very strong willed and stubborn so I kind of doubt she'll be the one to try to talk to me and I promised myself that I won't come crawling back this time...
So much of this sounds so familiar to me. You are being expected to mold your feelings to her will. Like her when she likes you, be immediately able to turn those feelings off when she snaps her fingers. I don't really have much advice to give, just saying that I understand. I think you know what you need to do, try and move on, and be strong. I also know how completely absurdly difficult that is. But, ya, I hope you are strong enough to not crawl back this time.
An update about what I going on with me. Things with Kassi ended badly, she hurt me and I reacted to that situation badly; emotional, erratic, fuckin angry, but then again she was being pretty mean.
A few days later Sarah texted me (Sarah, member Sarah? The little one who started this whole thread) We left things very well, but We have spoke or texted very little over the summer. She's back, and excited to hang out with me. She saw me riding my bike and told me that her heart stopped when she saw me because she was so excited and nervous (don't know if that's good or bad?). I expect she will call when she is all settled into her new place.
I am excited to have her back in my life. Like I said, we left things well, I think. Especially, after having some time apart and having a new girl to keep my mind off her I think I am at a better place.
I am excited for her friendship and her sex. I am VERY apprehensive that this will turn into another situation where I get attached and end up getting hurt.
I really want to keep things simple and fun. I want to limit my emotional buy in with her until I know its right. I also want to re-begin our friendship with no expectations of ends.
I can already feel the expectations creeping in during my free time when my mind is wandering. Expectations and hopes about how I want this to turn out.
I am really going to struggle here, to not make the same mistakes over again.
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phantomstranger
Stranger


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14939709 - 08/17/11 09:57 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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You are being expected to mold your feelings to her will. Like her when she likes you, be immediately able to turn those feelings off when she snaps her fingers
QFT. Really couldn't have put it better. I wish I would have told her this. That's why I read this whole thread man, because I felt a lot of similarity in both of our stories.
Right now my anger is carrying me, I'm usually okay during the day but at night it creeps up on me. I really don't know what I did to deserve the treatment I've gotten from her lately. She says she wants a good guy. Bullshit. Anyway it's been two weeks since I've spoken to her. Almost a month since I've seen her but we still play this stupid games on our iphones, which I feel is it's time to cut out but it's my last connection to her and I'm reluctant to do it. I need to delete all her pictures on my phone but I don't feel like looking at them. Also thinking about deleting her from my facebook but idk maybe I'm overreacting. Guess I'll give it another week or two.
Keep updating this thread, I'll be checking in on it from time to time.
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TANSTAAFL
Recluse



