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Offlinefbi365
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Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: thoughts]
    #14516253 - 05/26/11 04:25 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I can't stop thinking about her.  This is terrible.  She is consuming probably 90% of my brainpower right now. 

I don't know what to do to get my mind off her.  There are no other girls to keep my mind off her.  None.  So that is not an option, and please dont suggest it to me. 

I feel like this is very unhealthy.  And probably going to wreck everything with her, because in my past, this stage, the constantly thinking stage, is where it all fucks up. 

So far, I have had very little contact with her since she left, a couple text messages, and a few minutes on chat, but thats it.  I want to call her or text her, but I can't even think of what to say.  I feel like being neurotic and saying dumb shit isn't going to help, but I also feel like not texting or calling at all will not help either.


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OfflineDank_Trichome
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Registered: 03/28/08
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14517968 - 05/26/11 09:46 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Oh no!  Don't relapse now...


Females please help...


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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Dank_Trichome]
    #14518745 - 05/27/11 12:02 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I think... If you two got married, and eventually she died, she'd want you to have a life beyond missing her, kay? Chill. Out. You need to have a life beyond her when she gets back as well, no one likes to be smothered. You'd have something to say to her if you spent your time doing something other than wait for her.


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Lynnch]
    #14520823 - 05/27/11 01:22 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

No one is smothering anybody, first of all.



And God damn it!  I knew I shouldn't text her because she didn't even respond.  WTF?  I ONLY did it, against my better judgement, because a friend was telling me "just text her and say hi, and tell her I say hi, and see how she's doing."

Usually, I would just erase a girls number once she stopped responding to texts/calls, but this is different.  I just won't text her unless she texts me first, I guess :shrug:


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Offlineshimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14520885 - 05/27/11 01:31 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Look dude, I don't want to be a dick, but I have been in the situation you have been in.  I have followed this thread upside down, inside out, and used bits and pieces of it to try to resolve my own relationship issues.  In doing so, I realized something:

NO GOOD RELATIONSHIP SHOULD EVER BE THIS FUCKING HARD TO MAINTAIN! 

When you and the other person are truly sharing something intimate and special, NONE of this shit is even a factor.  Worrying about texting her and making yourself look like an idiot is a surefire sign you are doing something wrong. 

Once you are in the friends zone, it is impossible to get out of it unless you force yourself away from this thing for a while.  A good relationship stems from good, sexual comfort.  Fearing judgement for texting her because you miss her is unhealthy and very, very idiotic.  She can sense these things in the energy you portray through your texts, and they turn her off the same way her unresponsiveness turns you off.

Don't shit all over the relationship, but for your sake and especially for her sake, allow the two of you some breathing room.  The time you spent together, the goals you achieved, all of those things were meant to be brief and meant to be in the moment.  Trying to prolong something that is getting you nowhere is insanity, and even if you are in love, it is still insanity.

Stop killing yourself and stop killing your relationship with her. 

Let her come to you, NEVER go to her.  Only then will things work out.


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shimishimiman]
    #14521041 - 05/27/11 01:53 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Its only hard because I am a neurotic wreck when it comes to women.  If I could just make it stop, don't you think I would by now?

Everything is so simple when she is right there with me.  When she is laying next to me I know.  When she kisses my back and tells me I am perfect, it is simple.  And when she says all she wants is her bed, and me in it kissing her, those moments are perfect and devoid of any doubt about what is really going on.

But when she is away, every bit of insecurity and doubt takes over and I don't know how to MAKE IT STOP.

 

I believe some people are doomed to be alone their whole lives.  And I think I am one of those people...


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Offlineshimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14521228 - 05/27/11 02:22 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I can assure you, it stops when you decide to make it stop.  Being a hopeless romantic, as charming as it may be, doesn't get anyone anywhere for too long. 

Get your shit together, fool!  You had your fun; now stop giving into the withdrawals and be a man!


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shimishimiman]
    #14521409 - 05/27/11 02:50 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

its not over, we are just taking a break...


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OfflineShrink
The Curious
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14523655 - 05/27/11 09:45 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

The friendzone situation blows. Especially because of the issues that come up. Being a best friend and having a crush on them makes it increasingly difficult to give unbiased advice to them - which is crucial in a good friendship. Definitely shaky when your girl best friend considers you her go-to person, completely trusts you, and you fall for her.

    Last night I told my best friend that I loved her. I had to tell her, I was already "leaking" signs like a rusty tank under pressure and finally blew.

    Everyone seems to give the advice that its best to avoid the feelings and try to get over them, due to the chance of ruining the friendship. In the long run this is much better for your mental health. But we tell each other everything, I had to be honest with her. I wasn't sure what the heck love was for the longest time. There isn't a thing she doesn't know about me. I would do literally anything for her and my stomach drops like an elevator whenever I'm close to her. I decided that if anything is love, this is it, because I can't imagine every fiber of my being melting with passion a single bit more for a person.

    She went into shock, I didn't get the response I wanted, but I didn't really go into it expecting anything. I asked her if I could kiss her. Normally I wouldn't ask and wait for appropriate signs but I didn't think that was the way to go in the situation I was in. She still has some feelings for an old friend of ours. I thought she knew that he had moved on, so I mentioned it. Apparently she didn't know, what I was telling her about him moving on was completely new to her. I felt horrible. I thought I had gotten some signs from her that she liked me back, and I had also assumed that she had moved on from this guy. The damage is done now I guess.

    In the mean time she's still in shock and dealing with all this new information. But we promised we will always stay best friends no matter what happens - we're actually hanging out again tomorrow night. I just feel awful that all this happened to her in one night and I can tell she's confused and upset. It's a shitty situation, but I can't just hide how much I love this chick my entire life. She also told me that she had hooked up with a guy about 7 months ago - completely intoxicated and spontaneously. This makes me feel like complete shit, that I pour my heart out for this girl and can't even get a kiss. When I think about it I just shrivel up inside.

    Hope this story is relevant to the OP, thanks for reading, and comments are appreciated.


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Shrink]
    #14525405 - 05/28/11 08:46 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I hope things go well for you tonight.  She might still be processing though.  its not really a good sign if she shot you down for a kiss though.  I normally wouldn't ask.  Ever.  That is an open invitation for them to say 'no.' 

I think its good you told her.  Depending on how things go from here on out, you may want to tell her that you need some time away from her.  This way you can sort your shit out, and she will have some time to process and decide how she really feels about you.

Gotta run for now, but I do hope things go well for you tonight.


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OfflineShrink
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14526977 - 05/28/11 04:41 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah I really wish I wouldn't have asked. It was a bad idea I guess. But she told me she didn't ever consider the possibility of having feelings for me. So maybe I saved a little anguish, or maybe just going in for the kiss would have resulted in some ephemeral success. Did I make the right choice then? I was giving her a massage earlier, and we are very physically comfortable together (especially so this night), so I thought the physical tension was already there :/

Its a ridiculously complicated situation. She said part of the reason she hadn't considered any feelings is because her and my best friend used to date and she still had feelings for him. I'm all for respecting bro/girl-rules and boundaries, but I thought enough time had passed and there was the fact that I really love this chick. Hence the trainwreck that happened. Then I told her I loved her, a lot, which is sort of when she went into shock. No guy has ever told her the "I Love you" line. I don't even like to use the word, and I had never said it to a girl before. I could tell her mind was racing at the speed of light but I'm not sure if it changes anything.

The thing I'm afraid of, as most people who go through this situation are afraid of, is that not only will she break my heart, but we won't be friends anymore. Time will tell I guess but we're closer with each other than any other human beings on earth so I can't imagine it any other way.


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Shrink]
    #14528007 - 05/28/11 08:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah. Maybe 'I love you' was a bit heavy. Probably ' I really like you' would have been better. It's a little less ummmm drastic sounding.