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: phantomstranger]
#14941002 - 08/18/11 05:39 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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this thread pretty much the reason i actaully joined the shroomery yesterday after months of lurking is to say i finally get it.good job
-------------------- And that's all for now from just south of the great white north...
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TANSTAAFL]
#14943012 - 08/18/11 02:54 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
phantomstranger said:
Quote:
You are being expected to mold your feelings to her will. Like her when she likes you, be immediately able to turn those feelings off when she snaps her fingers
QFT. Really couldn't have put it better. I wish I would have told her this. That's why I read this whole thread man, because I felt a lot of similarity in both of our stories.
Right now my anger is carrying me, I'm usually okay during the day but at night it creeps up on me. I really don't know what I did to deserve the treatment I've gotten from her lately. She says she wants a good guy. Bullshit. Anyway it's been two weeks since I've spoken to her. Almost a month since I've seen her but we still play this stupid games on our iphones, which I feel is it's time to cut out but it's my last connection to her and I'm reluctant to do it. I need to delete all her pictures on my phone but I don't feel like looking at them. Also thinking about deleting her from my facebook but idk maybe I'm overreacting. Guess I'll give it another week or two.
Keep updating this thread, I'll be checking in on it from time to time.
I feel you on the anger thing. I have a pretty epic level of rage inside of me right now.
You mean like actual board games or something? Or are you texting and playing "games" cause if you are then you are still talking to her.
Do what you think is right. If you are angry and cant talk with or see her, it might be time to cut ties entirely, at least for now. If its been two weeks then you are doing good, A LOT better than me.
I got deleted from her facebook, and I really think that was overreacting. I don't know why it bugs me so much that she did that? You can just hide her shit without deleting her.
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TANSTAAFL said: this thread pretty much the reason i actaully joined the shroomery yesterday after months of lurking is to say i finally get it.good job 
I am sure I speak for everybody when I say welcome! What did you do to get it? What exactly did you change? Mind sharing?
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shimishimiman]
#14943437 - 08/18/11 04:21 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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I just re-read this whole thread and picked out a few things that stood out and that I have entirely forgot. I fucked a few of these up pretty bad with Kassi. I am still learning.....
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potgrrl said: In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
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TTT said:
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potgrrl said: In general, here's how GUYS avoid being put into the Friend Zone:
If you're attracted to a woman and want to date her and be with her sexually, make it clear to her that's what you want. Feminine women deeply appreciate men who can be direct in their words, and who can accept that feminine women will ALWAYS be indirect in theirs.
If she says "no thanks let's just be friends", your response is "no thanks, I don't want to be 'just friends'. Maybe I'll ask you out again in a few months if you're a good girl in the mean time" then WALK AWAY. Don't pout, don't whine, don't get angry... and DO NOT try to "be her friend" so she can see what a great guy you are, thinking she'll decide to date you that way.
Go hang with your male friends. Go work out - lift weights, get strong! Give the girls something to touch when they are trying to let you know they're interested. (Ask for dates with the girls who touch your muscles!!)
Get over your fear of rejection by reminding yourself that fortune favors the bold, and it can all be fun and light if you get into the right mindset. Women LIKE men who can take rejection and not go and pout or whine or worse, get angry and lash out.
Of course, I'm not saying it's going to be easy - (insecure) girls play games like crazy to try to pull guys into their 'orbit', just to get attention and feel attractive. I understand how difficult that must be for guys to figure out, but certainly, if she's attracted to you you'll know much better once you begin to be more direct yourself.
(hey Anonymous chick, start your own thread and I'll pipe in but I don't like to dilute threads)
I don't agree with any of this. I would never date a guy who behaved in such a way.
I would also never date a guy seriously that I wasn't good friends with for at least a year. I try to maintain some kind of plan for everything I do. I don't like to act without having a backbone to my actions. I would never risk my emotional balance, mental health and time on a guy who I didn't know like the back of my hand.
I want to know what to expect, I want to understand consistency in personality, how one deals with stress, jealousy, etc....things you see as a friend. Any man who can't do that is simply not worth my time.
Pushy guys also make me shut down and turn into "use and abuse" mood. If you directly make me feel like you're trying to control shit and are "in charge", I'll butt heads so hard you won't know what happened. If you do it with smarts and collected coolness, I'll be intimidated because I understand there is shit going on inside that head I don't understand, can't control and want more of.
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thedream said: Congrats bro you manned up and handled your shit. You were interested in her and when she did not recipricate those feelings you did what you should have; show her that not just any girl can hold your attention and you are not looking for friendship, albeit thanks to the fine advice from our fellow shroomerites ofcourse but you followed through and it payed off.
With that being said the timing is less than ideal with her going away for two months. Be prepared for one of the following four things to happen upon her return: 1)She changed her mind and does not want to be an intimate relationship with you. 2) You two remain as friends with benefits until one of you, most likely her it sounds like, finds someone else or 3) your ideal circumstance, she does indeed like you and want to be in a relationship or 4) you two remain as just friends until you one of you falls out of contact with the other. Judging by how much contact you two have over the break will help gauge which choice she makes.
Due to the unpredictable nature of most girls and this girl especially it is hard to say which she will chose. But in my opinion she knew she would be away for awhile and therefor could be intimiate with you without having to commit to a relationship with you, hence the sympathy fucks. Doing so allowed the two of you to end things on good terms without having to officially end things. Not only that, it allowed her to not feel bad about the way she treated you because in the end you somewhat got what you wanted, atleast this is more than most of those in your position can say.
And I dont mean to take anything away from your experiences as I'm sure it was amazing and in all likelyhood she wanted to jump your bones just as bad but just be prepared that she is not madly in love with you as you are with her. Play it cool over the break don't text her nonstop. A simple text saying "just wanted to say hi how are you feeling" is ideal once in awhile. Don't let your insecurities get the best of you, women can pick up on it like its their job and is a huge red flag to them.
Overall it sounds like you kind of have her on the fence about you. As stated before women moreso than men want what they can't have and when you gave the slightest inclination that she couldnt have you she suddenly was more interested in you. You do not want to be in a relationship with this type of person where you have to manipulate her into liking you. They are not with you for the right reasons and will utlimatly be unfaithful to you. But if you want to ride it out and you two are friends on facebook take some pictures with some pretty girls doing fun stuff, it will make her extremely jealous and attracted to you!
She has problems for sure but it also sounds like you have some yourself. Your happiness should not depend on the love from another, it should only supplement the love you have for life and for yourself ofcourse. This is tough to digest even for myself as I've been in your shoes and in hindsight I could not believe how I could let myself get so carried away for a person who could not recipricate the feelings I was dishing out. I could be wrong about all of this but the message I want to give to you is just hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. If it works out; cool, if it doesnt; cool.
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shimishimiman said: it would be in your best of interest to start mentally preparing for the break up. long distance does not work, not matter how powerful either of you think the bond is.
you definitely know deep down that there is something wrong, or you would not have made this whole fucking thread to begin with. happiness in a relationship most definitely does not stem from one party being completely neurotic and obsessed with the other. you blame yourself saying you are a neurotic to begin with, but i don't think that's true - i think SHE just makes you neurotic.
i have been in this same situation before, and the whole thing blew up in my face something awful. it fucking sucked and i have cut that bitch out of my life because there was no other way to deal with her stupid ass. i loved her more than anything in the world and she used my love to fuel her ego and make me look like a jackass.
if you really want a solution to this, you need to tell her that you can't be in a long distance relationship and that you need to end it. be fucking prepared to end it, and don't go back on your word. even if you think you love this girl more than anything, you cannot keep torturing yourself with the prospect of something that is inevitably going to blow up in your face.
be strong dude, your weak insecurity regarding this girl is something she is most definitely aware of and something she will exploit. its not because she's a bad person or because she doesn't love you, its just because you are ALLOWING her the opportunity to exploit it.
the only way to make yourself seem strong and attractive to her is to tell her you can't be long distance with her. you need love and you need pussy, and she can't deliver either if she's way off in wherever doing whatever.
also, stop being in denial dude. denial is a powerful thing, and if you keep trying to brush off all of this advice we are giving you, the shit most certainly will not work out and you will be a depressed fuckin wreck for a long time.
i am not you and i would be a liar if i said i am an expert on relationships or YOUR relationship for that matter, but the best solution to this is definitely for you to dump her before she dumps you. tell her you are a confused wreck with her gone, and you can't keep this shit up. you'd still like to be friends, but you have needs that she can't fulfill from a distance. be straight up honest to her, but most of all be honest to yourself. if you got a girl as hot or as special as her, you can definitely get another one. just make sure you keep the upper hand, or you will crash and burn.
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TANSTAAFL
Recluse



Registered: 08/17/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14943882 - 08/18/11 06:20 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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my apologies it was 5 am and i basically havn't slept in a week. let me see if i can translate for myself.what i finally get is why all of my past relationships ended i think its pretty obvious why things never take off in the first place. to start off with i was raised morman so my parents never let me hang out with girls unsupervised and what would you expect from someone who is raised to "wait until marriage" and i was basically grounded all of high school because they kept catching me with some weed or cigarettes(to them weed isn't just illegal its also sinful ). needless to say this stunted my social abilities with the ladies. to this day i can probably count on one hand how many times i have actually realized that a girl is into me without a buddy pointing it out or the girl being the one to make a move. so when i do end up with a girl i either drop the ball because i didn't know i was even in the game or she makes a move and then i become obsessed with this "amazing" chick that i can't believe actually likes me and i want to spend every second with. fast forward a few weeks she dumps me because i can't give her some breathing room. and i end up all sad and confused because i thought things were going great.this is pretty much the story of my life. to make a long story short i now now where and how i f'ed up in the past so hopefully from here on in i don't have to keep on repeating the same shit again and again.
-------------------- And that's all for now from just south of the great white north...
Edited by TANSTAAFL (08/18/11 06:38 PM)
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urbanwolf



Registered: 12/03/09
Posts: 951
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TANSTAAFL]
#14945516 - 08/19/11 01:39 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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I haven't read a single line in this thread, but I would just like to add that very recently I admitted to a friend that I have known for years, that I have a crush on her.
At first it was both comforting and scarey. Afterward, everything turned out better than expected. And although it's to early to tell, we've already shared some intimate moments and had a few dates that I am going to cherish.
So basically, I finally understand what it means to be a confident man. 
Good luck.
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"One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that, an unjust law is no law at all.” -- Martin Luther King Jr. "Seek not abroad, turn back into thyself, for in the inner man dwells the truth." -- St. Augustine
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Anonymous #7
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: urbanwolf] 1
#14950495 - 08/20/11 12:38 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Wow. You are too sad for words. Waaah! Grow a set. She is totally using you and she is enjoying treating you like platonic play thing. Do not persue her; ride it out. Split checks, or you get this time and I gotcha next time. And start to distance yourself away from her. Do, find and seek others either online or real time - clubs, day time events, work related people to do things with. Then recycle your mind and self to a better time & place. Like moving forward, is awesome.
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phantomstranger
Stranger