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OfflineShrink
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14528044 - 05/28/11 08:15 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I already told her that "I really like" her about 10 months ago. Not sure if that changes your opinion or not. I mean what I said, I'm not sure exactly what love "should" be, but in my opinion, if you feel everything for someone, with all your being, would do anything for them, would die for them - I can't think of any other definition and I'd be glad to be enlightened with a better one.


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Edited by Shrink (05/28/11 08:24 PM)


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Offlinesonavapreacha
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Registered: 02/02/10
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Shrink]
    #14528170 - 05/28/11 08:40 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I have someone you can call...


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: sonavapreacha]
    #14529242 - 05/29/11 02:30 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

:awewtf: lol  I don't get the reference...


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Offlinethedream
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14537805 - 05/30/11 08:48 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Congrats bro you manned up and handled your shit. You were interested in her and when she did not recipricate those feelings you did what you should have; show her that not just any girl can hold your attention and you are not looking for friendship, albeit thanks to the fine advice from our fellow shroomerites ofcourse but you followed through and it payed off.

With that being said the timing is less than ideal with her going away for two months. Be prepared for one of the following four things to happen upon her return: 1)She changed her mind and does not want to be an intimate relationship with you. 2) You two remain as friends with benefits until one of you, most likely her it sounds like, finds someone else or 3) your ideal circumstance, she does indeed like you and want to be in a relationship or 4) you two remain as just friends until you one of you falls out of contact with the other. Judging by how much contact you two have over the break will help gauge which choice she makes.

Due to the unpredictable nature of most girls and this girl especially it is hard to say which she will chose. But in my opinion she knew she would be away for awhile and therefor could be intimiate with you without having to commit to a relationship with you, hence the sympathy fucks. Doing so allowed the two of you to end things on good terms without having to officially end things. Not only that, it allowed her to not feel bad about the way she treated you because in the end you somewhat got what you wanted, atleast this is more than most of those in your position can say.

And I dont mean to take anything away from your experiences as I'm sure it was amazing and in all likelyhood she wanted to jump your bones just as bad but just be prepared that she is not madly in love with you as you are with her. Play it cool over the break don't text her nonstop. A simple text saying "just wanted to say hi how are you feeling" is ideal once in awhile. Don't let your insecurities get the best of you, women can pick up on it like its their job and is a huge red flag to them.

Overall it sounds like you kind of have her on the fence about you. As stated before women moreso than men want what they can't have and when you gave the slightest inclination that she couldnt have you she suddenly was more interested in you. You do not want to be in a relationship with this type of person where you have to manipulate her into liking you. They are not with you for the right reasons and will utlimatly be unfaithful to you. But if you want to ride it out and you two are friends on facebook take some pictures with some pretty girls doing fun stuff, it will make her extremely jealous and attracted to you!

She has problems for sure but it also sounds like you have some yourself. Your happiness should not depend on the love from another, it should only supplement the love you have for life and for yourself ofcourse. This is tough to digest even for myself as I've been in your shoes and in hindsight I could not believe how I could let myself get so carried away for a person who could not recipricate the feelings I was dishing out. I could be wrong about all of this but the message I want to give to you is just hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. If it works out; cool, if it doesnt; cool.


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: thedream]
    #14547480 - 06/01/11 07:15 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Thanks, man, for the thoughtful response.  Yeah, it all of those things are possibilities I have considered.  Really, anything could happen.  I wouldn't be all that surprised if she came back and called it off entirely.  I just really don't know with this girl.  Trying to judge her by her actions is impossible.  She has a way of keeping actions and emotions compartmentalized.  I am just trying my best to avoid dedicating time to imagining contingencies.  Its very hard.

And the thing about not manipulating someone into a relationship makes sense. 


I texted her a bit today after she initiated a conversation.  I was kind of wondering if she didn't want to talk to me or something.  Other than that I have cooled down a bit on the neurotic thoughts.  There is really nothing I can do until she gets back then I will see where we stand.  I am not prepared for a big let down though.  That would be devastating...