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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14955154 - 08/21/11 01:44 AM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
You mean like actual board games or something?
No, words with friends and hanging with friends. I'm having a bad night. Went out bowling with my friend and his girlfriend and they ended up having another big fight and I was stuck giving everything and keeping nothing for myself. And I still miss her.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: phantomstranger]
#14962868 - 08/22/11 07:21 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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I have just been hanging out with friends as much as possible and hanging out with other girls. Went to the Atmosphere concert last night and was dancing with a friend (ya, it was bad mother fucking ass!). I think I tried to kiss her. Lol I can't really remember though.
Hanging out with a girl tonight. We are gonna go grab a beer. I will kiss this one, and sleep with her. I got this 
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millzy


Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 12,404
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#14971631 - 08/24/11 03:49 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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i beat it by moving on to someone who's interested in me.
-------------------- I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger
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Joolz


Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: millzy]
#14972464 - 08/24/11 06:27 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
millzy said: i beat it by moving on to someone who's interested in me.
-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Joolz]
#14972683 - 08/24/11 07:04 PM (12 years, 5 months ago) |
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That sounds easy, why didn't I just do that from the beginning. j/k I can't seem to find that person...
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? *DELETED* [Re: fbi365]
#15055098 - 09/09/11 07:29 PM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Post deleted by fbi365Reason for deletion: .
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Edited by fbi365 (09/09/11 08:38 PM)
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
#15056360 - 09/10/11 12:42 AM (12 years, 4 months ago) |
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Just keep on writing dude. Let it out and use it.
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occollegeboi
MushroomSpaceGod



Registered: 04/10/11
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15223367 - 10/14/11 02:07 AM (12 years, 3 months ago) |
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All I've got to say is that you should NEVER pay for shit unless the other person has put out, otherwise they are going to expect you to keep paying for everything.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: occollegeboi]
#15227841 - 10/14/11 11:33 PM (12 years, 3 months ago) |
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I still can't kick it, the friends syndrome. Latest girl situation was hot and heavy for a while but I just got kicked back into the friend zone again. I am very disappointed in myself. I still don't know how to get around this problem.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15313359 - 11/02/11 02:28 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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I really feel like I am back to square one. I am severely depressed. Again. I went back on SSRIs this morning because I can't get out of bed or do anything. I can't figure out if I am depressed because of women, or if women just bring out the depression. All I know is when things are going good with a girl, I am great. When things go bad, or when there is no girl in my life I am a wreck. I can't take the rejection. It hurts too bad. I know I should just blow it off and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea. Right? But when a girl I really like turns me away, it tears me up. I never asked for this. And I don't know how to fix it.
All I know is that I gotta quit mopeing around or else I will never find a girl. I am truly embarrassed at myself for acting like this. Like a sad, angry asshole.
Anyway, I have a thing going with this girl. Usually we just fool around when we are drunk. I am not too terribly interested in pursuing it too far. But maybe i'll ride it out for a while. At least to get my mind off other people.
Other than that, there are no prospects right now. Which makes me feel trapped. There is a girl at the grocery store who seems friendly and inquisitive enough. I might try and man up and try for her number. Also, there is a friend of a friend who is coming back for christmas break. I think i'll try and do something with her when she gets back. I cooked dinner for her and her friends right before she left for the summer. She was asking me questions, and insisting I sit next to her and eat. Which seems like a signal enough.
Anyway. Good deal. Thanks for reading. As always, i'd like your feedback if its constructive.
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shLong