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Invisiblenikegurl192


Registered: 11/10/10
Posts: 21
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14556247 - 06/03/11 03:52 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

eek..shes just not that into you bro. and sounds like she's using you for attention and to feel better about herself -- not really the kind of qualities you'd want in a mate anyways


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Offlineshimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: nikegurl192]
    #14558066 - 06/03/11 10:40 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

it would be in your best of interest to start mentally preparing for the break up.  long distance does not work, not matter how powerful either of you think the bond is.

you definitely know deep down that there is something wrong, or you would not have made this whole fucking thread to begin with.  happiness in a relationship most definitely does not stem from one party being completely neurotic and obsessed with the other.  you blame yourself saying you are a neurotic to begin with, but i don't think that's true - i think SHE just makes you neurotic.

i have been in this same situation before, and the whole thing blew up in my face something awful.  it fucking sucked and i have cut that bitch out of my life because there was no other way to deal with her stupid ass.  i loved her more than anything in the world and she used my love to fuel her ego and make me look like a jackass.

if you really want a solution to this, you need to tell her that you can't be in a long distance relationship and that you need to end it.  be fucking prepared to end it, and don't go back on your word.  even if you think you love this girl more than anything, you cannot keep torturing yourself with the prospect of something that is inevitably going to blow up in your face.

be strong dude, your weak insecurity regarding this girl is something she is most definitely aware of and something she will exploit.  its not because she's a bad person or because she doesn't love you, its just because you are ALLOWING her the opportunity to exploit it.

the only way to make yourself seem strong and attractive to her is to tell her you can't be long distance with her.  you need love and you need pussy, and she can't deliver either if she's way off in wherever doing whatever.

also, stop being in denial dude.  denial is a powerful thing, and if you keep trying to brush off all of this advice we are giving you, the shit most certainly will not work out and you will be a depressed fuckin wreck for a long time.

i am not you and i would be a liar if i said i am an expert on relationships or YOUR relationship for that matter, but the best solution to this is definitely for you to dump her before she dumps you.  tell her you are a confused wreck with her gone, and you can't keep this shit up.  you'd still like to be friends, but you have needs that she can't fulfill from a distance.  be straight up honest to her, but most of all be honest to yourself.  if you got a girl as hot or as special as her, you can definitely get another one.  just make sure you keep the upper hand, or you will crash and burn.


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: shimishimiman]
    #14725478 - 07/06/11 12:05 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I thought I would give a little update, again, for my own good to get it off my chest as well as for any good advice that might come from the shroomery community.

So, basically, she has been short or completely unresponsive most of the summer.  I called her out on in and she said nothing was wrong, just the great physical distance between us.

And I think I have figured out what attracts me to her so strongly; she makes me feel like complete shit.  I have never known any other feeling from a woman before, and to be honest I don't think I deserve anything better which is why I like her so much.

With that being said.  I met somebody else (:hi: I'm FBI, Nice to meet you).  Things with her seem to be the opposite of with Sarah.  They are simple.  She likes me a lot and makes it known.  I tried for a while to resist because she is a little out of my age category and because I didn't know how to approach things with the Sarah thing, but I think I am caving. 

The new girl, Kassi, is very affectionate, caring, and sensitive to my feelings.  She is fun and flirtatious.  She does have a little temper though and she likes cats which is creepy (and I'm allergic).  The whole thing is more simple and I am having fun with it.  Its kinda nice and the complete opposite of what it was like with Sarah.  To be honest though, I don't have a terrible amount of emotional investment right now. I just want to keep it FUN, thats all.  When it stops being fun, I am out of there.  Also, it is happening at a weird time for me so I am a little apprehensive right now.

Oh, and did I forget to mention?  She is GORGEOUS :smile: YAY!  Not cute, beautiful, or hot.  Kassi is drop dead gorgeous.  Strait up bangin.  I won't say she's a 10, but she's somewhere damn close.  She is the girl ALL of my guy friends want.  lol.  and I got her.  It makes me giggle :lol:  We slept together for the first time on the Fourth of July.  :boobs:  :highfive:  :earlycuyler: 

Thanks for listening shroomers.  Thanks for the advice.  I think I am getting it :smile:


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