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15313409 - 11/02/11 02:41 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Maybe take some time to learn to live with yourself before you start leaning on another woman to fill whatever void you're looking/"needing" to be filled.
You wont be good company for anyone until you're good company to yourself
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15313418 - 11/02/11 02:53 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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You know what you have to do homie, just get out there an smile at the pretty girls, they're everywhere. It hurts to get rejected by one you really like; just think how good it'll feel when one you really like likes you back, yea? Dont sit around wallowing in your depression, blaming the women of the world. Your happiness depends solely on you. Just relax, you've got your whole life to figure this out.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Lynnch]
#15313494 - 11/02/11 03:36 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Your problem is being too emotional. You invest your emotions into everything without actually thinking rationally about the situations you get yourself into. The moment you pause and reflect on your situation from another perspective, stop throwing yourself at women and spending all your time trying to find one is the moment you'll realize exactly what you've been doing wrong for the past 11 pages.
Think with your mind not your feelings, dude. Seriously. No woman likes that shit.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: TTT]
#15313561 - 11/02/11 03:48 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Honestly, I think I need to stop thinking all together. I am being hyper-rational. My brain is like poison to me and to those around me. Drinking helps to shut it down. I don't think about anything but having a good time when I am drinking. Unfortunately, I think I have found myself at the bottom of the slippery slope with drinking.
But yeah, less emotions. I'm workin on that.
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i like cow poo
Nature Lover


Registered: 10/20/09
Posts: 4,041
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15315240 - 11/02/11 09:07 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Honestly, I think My brain is like poison to me and to those around me. Drinking helps to shut it down.
NICE. Just kidding don't fuck yourself up anymore man. Just keep in mind bitches ain't nothing but endless emotion provokers. Any man thats been in a few relationships will agree. My ADVICE, stop just stop everything. Go a different direction pick up music, drawing, bike riding and put ALL your EMOTION into that believe me it'll help
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15318987 - 11/03/11 07:35 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Unfortunately, I think I have found myself at the bottom of the slippery slope with drinking.
I recently discovered that the driving factor behind all of my emotional stupidity and my anxiety was because of my horrible drinking habits. If I decided to drink, I would always end up getting outrageously fucked up, and in doing so I would have plenty of dehydrated, brain-damaged time to reflect upon the many massive failures of my life, especially dealing with women.
You cannot even begin to imagine just how pathetic I have made myself out to be to some of the women I have loved the most dearly. It has destroyed me inside, and drinking only makes it worse.
Long story short, I have stopped drinking, and in doing so, I have absolutely given up on the desperation to feel some sort of emotional connection to a female. I have friends for that; no two-bit whore is going to make me feel any better about myself than the brothers and sisters I have uncovered over the years. Women come and they go whenever God decides to throw you a bone. It is downright idiotic to dwell on what you should or shouldn't have done to make it last longer.
Seriously dude, all you have ever mentioned is how much you fail with women. It seems like that's all you give yourself credit for.
What are you actually doing with your life? Are you in school? Do you have a job? Are you happy with where you are as a man? Do you have any long term goals you'd like to accomplish? Hopes, dreams, aspirations?
Fulfilling all of those things are WAY more important than finding a woman. There will always be women. There won't always be your ability to achieve personal greatness.
You don't need a woman to push you to be all you can be. In my experience, they do the complete fucking opposite.
All you need is YOU BABY!
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: shimishimiman]
#15320423 - 11/04/11 12:55 AM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
You cannot even begin to imagine just how pathetic I have made myself out to be to some of the women I have loved the most dearly. It has destroyed me inside
I was just thinking about how much I have humiliated myself lately. I don't know if its the alcohol or not.
I just can't seem to get a proper perspective on my life. Sober or not. Any decision I make seems like the wrong one.
I do a lot with my life. I am finishing up a masters degree in environmental policy. I interned at major international nonprofit. I don't have a real job yet, but I am going to start looking in December. I guess thats my next life goal. A job. But I need to pull myself together before I do that. Unfortunately, job hunting is just about as demoralizing and hunting for a mate. lol...
Unfortunately, I don't care about any of that. Maybe that's where I have gone wrong
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IneedHelpPlease
Starter



Registered: 10/15/11
Posts: 53
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15321064 - 11/04/11 08:43 AM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Google David DeAngelo. I was in your shoes not too long ago, and this man did wonders for me. Seriously - check him out.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15321299 - 11/04/11 09:57 AM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: Honestly, I think I need to stop thinking all together. I am being hyper-rational. My brain is like poison to me and to those around me. Drinking helps to shut it down. I don't think about anything but having a good time when I am drinking. Unfortunately, I think I have found myself at the bottom of the slippery slope with drinking.
But yeah, less emotions. I'm workin on that.
Thinking emotionally and getting as into girls as quickly as you do is NOT rational.
lmao. Neither is drinking to escape your lack of mental discipline.
Quite far from rational.
You need to think more clearly about what you want for your SELF not other bitches and getting out of the friends zone. Smart chicks put guys in the friend zone to see if they're worth the investment. The ones that aren't quickly leave. The ones that have managed to not become assholes, clingers, or creepers have a shot for something more real than getting to know someone over a few weeks on "dates". Just saying.
Don't even sweat girls right now. You clearly have many other things to work on.
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Anonymous #8
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: TTT]
#15321799 - 11/04/11 12:15 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Poke!
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Joolz


Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Anonymous #8]
#15322006 - 11/04/11 01:02 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Your secret admirer says hi, TTT.
-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: TTT]
#15322163 - 11/04/11 01:42 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said: You clearly have many other things to work on.
Fortunately, I am a multi-tasker 
Thanks TTT and everyone else for helping me become a better person. I'm a work in progress. I know.
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15323339 - 11/04/11 05:38 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
fbi365 said: I'm a work in progress. I know.
Join the club dood.
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Anonymous #9
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Anonymous #8]
#15323474 - 11/04/11 06:07 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:

Poke!
Stop being creepy, Tri Hard.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: shimishimiman]
#15324717 - 11/04/11 10:56 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
shimishimiman said:
Quote:
fbi365 said: I'm a work in progress. I know.
Join the club dood.
I forgot to say thanks to you too Shimishimiman. Your insight is great.
And I just want to say that this is where I come to vent what's on my mind. I don't have anywhere else to do it. From what you all read it may sound like I'm a fucked up mess. And that may be true, but to all my friends I am normal and have it together. Many of them look up to me. Its just what's inside of me that's broken.
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Anonymous #10
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: fbi365]
#15336074 - 11/07/11 01:02 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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posting so this shows up in my threads section.
much has been learned, read the entire thread and can sympathize with those who have been locked in the cage which is the friend zone
you breaking out of the friend zone to fuck your friend OP was inspiring.
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foliocb
always running



Registered: 07/14/08
Posts: 1,152
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: Anonymous #10] 1
#15337576 - 11/07/11 06:46 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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I am learning the hard way on how to get out of the friends zone. Plain and simple, if you're hanging with a girl pretty often and the spark isn't obvious, you need to make it obvious that atleast you are into her. Now, the tricky part is to do this without invading her own space and/or putting any pressure on her. If she's plain not into you at all, then maybe it's not even worth telling her at all and just take a step back and move on, or you can tell her that you have feelings for her, and can't just keep hanging out as friends- but this could lead to things being a bit awkward and will probably result in the two of you not hanging out much at all for awhile, but again will work better in the long run because people change and after some distance apart from each other you will both appear as two completely different people if enough time and change is given.
If there is a spark but you're still a bit confused, then you either have to go big or go home. Make a move, i'm not saying to commit to a full on french the next time you're with her, but test out her body language and rest a knee on hers or get close somehow and watch how their body language responds. Does she retract? Probably not a good idea to pursue the matter if so, or rather- take it a bit slower, she obviously isn't in to you as much as you are into her.
Does her body language invite the action? If so, then keep seeing what you can get away with, try a back massage etc... all you're doing is testing the waters and treading lightly and creating an action and waiting for the reaction, either in body language or verbal expression.
In the end, it's best to let them know you're into them as soon as you are... and it should be done by a combination of body language and verbal expression- compliment on what she wears and tease her a bit... keep her on her toes. If you play the nice guy card and show her that you'll bend over backwards for her at a moments notice- don't expect much... I learned this the hard way. It's like fishing literally... when you tug the hook and tease the fish they become more and more curious before finally taking a bite... it's a game. Learn the rules and figure out how to use them in your favor to analyze the situation. Friend zone sucks. get out of it one way or the other if you truly have feelings for this person.
Ive told a few girls and for the most part it resulted in us not really hanging out much at all anymore, but I trust that it will be for the best in the end. Gives me more time to focus on my own personal growth, and people really do see when you are doing better for yourself, believe me. Personal meaning and happiness comes from within(in fact everything comes from within) and if you are looking for this things in the external world, then you should really re-evaluate your situation and look within for the answers you seek.
"Those who look to the outside, dreams. Those who look within, awakens."
-Carl G. Jung
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
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Re: How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? [Re: foliocb]
#15338266 - 11/07/11 09:11 PM (12 years, 2 months ago) |
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Well written. thanks
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